Lost in the seas of forgotten memories
by shadowsontherun
Summary: Natasha wakes up after a mission without any memory of the last 3 years of her life. She has forgotten all the avengers – including her husband. As she tries to understand her new reality - she hits a serious road block. "You're supposed to be dead, you're a science accident and you are a mythical character - you expect me to believe I haven't gone crazy?" Natasha asked slowly.
1. Chapter 1

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**Chapter 1 **

She slowly came back to consciousness, but her training kicked in and caused her to still appear to be sleeping. She assessed her situation from inside out. She didn't feel any serious pain but her left arm was numb. She didn't hear any indication that she was in trouble – all she really heard was the soft buzzing of a machine. After concluding that she was safe for the time being she let her eyes flicker open and looked around. She was definitely not in a cell. She was in a white room, in a white bed, with white sheets while wearing a white gown. Call her crazy but she thinks she's in a hospital. She looked out the window that ran along the side wall and she could see into a busy hall full of medical personnel along with many dark suits. Ah. She was in _SHIELD_ medical. Well that was an even worst fate that being captured by the enemy.

"Hello Natasha – welcome back," someone said from her left. She glanced over and instantly recognized the telltale SHIELD medical uniform the man was wearing. Ugh she hated doctors. Even more then she hated paperwork.

"What happened?" she asked carefully – her voice sounded coarse from misuse. That meant she must have been out for a while.

"You had an accident during your last mission. You have a broken rib, a sprained wrist and a severe concussion," the doctor said slowly – as if he was assessing her from the inside out. She let that information sink in and then a worrying thought instantly crossed her mind.

She suddenly sat up and stared at the doctor. The dizziness was still there near the back of her head but she needed to stay focused long enough to know one important detail.

"If I had an accident - where's agent Barton?" she asked trying to beat down the worry that should not be in her voice. She just needed to be sure. The doctor seemed to anticipate her response and pointed over to the window.

"He's right outside – been there all day. Should I let him in?" he asked though something told her he already knew her answer. She nodded slowly and leaned back against her pillow. She ignored the tightness in her chest that finally loosened as she watched a scratched up but still breathing Clint Barton carefully walk through the door. She paused as she saw the concern and worry in his eyes as clear as day. He _never_ looked at her with that much emotion before – it was dangerous. He sighed in relief when he noticed her looking at him.

"Thank god you're finally awake. You had us all worried for a second. How are you feeling?" he asked anxiously as he approached the bed she was forced to lie on. She shrugged and then winced from the action – something was definitely up with her arm.

"Like I got run over by a train?" she said dryly. He chuckled – that threw her off even more.

"You got thrown through a glass door and fell down an elevator shaft. You should start feeling it by now since the meds will start wearing off soon," he said apologetically. She snorted.

"Joy," she said warily. However in the back of her mind she thought offhandedly '_I do _not_ remember that part_.'

"She's going to be alright, right Doc?" Clint asked without looking away from her eyes for even a second. Natasha stared back at the emotions she didn't want to name swirling in his blue eyes. The doctor either ignored the impromptu staring contest or was just too tired to care.

"She'll be fine once I run her through some tests. Stand down Barton – crowd her and I'll kick you out," the Doc said giving him a pointed look.

"Sorry," Clint muttered as he stepped back and gave the doctor the space to move around and pick up his tools to start his tests. Natasha sighed – she really hated this post-missions crap. Clint noticed her long suffering look and smiled sympathetically at her. Her face went blank – she didn't need his sympathy. She'd rather he broke her out – highly unlikely as it were.

"Alight, so we're going to run through some routine tests okay?" the doctor said as he took out a flash light and started running a preliminary check up on her vitals and physical responses.

"Like after every other mission?" she asked warily. The doc gave her a weak smile.

"Just protocol Agent," he said taking out his charts. She sighed and let him continue to poke and probe at her like she was some damn science experiment. Medical always made her feel like she was drowning in white. She preferred darkness by far. Clint leaned against the wall across the room and silently watched the checkup continue. He smiled to himself when he saw her give the Doc the evil eye when he poked her wrong way.

She passed all of the tests easily – as if she hasn't done them a hundred times already.

"Okay that went as well as we hoped - now for some basic memory questions okay?" he said as he took a chart out. Natasha glared at the offending piece of paper in the Doc's hand like it was somehow the one responsible for her stint in Medical.

"Come on Tasha – the faster you get through this the faster we can get out of here," Clint said urging her lightly. She would have scowled at him and responded with a scalding remark if she didn't freeze up at the nickname – something was…_off_.

"You okay Tasha?" Clint asked furrowing his brow as she tensed. She's been acting weird – but then again she just woke up from a concussion.

"I'm fine…" she said carefully. She _thought_ she was fine.

"Ready for the questions Agent Romanoff?" the doctor asked as he looked up. She nodded.

"Yes…" she said slowly tearing her eyes away from her partner's worried ones.

"Okay let's start. What's your full name?" he asked with his pen ready to check off all the boxes.

"Natasha Romanoff," she answered carefully. She glanced back at Barton and noticed little things she should have caught before. His hair was longer then she remembered. The scars that ran along his uncovered arms were more faded then she remembered. _He_ was slightly different then she remembered.

"Where were you born?" the doctor's voice continued to float through into her left ear.

"Russia," she said without looking away from her partner. Clint started to feel a weird uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. The last time she looked at him like – she almost shot him.

"Do you know where you are?" the doctor asked continuing down his list.

"Probably SHIELD medical," she said blankly – but she was starting to doubt that.

"Good. And you know who we both are right?" he said pointing to himself and Clint who was standing beside him with a weird look on his face. She could feel that she was making him nervous – well Barton you aren't doing a great job of calming my nerves. She nodded anyway.

"Obviously...you're a SHIELD doctor and he's Clint Barton my partner," she said slowly. They both sighed in relief.

"That's good. Last question – what year is it?" he asked looking down at her charts and was about to check off the all clear.

"It's 2011," she replied evenly. They both froze and stared at her in worry. She glanced at both their odd reactions – something really was wrong.

"I-I'm sorry?" he asked staring at her like he was trying to deny something. She gave him a wary look.

"Isn't it May 2011?" she asked slowly. They both shook their heads – Clint swore and dragged his hand through his hair. She didn't understand.

"Tasha – it's May 2014," Clint said quietly. Her face went blank. He has _got_ to be joking.

"That is _not_ funny Barton," she said while glaring at him. He froze and she watched a wave of worry flash across his eyes.

"Why are you calling me Barton?" he asked with an odd hitch in his voice.

"I always call you Barton," she said cautiously. Clint glanced at the doctor in alarm. The doctor suddenly looked grim.

"Agent Romanoff – what is the last thing you remember exactly?" the doctor asked with heavy resignation in his voice. She knew there was something wrong from the moment Barton called her Tasha. There was no way in hell she could get the date 3 years wrong either.

"We were doing a mission in Budapest – weren't we?" she asked looking back at Clint who was burning a hole into the bed in front of him. She could make out several different emotions flying across his face – it finally stopped at dread.

"That was 3 years ago Natasha," he replied quietly without even looking up at her questioning look. She tensed and clenched her hands at her sides.

"3…_years_?" she said with an angry look. Nothing was making any sense. _They_ weren't making any sense.

"It's going to be okay Agent Romanoff. This happens sometimes with severe brain trauma," the doctor said soothingly. Her hands started shaking slightly – she suddenly had an idea of what was going on. _Bastards_. Her demeanor instantly changed and Clint noticed right away. Her face lost the simmering anger and was replaced with an anxious look. Clint paused – what was she _doing_?

"How...how could I lose three years of my life?" she asked suddenly sounding a lot more lost then she did a second ago. Clint gave her a calculative look while the doctor gave her a sympathetic one.

"We don't know. Any brain injury could result in a number of memory problems. You are experiencing the signs of amnesia Agent Romanoff," he said sadly. Amnesia. So that's their play. She took a few deep breaths and made it look like she was about to fall apart at the seams.

"I…can I have a few moments with agent Barton - alone?" she asked suddenly. That made them both pause.

"I don't thin-" the doc started to say.

"Please?" she said softly cutting him off. The doctor hesitated before finally caving under her uncharacteristic pleading look.

"5 minutes – you may be awake but you need your rest," he said giving Barton a warning look before he left the room. The second the door shut behind him she turned her steel gaze towards the only other person in the room. There was no falling apart Russian spy now.

"Who _are_ you?" she growled angrily. He sighed and dragged his hands over his face – so _that's_ what she was thinking. Get rid of the number of enemies in the room. Intimidate her potential interrogator in disguise. Probably find an exit after she found a way to kill or disable him. Natasha never left the mission back in the field – especially not the Natasha from 3 years ago.

"You don't think this is real," he said in defeat. She narrowed her furious gaze at him – it was going to be a long day.

"Of course not. _Amnesia_? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you _know_ how many interrogations I've been through in my life? Over thousands! _I_ have used the amnesia trick – it's not original at all!" she shouted angrily. He sighed once again and sat down heavily on the chair beside her.

"Natasha I know what you're-" he started to say but she instantly cut him off with a icy glare.

"Will you _stop_ it? I don't give a shit what you think – if you think you can actually get any information out of me your people are stupider then I thought," she said in disgust. Clint gave her a calm look as she continued to glare at him. She growled when he didn't even shout back.

"Natasha, most people already know they wouldn't get anything out of the black widow. _Most_ people want you dead – if this was a ploy to interrogate you it would have stunningly failed. You would be able to beat the shit out of me and run away into the sunset. But it's _not_. I'm not the enemy in disguise Natasha. I'm not trying to trick you. This is _real_," he said firmly staring at her straight in the eyes. He knew she was still struggling to decide if she should believe him or not – most interrogators would have given up by now. He watched her fall back on her defensive mode and sighed. She shook her head and laughed darkly.

"Plus your acting is_ shit_. Barton would never show that much emotion," she said confidently. Clint closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to kill him slowly. He knew it.

"A lot of things have changed since Budapest Tasha," he said quietly. She still didn't believe a word he was saying. Because believing him meant everything she knew was going to fall apart. But even as she continued to deny the situation –she was starting to feel like he was too real. He smelled too real. He sounded too real. She didn't want to touch him because that would be the end all proof. His expressions were off – but they were still too close to what his worry _should_ look. What his anxiousness _should_ look like. Natasha was starting to feel unease.

Nobody should be able to play Clint Barton _this_ well – but she continued to deny it anyway.

"Why are you calling me Tasha? He never called me Tasha," she said blankly. He winced.

"Ha! I knew it! You _are_ a fake!" she said with a snort – but inside she was just hoping he would give up and stop messing with her. She didn't know what her instincts were telling her anymore. This was the first time she couldn't tell what was real anymore. He took a deep breath and tried to gather enough strength to prove to her that _he_ was real.

"When we were in Budapest in the basement of that old national art museum; I was strapped to a bomb that was going to go off in 30 seconds. Do you remember that part?" he asked suddenly. She froze. _No_. No one was there. He couldn't have known. No one could have known that. Her resolve started crumbling. He noticed her finally lose the confident look on her face and continued on.

"No one was there – it was just you and me, Tasha. Just you and me. I told you to get out while you could and you slapped me hard in response – I didn't expect anything less. But...I honestly thought that was it Tasha," he said quietly staring her with solemn eyes. Natasha couldn't look away even if she wanted to. "I thought we were going to die – but at least you were the last person I got to see before I went right? I didn't want you to go down with me – but you never _listen_ Tasha. Never. But you wouldn't be you if you did," he said giving her a crooked smile. Natasha couldn't breathe – because all she could think about was that…_he was real._ "I didn't want to die with any regrets Tasha. So I told you the three words that agents are never allowed to say. You were holding up 3 wires and neither of us knew which one would stop the clock and which two would instantly blow us up. At twenty seconds you said agents weren't allowed to be compromised. I shook my head and told you rules didn't matter right now. At ten seconds you said you might've been compromised for a long time," he said with a faraway look. Natasha closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. _He was real._

"What was the colour of the wire we cut?" she asked holding onto the last strand of hope that maybe he was just lucky – maybe…but she didn't know what to believe anymore. She waited for his response instead.

"Green – we didn't blow up," he whispered softly. Natasha opened her eyes and stared at her partner's solemn ones. He was Clint Barton – and he really was sitting beside her. She was such an idiot.

"But we got ambushed an hour later and I was knocked out with a crow bar," she said with a sigh. He nodded gravely.

"Is that the last thing you remember?" he asked with a cautious look. She nodded as she stared at her hands. They sat in silence for a few minutes as they both processed what just happened.

"What are you thinking about Tasha?" he asked quietly.

"You," she said softly. He gave her a weak smile.

"What about me?" he asked with a slight uneasiness in his light tone. She finally tore her eyes away from her hands and glanced back up at his patience ones.

"You're the same – but you're not. You've changed," she said with an odd look on her face. He shook his head as he took her smaller hand into his rough ones. They _were_ his hands. Natasha nearly pulled away – it was making everything too real, too fast.

"I haven't changed Tasha – I've just grown older," he whispered still staring at her with all the patience in the world – when did he lose all that recklessness she remembered?

"So now you're 34?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes - and you're 32," he said giving her hands a light squeeze. It nearly made her jump. A thought suddenly occurred to her.

"Are we still partners Barton?" she asked uncertainly. He tensed but didn't pull away. That was a good sign right?

"What are you talking about? We've been the best team in SHIELD for the past three years Tasha," he said reassuringly. She shook her head slowly.

"No I don't mean then. I mean…_now_," she said looking away from his suddenly unsure expression. She didn't know if she wanted to hear the answer anymore. He tried to think back to all the SHIELD protocol garbage that he scanned through all those years ago.

"I…I don't know. I never read the protocol for amnesia," he said with a wince. She snorted – she couldn't help it. Barton never read protocol unless his life depended on it – usually it didn't.

"Leave it to Coulson to make one up on the spot then," she said with a sigh. He tensed and suddenly he _did_ pull away. Now _that_ was alarming.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked in confusion. He shook his head and tried to figure out how to explain this complex situation surrounding Coulson's death – starting with the fact that he died at all. He rubbed his face and took a deep breath.

"You see there was the Avengers - um our hashed up superhero team, and this demi-god from a place called Asgard named Loki and aliens..." he trailed off as she started to look more and more bemused as he continued. "You know what? We're going to ease you into this. So for right now let's leave the history catch up you'll need for later," he said as he glanced down at his watch. He would tell her later. He could already see the situation starting to overwhelm her – even though she kept a tight grip on her emotions – even now. "I think my five minutes are almost up – please don't run away. The world in general is very different now –_our_ world is sort of different as well. You might not like it at first – you didn't back then," he said with a light laugh. She gave him a questioning look. Why did he suddenly look so nervous?

They both heard a gigantic commotion start out in the hall. Clint groaned and dropped his head in his hands. He forgot.

"What do you _mean_ we can't see her? Who the hell are _you_?" a very annoyed voice asked. "Do you know who I am? Do you know that I can pull up your records and find _every_ single one of your dirty secrets with a tap of a finger?" the voice continued to rant. Clint dragged his hands over his face.

"Give me one second," he said as he got up out of the chair and stalked over to the door. It didn't matter if he closed the door behind him or not – she could hear everything loud and clear. Now this was unexpected.

"STARK! Stop harassing the nurses! We have a freaking crisis here – no one needs you to start another one – _understand_?" Clint said irritably. She imagined that Stark must look thoroughly ruffled.

"Sorry." he muttered without even a single arrogant retort. She was _beyond_ shocked to say the least – she was not expecting that response at all. When did Clint become so chummy with the genius billionaire that he could give him a dressing down like that _and_ get away with it?

Natasha knew she was going to get a headache from all the whiplash she was experiencing.

"Do you know how she's doing?" Stark asked a bit more calmly but still with a worried edge on his voice. Clint sighed – he was doing that a lot lately she noticed.

"She has amnesia Stark," he said quietly. She froze.

_WHAT_? Stark was here to see _her_? Last time she checked she had no connection whatsoever to the narcissistic bastard. What the _hell_ has she been doing the past 3 years?

"_WHAT_?" there was collective shout amongst another group of unknown people. She didn't recognize any of their voices. Were there other SHIELD agents out there too?

"You know what guys? You are really not what she needs right now. She can't remember the last 3 years of her life, she thinks I'm only her partner in the teammate sense and right now you are _not_ going to help convince her that this is reality and that she is not insane! So please – go home. We'll come eventually," Clint said finally fed up with everything that had happened that night. His entire world was about to change – and it wasn't going to be the good kind.

She heard a series of grumbling come from the unknown group before they started to walk away – definitely dragging their feet as they went – who were they? And why they did they care to see her? Natasha stared down at her hands. No one really connected well with her at SHIELD – if it wasn't for Barton she might have left a long time ago. But he made SHIELD bearable. If she was truly honest with herself (and she never really was) he made most things bearable.

She glanced up as Clint and the Doctor came back into the room with matching grave expressions.

"What? Are you going to tell me I'm dying too?" she asked in defeat. She gave up. If this really was one messed up mindfuck created by some enemy to break her – they were succeeding brilliantly. Even if there was no way he wasn't Clint Barton –she didn't know _what_ to trust anymore.

Clint shook his head watching her with wary eyes. "No – we just realized something that might really freak you out," he said cautiously. She rolled her eyes – Natasha Romanoff does not freak out. She was a god damn Russian assassin.

"Honestly Barton? _Why_ are you wincing? Whatever. After that wake up call you just gave me– nothing can freak me out more than I already am right now," she said dryly.

"Um…no I think this one takes the cake," he said with a wince. He looked very uncomfortable and didn't seem like he was too fond of what was going to happen next. Natasha gave his odd actions a quizzing look. The next thing she knew the doctor was handing her a mirror. She looked into it curiously. Why would she need a…

"OH MY _GOD_!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs. Every agent in a 20 meter radius winced.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BROWN HAIR?" she screamed staring at her reflection in horror. In all honesty it really wasn't a big deal – it was just the catalyst that tipped her over the edge of insanity. Clint watched her seriously freak out with great wariness.

"Was that really such a good idea Doc?" he asked quietly. The doctor shrugged.

"It's better she freaks out now when its fresh, then bury all her feelings inside her like she usually does. That way we don't have to watch it build up and explode one day," the doctor said wisely. Clint snorted.

"Yeah – she's doing a great job of exploding _right now,_" he said sarcastically.

**memories memories memories memories memories memories memories memories memories**

**A/N: Hey everyone! I had this idea floating around in my head all day and I thought I would give it a shot on paper! Let me know what you think and if I should continue this story! There might be a little angst…but it's going to be super long story with a lot of action and an interesting mystery once we get all the Avengers on a mission. Hope you like it! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**Chapter 2 – Ready to go home**

"Are you sure she's ready to leave doc?" Clint asked hesitantly. The doctor sighed.

"There's nothing more we can do for her here Barton. She will be completely physically sound in a week and you know Agents who are held back for long periods of time get a little…." He paused as they both heard something crash into the wall in the room next to them, followed by an angry growl of frustration. They both winced.

"I see your point Doc, but what if she's not ready to meet our team?" He asked worriedly.

"She needs to go back to her normal environment Barton – even if she doesn't remember what normal is anymore." The doctor said with a sigh.

"What happens if she doesn't get her memories back?" Clint said as he stared down at his mission report – he really didn't want to submit this.

"She can likely still continue to be an agent at SHIELD because she still remembers at least 7 years of working here. The question is _when_ we will send her on a mission again. Right now she's a liability because she is missing key information. They're going to make it _your_ job to bring her up to speed." He said handing him a chart.

"She's on 60 day probation."

"Oh she's not going to like that." Clint said warily.

"It's procedure - she's not supposed to."

"Oh, I didn't mean the ban on missions part."

_10 minutes later. _

"PROBATION?" She shouted. He winced – the Natasha from 3 years ago had a really short temper. He forgot.

"SHIELD honestly has no tact! I go on a mission, come back with my memory messed up and they thank me with the words of probation?" She asked in disbelief. He shrugged.

"It's just protocol." He said placidly.

"It's insulting."

"It's also _important_." He stressed. She looked up at him warily.

"So I have 60 days to catch up on everything I missed and prove that I'm not a liability, right?" She asked cautiously.

"Basically."

"Liar. That doesn't need 60 days. There's something you're not telling me. I can't feel it." She said suspiciously. He sighed.

"There are a few major things that have changed since Budapest." He said apprehensively. She placed her head in her hand and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Such as?"

"The world was attacked by aliens from another galaxy back in 2012." He said. She continued to look at him steadily.

"So? I've read reports of that happening before – it's not actually as unusual as we'd like to think." She said uninterestedly.

"O…kay? We've been relocated to New York semi-permanently." He tired another angle. She shrugged.

"Doesn't matter where we are – depends on what we're doing there." She said simply.

"We live there." He said point blank. That got her attention.

"Why would we live there? I thought we stayed on the helicarrier during off time?" She asked, finally starting to feel like they were getting somewhere. He watched her uneasily.

"Like I said, things are a little different now." He said slowly. She stared at him blankly.

"Who are the people who tried to visit me last week?" She asked. He shifted hesitantly – _bingo_.

"They're the Avengers team."

"They're the superhero melting pot program Fury was talking about right?" She asked curiously. He nodded slowly.

"Do you know who Tony Stark is?" He asked suddenly.

"The billionaire playboy?" She asked dryly.

"He prefers Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist." He replied just as dryly.

"He sounds like a ripe jackass."

"Yup. That's exactly what you thought 3 years ago." He said with a snort.

"What's your point Barton?" She asked while she continued to ignore his wince – _what is up with that?_

"He's Iron Man." He said blankly. She froze.

"WHAT?" She asked in shock. He nodded.

"Yeah we were all shocked when we found out. The only superhero in the world to give away his secret identity – let alone during a press conference. Everyone knows." He explained. She still continued to stare at him when the connection finally clicked.

"_No_." She said in horror. He nodded gravely.

"He would never pass the requirements set for the program! His personality itself would be reason enough!" She insisted. He nodded again.

"Saving the world several times changes priorities." He said with a shrug. She took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Okay. Okay. I can deal with Stark being Iron Man. If he saved the world like you said I can even deal with him being a part the team I was going to be assigned to recruit. But what I don't understand – is why they were there to see me after my accident?" She asked slowly. He gulped.

"We were doing the mission with them Natasha." He said quietly. Her face went blank.

"What are you talking about? We never do missions with other teams – let alone superheroes. We're spies Barton – not national icons." She said puzzled. He took a deep breath and dived right in.

"We are part of the Avengers Natasha." There. He said it. Now why does he feel like that was the biggest mistake he made all day?

She stopped moving altogether.

"Natasha…?" He asked warily.

"You're joking."

"No…I'm not." He said slowly.

"I would never join a team – let alone a crazy one like that."

"Fighting alongside each other in life threatening situations with the fate of the world resting on your shoulders is a _fantastic_ bonding experience." He said dryly. She gave him an unimpressed look.

"Are you serious?" She asked incredulously. He nodded. She groaned and fell back onto the bed that had been driving her crazy over the past few days.

"Next thing you're going to tell me I'm best friends with one of them." She said in disbelief. He deliberately wasn't looking at her. Her mouth fell open.

"You're kidding me." She said in shock. He shook his head.

"Am I married to?" She asked.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here." He said hastily. We were not ready for _that_ piece of information.

"It's just everything that I never thought would happen to me seem like it happened in the last 3 years of my life." She said with a sigh.

"You'll get through this Natasha – I'll be there every step of the way." he said reassuringly. She glanced at him funnily.

"What?" He said noticing her weird look.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked tentatively. Now it has his turn to look shocked.

"Why wouldn't I be nice to you – I'm you partner." He said baffled.

"You're much…warmer." She said as she looked at him carefully.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"I don't know yet. We're not dead, so it must mean whatever change you went through didn't affect our missions." She reasoned. He snorted.

"Trust me; it was worse going into missions already carrying backbreaking stress. It's better when I'm laid back and not tensed." He said with a chuckle. She watched him warily.

"Why were you always stressed?" She asked curiously. He winced.

"I think that's enough questions – don't you? If we don't leave now we might miss our ride." He said getting up and grabbing their bags. She got up slowly and followed him out the door.

"Why are you so jumpy around me Barton?" She asked as they walked towards the hanger. He laughed nervously.

"What do you mean?"

"You're acting like you did back when we first met – like we're strangers." She said with a hint of sadness. He stopped walking.

"We're not strangers Natasha – we are just at two very different points in our lives right now. The Clint you knew has changed and right now I don't really know how to act around you without freaking you out. I don't want to force anything on you Natasha – so please, just bear with me for a little bit." He pleaded. She was still confused but she saw how desperate he was to drop the topic. She sighed and nodded.

"Why do you wince when I call you Barton?" she asked after a few moments of silence. He faltered slightly while walking – if she wasn't so in tune with him she might have missed it completely. It was comforting to know not _everything_ had changed.

"We got passed the last names a few months after Budapest." He replied steadily. She looked away.

"I'm sorry I'm only comfortable calling you Barton right now." She said quietly. He nodded.

"Don't worry, I understand." He said as they walked into the hanger.

Several of the agents waved at them as they walked by. Clint nodded to them and Natasha walked by them nervously - she doesn't know any of her current relationships with any of the other agents. Her relationship with Barton is already so strained - everyone else was so much more daunting.

Someone suddenly grabbed her on the shoulder. "Hey Natasha-" He began, but she was so startled she reacted on instinct and threw the unsuspecting agent over her shoulder and onto his back. She had a knife shoved against his throat in seconds.

Everyone froze as they watched Natasha hover over the poor frightened man.

"Natasha! It's me Nathan!" He said anxiously. Natasha paused and tried to remember where she knew him from.

"The junior prodigy pilot?" She said in confusion. Clint slowly moved forward and took the knife out of her hand.

Nathan nodded vigorously. "Um…yeah! But I'm a full agent now. I've been flying you and the other Avengers to all your missions for the past 2 years?" He said hesitantly. She looked up at Clint for confirmation.

"He's telling the truth." He said reassuringly. She suddenly looked very sheepish and got off the poor boy before helping him to his feet.

"Gosh Nat. The last time you were that startled was at yours and Clint's an-" He noticed Clint making wild cut it out gestures behind Natasha. He looked confused until Clint mouthed '_amnesia_!' His eyes widened and he looked back at the spy in question. She was looking at him expectantly. He opened and closed his mouth for a few moments before saying the first thing off the top of his head. "An…tarctica mission! You were very hypothermic and easily startled!" He said hastily. Clint silently sighed in relief behind her. She watched the young pilot warily before rolling her eyes.

"Well don't grab me from behind the next time you want to get my attention – I might not hesitant to decapitate you the second time." She said warningly before walking onto the jet. Clint and Nathan stood side by side and watched her fearfully.

"She's just as scary as she was when I first met her." Nathan said in horror. Clint nodded.

"You can say that again." He said as they slowly followed after her. Nathan went into the cockpit to start up the jet while Clint and Natasha put their bags away. He watched Natasha silently for a few moments until she suddenly turned to him.

"Why are you standing so close to me?" She asked looking up at him. He coughed into his hand awkwardly.

"Sorry." he said while taking a step back to give her a 3 feet circle of personal space. Were they really this distant 3 years ago?

"You acting funny again Barton." She said warily.

"I'm a funny guy."

"It's dangerous." She said firmly. He sighed.

"You said the words back to me, you know." He said getting straight to the point. She tensed.

"Life or death situation – doesn't count. Besides I didn't actually say it." She said elusively.

"You implied."

"You read my nonexistent implications wrong then."

"So you're saying you lied?" He asked.

"No. I'm saying you better drop this topic before I push you out of this plane." She said dangerously. He put his hands up in surrender.

"Whatever you say Partner." He said with a shrugged. Everything would happen in time.

"Ready for takeoff guys?" Nathan's voice came over the speaker. Clint and Natasha quickly buckled in.

"Where do we live in New York anyway?" She asked curiously. He paled – he forgot about that tiny detail.

"Um…don't freak out…but we kind of live as a team in Avengers Tower…formerly known as Stark Tower." He said cautiously.

Her face went blank for a moment. He cringed while he waited for the inevitable explosion.

"WE LIVE WITH THE NARCISSISTIC BASTARD?" She shrieked.

_Ah_. There went the hearing in his left ear.

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories **

haha! What do you guys think? Poor Natasha hasn't even met the team yet! How many heart attacks do you think they can give her in a day? (but don't worry - Natasha is strong she'll figure out how to deal with them - she did it once before she can do it again :D)

btw yes, it does suck to be Clint right now - but you _will_ swoon because he is trying so hard to be what Natasha needs right now and leave his feelings on the back burner to deal with later. Epic forgotten husband much?


	3. Chapter 3

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**Chapter 3 – Now or never **

There it was. Avengers Tower. Home. Or at least that's what Barton told her.

"So we live in a corporate building?" She asked Clint as he drove them around the corner. He snorted.

"Trust me. It's the complete opposite of corporate and orderly after the first 30 floors. Insanity occurs starting from floor 31." He said as they parked by the side of the building. She followed him out of the car slowly and looked around – it looked like any ordinary building in the city. Yet she doubted it was the same on the inside – a crazy narcissistic bastard did own the place.

They walked over to a private entrance with a key code beside the door. She stared at it for a second. "The passcode – its 8745 right?" She said with a puzzled expression on her face. He froze.

"How do you know that? Do you remember anything?" He asked excitedly. She shook her head.

"Not exactly…it's just I can unconsciously feel where my fingers should go – as if I did this a hundred of times. But I don't remember ever being here. It's such a weird feeling." She said as she typed in the code and watched the door _ding_ and swing open. His excitement deflated instantly - but there was still hope.

They walked inside and she glanced around the halls and the many rooms they passed by. There was a confusing familiarity to it all – but it was like the connection was just outside of her grasp. The harder she tried to hold on to the feeling the faster it slipped away. It was like grasping at water and watching it fall through her fingers. They finally reached an elevator at the end of the hall and got in. She watched as Barton turned around to look at her steadily.

"Now. They may be a bit overwhelming at first. I already gave them a long talk. It was likely pointless. Just whatever you do - please don't kill anyone." Clint said seriously, before he pressed the button for floor 43. She watched him warily.

"You're acting like we're heading into a battlefield." She said dryly. He shrugged.

"Might as well be."

"Do they know we're coming?" She asked.

"They should…I called them yesterday. The real question is have they forgotten?" He said carefully as they got off on the 43rd floor and walked towards the double doors at the end of the hall. They paused when they heard a crash come from the other side of the door – followed by a slew of voices fueled by various different emotions.

"I think the answer is yes." She said dryly.

"Oh my god! This place is a mess! Move guys! Move! Natasha's coming home today!" A worried voice ordered.

"WHY HAS NO ONE MADE ME AWARE OF THIS CELEBRATORY EVENT?" Another voice boomed.

"Why is there a mustache drawn on your face Captain?" A calm voice broke through the chaos.

"HAHAHAHA!" A different voice roared hysterically.

"STARK!"

The Avengers common room door swung open and everyone froze. Steve had Stark in a head lock, while Bruce was shoving random things into the closet beside him. Thor had his mighty hammer in his hand and was holding it above his head threateningly. The entire Avengers common room was a mess. Tables were over turned, papers were scattered over the floor, a green substance was oozing from a broken test tube on the counter and underwear was hanging from the ceiling – no one would ever admit to who it belonged to. Chaos was too kind a word for this scene.

By and large the Avengers team looked like a pack of wild mules – with bad hair.

"Great first impression guys." Clint deadpanned. Natasha raised an eyebrow - this was her team? The famed Avengers team she has heard so much about on the helicarrier the past week?

If they saved the world countless times - god help us when a real villain comes along to kick their ass.

Everyone quickly stopped what they were doing and came over to where Natasha and Clint were standing. Steve wiped the mustache off his face as best he could with a napkin while Bruce was the first one to introduce himself. He offered her his hand and gave her a warm and welcoming smile.

"Hi Natasha. Um…sorry about that. My name is Bruce Banner." He said kindly but with a hint of nervousness. She didn't know why he should be nervous – he wasn't the one who couldn't remember 5 out of 6 people in this room.

"You're the nuclear physicist…who had a radioactive accident." She said slowly taking his hand. He winced lightly but nodded.

"Yeah that's me – at least you didn't call me an enormous green rage monster." He said giving a pointed look to the ruffled Stark standing in the corner.

"I have more tact than some people who never learned their manners in little rich boy school." She said dryly. He chuckled.

"You've said that before. Maybe you could teach him a lesson later." He said with a mischievous smile. She liked him already.

"Maybe later."

"It's not fair! She doesn't remember you and she's already choosing your side all over again!" Tony whined. They all rolled their eyes.

"I know who _you_ are. And let me just tell you that if you try anything I _will_ shoot you." She said with a heart stopping glare. They all gulped but Stark stared back with his inflated ego buffering her icy gaze.

"Oh yeah? I'm not scared of you Black Widow – I had 2 years to become immune to your deadly stares!" Tony said confidently. Her poisonous stare intensified tenfold. Everyone took a small step away from Stark just in case.

"Are you sure I can't just kill Stark, Barton?" She asked blankly. He grinned but shook his head.

"He'll just find a way to come back from the dead and then we would have to deal with an undead Stark." He replied dryly. Everyone shuddered. Not a pretty sight. She finally sighed and looked to the next Avenger.

"And who are you?" She asked the sheepish looking Captain. He coughed awkwardly before offering his hand as well.

"Captain Steve Rogers. It's…um very nice to meet you ma'am…again." He said nervously. She shook his hand warily.

"So how old are you?"

"You got to be more specific then that honey. Physically, mentally, emotionally or technically?" Stark asked. Everyone ignored him – it was just faster.

"I'm 96 but really I was sleeping for 70 of those years so I'm actually around 26." He replied. She nodded and looked to the last member of their ragtag team.

"I am Thor of Asgard! I am truly sorry that you have forgotten us fair lady Natasha." He boomed sorrowfully. She raised an eyebrow.

"_Shakespeare on steroids."_ Tony coughed. Again he was ignored.

"That's okay Thor – I'm working on it." She said confused by the overly emotional response from the biggest muscle man in the room.

"So..." Clint said after a few moments of dead silence.

"Well this is the awkwardest shit ever." Tony said as the silence drew on.

"That's not a word Stark." Bruce said with a sigh.

"Who says?"

"Microsoft word."

"Well Microsoft wasn't a real word either until someone with a lot of money said so. And since I am a man with a lot of money I can go and make awkwardest a word!" Tony declared.

They all stared at him like he just said he was going to join the circus and be the lion tamer.

"It's official - I've gone insane. There's no way I would've lasted _two_ _years_ living under the same roof as Stark." She said turning to Clint.

"You're not crazy Natasha." Steve said reassuringly. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Are you sure? Because you're supposed to be dead, you're a lab accident and you're a mythical character – you expect me to believe that I haven't gone crazy?" She asked bewilderedly.

"Well…even if you were a little crazy, the perks of being a superhero are that the physiologists can't admit you into a mental institution because if we don't do the whole saving the world thing there would be no mental institution to begin with." Steve said with a shrug. She tensed.

"I'm not a superhero."

"You are on paper."

"I'll burn that piece of paper." She said while narrowing her eyes.

"They make copies just in case." Steve replied. And now it was time for Clint to cut in and stop any unnecessary deaths.

"We're all very uneasy about the situation - so why don't we let Natasha settle into her new room and have dinner in an hour?" He suggested.

"What happened to my old room?" She asked curiously. They all froze and frantically looked at Clint. _That_ was a topic no one wanted to get into at the moment. They wished to live. Clint had it covered though.

"Stark blew it up." He said simply. They all looked to the now vacant space that Stark had originally occupied.

"Where did he go?" Clint asked warily. Suddenly the lights turned off and someone screamed - it wasn't Natasha. '_This day was just getting better and_ _better'_ Natasha thought.

"Barton?" She asked calmly.

"Yes Tasha?"

"I'm going to shoot him." She said dryly. He shrugged even though no one could see him.

"Go right ahead - he's asking for it." Clint said just as the lights turned back on and they found Steve hanging from the ceiling by a net. They looked towards the door and saw a pouting Tony Stark.

"I missed." He said miserably. They all heard the echoing _click_. Natasha was finally fed up with Stark and his annoying antics.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

"HOLY SHIT WOMAN! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" Tony shouted as he skillfully dodged the flying bullets like his life depended on it – pun intended. She smirked.

"How did you guess?"

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories**

hahaha! One day in the company of Tony Stark and she's already shooting at him XD


	4. Chapter 4

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews guys! I can't believe so many people are loving this idea! :O  
**  
Chapter 4 – Rekindling lost friendships **

She slowly walked by the many doors that lead to countless labs and other experimentation rooms. The windows were covered by blinds but something told her they were usually empty. The white walls were familiar, as were all the faded cracks and burn marks on the edges of some of the doors. She was on the research floor – but there was something different about this floor compared to the one she had walked through downstairs. She dragged her hand across a specific dent mark near the end of the hall.

"You made that one a couple of months ago." A voice suddenly said from behind her. She spun around and noticed the Doctor standing tentatively by the entrance with a warm cup of coffee in his hand.

"What?"

"Thor snuck up on you accidentally and you threw him into the wall. Stark still can't understand the logistically behind how a 120 lbs girl can throw a man of Thor's size hard enough to seriously damage a wall." He chuckled.

"I highly doubt a man like Thor could sneak up on me." She said dryly.

"It was right after a mission in China. I think you had temporally lost your hearing because of an explosion." He replied as he walked into hall and came to stand beside her.

"It scary how everyone knows more about me right now then I know myself." She said with a sigh. He smiled at her sympathetically but made no comment - there was nothing really he could say that wouldn't sound a lot like pity. Pity was the _last_ thing she needed at the moment.

"Sorry our introduction was not the most...appropriate." He said instead with weary smile. She snorted.

"Yeah - I was expecting a lot of different scenarios for that meeting. You guys sure know how to give a surprise - I'll give you that." She said dryly. He shrugged sheepishly.

"You learn to love us." He said simply. She raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" She asked in disbelief.

"No...but you eventually got it into Stark's head that it would be detrimental to his health if he continued to bother you." He said. She rolled her eyes.

"Is he trying to see how fast he could piss me off enough to make me seriously consider murder, just to shut him up?" She asked as she stepped away from the wall. Bruce took a sip of his coffee and simply grinned at her silently. She took that as it was and moved onto another topic.

"So Doctor Banner - what brings you to this corner of Avengers Tower?" She asked curiously. He pointed with his cup to the green door behind him.

"Do you know what that is?" He asked interestedly. She furrowed her brow and thought about when she had seen this door before. She had no tangible idea – everything was fuzzy about this building.

"Well this seems like it is a high level research facility so that room must be a lab like all the others." She reasoned. He nodded slowly.

"Yes and no. It is sort of a lab - but it's not exactly like all the others. It's the most physically and chemically reinforced room in the entire building. Nothing can get in – but more importantly nothing can get _out_. It's where we do all our hands on experimentation. It's also full of my research and notes on human behavioral responses to gamma exposure and gene mutation." He explained while watching her reaction carefully. She stared back at him with a puzzled expression.

"So it's _your_ lab...?" She asked trying to see his point. She knew she was missing something important by the way he was looking at her. He gave her a crooked smile.

"It's actually _our_ lab." He finally answered her unasked question. Now she was even _more_ confused.

"But I'm not a scientist – let alone an expert in biochemistry and gamma radiation." She said slowly.

"No – but you were interested in the experimentation side of the research - for field purposes." He replied evenly. She stared at him for a moment until it all click.

"Your condition." She said in realization. He nodded gravely.

"We were trying to see if the other guy could be taught to _not_ to smash everything in sight – including our teammates. You wanted to see if he could tell the difference." He explained.

"Wow…I must have really grown some balls to do that." She said in surprise. He shifted hesitantly.

"Actually the first time you were terrified. It was a learning experience for the both of us." He said with a wince. She looked at him warily.

"It didn't end well the first time did it?" She asked. He shook his head.

"No - but we learned a lot in those 3 minutes before you took him out with a tranquilizer." He said dryly.

"And what was that?" She asked with equal dryness.

"Not to let the other guy out on an empty stomach – he gets antsy." He replied. She snorted.

"Doctor – you are one odd nut. But compared to the rest of these crazies – I think you stand out as the sane one." She said simply.

"You're pretty sane yourself."

"Are we talking about the same person who shot up a room 5 minutes after meeting the person the entire building belongs to?" She asked in disbelief. He paused.

"Point taken. By the way – you don't have to call me Doctor – I don't have a license anymore." He said with a shrug. She gave him a calculating look.

"Do you do science?" She asked.

"Yes." He replied puzzled.

"Do you publish your work?"

"Yes…"

"Do you help people with your medical knowledge?"

"Yes. But…"

"Then you're a Doctor Bruce Banner – don't let a piece of paper define who you are." She said firmly.

"Wow…you've said that before as well. It's funny how some things never change. But you don't have to call me by a tittle – you can call me Bruce." He said hesitantly.

"How long did it take me to start calling you that?" She asked curiously.

"A year or two." He said with a small smile. She smiled back tentatively.

"I don't think we're there yet, so I'm going to stick with Doctor." She said. He shrugged.

"Whatever makes you feel comfortable." He said kindly. She tilted her head to the side.

"I can see why we were friends – you're extremely likeable." She said curiously. He blushed.

"It took you a while to warm up to me actually…At first you used to glare daggers at me all day long." He said with a chuckle.

"Really?" She asked genuinely surprised. He nodded.

"Oh yeah…we had an incident a few days after the first time we met. The other guy came out at a really inopportune moment…trashed half the helicarrier before they ejected him from 30,000 feet above the ground." He explained. She noticed he said _the other guy_ once again.

"Why do you talk about the other guy in third person?" She asked curiously. His face suddenly darkened.

"Let's just say, if you turned into an enormous green rage monster every time your heart rate spike a little too high, you would want to distance yourself from that alter ego as well." He tensed slightly but answered her question nonetheless. _Huh_. She had read that his accident was over a decade ago…yet some things still seemed to remain a sore spot for him.

"I thought you said we were making progress with his understanding capabilities?" She asked curiously. He looked uncertain on how to answer that question.

"He was improving…but there was a lot more we had to do before we could really start trying to change his natural response to every situation. It was all very new and uncharted territory." He said tentatively.

"Why are you talking about your research in the past tense?" She asked cautiously. He looked away too quickly and stared at the wall beside them. Oh. "It's because of my accident isn't it?" She asked sadly. First her relationship with Barton was suddenly on rocky ground and now her memory loss was affecting important life changing research?

"Don't worry about it Natasha – you need to focus on adjusting to your new life. Everything else comes second to that." he said kindly but she felt a hollow ring to it – as if he had suddenly slid a mask on and it was only half convincing. She would know – she wore masks for a living.

"Everyone's been telling me different variations of the same thing, but Doctor – how do you move forward with your life when you've suddenly been reset to 3 years behind?" She asked watching him with lost eyes.

He didn't have an answer for that either.

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories **

Steve was walking passed the practice range when he heard the tall tale explosions coming from behind the closed door. He paused and recognized the rhythmic timing of the blasts. He sighed. Hawkeye was destroying their target boards once again.

"You know…this is a very unhealthy way to handle stress." He said as he walked through the door leading into the range. Clint didn't even spare him a glance.

"Not much worse than breaking through a hundred punching bags Cap." Clint said and he continued to shoot his exploding arrows at moving targets. He made a perfect hit every single time.

"What will you do when you run out of targets to unleash your pent up anger on?" Steve asked as he leaned against the wall behind him.

"Why are you here?" Clint asked instead of answering his question. Steve sighed.

"I know how you feel Clint – but this is not how to deal with something like this." He said evenly. Clint tensed and nearly missed his next target.

"You have _no_ idea how I feel right now Steve." Clint said darkly. Steve raised an eyebrow.

"No? I find that hard to believe. You feel like you're lost, you're hurting beyond belief and you are bottling up all your anger and emotions so that it won't make the already shaky situation worse. But above all else - you're scared you're going to lose her." Steve said steadily. Clint finally stopped shoot his exploding arrows and stared at the Captain.

"What if I am Cap? What happens if she never remembers? Will I lose her forever?" Clint asked in a daze. Steve placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Regardless of what happens you need to stay focused on the fact that she is alive and relatively healthy. You haven't lost her yet Clint." Steve said firmly.

"Not like how you lost Peggy." Clint said quietly.

"No nothing like that - she's still here Clint. Don't lose hope." Steve said as he stood beside him. Clint nodded but suddenly clenched his fists.

"We have a mission coming soon – we've been on hold for too long." He said guardedly. Steve shifted hesitantly.

"She's can't come can she?" He guessed. Clint shook his head.

"She's on probation because of the amnesia. She's out for 2 months." He replied.

"I can see if I can push it back a few more weeks. Leaving her now and going on a mission might feel like a slap in the face." Steve said crossing his arms. Clint winced.

"Yeah that would good – thanks. You know, I think she took meeting the team really well actually." He said mischievously. Steve rolled his eyes.

"You mean including the Stark hunting scene?" He asked dryly. Clint laughed.

"That was the best part – besides he's not dead yet."

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories **

After an awkward good bye with Bruce, Natasha continued her random exploration of Avengers Tower – this place literally had over 50 floors. What does one man need with 20 personal floors -she would never understand. She was about to walk into the joint kitchen that apparently all the Avengers shared, when she heard a loud conversation occur inside. She froze with her handle on the door and peered through the crack.

"ANOTHONY EDWARD STARK!" Someone shouted angrily. Natasha was puzzled. Was that his mother? I thought she was dead?

"I didn't mean it Pepper! I swear! Don't send me to the couch please!" Tony said desperately. O…kay…definitely not his mother.

"That was my favourite cappuccino machine! How could you use it for a BACTERIA CULTURE EXPERIMENT?" She asked in disbelief. He cowered under her heated glare. _Wow_ – Natasha thought. She needed to take a few intimidation lessons from this woman – she is an expert.

"It was for science!" He insisted.

"TO HELL WITH SCIENCE – I NEED MY CAFFEINE!" She shouted.

"I'll buy you another one!" He said feebly. Her face suddenly darkened.

"That was the 15th replacement machine! If you want to use them BUY YOUR OWN - DON'T USE MINE! And for god sakes don't do dangerous toxic experiments where people eat!" She said indignantly.

"Hey! That viral mold in the cheese was an accident!" He said defensively. Pepper levelled him with another icy stare. He froze in fear.

"Tony?"

"Yes Pepper?" he squeaked.

"Stop messing with our kitchen appliances – or I will make sure you _drown_ in paperwork." She said calmly. He opened his mouth once more but she beat him to it. "And I will not spare you from the quarterly board meetings." She added dangerously. He paled.

"Not the 4 hours ones! I'll die from all the stuffy suits and soul sucking stares!" He said horrified.

"One more machine gone wrong, just one more – and you'll be tapped to the seat right up in the front_. And you will not escape." _She said darkly. Natasha watched Stark nearly pee his pants in awe.

She _respects_ this woman.

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories **

Ahem. Ladies and gentlereaders! My name is Tony Stark and I have been paid an undisclosed amount of money to give this speech today! After easily hacking into this site I have come to the sad conclusion that you do not appreciate my awesomeness (someone throws a peanut at him) - thank you! That is at least something more than dead silence! A peanut for your thoughts maybe? Hmm? Everyone can spare a moment to give a small peanut right? What's that? It's call a review? Lies! That is not in my contract! Anyway peanuts oh mighty readers! Remember the peanuts!

**A/N: If you guys have any ideas you'd like me to include in the story just let me know! I'm still planning the storyline! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

_Response to anonymous reviews:_

_Lady Hawkeye: Thank you so much. You're kind words literally bring tears to my eyes! I have come a long way with my writing and I'm so glad you all enjoy it so much! I posted your review on my wall in my room XD thank you! _

**Chapter 5 **

Steve was up early that morning trying to clear his head by going a few rounds with his new punching bag. He understood why Clint was spending hours down in the range now – sharpening your best skill was too tempting when you wanted to stop thinking completely. You can't mule over what ifs and impossible scenarios if you are too busy working your body into the ground. He punched a little too hard again and broke the bag – he took a few ragged breaths and stepped back from the sandy mess he created on the ground. He stared at his bandaged hands and sighed – he still stood by what he had said the other day – this was not how you should deal with stress. What a pair of old dogs they were – stuck in their old ways and refusing to change for something better, something bigger then them. Even though they both knew very well that it was unhealthy path to go down alone.

He sighed once again before he started to drag the broken bag over to the side of the gym and clean up the mess he had created. As he was sweeping up the sand he heard the loud distinct sound of fists meeting dummies in the training room beside him. Only one person would ever come down here to train in hand to hand combat alone.

He finished up what he was doing here and headed over to see who was in the other room. He pushed open the door and leaned against the ledge. He watched as Natasha beat the shit out of the moving dummy targets. She was elegant – even in battle. She was the one to teach him that when you were fighting, gender could be used to your advantage or it could lead to your downfall. Men may be able to use their bigger built to intimidate women, but women could use their feminine frame to confuse men just as fast and distract them for the split second that would allow them to gain the upper hand. She was a master at the art of hand to hand combat - let alone street fighting. He learned the hard way that when fighting criminals there was no underhanded trick they wouldn't use to get the best of you. So he had to learn to anticipate those dirty moves and deliver them in a fight as well. She taught him so much – and now maybe he could finally try and repay her kindness.

"Want a real partner?" He suddenly asked breaking her intense concentration. She faulted in her routine.

"What?" She asked. She was so startled by his presence she nearly got wacked in the head by the dummy that sprung up behind her. She spun around and round house kicked the dummy back down before she hit the pause button to stop the training exercise.

"Instead of programmed dummies – do you want a real opponent?" He asked again with clarification. She wiped the sweat from her brow and stared at him suspiciously.

"Aren't 20th century men afraid of hurting the poor women that they swore to protect?" She asked haughtily.

He winced. So it _does_ hurt to hear the same insult a second time around as well. Ouch. The sad thing was that he was exactly like the men she was describing 2 years ago. She completely changed his perspective on the relationship between men and women after a few months of being on the same team together. She was similar to Peggy in many ways – but there was more of a darkness that Natasha carries with her that no other woman he has even met did. He would look into her eyes and see the pain and haunted scenes she has seen that no one else would understand – not even him.

"I've been living in the 21st century long enough to let go of some of the more unrealistic and outdated notions of my real time." He said, instead of reacting like he did the first time – by blowing a fuse and stalking out of the room. She had laughed at him then – she would definitely laugh at him now if he did that, because it would prove her statement correct. This time she raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Well Captain – I'm impressed. Why don't you come up here and show me how much of the past you really let go?" She asked challengingly – but he knew from experience that this was her way of accepting him as an equal. He grinned pulled himself up into the sparing arena.

"Gladly Miss Romanoff – just to let you know, I will not be going easy on you just because you are a woman. I've learned from past mistakes." He said with a wary smile. She laughed and fell into a fighting stance.

"And who was the lucky lady to teach you that wonderful lesson Captain?" She asked with a grin. He paused and debated whether he should tell her or not. He thought about it and decided his unfiltered mouth would eventually ruin the moment anyway and went with the truth.

"You were." He replied tentatively. Her grin faded from her face and her expression become blank. He inwardly grimaced.

"Oh."

"It was actually an honour to learn that lesson from the best female fighter in the city you know." He tried to steer the conversation away from unpleasant topics. She lost some of the haunted look on her face and stared at him skeptically.

"Was it now? Are you trying to butter me up so that I won't kick your ass too hard?" She asked a tiny smile apparent on her face once more. He sighed in relief in his head.

"Maybe – is it working?" He asked cheekily. She rolled her eyes.

"Not a chance – but good try." She said as she quickly skirted to the left, ducked and knocked him off balance - causing him to fall to ground instantly. He quickly rolled to the side and avoided a second kick to the face.

"That was a dirty move." He said jumping to his feet once more. She shrugged.

"Real fights are even dirtier." She said flashing him a sneaky grin. He narrowed his eyes and took a swing at her head. She gracefully avoided the punch and used his shoulders as a platform to flip behind him. He spun around and skillfully blocked a return punch from the left. She jumped back and they circled one another.

"You're right – you aren't holding back as much as I thought you would. You do however hesitate slightly before landing a hit. I have a feeling that doesn't occur in a real fight though – you have a really a good form." She said sounding impressed. He grinned but didn't take his eyes off of her stance.

"Sparing is funny like that. Trying to give your all without actually doing any damage." Steve said with a shrug. She snorted and suddenly she was behind him. She landed a well place kick to the inside of his knees, pushed him down, twisted his arm around his back and flipped him onto the floor.

"We didn't spare like that in Russia." She said keeping him down with her knee. He suddenly noticed the sharp knife poised at the edge of his throat. He looked at her straight in the eye.

"I don't ever want to spare like you spared in Russia." He said very clearly. She tilted her head to the side curiously. He used her momentary confusion to knock the knife out of her hand and throw her off of him while rolling the other way. She back flipped onto her feet and smirked.

"Not bad." She said. He pushed himself to his feet as well and started throwing nonstop punches her way. She dodged most of them but had to block of few since he was moving so fast. He faked one of them and landed a hit on her right shoulder. She staged back and used her left arm to turn the momentum he put into that hit and launch her entire body back as him. She landed a solid kick to his stomach and watched him hit the floor with an _oomph_.

He gasped as the air was suddenly knocked out of his lungs from the speed of the impact. She stood there breathing raggedly as she rolled her bruised shoulder backwards to relieve some of the pain.

"I've seen your moves before." She said curiously. He took in a few harsh breaths before his could breath normally again.

"We used to spar every other day. It should be familiar – at least to your body." He replied as she helped him up.

"That makes sense – but why do I know what your cologne smells like?" She asked puzzled. That wasn't something you normally knew about most people.

He suddenly turned beet red and quickly looked away.

"I-I-I-I I don't know!" He squeaked.

"You suck at lying Cap – spit it out." She pressed. He looked like he was about to pass out.

"He is trying to hide the fact that you two had a one night stand 2 years ago." A new voice suddenly echoed around the gym. They both froze.

"AND WHOSE FAULT WAS THAT?" Steve shouted in angry embarrassment. Tony shrugged.

"I told you not to drink the whole bottle of that stuff I whipped up – it was supposed to be insanely strong to give even your super soldier metabolism a buzz. No one made you drink yourself until you were completely wasted." Tony said defensively.

"NO ONE STOPPED ME EITHER!" He shot back angrily. She stood there still frozen to the ground - the earlier statement spinning around in her head.

"Wait a minute! Was I drunk too or something? I would never get drunk enough to sleep with a teammate!" She said in disbelief. Steve and Tony shared a knowing look before Tony sighed and turned towards her.

"You took a sip of the highly concentrated drink as well – it ended up having weird side affects." He finally replied. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Did I royally kick your ass for that incident?" She asked darkly. They both gulped.

"Yes – you locked him in a room full of nonlethal snakes for 3 hours. Caused him to develop a phobia since he thought they were poisonous and that he was going to die since one of them bit him." Steve said warily. He still remembered the horrified look on Stark's face when they finally found him. He couldn't stand to be in a dark room for weeks. And even after that punishment she beat him to a pulp for good measure.

"It was _EEEEEEVIL_. Pure evil." Tony said with a faraway look of horror. She winced – but couldn't deny the fact that sounded just like what she would do.

"Well I can't remember this incident – but to allow it to happen was EVIL _too_!" She shot back. Tony glared at her.

"For your information we all had a sip of the experimental drink – it is now illegal in all 50 states of the great U.S of A." He said defensively. She crossed her arms and huffed.

"So what? Did _you_ sleep with one of them too?" She asked heatedly. Both men turned a deep shade of red. Her mouth fell open in utter shock.

"Who?" She demanded. She didn't know why but something about that was bugging her. She wanted to know damn it!

"Oh look at the time – I have a business meeting to attend in 3 minutes! Ciao!" Tony said as he bolted out of the room. Natasha angrily threw a water bottle at him. He dived through the door – but it still managed to make contact with the back of his head.

"OUCH!" He yelped before he frantically crawled down the hall. She turned her fiery gaze to the only other Avenger left in the room. He gave her a knowing smile.

"Don't smile at me like that!" She said angrily.

"Your angrier that Stark had a one night stand with a teammate then you are of us." He said mischievously. Her vicious glare deepened.

"I will tear you limb from limb if you finish that thought." She said dangerously. He whistled innocently and walked back to the bench to pick up his stuff.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night Miss Natasha." He said innocently.

"STOP IMPLYING THINGS THAT DON'T EXIST ROGERS!" She shouted furiously. Steve winced – if she only knew.

"Sure, sure – whatever you say Romanoff. I'm going to go for my morning jog now – wanna come with?" He asked turning around and putting on a fake grin to cover up his slip. She stood there fuming for a few moments before snatching up her water bottle and stalking out of the room. He followed behind her with a confused look.

"Is that a yes?" He asked puzzled. She gave him the finger but was definitely heading towards the exit that led to the park down the street. Barton – you may have hope after all…and probably saved my ass while you were at it.

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories**

She spent the afternoon flipping through the gigantic DVD collection Tony had acquired in the Avengers Common Room. She was just finishing her scan through all the films that came out in 2012 that she really wanted to see when the door the common swung open.

"TONY STARK! Where have you gone?" An angry voice asked. Natasha looked up to see the girl named Pepper - the one who can even make billionaires cower in fear. She felt the respect bubble in her chest again.

"He's not here – he ran off a few hours ago sprouting something about a meeting or something." Natasha spoke up from her place crouched beside the DVD stand. Pepper looked over to her and her icy gaze instantly softened.

"Oh hello Natasha – I didn't see you there." She said as she walked over. Natasha smiled tentatively. What was her relationship like with the girl who was practically Stark's wife? She already lived here and acted like it. Some people were just too stubborn to take their relationship to the next step.

"Yeah…um I was just looking for a good movie to watch." She said standing up and brushing the dust off her pants.

"Alone? You know you can just get one of the boys or ask me to watch with you if you like, right?" Pepper said kindly. Natasha opened and closed her mouth like a fish…this Pepper…was way too _nice_! She was feeling whiplash just seeing the difference up close and personal. She was nothing like the Pepper giving Stark a piece of her mind the other day.

"Um...I didn't think of that." She said lamely. Pepper patted her on the shoulder and walked over to the DVDs.

"Since Tony has obviously decided to run away for the day, I'm free from Tonysitting duty. I can watch a film with you if you like?" She said as she started looking through the DVDs as well. Natasha was in utter shock – Pepper wasn't acting weird around her at all! Everyone else was treating her like she was made of fragile glass or accidentally slipping up information that she didn't know. They were all so hesitant of what to say around her – it was maddening! Pepper's straight forward _what you see is what you get_ attitude is a breath of fresh air for the grounded field agent. She suddenly smiled really big and walked over to look through the films once more with Pepper.

"I would love that." She said genuinely.

_2 hours later._

Natasha and Pepper were laughing their hearts out sitting on the couch and watching a rerun of Tom and Jerry.

"Whoever created this is just BRILLIANT!" Natasha said as she wiped a tear from her eyes. Pepper nodded completely out of breath.

"Honey I'm home!" A voice sang from the doorway. They both looked up at the entrance and noticed the soaking wet Tony Stark standing there with his arms wide open. They glanced at each other and stood up.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" They asked in unison while standing beside the couch in the exact same hands on hip stance. Tony paled.

"THERE'S TWO OF YOU NOW– OH MY GOD!" Tony screamed before running back from where he came. Pepper and Natasha looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Did you see his face?" Natasha asked while leaning against Pepper as tears started rolling down her face. Pepper was not much better off.

"He looked like he was about to faint!" Pepper added in between bouts of hysterical laughter.

"IT WAS PRICELESS!" They said at the same time.

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories **

After saying goodbye to Pepper who had a CEo meeting to attend Natasha had decided she wanted to see the city from the highest place in the building as possible. So now she sat at the edge of the roof and stared down at the hundreds of brightly lit buildings around her. Avengers Tower was definitely a unique structure amongst all the generic office buildings in the area. She looked up and watched the sun set against the beautiful skyline of New York City. It was an amazing view and a great way to end a busy day. She wondered how many sun sets she was able to experience over the last 3 years. Maybe she got to see one every evening – that would've been incredible.

She stared down at her hands once the sun had dipped below the horizon – now all that was left was the after glow. She wondered what part of a sunset her life was in right now.

"What are you thinking so intensely about Tasha?" Someone asked from behind her. She was startled by the sudden voice and nearly fell off the roof. A strong and steady arm wrapped itself around her waist and pulled her back from the edge and onto solid ground.

"Wow – that was close! Didn't mean to startle you there." Clint said as he steadied her. She looked up at him and frowned.

"Why does everyone keep doing that to me?" She asked baffled. He raised an eyebrow.

"What? Nearly causing you to fall off buildings?" he asked warily. She rolled her eyes.

"No - startling me! You could just announce your presence like normal people!" She said heatedly. He grinned at her.

"But you see Natasha – we aren't normal people, so normal never applies to our behavior." He said cheekily. She glared daggers at him.

"You're mocking me."

"You set yourself up to be mocked." He said with a shrug. She sighed in defeat and turned back to the skyline. "Back to my original question before you nearly became a spy pancake. What are you thinking about so hard?" He asked leaning against the edge and staring at her.

"Everything." She replied with a heavy sigh. He whistled.

"That is definitely a lot to think about – anything specific pop out at you?" He asked curiously.

"We have really interesting team." She said quietly. He nodded.

"Yeah – they start to grow on you after a while – like annoying pieces of mold." He said dryly. She snorted.

"Yeah especially Stark shaped molds. But I was talking more about our group dynamic – it's actually really cool." She said pushing a pebble around the ledge. He watched her patiently. He learned a lot about patience over the last two weeks of hell on earth. The worst part was that he had to smile through the whole damn thing. It sucked when everyone winces every time they lay eyes on you. It's gotten to the point where he would rather spent torturous amounts of time with an oblivious Natasha then a minute with those pitying looks. Why the hell do people pity him? Go pity the people whose partners are _dead_. Mine is just fine – thank you very much. She's just missing some key details I'm terrified to let her find out.

"You've been getting to know the team over the last week right?" He said interestedly. She nodded.

"Yeah and I learned a lot in that short period of time, but…" She trailed off hesitantly. He took a deep breath and looked up at her sadly.

"…but you don't remember any of the things you've learned." He supplied for her. She nodded slowly.

"I have these bursts of familiarity – but nothing concrete like an actually memory. I remember smells, and tactile feelings. I remember motions in fights and colours that I see around the building. I react in the same way they expect me to and say things they tell me I've said before. Everything is there Barton – it's just not _clicking_. Why is it not clicking?" She asked while she wrapped her arms around her stomach. His hands ached to pull her into a tight hug – but his brain was telling him she would shut down immediately if he made any sudden movements.

"I don't know Tasha, but we'll get through this – don't worry." He said watching her barely hanging on with anxiously eyes. She looked back at him with equally uneasy eyes.

"What happens if I don't remember Barton?" She asked quietly. He tensed – she noticed.

"You will – you just need time." He said firmly. He didn't want to think about that scenario yet – it would destroy the small flame of hope he continued to burn in the corner of his heart. She didn't look as convinced.

"But Barton – can't I just relearn everything I missed and just continue to build my relationship with the team all over again?" She asked hesitantly. He paused. There was something in her voice – something she wasn't saying but he was hearing loud and clear.

"Natasha…do you even want to remember the last 3 years?" He asked slowly. He dreaded either answer she would give him.

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories**

And now we wait to see Natasha's answer. I know I'm evil – hehehe. Let me know what you think about her growing relationships with the team!

On another note I am leaving for vacation tomorrow – I will likely not be able to update for another 2 weeks. But don't worry! I will update as soon as I come back!

**(Slides some shades onto her face) Florida here I come! **


	6. Chapter 6

Lost in the seas of forgotten memories

A/N: OMG SO HARD TO FIND INTERNET! But i tried just for you guys :)

Chapter 6

_Recap_

_"But Nataha...do you even want to remember the last 3 years?" He asked slowly. Hedreaded either answer she would give him._

She looked up at him hesitantly. "I don't know. There are a lot of things I wish I could remember...but at the same time I'm sure there are things that I probably wish I could forget." She said quietly. She gripped herself tighter. He took a few deep breaths to calm his frantically beating heart. She was going to give him a heart attack without even knowing it.

"Could you live the rest of your life with such a big gap?" He forced himself to ask neutrally. She looked up at the darkening sky.

"I don't know - I could try and learn about all the important things I missed, but of course it would never be the same as actually remembering them." She replied tentatively.

"Some things can't be relearned Tasha." He said with a faraway look. She watched him carefully.

"What are you not telling me Barton?" She asked cautiously. He sighed and leaned his forehead against the ledge.

"There are a lot of things I haven't told you yet Natasha. 3 years of things I haven't told you. But I promise I will tell you everything in time." He said staring at the little people walking on the street beside their building.

"That's very vague you know Barton." She said dryly. He chuckled humorlessly.

"Yeah I bet, but do you trust me Tasha?" He asked suddenly looking up at her intensely. She gave him a confused look.

"Of course I do - if I can't trust my partner who can I trust?" She said evenly. He sighed in relief.

"That's good." He said.

"You make me nervous when you ask weird questions like that you know." She said cautiously. He winced.

"Trust me, no one is more nervous then me right now."

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories **

Clint was sitting on his bed staring at the papers laid out in front of him. He was trying to make sense of all the things he would have to brief Natasha about to prepare her for field work in 5 weeks time. He was still overwhelmed by the information himself - Natasha would just be lost if he didn't present this monster of intel properly to her. There was life threatening information she would need to know, otherwise she could jeopardize a mission if they ever had to go undercover and she didn't have her facts straight. What a nightmare. One page jumped out at him. He picked it up and stared at Agent Phil Coulson's file. This was one of the many things he should but hasn't gotten around to talking to Natasha about. He suddenly tensed as he felt a new presence in the room with him. He relaxed when he recognized the nonthreatening posture.

"You're either losing your touch Hill or you want to politely let me know you are invading my personal sanctuary." He said dryly. He looked up to see that his prediction was correct. Agent Hill was leaning against the far wall of his room with a bemused expression on her face.

"Why do you torture yourself by staying in here?" She asked looking around the large, but empty room. The walls were bare - but he had done that on purpose.

"To remind me every night what I have lost and to remind me every morning what I'm fighting to get back." He replied steadily. She nodded.

"You had the Captain barter for a longer down period." She said evenly.

"Is that a problem?" He asked. She shook her head.

"That fine. The only thing that concerns me is that you haven't checked in at the helicarrier since Natasha's release." She said giving him a questioning look. He shrugged.

"I've been busy with more pressing matters." He replied dryly. She stared at him unimpressed.

"You skipped a mission debrief and your monthly medical check up. I can let the first one slide but you know you have to go to that check up Clint." She said seriously. He snorted.

"And let them poke and probe me until they deem me physically sound in their professional opinion? I've been fending for myself for a long time Maria - you know that." He said. She didn't budge an inch.

"Natasha has a check up for her brain scan tomorrow at 9 am. Be there - get your shit done or I will drag you in there myself." She said frankly with an_ I-am-not-in-the-mood-for-your-manly-pride-shit-today-Barton_ look. He grimaced.

"Tomorrow?"

"Be there." She said giving him a long look before she turned to leave.

"Why haven't you met Natasha yet Hill?" He asked. She paused with her hand on the doorknob.

"You and I have a lot more in common then you think Clint." She said quietly before she opened the door and walked out without without a single glance back.

She totally blew him off - but her reply was even more telling then a straight forward answer would've been. What was she really saying?

**Memories Memories Memories Memories **

Natasha once again found herself standing in front of what she now knew as Doctor Banner's lab - it was too weird to think of it as their lab yet. She hesitated about wether she should knock or not. Sure, they were good friends in the past and were well on their way to rekindling that lost friendship - but he was still a busy scientist! She shifted from left to right until she finally made up her mind and knocked.

No response.

She furrowed her brow and knocked again.

"He ain't there Red." Someone spoke from behind her. She jumped and accident elbowed the poor man in the stomach. She spun around to see a crouching Tony Stark holding his stomach in obvious pain. She winced.

"Sorry!" She said quickly, before pausing and standing up straight. "Oh my god! Something is seriously wrong with you people! Stop startling me like that!" She said heatedly. He grunted and held up a finger.

"S-s-super spies should know the d-difference between friend or foe without even looking." He managed to get out before he dropped to his knees. She rolled her eyes at his dramatic reaction. She didn't hit him _that_ hard.

"With you I don't know which category I would choose - one is more tempting then the other." She said dryly. He gave her an offended look before pushing himself off the ground with a very real wince. Okay...so maybe she might have used just a bit too much force.

"Bruce is downstairs in my shop. I'm just stopping by to pick up some papers." He said as he took out a keycard and swiped it on the scanner beside the door before he walked in. She watched him disappear into the room and wondered if he expected her to follow. She looked around the empty hall - well to hell with what he expects - there's absolutely nothing to do out here. She followed him into the lab and looked around the neat and tidy space. It definitely looked like Doctor Banner's lab. Neat and tidy was his style - the polar opposite of the other guy.

"So why were you looking for the Doc, Red?" He asked as he riffled through piles of papers obviously looking for something specific. She scowled at the nickname.

"Don't call me Red." She said haughtily. He looked up and gave her a pointed look.

"Don't jag me in the stomach." He shot back. She rolled her eyes - childish.

"I wanted to ask him something." She said vaguely. He raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"A whole crap load of none of your damn business." She said with a deadly glare. He quickly turned around to keep searching for those documents.

"You're scary."

"You're annoying."

"You're mean."

"You're an ass."

"Thank you I know I have a nice ass - all the ladies think so." He said wagging his eyebrows suggestively. She groaned.

"Stark you have a problem." She said through gritted teeth. He flashed her a megawatt smile.

"That I'm too handsome for the world at large?" He asked conceitedly. She sighed - you just can't win with narcissistic bastards.

"Stark I'm going to kill you one day." She said frankly. He would be the only person on her ledger that she could live with happily without regret. His smile dimmed.

"You'd have a tough time getting out of the country with Pepper breathing down your neck." He pointed out. She shrugged.

"It would be worth it."

"You're freaking sadistic."

"You're a freaking child."

"Your face appears in little children's nightmares."

"Your ego takes up half the breathing space of New York."

"You're crazy."

"You're lazy."

"You want to come down to my workshop with me?"

"Yeah."

5 minutes later.

"Hey Bruce - look what I found wondering around your lab upstairs." Tony said as he walked into his workshop with a dark looking Natasha trailing behind him. Bruce looked up from his notes and smiled when he saw Natasha - with her icy stares and all.

"Oh hello Natasha! I haven't seen you in a couple of days." He said taking off his glasses. The darkness hanging around her shoulders lightened when she shrugged.

"I've been busy." She said simply. He nodded understandingly.

"I bet. So what can I do for you today?" He asked kindly. She shifted hesitantly under his curious gaze. She could feel Stark burning a hole through the back of her head as well.

"I was wondering...if we could start up that research project we were working on - before my accident." She said tentatively. She heard folders fall to the floor behind her.

"The WHAT?" Tony shouted. Bruce winced. She looked back and forth between the two men cautiously. "Tell me she isn't talking about the Hulk response project we agreed we would never do." Tony said seriously. She raised an eyebrow and looked at Bruce.

"It was her decision Tony." Bruce said slowly.

"The hell with her decision! She could have died!" Tony shouted angrily. She stared at his strong reaction in disbelief - she had never seen this side of the genius. She's pretty sure not many people have.

"I told her that but she didn't listen!" Bruce said.

"So you just went along with it?" Tony asked in disbelief.

"We took safety precautions!"

"There _are_ no solid safety precautions!"

"You've worked with the other guy too Tony! Stop being a hypocrite." Bruce said with a hint of irritation in his voice.

"IN THE SUIT!" He shouted. Bruce narrowed his eyes - they all heard the telltale beep.

"She was behind an unbreakable shield!"

They both heard a warning shot ring through the air and looked towards the location of the sound. Natasha had her gun pointed in the air and a bemused expression on her face.

"I may have amnesia and I may not have the full story behind what you two are arguing about - but you will not talk about me as if I am not standing right in front of you - understand?" She said dangerously. They both nodded vigorously.

"Stark cool your jets. You may own this building but you neither own us or pay us to be here. Doctor - did I give my full consent to work on this project?" She asked for clarification.

Bruce sighed and nodded. "Yes. I was against it at first - contrary to what Tony is insisting, but once you saw that the research was getting somewhere and we were starting to see patterns we could change, you refused to stop. You flat out said you would kill anyone who tired to stop you from doing what you wanted - including me." He explained with a small wince at the end. She nodded with a satisfied face.

"That sounds exactly like something I would say. And guess what? I'm saying it now as well. If you'll have me Doctor - I wanted to try to pick up where we left off." She said hopefully.

"Hey! Don't I get a say in this?" Tony asked throughly ticked at basically being ignored. _Click_. He looked down at the loaded gun now pointed at his nose - he has stared too many firearms in the face in his lifetime to be scared anymore. But the look in Natasha's eyes held a promise that she would follow through with her threat. He gulped and looked away.

"Whatever - your choice." He mumbled. She nodded.

"Exactly - _my_ choice. Glad to know we have an understanding." She said giving Tony an _I-dare-you-to-say-one-more-word look_. He didn't.

"Are you sure Natasha?" Bruce asked warily. This standoff was making him nervous - but the value in the conversation was not beyond him.

"Yes."

"Then welcome to the team." Bruce said with a grateful smile. She smiled back brightly.

"Well if she's not going to back down I want to be on this team too." Tony suddenly said butting into the moment. They both looked at him and then at each other.

"Guinea pig?"

"Guinea pig."

An hour later.

"I didn't mean like THIS!" Tony shouted through the voice amplifier in his suit as he ran for his life. Natasha sat on a bench with a bunch of forgotten notes lying in front of her as she laughed herself to tears.

"HULK NO HAPPY WITH TIN MAN!" The other guy roared. Iron man ducked and rolled to the side as a green fist came crashing down on top of him.

"It wasn't you buddy! It was me!" Tony said as he dodged another fist. Natasha laughed even harder.

"What is this? A break up scene?" She asked wiping a tear from her eye. She couldn't see the glare, but she could definitely feel it.

"Why don't you try your mojo to calm the big guy down huh? Isn't that the while point of this research?" Tony shouted as he tripped and got thrown into a wall. Yikes. That looked like it hurt.

"This is more entertaining." She said with great amusement. Darn where was the popcorn when you needed it?

Memories memories memories memories

I'm still on vacation but I finally got one bar of wifi signal, a tiny iphone and a lot of time spent in transport - so i hope you liked the result XD i wrote the next chapter already :) so let me know what you think and I'll update faster :D lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**Chapter 7**

They were both standing in front of SHIELD medical - waiting for the first person who would pluck up the courage to actually open the door.

"Are you ready?" He asked trying to fill the stalling silent. She watched the quivering agent with due wariness. He was a master assassin, an expert archer, a freaking secret intelligence agent - and he was deadly afraid of his organization's doctors. He honestly thought this was the scariest place on earth. Ridiculous. But then she thought about the traumatic therapist appointments she had to go through when she first become a SHIELD agent and winced. You would want to avoid medical too after a traumatic experience like that, especially after going through real field trauma.

"You sound more nervous then I do." She said dryly.

"You and I are going to two very different places Natasha. They're _evil_." He said with poorly disguised horror. She snorted.

"I've had check ups too you know."

"But you always got the nice female doctors for that! These male doctors do more scarring then healing!" He said with a crazed look in his eyes. "Maybe I could just disappear and come pick you up after your appointment..." He mumbled to himself. Natasha watched her partner and his crazy talk with due wariness.

He started to take a step back when an arm grabbed him by the edge of his collar and dragged him into the medical bay.

"Good morning Agent Romanoff! Have a wonderful time at your appointment! Agent Barton and I will be going to his check up no matter what!" Agent Hill shouted over her shoulder as she continued to drag the traumatized agent behind her.

Natasha watched the two of them turn the corner and disappear from view. Poor Barton she thought. Now he had to live through his torture with an audience to boot. Natasha shrugged and made her way to her appointment.

_20 minutes later._

"So Agent Romanoff. We've got your scans done and we will let you know what we find next week. Now all we have to do is run through the last two weeks since your last visit and see where we can go from there." The doctor smiled at her reassuringly, but Natasha could sense the apprehension behind her words. They were all worried - worried that she would never remember.

"Be honest with me Doc. What are my chances at recovery at this point?" Natasha asked getting straight to the point. Her doctor sighed and looked down at her report.

"Anything can happen with brain injuries Agent Romanoff. You could suddenly remember all 3 years tomorrow if something like a familiar lamp just happens to catch your eye. At the same time...the longer you go without regaining any old memories..." She trailed off.

"...The more likely it becomes that I never will." Natasha finished for her blankly. She grimaced but nodded.

"Unless..." She started hesitantly. Natasha leaned forward - this sounded not too legal and off the record - she liked the sound of that.

"Unless what?"

"Unless you try harder to immerse yourself in as many trigger causing objects as possible. At this point - that's the only option we have left." She finished cautiously. Natasha raised a curious eyebrow.

"Doctor Armstrong...are you implying what I _think_ you are implying?" Natasha asked curiously. Her doctor deliberately choose to look away. She was spot on.

"Doctors do not imply anything agent Romanoff. I just gave you the facts." She said professionally turning around to put her equipment back into their original cabinets. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"And so what happens if I stay a bit longer on the helicarrier and take a look around...let's say the mission and profile archives?" Natasha asked carefully. Doctor Armstrong shrugged.

"I would have nothing to do with that - it's not my department to actively aid agents in their recovery." She said as she turned to walk towards the only door in the room. Natasha watched her carefully and suddenly a small smile broke out across her face.

"Thank you Agent Armstrong." She said gratefully.

"I haven't been an agent in years." She said with her hand still on the doorknob.

"Once an agent always an agent. Thank you." Natasha insisted. The former agent paused.

"What for Agent Romanoff?" She asked puzzled. Natasha just smiled and remained silent. The doctor shifted slightly before she gave her parting remarks.

"But if it means all the same to you - thank you for coming back for me in South Africa two years ago." She said quietly before smoothly slipping out of the room.

Natasha watched the door close softly behind the doctor before she turned and walked towards the counter full of medical equipment.

"Huh. It pays well to be nice to your fellow agents - especially when you don't remember doing the favour." Natasha said as she picked up the emergency medical override access card sitting on the counter.

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories**

"Barton either you sit down and stay still or I am going to take a needle and knock you out." Maria warned.

"You can't do that! You're not qualified!" He shouted. She leveled him with a piercing stare.

"I was a pathologist for 3 years before I joined SHIELD." She said firmly. He started to hyperveltiate.

"That doesn't count! You worked with _dead_ people! I am a living, breathing human being!" He said in disbelief. She shrugged.

"It's all the same stuff - I'm sure I could pull it off." She said blankly - but the threat was heard all the same. He paled and looked towards his doctor.

"Are you listening to this doc?" He asked in shock. The doctor shrugged and flipped a sheet in his reports.

"What are you talking about agent Barton? The second in command is talking to you - you should be listening to her word with the utmost caution." The doctor said without even looking up from his papers.

"You're all conspiring against me." He said as he collapsed onto the medical bed.

Agent Hill and his doctor shared a satisfied look.

_An hour later._

"I'm freeeee..." Clint wheezed as he crawled out of the check up room.

"You know Clint...sometimes you are worse then Stark - and _that_ is saying something." Maria said as she took out her security monitor. Clint was still moaning about his torture while she looked over the last hour of reports.

"Natasha's appointment ended an hour ago. Everything seems clear there." She said as she read through the medical report. Clint suddenly dropped his dramatics and shot up to read over her shoulder. Maria smirked - the poor bastard was so whipped it was sad - especially considering his wife had no idea they were married, let alone the fact that he was this insanely devoted.

"Does this mean she will be ready for field work in a few weeks?" He asked seriously. Agent Hill shrugged.

"It all depends on her long term check ups and if she can pass the field test at the end of the 2 month probation."

"She despises that word so much."

"I know - that's why Fury chose it." She said dryly. Clint stared at her in disbelief.

"That man has a death wish." He said in shock. She shrugged.

"And yet he's like a roach - has been shot at, burned, strapped to bombs, came out of sword fights without a scratch, wrestled a boar, survived all of Stark's vicious pranks and still didn't die. He's not going to go down because of an angry spy - even if she is the best." She said frankly. He whistled.

"What took out his eye?" He asked curiously. She looked she was about to burst out laughing - now he really wanted to know.

"I value my life too much to tell you that story." She said as she searched through some of her files and stopped at a map of the ship.

"Aw come on! No one has dirt on him! You on the other hand are freakishly good at finding out blackmail worthy information like that." He insisted. She snorted.

"If you are trying to give me a compliment let me tell you - you are failing miserably. Take some persuasive tips from your partner - she's much better at it." Maria said as she zoomed into a specific area on the map she was looking at.

"What had she been doing for an hour anyway?" Clint asked curiously. Maria frowned.

"I don't know - but it appears she's in the mission archives room on the 3rd floor - which has level 10 access clearance. She only has level 9." Maria said warily. Now it was his turn to shrug.

"Doesn't matter where she is - she can find a way to get into the most secure rooms in the world - it's her job." He said not sounding surprised. Maria didn't look any less concerned.

"Coluson's file is in there." She said blankly. Clint froze and suddenly starting speed walking down the hall.

"See you later Hill." He shouted over his shoulder. She raised an eyebrow.

"Other direction Barton." She said dryly. He spun around and walked past her once more.

"I knew that."

**Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories Memories**

_40 minutes ago._

Natasha had successfully entered the mission archives room and was now flipping through all the missions that she had been a part of over the last 3 years. Most of them were pretty similar to what she was used to doing during the first 7 years of her time with SHIELD. Everything drastically changed after May 2012. It was called the Loki incident - also the first mission of the newly formed avengers team. All her missions afterwards were team missions. Even though she was actually starting to - _god forbid_ - like her team (even Stark - _ugh_ never thought she would say that) but she didn't think she would even join a crazy group like this without a really good reason.

Something huge must have happened during that first mission together - something that formed this unbreakable bond they all seemed to share. The fact that they still treated her as an active member of their team and not just a compromised liability spoke _volumes_ of their dedication to each other. She can honestly say she has never and likely will never meet a team like theirs.

And now to find out what the hell happened during that crazy week in New York.

_Present time_

Clint was flying down the stairs that would lead him to the 3rd floor entrance. He didn't know how long Natasha was in the archive room for or if she was even looking at the Coulson file yet. But knowing her she would likely floc to the most interesting and anomaly like mission in her file - obviously the alien invading, world ending incident that changed 6 people's lives forever. He would expect nothing less from the naturally curious spy.

Halfway down the hall that led to the remote entrance of the archives he realized he didn't have access to this room. Well when in doubt - call the boss (or their right hand man).

He buzzed into Agent Hill's com link.

"You have shit clearance." Was the first thing she said. He rolled his eyes.

"Yup."

"You don't plan on knocking do you?"

"Nope."

"What's your plan before I open this door?"

"I'm thinking on my feet - Natasha is sometimes unpredictable."

"Liar - she's only unpredictable in the field. She is laughably obvious when she is not wearing a mask and is just plain old Natasha. Bet you 10 bucks she's already read his file." She said dryly. Clint banged his head against the wall.

"Not the right time to be betting Maria - just open the damn door." He said irritably. She stared at her notes idly.

Silence. He banged his head once again.

"freaking _please_ open the door."

Ding.

"Thank you for your rough politeness."

He sighed and heard her buzz out. He slowly pushed open the door and instantly noticed the dim lighting in the room. He's never been here before but he recognized the similar layout to their more commonly used reference archives.

He walked around the countless shelves full of files and tried to figure out where Natasha would be in this maze of notes. It was dark enough that he couldn't see the floor - why wouldn't she turn on the lights? He turned a corner and literally tripped over a pair of feet. His face instantly kissed the floor and he groaned in pain. He rolled over to see what made him fall and noticed a small body crouched in the corner. The person's head was resting between their knees and they were breathing in uneven breaths. He noticed the red hair and froze.

"Natasha? Is that you?" He whispered. He heard the harsh breathing increase rapidly.

"Just give me a second Barton - I just need a second." She said as she rapped her arms around her knees and literally started to shake like a leaf. He quickly pushed himself to his knees -completely oblivious to the throbbing pain in his forehead - and slowly pulled himself over to her.

"Well you can have more then a few of those Tasha." He said worriedly. She gripped herself tighter and didn't respond. He didn't know what he should do - all he could hear was her uneasy breathing and his heart literally breaking into a million pieces for her.

They sat in an uneasy silence for a few minutes.

"I watched the security footage from the prison room during our first save the world mission." She finally said breaking their tense silence. He sighed sadly.

"The one with loki and Coulson?" He asked defeatedly. She gave him a puzzled look.

"What?" She asked sounding very confused. He froze - _she didn't know._ Then what could possible cause this reaction?

"What footage did you see Tasha?" He asked slowly. Oh my god - please don't be what he thinks she saw.

"My interrogation of Loki footage." She said quietly. His fists curled into tight balls of pure anger - if he could get his hands on that bastard _one_ more time. One well placed goodbye punch to the face just wasn't enough.

"The part where he was messing with your head right?" He said fighting to keep his emotions in check once again. If he exploded now it would be 1 step forward and 100 steps behind.

She shook her head.

"No - the fact that he was messing with _your_ head Barton. _You_ were compromised." She said quietly. He suddenly felt the anger drain out of his system and shame took its place. She was disappointed in him. "It was the scariest 2 minutes of my life. Even though I couldn't see the horror on my face I could feel the emotions I was hiding on the inside. He could do that Barton - he could control the best agent SHIELD has ever had. I - we could have lost you." She said as she finally looked up at him with frightened eyes. He couldn't take it anymore and pulled her into a tight hug. She leaned lifelessly against him - the tremors still racking her body up and down.

"You're the best agent SHIELD has ever had Tasha. You've never been compromised." He whispered into her hair. He felt like such as sick, sick bastard for finding relief in holding her close and feeling her safely wrapped in his arms after weeks with next to no physical contact.

"Wrong. I was compromised a long time ago Barton." she mumbled against his shoulder.

"Love isn't considered compromising anymore Tasha." He said holding her thin frame tighter. She snorted.

"Love is for children."

"Fine - extreme fondness then."

"Just shut up Barton."

"Hey we can't be partners for 10 years without a little fondness." He said with a wary smile. She gave him an unimpressed look. Damn that was scary. She barely spent 5 seconds in the vicinity of agent Hill and they already have matching expression right down to the frown. Scary.

"I kicked your butt once on this ship - I can do it again." She said warningly - he didn't take the hint. If she was going to kill him anyway...

"Go on a date with me." He suddenly blurted out. She froze and her face literally went blank. She's sure she didn't hear him right.

"What?"

"Go on a date with me - you know; dinner, movie, beach stuff?" He said slowly. She had a million emotions running through her head in that moment - she finally settled for disbelief.

"First of all I _hate_ dates like that. Second of all - no. Never have, never will." she said firmly. _Ouch_ - now that one hurt.

"What happened to our fondnessfest?" He asked incredulously. she shrugged and pushed him away.

"That was all you Barton. You carry enough teenaged girl in you for the both of us." She said dryly. He watched her walk away and turn on the lights in the room. He sat there on the floor literally dumbfounded.

"Did you just say _no_?" He asked literally in shock. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You were serious?" She asked curiously.

"I refuse to answer that _now_." He said defensively. She shook her head.

"You want to go on a date with your amnesic partner of 10 years? I thought you were gay for the first year of our partnership you know." She said thoughtfully. He sputtered completely lost for dignifying words. He didn't know if he should cry or just run away. His pride was literally stomped on and laid out on the road to be made roadkill out of.

"WHAT? I didn't know this!" He shouted. She shrugged.

"Well what was I supposed to think? That actual gentlemen existed in the world who didn't ever look below my chin? Not likely, considering where I came from." She said dryly.

"So the only option was that I was _gay_?" He asked incredulously. She shrugged again.

"You were good at acting neutral - maybe too good. I didn't catch your stares until our stint in Palestine." She said frankly.

"Don't blame me - I was dehydrated. It might have been the last time I saw your beautiful hair." He said dryly. He gave up - she completely murdered his pride - imagine what she'll do to it when she finds out about their nuptials. He shuddered.

"You're a lot of things Clint Barton, but a smooth pickup-liner you are not." She said before she burst out laughing. He turned bright red.

"Hey I would like to let you know that many beautiful women have accepted my bad pickup lines back in my college days!" He said defensively. It kinda stung when she didn't even look jealous - until he heard the next thing she said.

"What about after your college years?" She asked with a knowing smirk. He turned an even brighter shade of red.

"Ah...my taste for adventure dimmed?" He said feebly. She chuckled.

"Yeah right."

"Hey do you know what men with dubious careers and no permanent residence are consider on the market?" He asked irritably. She shook her head still laughing.

"They are considered more complicated then a 25 year old raising her dead friend's one year old kid with the kid's father's best friend - who she hates and has to live with in the same house." He said in one breath. She paused to really take all that bullshit in small doses.

"You watch too many romance comedies in your spare time Barton." she said blankly.

"Ha! If there is one vice we share it is that stupid hollywood mind numbing _garage_! Besides - you're the one who introduced this x-military solider to life as we knew it!" He said accusingly.

"You know what? I'm done with this insane conversation. I'll see you at home you crazy baboon!" She said as she picked up her stuff and headed towards the exit. He followed behind her with a determined face.

"Hey! You can't just end an important conversation like that! You didn't even tell me why you turned me down! At least show some rejection courtesy!" he said angrily. She stopped and raised an eyebrow.

"There's rejection courtesy?" She asked curiously. He paused with his mouth open ready to say something.

"You know what? I actually don't know - I haven't asked a girl out in 10 years." He said thinking back. She watched him think way too hard on that simple thought.

"That doesn't sell your case any better. You know what they say - single men are single for a reason." she said giving him a once over look.

"Ever wondered why?" He asked suddenly switching tones. She watched him warily.

"You wouldn't wait ten years Barton. No one would wait ten years. Sparks die before then." She said.

"Did ours?"

"I'm not sure - you tell me. I'm stuck 3 years in the past."

"Life as an avenger has only made our lives more exciting. No fear of sparks dying in that crazy atmosphere." He said too seriously. These people must be crazy - she hasn't even seen their team in real action yet - videos aside.

"It's going to be a no today Barton." She said cautiously. He pouted.

"What about tomorrow?" He asked. She shook her head.

"Probably a no tomorrow too."

"The day after?" He asked hopefully. She shrugged.

"I don't know - lets take this one day at a time." She said warily. He suddenly brightened up - it was blinding.

"One pickup line at a time - got it." He said strolling out of the archives room with the first real smile on his face in weeks. She watched his bizarre reaction with due wariness.

"That's not what I meant."

**memories memories memories memories memories memories memories**

So many ideas to bring to life - so little time to write them all out! I hope you guys like the pace I am moving the story at right now! Things are going to speed up very soon :) We're finally going to see some action :D Until next time!


	8. Chapter 8

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: Happy early birthday Malmal86!  
**

**Chapter 8**

She walked down the deserted hall and swiped her card on the scanner beside the only green door in the entire building - don't ask why Stark painted it green - it gets Bruce antsy.

"Where's Stark?" She asked as she passed the Doctor scribbling some notes at his desk. He shrugged but didn't look up.

"He's late - as always." He replied as he fixed his glasses. She rolled her eyes as she leaned against the wall beside him and crossed her arms.

"I learned some interesting things during my trip to the helicarrier yesterday." She said casually. His pen faulted but he continued writing.

"Oh? What was that?" He asked lightly.

"I saw the security footage during the Loki incident." She replied. They watched the tip of his pencil break again the paper. He slowly put down the writing utensil.

"And what did you think about that?"

"About the mission or about the little bastard?" She asked with an eyebrow. He leaned back in his chair and shrugged.

"Either. Both. Doesn't matter. I'm assuming you're talking about Loki and not Stark though. A lot of people have that title in your books." He said with a teasing smile. She rolled her eyes.

"The adopted Asgardian Prince seemed like a righteous pain in the ass." She said dryly. He tilted his head.

"That's it? Stark got a longer diss than that." Bruce said in surprise.

"Oh don't get me started - I may never stop." She said seriously. He chuckled.

"What else did you see?" He asked curiously.

"I saw all our wonderful team introductions - you were as charmingly awkward from the start as I expected - though I think we met in India where I went to recruit you. Cap seemed like a stick in the mud, tight-laced poster soldier until the actually fighting. Thor made an interesting entrance and Stark was just annoying as always." She explained as she picked up the broken pencil from his desk and started twirling it in her hand.

"Did you watch all the fighting inside the helicarrier as well?" He asked warily.

"If you are subtly trying to refer to our incident with the floor falling through and you Hulking out then yes." She said simply. He winced. That was one way of breaking the ice.

"I probably forgave you before and I'm forgiving you now Bruce - it wasn't your fault. Besides...falling from 30,000 feet like you said was terrible enough." She said reassuringly. He sighed in relief. He's glad most of her core nature didn't change just because she was missing memories of them. Her forgiveness meant more to him then he could explain in words.

"Thank you." He said quietly. She nodded understandingly.

"It's been three weeks since I woke up." She said after a few moments of companionable silence.

"Really?" He asked in surprise. She nodded.

"Yeah and I noticed the team hasn't been on another mission yet." She said questioningly.

"Maybe there aren't any supervillians plotting to destroy the world this month?" He asked half-heartedly. She gave him a long look.

"Supervillian foil missions can't possibly be the only things the avengers do - that's a waste of manpower and our specific skill sets." She said knowingly. He sighed.

"I don't know why we haven't been called in Natasha - I had nothing to do with our mission scheduling." He said truthfully. She crossed her arms and thought about that for a moment.

"If it's because of me I'm going to kill them." She said frankly. Bruce shrugged.

"They will deny everything." He pointed out. She cracked her knocks and patted her hip.

"I can be persuasive."

"I bet - but maybe they just didn't want to leave you alone too soon after your accident." He said trying to stop some unnecessary bloodshed.

"Don't care - they'll still be running for the hills." She said simply. He grimaced - he tried. Suddenly the door burst open and a ruffled body fell through the entrance and onto the floor. Natasha and Bruce stared at the unmoving body for a few seconds before they looked at each other.

"Tony is here." Bruce said frankly as he lacked any better way to greet this situation.

"He's unconscious." She said plainly. He shrugged.

"Yeah - it's not as uncommon as you think."

_10 minutes later._

They were able to drag Stark's dead weight over to the makeshift cot in the corner and deposit him onto the bed. He was completely out cold. He didn't even wake when they dropped him a few times.

"Well I guess the good thing is he's not drunk or concussed." Bruce said as he checked the genius' vitals. She sat beside them on a bench and watched the doctor go about his business running a check up on their late teammate. She watched Stark's chest rise and fall until he suddenly stopped moving - Bruce froze as well.

"He's not breathing Bruce. Why is he not breathing?" Natasha asked calmly.

"Oh _shit_!" He swore before he flew across the room and started opening cabinets - obviously looking for something. She quickly walked up to the unconscious engineer and pulled up his shirt - there was no light in his arc reactor.

The man was in the equivalence of a cardiac arrest.

"He's freaking having a heart-attack!" Bruce shouted as he threw random things over his shoulder as he went through more cabinets.

"Spare reactors - where the hell do we keep spare reactors?" He muttered frantically to himself. Natasha glanced at the doctor and back at the practically dying man in front of her. She wasn't going to let the bastard die from a heart failure - he was freaking Iron Man!

"No time for that Doc! We're going to have to improvise!" She said as she opened a cupboard and pulled out a defibrillator. He froze in his mad search and stared at the medical device in her hand.

"That may not be such a good idea Natasha." He said slowly. She opened the case and tore off the back of the system. She started rewiring the circuit board and to Bruce's horror she removed the safety voltage reader. What the _heck_ was she doing to the thing?

"How long until brain damage starts Doc?" She asked as she tore off the padding in the shock pads and wrapped them in tin foil.

"3 minutes." Bruce said still in shock.

_Beep_ - newly tweaked highly dangerous pads were ready for use. Bruce looked like he was about to faint.

"He's been not breathing for at least 4 minutes Doc." She said holding the pads over the unconscious body waiting for his signal. Bruce dragged his hands down his face and growled in frustration.

"But he doesn't have a normal heart Natasha!" He exclaimed.

"I'm not trying to kick-start his real heart - I'm trying to power up his mechanical one." She said as she placed the shock pads right over the arc reactor and turned the machine on.

BEEP. They watched his body lurch upward but no light.

She pressed it again.

BEEP. No results. She growled and slammed her hand down on the button.

BEEP. Tony's body shot up and he gasped. The light in his reactor flicked on and Natasha and Bruce both sighed in relief. Bruce collapsed into the seat beside her and placed his head in his hands.

"W-what the hell happened?" Tony asked as he tried to breath in as much air as physically possible. Natasha leaned against the table and held up her hand.

"Just shut up and appreciate the fact that you are alive to annoy the world once more." She said tiredly. He continued to breathe erratically and pulled up his shirt shakily with both his hands.

"Ah...guys? That might be hard to do...since I only have like a few minutes of power left on this thing..." Tony said watching the light in reactor dim slowly.

Natasha and Bruce stared at each other for a second. They both suddenly got up and each grabbed an arm before they started dragging the limp genius down the hall.

"What kind of stupid genius are you? Who forgets to keep extra life sustaining battery refills around huh?" She asked irritably. Tony shrugged half-heartedly.

"Um...the kind that was hiding from his angry girlfriend?" He said feebly. Natasha suddenly stopped supporting his weight and he banged his head into the wall.

"OUCH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Tony shouted in pain. She glared at him.

"Only you Tony Stark are more afraid of facing your angry girlfriend then self-inducing a freaking heart attack." Natasha said in disbelief.

"I try."

_SMACK_!

"OUCH! I'M FREAKING GOING TO GO INTO CARDI-" He suddenly choked on his words and went limp once more. Bruce groaned.

"Here we go again."

**Memories memories memories memories memories**

While Natasha was off spending time with Doctor Banner, Clint was running laps around the gym trying to burn off some steam. Something was bothering him - but he couldn't exactly figure out what that was. Running helped him work through some of those problems by clearing his head.

On his 20th lap his SHIELD phone started ringing obnoxiously loud. He ignored it the first time he passed by but it just kept ringing without fail. He didn't really want to talk to anyone from SHIELD right now - he might say something that would get him fired.

After 3 minutes of the annoying beeping noise he finally gave up and picked up the darn phone.

"What the hell do you people want from me?" He asked irritably. He really didn't care what they thought at this point.

"Good morning to you too Agent Barton." The voice of Maria Hill said dryly. He paused.

"Oh. It's _you_." He said awkwardly, losing some of the maliciousness in his voice. She snorted.

"Yeah - be glad it's me and not Fury. Can you imagine how fast you would be dead if he was at the other end of the line?" She asked frankly. He shuddered - not a nice thought first thing in the morning.

"Well - what do you want?" He asked a bit nicer.

"Why do you always assume I want something when I call?" She asked curiously. He shrugged even though she couldn't see him.

"I don't know...your 10 year track record of having agenda driven motives whenever you call? Either you want something or you're calling to give me some terrible information you don't want me to hear from somewhere else." He said simply. He heard a slight cough at the other end that confirmed his suspicions.

"Jones is going to call soon." She said slowly. He froze.

"I _hate_ that guy - worst mission handler ever."

"You're biased - Coulson was the only other handler you ever had." She said unimpressed with his reaction.

"Still don't like the guy." He mumbled unhappily. She rolled her eyes but moved on.

"Deal with it. How is Natasha doing after the information overload?" She asked cautiously.

"She's doing better than I thought she would. The Loki incident really shook her up a bit." He replied hesitantly. It was hard to tell how she was really doing when she was an expert at hiding her emotions. The hints were few and far in between.

"That sounds about right. You should talk about Coulson with her soon." She said. He sighed.

"Yeah I'm going to do that soo-...wait a minute. She went through all the files before she watched the actually footage - how could she have possibly missed that detail in the report?" He asked suspiciously.

"I had nothing to do with that. I just found out today that everything about Coulson has been classified to alpha clearance." She said sounding just as bewildered as he felt.

"What the heck is that?" He asked.

"Fury's veto power." She replied evenly.

"Why does a profile of a dead man need the same level of security as nuclear codes?" He asked warily.

"He does stuff like that when someone has been internally snooping in places they shouldn't be." She said vaguely. He raised an eyebrow.

"You mean Natasha?" He asked in surprise.

"No - she wasn't technically flagged as breeching security. She just experienced the ripple effects of the alpha clearance restriction." She said reassuringly.

"It's still suspicious that the director would go that far to secure the file of such a well know agent. Most of SHIELD knows how he died anyway." He said warily.

"A lot of people still want to know things about Agent Coulson - he was a very important agent who had valuable information worth millions. He had secrets worth dying for as well - almost as many as Fury himself." She said calmly.

"Too bad he's dead."

"Just because someone is dead, doesn't mean their legacy is." She said cautiously.

"What kind of agent was he?" Clint asked puzzled.

"He was the unannounced second in command if the director was ever taken out." She replied. His mouth fell open in shock.

"What? We thought that was _you_!" He exclaimed.

"Oh hell no. You wouldn't catch me dead in line for the director's seat two years ago." She said sounding appalled.

"And now?"

"I have no choice."

"Ouch. Reached a point where you can't deny promotion eh?" He asked jokingly. His sarcasm was lost on her.

"Something like that." She said warily.

"Why did you really call me Maria?" Clint asked slowly. There was a short pause at the other end as he heard a door close.

"I'm going to be out of reach from tonight..." She finally conceded.

"Well that's not new...you go on these super-secret trips once in a while." He said in confusion.

"...For an undetermined amount of time." She added hesitantly.

"What? Why?"

"There's something that has popped up the Philippines. I'm going there to check it out." She said carefully. Something wasn't right.

"Isn't the location of a mission supposed to be classified?" He asked slowly.

"There are many different kinds of classified Clint." She said vaguely.

"Is the nature of your trip the type of classified where you can't tell me?" He asked dryly. He could practically feel her grin.

"You got it."

"You're killing me here. There's only one reason agents reveal the location of long term missions." He said cautiously.

"Two in a row." She said nonchalantly.

"I don't like where this conversation is going..." He said unhappily. She shrugged.

"Doesn't matter. All I ask is that you keep this information to yourself - no matter who asks you." She said carefully. That had some warning bells ringing.

"Is this even a mission?" He suddenly asked.

"Gotta go. Take care Barton." Was the last thing she said before the line went dead. He stared at the phone.

"Is _that_ how that feels?" He asked himself. Well no wonder Natasha tried to bite his head off whenever he hangs up on her.

**Memories memories memories memories memories**

It was later in the evening and Clint was sitting on the roof in the spot Natasha liked to frequent most nights - it was actually odd that she wasn't here right now to see the sunset. He wondered where she was.

He was thinking about using one of his newly developed pickup lines on her - eventually she would have to say yes right?

He sighed and went back to staring at the sunset. He realized quickly that it wasn't as enjoyable watching the spectacle by yourself - or maybe it was just because she was usually here to enjoy it with him. She always liked these things more than him anyway. Natasha actually enjoyed very few romantic activities - but sunsets were one of the very few, few exceptions. She would always deny it was a romantic thing though and say that it was a natural phenomenon that anyone could enjoy. He still thought it was sickenly romantic.

"Natasha told me you would be sitting up here by yourself." He heard Steve say from behind him. He turned around to see the soldier tentatively poke his head around the door. He waved him over and turned back towards the sunset.

"I usually have company - seems like she has abandoned me today." He said dryly. Steve came over and they stood in companionable silence as they watched the yellow ball of light dipped below the horizon. If Clint could call one person in the world his best friend...he might just give that tittle to the man standing quietly to his right. Natasha was definitely his soul mate - but Steve was like his rock.

"Natasha gave Stark a heart attack today." Steve said suddenly breaking the silence. Clint snorted.

"She was bound to do that eventually."

"No like _literally_ - Stark went into cardiac arrest - twice." Steve said seriously. Clint turned to look at the Captain in disbelief.

"Oh _shit_ - why has no one called me?" He asked incredulously.

"They were too busy freaking out on how to stop him from dying. They got him a new power cell for his reactor - so he's fine now." Steve said reassuringly.

"Where are they now?" Clint asked worriedly.

"In Stark's lab. Since his heart attack is spurred by the reactor he has to basically operate on himself since he is the only person in the world who really understands that technology." Steve said with a hint of awe in his voice. Yeah, that Stark was a genius – a crazy psychotic one – but a genius nonetheless.

"Sucks to be the surgeon and the patient." Clint mumbled as he leaned against the ledge. Steve nodded.

"Yeah Bruce could hardly help at all since he wasn't an engineer. Natasha actually saved his life the first time around." He said admirably. Clint raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you said she caused the heart attack?" He asked dryly. Steve grinned sheepishly.

"She induced the second one with all the yelling." He amended. Clint rolled his eyes.

"The poor bastard – couldn't keep his mouth shut for even 5 minutes after a heart attack could he?" Clint said warily.

"Oh Natasha is nothing compared to what Pepper is going to do to him when she finds out." Steve said with a shudder. Clint's jaw hit the floor

"SHE DOESN'T KNOW?" Clint asked in disbelief. Steve shook his head.

"Stark begged them not to tell her yet. He had to make sure he wouldn't go into a third cardiac arrest – his body can only handle so many periods of no oxygen." He said warily.

"Well when are they going to let her know?" Clint asked cautiously. Steve looked hesitant.

"ANTHONY FUCKING STARK!" They both heard a voice roar throughout the entire building. "I AM GOING TO FREAKING MURDER YOU!" The angry rant continued. They both winced.

"Well that answers my question."

**Memories memories memories memories memories**

Oh Pepper – you might just kill him this time XD

**A/N: I am still on vacation - and I uploaded these two chapters really close to each other because I'll be out of reach for another weekish - sorry! Reread Stark's pain as you wait it out! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories**

Chapter 9 

Natasha was in the gym gearing up to go for a run. After the 'exciting' day they all had yesterday thanks to their resident idiot she really needed to change the pace of her day. A run would definitely do the trick. She glanced around as she crouched down to tie her shoelace - the Captain was usually here by now.

"Looking for someone?" A familiar voice asked from behind her. She was getting better at the people randomly appearing out of nowhere thing - she was only startled on the inside now. She calmly turned around to see Steve drop his gym bag beside her.

"Maybe." She replies vaguely. He chuckled.

"Am I really that predictable?" He asked sheepishly. She shrugged.

"Only the little things. I'm sure you're plenty spontaneous in the field." She said casually.

"Why is that?" He asked curiously.

"Because you would be dead otherwise." She replied simply. He rolled his eyes.

"Ever the pessimist." He said with a shake of his head.

"Pessimists don't have high standards that will disappoint them when they're not met." She said with a faraway look.

"Is that one of those spy things you brought with you from Russia?" He asked calmly.

"No it's just a shitty life thing." She said blankly.

"Oh trust me - I know all about having a shitty life." He said knowingly.

"You weren't always so buff and muscly were you?" She asked curiously. He shook his head.

"Used to be the scrawniest shrimp on the block. Ended up being the town punching bag just because no one would stand up for a small kid like me." He said with a shrug. She nodded staring at her knotted shoes.

"I used to be the Russian definition of a child soldier - except my skill set was different." She said nonchalantly. He winced.

"My childhood sounds like a walk in the park compared to what you've been through." He said shamefully. She stared at her hands and shook her head.

"No...there are different kinds of horrors people face in life. I'm sure they are all painful in their own way." She said wisely. He still looked uncomfortable but accepted her olive branch for what it was.

"You've never talked about you past before." He said quietly taking a seat beside her. She gave him a sad smile.

"Maybe I'm tired of always keeping my dark and depressing past a secret after all these years." She said casually.

"You always had Clint to talk to if you ever started to go a little crazy." He said thoughtfully. She nodded.

"I did - I really would've gone insane without him. Which makes me wonder - who's been your rock when the ghosts start knocking on your door Cap?" She asked curiously. He thought about that for a few moments and groaned. She laughed at his reaction.

"It's Stark isn't it?" She guessed. He nodded reluctantly.

"Yeah Stark was the most unexpected shoulder I ever thought I would cry on - let alone the fact that his over inflated ego allowed it. Not surprisingly though he's absolutely terrible at comforting people - it was like he had never done it in his life!" Steve exclaimed. She snorted.

"Cap I think you forgot about who we are talking about for a second." She said dryly. He laughed.

"Yeah maybe just for a second." He said as they shared a little smile.

"What do you really think about Stark, Natasha?" He asked suddenly. She was caught off guard by his straight forward question. The Captain obviously didn't beat around the bush.

"He's definitely not what I expected." She confessed hesitantly.

"Not all playboy and show off is he?" Steve said with amusement.

"Maybe not so much the playboy but he definitely is a big attention junkie - no doubt about that. And he is just as annoying on TV as he is in real life." She said dryly. Steve shrugged - you can't win them all.

"Any redeeming qualities?"

"He scored a girl like Pepper." Natasha replied immediately. He burst out laughing and she couldn't help but join in.

"Trust me - _none_ of us saw that one coming." He said truthfully.

"It boggles the mind."

"If you look at it now they are perfect for each other - in a weird twisted way." He said thoughtfully. Her face scrunched up in distaste.

"How twisted?" She asked carefully. He chuckled.

"He gets a kick out of her aloofness to all his charms and she enjoys putting him in his place every now and then." He explained. She tilted her head to the side and slowly absorbed what he said.

"Okay I can see how that would work now." She conceded reluctantly. He smiled victoriously but then his smiled dimmed slightly into a grimace.

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly. He shook his head.

"It's nothing." He said avoiding her questioning look.

"It's definitely not nothing. If you make faces like that then something definitely unpleasant has crossed your mind. I would know - I make that face a lot." She said perceptively. He winced - he could never hide anything from her.

"It's just...sometimes I feel jealous whenever I look at them for too long." He said slowly. She raised an eyebrow.

"You're jealous of Stark?" She asked curiously. He shook his head.

"No, not him specifically - I'm jealous of the stable and reliable relationship he has with Pepper. Sometimes...sometimes their happy is too loud." He said quietly. She nodded understandingly.

"You'll find someone one day Cap - you're not that hard to love. If Stark of all people found someone who could stand him you should be able to sweep a girl off her feet no problem." She said reassuringly. She never had to console someone about relationship woos...she was a bad person to ask for romantic advice in general. She's never had a stable relationship in her life.

Oh the ironies of life.

"Guys like me don't do relationship though Natasha." He said with a heavy sigh.

"Why is that?" She asked curiously

"I'm a liability - there's no guarantee I'll still be here 6 months from now. Then there's the nature of my job - half the things we do is super classified. I would never be able to tell her most the missions that we go on. Then there is my crazy past and the fact that I live with the most psychotic group of individuals on the planet - no offense - but our team is crazy." He said apologetically. She shrugged - why deny the truth?

He took a deep breath.

"I'm the living definition of complicated. What girl would want that?" He asked sadly. She shook her head.

"You have self-esteem problems that rival Bruce Banner's - and that my friend is a noteworthy accomplishment." She said in utter disbelief.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" He asked warily. She gave him a piercing look.

"The question is - do you even want my advice?" She asked leaning back in her seat. He pondered that thought for a moment.

"Sure what the heck - what's your advice?" He asked - it wasn't like he had anything to lose.

"Stop searching for real understanding and companionship outside your life - you're definitely not going to find it out there. You'll be surprised what you overlook in your day to day routine and how many established relationships you take for granted." She said sensibly. He raised an eyebrow.

"Are you saying love is in the air on the helicarrier?" He asked incredulously. She wrinkled her nose in distaste once more.

"I didn't mean the helicarrier specifically - but maybe someone who works for SHIELD?" She said cautiously. He shrugged.

"I never really saw SHIELD agents as the romantic types." He said dryly. She snorted.

"Majority aren't - but I have a feeling you're done with the flashy side of love." She said with a knowing smile. He chuckled.

"Once was more than enough."

"Did you ever seriously like someone at SHIELD Cap?" She asked curiously. He paused and shifted in his seat awkwardly.

"I did...but she had unavailable written all over her. It was obvious enough that you could see it from a mile away." He said warily.

"Ouch - what kind of unavailable?" She asked. He stared at his hands and hesitated.

"I'm pretty sure her partner died." He finally said quietly. Natasha sighed.

"You always fall for the tough ones don't you Captain?"

"What can I say - complicated is the norm in my life - why would romance be any different?"

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories memories memories **

It was the day after his abrupt conversation with agent Hill - and was he _pissed_ about that! Just because she is second in command doesn't give her the right to just gallivant into danger like it's no big deal!

_'Actually it kind of does_' the traitorous side of his mind said idly. He clenched his fists and barely restrained himself from causing bodily harm - how messed up would that be?

_'Shut up! No one asked you for your stupid ass commentary!_' He thought to himself angrily.

_'Hey you're the crazy person having an internal argument with himself_.' His opposing half said. Clint groaned and banged his head against the wall.

"That's it. I've officially gone crazy." He muttered to himself.

_Ring. Ring_.

He groaned again. The obnoxious ringing from his SHIELD phone was back to haunt him once again - and this time he had an idea of who it was.

He reluctantly picked up the phone.

"Agent Barton - this is Agent Jones. We have a nonnegotiable mission to get started as fast as possible." Was the first thing he heard. Clint rolled his eyes - SHIELD was always so dramatic.

"Is it an Avengers mission?" He asked warily.

"No it's a mission for agent Romanoff. You need to brief her on all the major changes _now_. She's needed on a mission in 48 hours." Jones said firmly. _That_ got the archer's attention.

"What? What happened to probation?" He asked bewilderedly. She can't possibly go on a mission when she was only 3 weeks into recovery!

"Evil doesn't wait for agents to heal from accidents before striking again." Jones said frankly. Clint suddenly narrowed his eyes. He smelled something funny - and he doesn't think he's going to laugh.

"Why do you need her specifically?" He asked suspiciously.

"The target holds a key to a piece of information SHIELD must acquire at all costs. And then there's the fact that he is a known womanizer." Jones said guardedly, preparing for the out lash.

"No! We've discussed this before - she stopped doing the seduction missions!" Clint shouted angrily into to phone.

"That's not your call to make."

"You bastard - you're going to use her amnesia to get her back into the espionage game aren't you?" He asked angrily.

"Watch yourself Barton. You may be married to her - but the minute we deem you compromised you're out." Jones said warningly.

"Are you threatening me?" Clint asked in disbelief. After all these years of perfect service they actually had the balls to throw the one good thing that happened to him in his face?

"No, I am simply giving you some advice." Jones said placidly.

"Do you want me to tell you where you can shove your advice?" Clint asked blankly.

"You can be on the team too Barton, but rest assured - she hasn't taken a mission in 3 weeks - she _will_ take this one, regardless of how untasteful it may seem. Ball is in your court Barton - there are only so many plays you can make." Jones said carefully.

"I hate people like you." Clint said harshly.

"Someone has to be the bad guy. I don't pick the agents or make the missions - I'm just the messenger. Think about that for a second." Jones said calmly.

Damn it the bastard was right for once in his slimy life. Clint growled in frustration.

"Fine I'll tell her - but I want control of the operation - I have enough clearance and field experience for that." Clint said firmly. He knew when he was beaten, but they had another thing coming of they thought he would just sit back and watch this disaster play out without doing anything.

"You can't do the leg work _and_ run the show Barton." Jones said cautiously.

"Oh yeah? Try me. We've been doing all the shit ourselves in the avengers since day one. Keep up with program Jones - you might get left behind." Clint said mimicking the same tone the mission handler had used 2 minutes ago.

"You're mocking me."

"Just giving you some helpful advice." Clint said with shrug. He could practically feel the stare Jones was burning into the phone. After a few tense moments of silence Clint heard a reluctant sigh at the other end of the line. You win some you lose some - that was definitely a win.

"48 hours. Pick up the mission files and make your team. We need this done by Friday." He said grudgingly.

"Done."

"Don't make me regret this Barton." Jones warned.

"Always nice to do business with you Jones - later." And he hung up. He spun around and stalked out of his room - he had shit to do.

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories memories memories **

Clint walked into the Avengers common room after making a quick stop on the helicarrier to get the mission details. He needed to make a team...but maybe the one he already had would be interested before he went looking for annoyingly inefficient agents. Always nice to shake up the type of missions the Avengers do.

"You want us to do _what_?" Tony asked in disbelief. Clint shrugged.

"It's an espionage mission. Pretty straight forward. We infiltrate the party, bug the meeting that's going to take place upstairs and corner the messenger when he comes in to deliver whatever files SHIELD doesn't want in their hands." Clint explained. He kind of figured this wasn't their normal idea of a mission from the bewildered looks they were all giving him.

"Why would the Avengers need to do a mission like this? I thought this was SHIELD agent specialty or something?" Steve asked puzzled. Clint shifted hesitantly.

"This isn't an avenger's initiative - it's a regular SHIELD operation. If you don't want in that's fine." He said offhandedly. He got a lot of raised eyebrows in response. The avengers never turned down a challenge - their persistence is what makes them so damn well efficient.

"That is all well and good Clint - but if this is a mission does that not mean that Lady Natasha is still banned from accompanying us?" Thor asked curiously. Natasha nodded and crossed her arms.

"I was wondering the same thing. Why am I in this meeting if I'm still on probation?" Natasha asked slowly. Barton winced.

"Actually you're probation just ended this morning. This mission is only mandatory for you - _if_ you think you are medically well enough to take it." There, He said it - it physically pained him to do it, but he did. A part of him secretly wished she would say she's not ready to go back into the field so soon, but the rational side knows she would never turn this opportunity down. As she would say - she's a goddamn ex-Russian spy.

"Wow - it didn't take SHIELD long to come crawling back and beg me to go back into the field again." She said simply. They all snorted.

"Whether they actually need you to successfully accomplish this mission is debatable - the fact that you are the best agent they ever had is not." Clint said firmly.

"Wait a minute...who is running this mission anyway? Why are _you_ telling us this?" Bruce asked curiously. Busted.

"If you all are up for it, for all intents and purposes I am in charge of this operation. Basically I get to call the shots." Clint said with a mischievous grin. There was a collective groan that resonated around the room.

"We're doomed." Tony said banging his head against the side table. Natasha rolled her eyes at their dramatic reactions.

"Barton has led missions before - if you're going to be a chicken about it you don't have to come." She said casually.

"I'm not a chicken!" Three voices shouted in unison.

"Prove it." She said leveling each one of them with a challenging stare. They all glared back at her. She glared harder and eventually forced them all to look away reluctantly. It was good to be king.

"Fine! We're in - just don't get us killed." Tony mumbled unhappily. Clint nodded and then they all glanced at the only person not to have made a decision yet. Bruce awkwardly pushed his glasses up from the tip of his nose and coughed hesitantly.

"I think I'm going to sit this one out guys." He said tentatively.

"Why is that? You always go on missions with us doctor." Steve said in confusion.

"The espionage scene is not my forte. The other guy gets antsy in crowded places. Besides - my acting is terrible." He said feeling extremely uncomfortable being scrutinized by all their stares.

"No one said you had to be in the party to be on the team." Tony said as he pulled the mission file closer to him. There was something off about this mission - there always was. Intelligence agencies were _notorious_ for fearing intelligence. What were they trying to hide this time?

"That's true - someone has to be our base contact person." Clint said with a nod.

"You're going to put Thor into the field and the doctor on standby? Are you even listening to yourselves?" Natasha asked in disbelief.

"Yup. The doctor won't screw up any of our expensive equipment and the big guy has the prefect role for this mission." Clint said with an evil grin. Tony looked through some of the team notes and burst out laughing.

"What's Thor supposed to be?" Steve asked already dreading the answer. Tony nearly laughed himself to tears.

"H-He's going to be HER BODYGUARD! AHAHAHAHAHA!" Tony said as he started to turn red from all the laughter.

Thor and Natasha did not look amused. They both wore the exact same unimpressed expression.

"I don't need a bodyguard." Natasha said darkly. At the same time Thor said, "This role is too degrading for an Asgardian Prince!"

Barton looked at the two stubborn peas in a pod.

"An heiress to a multibillion dollar insurance company needs a bodyguard - deal with it. Missions require you to suspend all embarrassment and be willing to undertake any necessary actions for the success of the assignment - deal with it." He said seriously. Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"You're still sore about that one time you had to fake drag aren't you?" She said knowingly.

They all froze as they heard her comment ring in the silence that followed.

_Cricket...cricket...cricket..._

"Say one word and I will make two of you a gay couple in this party." Clint said threateningly.

They all wisely remained silent - but it was obvious they were laughing hysterically on the inside.

**Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass **

**Finally going on a mission! Wahooooo! Review if you liked this chapter! I haven't heard a peep from about 75 of you! XD A special cookie to those of you who caught my 100 days of Tony Stark madness references! :D **


	10. Chapter 10

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: I don't really like giving really long author notes…but there are a few things I need to clear up. I know a lot of you are asking why Clint hasn't told Natasha their married yet – and he has a really good reason. Trust me. She is going to find out really, really soon. Another note – I'm sorry if Clint and Natasha didn't spend a lot of time together in recent chapters – I was using her conversations with the other avengers to set up some plot lines and kind of let the clintasha moments slide for a bit. I apologize and will correct that immediately. Also Steve is not in love with Natasha and will never be in love with her. Neither was Clint flirting with Hill. Period. I don't like love triangles and there will be no love triangle in my story. There is just stubborn as a stick and stubborn as a metal rod! Sorry for the confusion! Clintasha forever! **

Tiny shout out to Sargerogue for being the only person to see all 3 100 days of tony stark madness references – without hints (sorry friends)!

**Chapter 10 **

Natasha stared at her hands at she suited up for the mission. This was going to be the first mission she would be undertaking since her accident. It didn't matter if it was a simple distract and acquire operation - her worth as an agent was banking on the success of this assignment.

"Hey I bet I could stuff more of those peanuts they give us on the plane in my pockets then you can!" She heard a familiar annoying voice say from outside her door. Her eye twitched.

"I accept your challenge Man of Iron! Where is this plane where we may find these peanuts?" Another voice boomed. Her eye twitched again.

She wasn't going to let a couple of idiots ruin her shot at getting back into the field just because they couldn't control their idiocy.

The door beside the two avengers slammed open to reveal a livid looking Russian agent. They gulped.

"Hello Natasha." Thor squeaked. Her glare intensified tenfold - if that was even possible.

"You will listen to me and you will listen to me carefully." She said dangerously. "If either of you does anything, _anything_ to jeopardize this mission I will tearyou limb from limb and then sew you back together so that I can do it again." She said darkly. Thor looked like he was ready to faint from fear and Stark was practically shaking in his boots.

"But we didn't do anything!" They both whined.

"I can feel your stupidity infecting the air as we speak." She said blankly. "One single toe out of line and I will come after you." She said threateningly before she turned away and stalked down the hall. Tony and Thor stood there side by side and stared after her in horror. She whipped her head around to give them one last icy glare. They cowered in fear like a pair of severely frightened puppies.

She sighed as she walked into the Common room - she didn't think her intensive warning would be enough to actually deter the hooligans. They were truly a lost cause.

She saw Clint pouring over a large pile of papers at a table and went over to see what he was doing.

"Seems like operating a mission is a lot of paperwork." She said quietly from behind him. He glanced up at her as he continued to read through his notes.

"Well...you're not wrong. There is a ton of logistics to go through to make sure everything runs smoothly like our transport, getting into the invite only party and by passing all the security features in the building so that I can map out how to bug the meeting room." H explained as he pulled out his laptop and scanned through some more documents. Natasha leaned against the table beside him and watched him work diligently and with an uncharacteristic focus. He was trying too hard.

"You are taking this mission very seriously for an agent who personally despises espionage operations. I've only ever known you to lead infiltration and capture missions. Messy and open gunfire is your style - not dancing around the enemy and deceit." She said questioningly. He shrugged.

"Maybe I fancied a change of scenery." He said noncommittally. She snorted.

"Or maybe you're trying to do someone a favour that they don't need." She said crossing her arms. He sighed - he really didn't want to go through this conversation again. A few dozen times in the past was more than enough.

"If you don't want to know don't ask Tasha." He said simply. She scowled at him.

"You're heading this mission because of me aren't you?"

"Are you asking or accusing?" He asked dryly.

"I don't know - maybe a little of both." She said cautiously. He sighed again and stopped typing to turn and give Natasha his full attention.

"Yes part of the reason I'm doing this mission is because of you - is it a crime to try and look out for your partner? But before you start ranting about how you can look after yourself _think_ about why you were specifically chosen for this mission. It's not a test - they want you in the field for a reason Tasha." He said turned the computer screen to face her. She looked closely at the profile he had linked to their mission file and froze.

"Our target messenger is one of the Russian handlers from the Red Room program Tasha. I just got the details an hour ago. You're the only person in SHIELD who has any experience encountering these people." He said carefully. She sat down on the seat beside him and stared at the picture of a hardened man who had the ruthless eyes of a killer. He held no remorse for his victim - he was a certified psychopath. She vaguely remembered seeing his face around the training compound she used to hone her skills back in her darker days. She shook her head and look up at her partner who was watching her patiently.

"They would never send me on a crucial mission like this right after my accident Barton. These people...you know they don't play around. They don't leave loose ends hanging." She said with a faraway look. He nodded and typed in a few lines before he brought up another screen with a list of agents. Deceased agents.

"I know Tasha. I was wrong. They're not sending you because you are their best agent. Their sending you because you are their last resort." He said gravely. The apprehension on her face only deepened as she scrolled through the list of agents who were formerly assigned to this mission.

"What are these documents Barton? Why are they so important?" She asked blankly. How do they expect her to succeed when so many agents have failed?

"SHIELD won't tell us because it's not crucial to the success of the mission - but we're working on figuring that out anyway." He said frankly. She continued to stare at the faces of her fellow agents. This wasn't normal mission Intel.

"How did you get these flies? SHIELD keeps their undercover agent lists under the highest security." She said suspiciously. He smiled guiltily.

"Stark is more usefully than you think." He said dryly. She rolled her eyes.

"Well at least he's good for something. Does this mean the entire team knows what their getting into?" She asked carefully. He shut the laptop screen and nodded.

"We're all in this together Tasha. Whatever this is." He said firmly. She leaned her chin against the table and sighed.

"It's times like these I wish I could remember the moments that bonded us to the point where you would go to the ends of the earth for each other." She said regretfully. He smiled weakly at her.

"Me too Tasha, me too."

"Medical said the longer I don't remember the more likely it becomes that I never will." She said quietly. He sighed and turned his chair towards her.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Even if you don't ever remember…we can always create new memories together. The past can stay in the past - it's not the end of the world." He said sincerely placing a comforting hand on her knee. She watched him warily but didn't move away – that was progress right?

"Sometimes you look at me like it's the end of the world." She said hesitantly. He stared at her intensely as a war of emotions raging behind his eyes. It was in this moment he wanted to tell her so badly what she really meant to him – what they meant to each other. But they were about to leave for an important mission and she needed to be focused one hundred percent on her target. No distractions. One wrong move could cost them her life – and that will always be his highest priority. No, he couldn't tell her today.

"And yet the world hasn't ended yet Tasha. We're all still here - fighting for every last breath."

**Memories memories memories memories** **memories memories memories**

The paparazzi were sitting behind the ropes waiting for some notable people to walk down the red carpet and into the Jade summer gala. They were hoping to see Brad Pitt or Angelina Joliebut instead they got an even bigger surprise. A pair of sleek white limousines pulled up to the mansion and they all curiously leaned forward to see who the late arrivals were.

They watched as a large handsome blond haired man came out of the front door and skillfully opened the back door for the actual guest. As they got their first peek of the beauty inside the limo they gasped. From the killer legs, to the drop dead gorgeous red dress to the stunning figure - no wonder it took them forever to actually get to her face.

But when they did they all sweat dropped. Her face was stony. So she was _that_ type of rich girl. She scanned the crowd and when she noticed everyone was holding their breaths waiting to see what she would do she flashed them a brilliant smile that completely transformed her face.

Honestly...they think some of the men swooned.

Some of the reporters frantically flipped through their guest lists to see who this unknown beauty was. She was totally stealing the show.

"Sylvia Cross heiress of Cross insured corporations." Someone said aloud as the rest of the reporters huddled around him. The all gave him a _give-us-what-we-really-want look_. He rolled his eyes. Vultures.

"She's worth 75 million dollars." He clarified. Suddenly they were all frantically pushing each other aside trying to capture a photo of the high profile figure. She gracefully accepted all the attention as she walked down the carpet with the blond man hovering around her protectively – literally guarding her body.

"Hey big guy! Lighten up on the guarding business – at this rate no one will approach her let alone our target." Clint buzzed into the team com link. Thor blushed and took a couple steps back from the fake heiress. When they finally got passed the mobs and entered the parlor she gave him the stink eye.

"There is a subtle way of being a bodyguard – guard without being seen." She whispered. They turned around and watched the rest of the avengers walk down the red carpet – poor Clint and Steve literally got pushed to the side as the paparazzi mobbed the only celebrity superhero in the world. Natasha rolled her eyes – once a narcissistic bastard always a narcissistic bastard.

"Yes it is _I_ – Tony Stark!" Tony shouted soaking up all the attention – like a leech. Steve and Clint painful crawled through the mob and collapsed in front of Natasha and Thor. Poor suckers.

"They're freaking monsters!" Clint whined.

"I can't breathe!" Steve gasped.

"Stark's vanity knows no bounds fellas." Bruce buzzed through their link.

"DO IT! DO IT DO IT!" The mob chanted. Tony smirked and raised his hand – he had his Iron Man glove on. Clint groaned.

"Does he know what the definition of undercover means?" Steve asked warily. Tony shot a beam out of his glove and the all watched – to their horror - as the light flash through the sky and erupted into a shower of sparks in the shape of Iron Man. The crowd cheered.

"Nope." They all replied in unison.

"This is why Stark is on standby for distraction – it's the only thing he's good at." Clint said dryly. No one argued with that. "Let's set up team." He said and they all dispersed in different directions.

"Steve – vents. Natasha locate target and Thor…don't break anything." Clint ordered quietly into his link. They all snickered across the communicator.

"I do not appreciate this implicating laughter my friends." Thor mumbled miserably. Natasha rolled her eyes and scanned the room for the only other Russian in attendance. She paused when she noticed the lurking figure in the corner of the hall - you could smell fishy from a mile away on that guy. He was practically vibrating with nervous energy.

"I see Rafael – Thor go get me a drink or something." She said giving Thor a _don't-you-dare-get-in-my-way_ look. He gulped and scurried away. She circled the room and caught Rafael's eye a few times – she gave him a flirtatious smile. He gave her a mildly interested look – she could work with that. She shut Natasha away deep inside her mind and let the black widow take over – it was time to set the trap for her prey.

"Steve how far are you with the vents?" Clint asked as he watched Natasha transform into the deadly agent he knew her to be. He was also watching all the hungry and appreciative looks the other men in the room were giving her. He clenched his jaw - he was going to hate every second of this.

"Um...I got the vent open and everything, but the pocket map isn't cooperating." Steve replied irritably trying make the device work. Why doesn't that button work when he pressed it?

"Capsicle...you got to hold _down_ the power button to turn the darn thing on." Tony suddenly chimed into their shared com link. Steve went bright red - thank god no one could see him. He turned the screen around and pressed the aforementioned button. _Ding_. He banged his against the floor of the vent – sometimes it was beyond embarrassing to be from a different time period.

"10 minutes until I'll reach the vent above the meeting room." Steve replied as he continued to crawl through the small shaft.

"Well we have 20 minutes until the meetings starts – Natasha you're on a time limit." Clint said as he leaned against the bar and scanned to room for any suspicious looking people – it was hard to decipher who was a serious threat and who was a just everyday criminal – they all had some form or dirt on them.

"I'm aware of that fact." She said quietly as she looked at her watch – it was 20 to 9 o'clock. Let's get this party started. She turned around and caught the target's eye once more. He held more than a little interest now. She walked over to him and leaned against the bar not too far away from where Clint was sitting as he sipped a cocktail. Natasha snorted internally. Barton _hates_ cocktails – she would bet her favourite pistol that hasn't change in the last 3 years.

"Why are you the only handsome man not dancing with some of the beautiful ladies in the room?" She asked curiously. She heard several scoffs and some sputtering in her ear but promptly ignored them of course. He gave a half-hearted shrug.

"No one has asked." His voice rumbled quietly. _That_ was not the answer she was expecting.

"I thought it was the man's responsibility to ask the lady to dance?" She asked airily.

"Maybe I'm not so old fashion as some of the other patrons of this beautiful ball." He replied dryly.

"I thought you said he was a womanizer Clint?" Bruce buzzed through the com link worriedly. Clint watched the conversation carry on between the two Russians carefully.

"SHIELD did…but obviously he's a perfect gentleman when he's about to go through an important business transaction." He said slowly.

"So what do we do?" Tony asked as he walked up to where Clint was sitting.

"We improvise."

"Maybe I'm asking." Natasha said shyly tilting her head to the side. He looked tempted but ultimately sighed.

"Sorry _Krasivaya _– not here for fun tonight. I have business to attend shortly." He said regretfully. She sighed prettily and perched her head on her arm.

"Maybe you'll change your mind. A quick dance is all I ask." She said giving him a small wink before she spun around and gracefully walked away. The longing on his face could be seen from a mile away. Clint swore - _what the hell was she doing_?

"Shit he turned her _down_." Tony said in shock. Even _he_ thought you had to be crazy to turn a woman like Red down - and they barely got along on the best of days.

"Did she just give up?" Bruce asked incredulously. They all watched her walked past Clint and Stark while giving them a pointed look.

"Ask me to dance." She said quietly into the communicator. They both gave her a confused look. She sat down next to Thor who had her drink ready in his hand. She sighed as she took a sip feigning boredom.

"Did she just say what I think she just did?" Tony asked beyond confused.

"Get your lazy ass over here Barton and help me make the target jealous." She whispered impatiently. He stumbled over himself as he rushed to get up. He fixed his suit and confidently walked over to the lonely looking Russian. He stood in front of her and cleared his throat. She raised an eyebrow at his show of gentlemanly manner. He gave her an impish grin.

"Would the lovely lady like a dance?" He asked formally offering her his hand. She laughed - he nearly stumbled over himself in shock. He hasn't heard her laugh so genuinely in a long time. Wasn't that a shame? Her laugh was musical.

"Why yes of course - that _would_ be lovely." She said taking his hand and allowing him to lead her on to the dance floor. He twirled her through the fast paced song and nearly missed a step when he caught the full blown effect of the blinding smile on her face. He smiled back like a fool - a happy fool.

"Did you forget how to dance Barton?" She asked teasingly. He blushed and promptly dropped her into a dip. She scowled lightly at the abrupt move.

"Not at all Tasha. Your eyes are just so deep I momentarily got lost in them." He said cheekily as he smoothly pulled her back into a standing position. She snorted - how unladylike.

"That's almost just as bad as your pathetic pickup lines." She said bluntly. He pouted as he twirled them across the dance floor.

"Oh Tasha your love is so strong it burns my soul." He continued dramatically pulling their hands to his chest. She wrinkles her nose.

"Are you being extra cheesy on purpose or is this your normal dancing conversation?" She asked warily. He wagged his eyebrows at her.

"Why don't you take a guess?" He said as he twirled her away from him.

"Normal conversation it is." She said dryly. He scowled and tugged her back towards him hard enough that she lost her balance and fell against him.

"Are you falling for me Natasha?" He asked with a smirk. She scowled at him and suddenly their roles were reversed and he found himself being led through the dance. In his confusion she managed to coax him into a dip himself.

"I could ask you the same thing." She said smirking above him. He rapidly turned a deep shade of red as heads starting turning in their direction - this was practically scandalous!

"This is so wrong - especially considering where we are." He whispered frantically. She shrugged and pulled him up and let him lead once more.

"Never was one to follow the crowd." She said simply. He rolled his eyes and pulled her close as a slower song came on.

"No you always did move to the beat of your own drum." He said giving her a meaningful look. She stared back at him with guarded eyes.

"11 minutes lover boy." Tony's voice suddenly broke the spell. He frowned - he had completely forgotten why they were dancing in the first place. _Shit_ he was getting soft. But the good news was that she seemed to be startled out of their little bubble as well - progress was progress no matter how small.

"Is he watching from the bar?" She asked quietly. He turned them slightly and looked over her shoulder. He scanned the bar - Rafael wasn't there.

"Shit he's gone - we're screwed." He said, angry at himself for getting carried away.

"No - he's right where we want him to be." She said staring over _his_ shoulder. He tensed at her words, but schooled his face right before he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and came face to face with Rafael, the target himself.

"May I cut in?" He asked politely but the heat in his eyes ruined the gentlemanly effects he was going for. Clint glowered on the inside but obediently handed Natasha over to the slimy Russian. Not that was anything really wrong with Russians - he was in love with one obviously. He just had a problem with _this_ Russian – and any other Russians who wanted to hit on their resident badass spy.

She turned to give him a fake apologetic look for Rafael's benefit.

"Sorry Hun - but you were just some eye candy to pass the time. No hard feelings?" She asked hopefully. For a second he wanted to lash out and say he did have some serious hard feelings about this injustice and the emotional rollercoaster he had been on since she woke up in the SHIELD medical room all those weeks ago. Instead he just nodded and walked away. He might jeopardize the mission if he said anything to the bastard or looked at him for too long.

"Bah! Eye candy my ass! You fully enjoyed that you vicious ice queen." Tony said accusingly across the com link. Obviously she couldn't respond – her left eye twitched though.

"Was that whole little show for me?" Rafael asked haughtily. She gave him a sly smile as she slid back into black widow mode. It was a bad move letting Natasha out at all in the first place. Now she would be comparing her two dancing partners the entire time.

"Whatever gave you that idea handsome?" She asked innocently. He pulled her flush against his body and smirked. His smirk made Clint's skin crawl in all the wrong ways.

"You young lady are a tease." He said completely ogling her assets. Clint's hand was itching to wipe that leer right off his face.

"Grip that glass any harder and it might just shatter legolas." Tony said sliding into the seat beside the archer. Clint glanced at his white knuckles and quickly eased his tight grasp – he didn't need a scratched up hand on top of the ulcer he is about to get from watching the sickening scene play out on the dance floor in front of them.

She laughed and lightly brushed her hand against the side of Rafael's chest. He tensed but continued to twirl her around the room.

"You have 7 minutes Natasha." Bruce said watching the clock in front of him.

"She's having a difficult time with the Russian – he gets jumpy every time she brushes past his inner pocket – it's definitely on him." Tony replied as they watched the dance between the two Russians become more provocative by the second. Clint was starting to see a little red at the corner of his vision – he really shouldn't have taken this mission – it was absolute torture.

"I'm in position above the meeting room – I'm setting up the mikes right now." Steve buzzed into the com link.

"Good – hold on standby while we wait for Natasha to make the switch." Clint said not taking his eyes off the dance floor for even a second. Tony rolled his eyes – whipped boy. He muted his com link and motioned Barton to do that same.

"I'll give you props - she doesn't look like she's having half as much of fun with him as she did with you. Not even she could fake that smile she gave you on the dance floor. You looked like you were going to burst with happy sparks back there." Tony said calmly taking a sip of his martini – he was taking this James Bond thing to a whole new level.

"Stark if Pepper suddenly woke one day and forget all about you what would you do?" Clint asked blankly. Tony actually considered his question for a moment instead of throwing out a halfass answer like he normally does – which means he actually cared enough to give Clint a real answer.

"I would stalk her until she either remembers me or do everything in my power to make her fall in love with me again." Tony said seriously. Clint considered his answer and nodded slowly.

"Natasha might be beyond remembering now." He said quietly. Tony winced.

"You never know – there's always a chance she might. I could even run a few experimental memory triggers when we get back home if you like." Tony offered.

"And if another couple months go by and nothing works?" Clint asked warily.

"I guess that's when you got to court her all over again Barton." He said simply.

"God knows it was like pulling teeth the first time. It might just kill me the second time around." Clint said dryly. Tony laughed.

"You're a certified masochist Clint – you couldn't be married to that insane woman otherwise." Tony said seriously. Clint scowled at him but didn't argue – he really _did_ feel like a masochist right now.

"Thank you for not telling her yet." Clint said quietly.

"Not my secret to tell – though I do not agree with it being a secret to being with." Tony said with a shrug. Clint shook his head.

"She's not ready to know yet."

"Will she ever be?" Tony asked warily.

"Guys…we have 2 minutes." Bruce buzzed through the link cautiously. Barton unmuted his communicator.

"Steve what's it look like in there?" Clint asked carefully.

"It's filling up really fast – we have minutes before they settle down and start the meeting." Steve replied. Clint clenched his jaw tighter.

"She can't find an opening, the guy is too cautious this close to the meeting time." Clint said frustrated by their window of action rapidly closing in front of them. If they don't act now all this planning would be for nothing.

"What do we do – do we wait?" Tony asked worriedly. Clint shook his head – his patience quota for the day was met. Fuck SHIELD espionage protocols – he was going to finish this mission with _his_ style.

"No this is freaking taking too long." Clint fumed as he watched the bastard drag his hands all over his damn wife. When his hand went below her lower back it was the last straw. He was going to explode if he didn't end this mission soon - as in _right now._

"Brace yourself Stark." He said slowly still not taking his eyes off the pair of Russians on the dance floor. Tony gave him a wary look.

"For what?" He asked cautiously. Clint finally tore his eyes away from the disgusting scene and grimaced.

"For this." He said simply.

And he socked the poor genius in the face.

"YOU'RE SUCH A DICK!" Clint shouted over all the chatter in the ballroom. Everyone quieted down suddenly to see the scene that was about to unfold in the center of the room.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Tony shouted holding his face clearly in pain.

"YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP DO YOU?" Clint continued to yell at the poor confused billionaire until a look of realization crossed his face.

"What can't take a joke you uptight wuss?" Tony said playing along.

"What are they _doing_?" Steve asked as he heard the commotion through their group link as he waited in the vents.

"Causing a distraction." Bruce said plainly.

"I'll show you who's a wuss!" Clint said angrily before he threw himself at Stark and knocked the self-proclaimed playboy to the ground.

"Is that guy pummeling Tony Stark?" A random guy asked in disbelief as they stood around and watched the brawl continue.

"It was bound to happen someday." Another man said with a shrug.

"Yeah – just never thought anyone would have the guts to do it."

"Throw Stark in the direction of Natasha and the target. Give her a window of attack while he's off balance." Bruce instructed as Tony rolled on the floor holding his nose as if it was broken – he didn't need a _real_ broken one. He glanced up at the huffing archer and winced – here we go again.

Clint gave Stark a quick apologetic look before he threw him into the crowded dance floor.

"Oh!" Natasha cried out as she skillfully fell against the target and he stumbled trying to support both their weight. _Bingo_. She swaps the matching envelopes in the confusion around them. People were shoving past them and trying to see the fight between the world renowned superhero and his unknown antagonist.

"Get her out of there Thor." Bruce said hurriedly. Natasha and Thor shared a look – they couldn't just leave the boys here for security to drag them off to jail.

"Hey you two! What the hell do you think you're doing causing a ruckus in a place like this?" Natasha shouted turning to the huffing and glaring pair of ruffled men. "Michael - please escort these hooligans off the premises." She said giving Thor a pointed look. He nodded and promptly picked up both men by the scruff of their suits and dragged them out the door. She glanced back at the shocked faces of the crowd and her target and blew him a kiss.

"Sorry handsome - maybe we can finish what we started another time." She said with a flirty smile before she gracefully floated out of the room behind her 'bodyguard'. She clutched her hand-purse that held the important documents tightly as they made their way through the back of the building. They reached a locked exit that Bruce promptly unlocked and allowed the team to successfully disappear from prying eyes.

When the door swung shut behind them they all sighed in relief and look at each other. Natasha's face suddenly darkened and she spun around to glare at Clint.

_SMACK! _

"OW! What the heck Tasha!" He cried out as he held his bruised cheek already wounded by a few well-placed punches by Tony. He may be weaker without his suit - but he obvious had enough bar fighting experience to take a hit and still manage to dish them out as well.

"WHAT KIND OF DUMBASS MOVE WAS _THAT_?" She shouted furiously.

"What do you mean? It gave you the opening you needed to do the swap!" He said incredulously. She growled at him.

"It was too reckless! The whole point was NOT to draw attention to each other!" She said angrily.

"It was taking too long!" He shot back.

"Barton your emotional response nearly compromised the mission!" She said curling her hands into tight fists. His mouth fell open in shock.

"What emotional response? That was a just a strategic decision that got the job done faster!" He said defensively.

"You're so full of shit Barton! You couldn't wait _one_ more minute could you?" She said harshly.

"You don't understand Natasha!"

"_Make_ me understand damn it!"

His stony silence only pissed her off even more.

"Who do you think you are Barton? We're specialized agents- you can't cushion me from the world! There are going to be sleaze-balls out there - as part of my work I have to deal with them!" she shouted. She watched as his eyes clouded over with pain - she wished beyond hope that she could figure out what exactly she said was the cause, but more importantly _why_.

"You're right. Who am I anymore?" He asked himself quietly. Nobody knew how to respond to that.

"Um...guys? Sorry to interrupt but the meeting is starting." Steve's apologetic voice buzzed in all their ears. A tense silence followed his words as Clint and Natasha continued to stare at each other fiercely.

There was crackling noise on Steve's end as a low murmur of voices started flowing through their communicators.

"Rafael welcome. Come in, sit down and tell us why the hell you are late." A deep voice boomed across the com link. The team held their breath as they listened for Rafael's reply.

"There was a slight commotion that held me back for a few minutes." Rafael said hesitantly.

"You mean you were with one of your bimbos and lost track of time yes?" A new voice said with a snort. Several snickers were heard following that comment. Clint clenched his jaw angrily.

"No – someone finally decided to pick a fight with Stark and then they proceeded to beat the shit out of each other in the ballroom downstairs." He said calmly. The entire team froze as they waited to hear what the room thought about Stark's appearance at the party. Natasha shot Clint an accusing look.

"He's always causing trouble – nothing new there. Let's get this meeting started." The deep voice said uninterestedly. They all sighed in relief.

"Thank you for low expectations." Clint said in relief. Tony gave him an offended look.

"Hey!"

"Do you have the papers Rafael?" The voice continued. They heard some shuffling and waited in nervous silence to see if they successfully fooled the content receiver with the fake duplicate SHIELD had given them.

"Yes – they're right here." Rafael replied as they heard papers being passed across the room.

They all held their breath for several heart beats.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. _

"You are sure this is the right location?" The voice asked carefully.

"Yes I personally made sure it was verified SHIELD papers." He said firmly.

"It's your lucky day Rafael – you're 1 million pounds richer. But you know what we do with liars right?" The voice asked ominously. There was silence in the room for a few seconds.

"Yes."

"Good. Let us continue with the meeting then."

The team practically collapsed with relief. The mission was an overall success. Now they just had to get out of here without getting caught.

"He's so dead." Tony said frankly. People like him don't have long life expectancies anyway.

"Yup." They all replied. No doubt about that.

"Steve?" Bruce said cautiously.

"Yeah I'm getting the hell out of here – see you all back at the rendezvous point." Steve said and they all heard him buzz out.

"Don't sit around too long you guys – I'll see you in all in an hour as well." Bruce said before he also disconnected from the group link.

Now there were 4 awkward avengers left standing alone in an alley.

"Hey Thor wanna go try some of those dumplings I was telling you about on the plane ride here? I think they have some of those down that street over there." Tony said breaking the awkward silence. Thor latched onto that free ticket out of here like it was water and he was a man dying from thirst.

"Yes Tony that is a brilliant suggestion – let us embark on this journey immediately." Thor said as he quickly turned around and promptly picked up the battered and bruised billionaire before he started stomping down the alley.

"Hey Tarzan I'm not your Jane! Put me down! I have legs I can walk!" Tony shouted defiantly as he struggled to get free Thor's death grip. He failed miserably.

"This is faster my friend – you are hurt. And you know my name is Thor not Tarzan. Besides Jane is still in New Mexico – she's not coming to visit until the end of the month." Thor said as he threw the complaining genius over his shoulder and started walking even faster. The two warring spies watched their fellow avengers practically flee from their presence. Scratch that – that was _definitely_ fleeing – without style.

"Does Thor realize what it looks like when a grown man is carrying another grown man over his shoulder into a restaurant?" Natasha asked in disbelief. Clint shook his as he watched the two idiots skirt around the corner.

"Nope. He probably has no clue." He replied. They were suddenly the only ones left in the alley. Nice going team – leave the two volatile agents alone together. Brilliant self-preservation skills.

"Let's not be those dramatic couples that storm off in opposite directions after a huge argument Tasha." Clint said earnestly. She watched him warily and crossed her arms.

"But I feel like storming off so we're at a disagreement right now too." She said plainly.

"The mission was an all-around success though Tasha!" Clint insisted.

"Yeah – but I still want to shoot you in the head." She said simply. He winced. Violent thoughts – not a good sign.

"You need an undead monkey – I heard they are perfect for that very purpose." Clint said dryly. She didn't laugh.

"Aww come on. Tasha you can't-" They both froze when they heard voices and several footsteps coming towards them from around the corner. They looked in the opposite direction – dead end.

"What do we do?" She hissed. He glanced around trying to see how they could hide or not get on these people's radar – they were right behind a high profile party for crying out loud. How is this _not_ suspicious?

"I don't know! Sylvia Cross just stormed out of a party with Tony Stark and a badass businessman in tow – what would she do?" Clint asked looking back at her. She scowled at him when a mischievous smile suddenly spread across his face.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" He asked wagging his eyebrows. Her scowl deepened.

"No I'm not!" She whispered heatedly.

"Got a better idea?" He asked as the footsteps drew closer. She huffed and looked away.

"Thought so. Just don't kill me." He said before he pushed her into the wall and slammed his lips down on hers just as a group of guards rounded the corner. He heard cat whistles somewhere in the distance but it was through a hazy euphoric feeling of finally kissing the only girl he never wanted to let go but at the same time the only girl he wanted to shake furiously for being so damn _stubborn_.

She was as stiff as a board for the few moments until she finally caved and melted into the kiss. She grabbed his hair and pulled him down closer to level out their height difference – he still had a few inches on her even with her killer heels. He's kissed her so many times in the past he's lost count – but he could tell when she was acting and when she was genuinely enjoying it. And right now Natasha was in the house and the black widow was nowhere in sight. He smiled against her lips – yeah he still got it.

"Hey isn't that the guy who socked Tony Stark 10 minutes ago?" One of the guards whispered. They all gaped at the couple seriously make out against the wall.

"Oh damn Charlie you're right! It's not fair. He got away with punching the annoying bastard _and_ got the hottest girl in the room! Why can't I have that kind of luck?" Another guard whined. One of the more modest guards punched the whiny guard in the shoulder and pushed the rest of his group past the entrance of the alleyway.

"Keep moving guys – there's nothing to see here you peeping toms!" He said with a shake of his head. The guards pouted but continued down the path. He turned around to see the whiny guard still pouting at the couple. He rolled his eyes and dragged the poor bastard down the street behind him.

Clint pulled back slowly and they both tried to catch their breath for a few seconds. He suddenly got an idea.

"Go on that date with me." He whispered.

"No." She said stubbornly. He groaned and banged his head against the wall beside her shoulder. Oh my god it really was like courting her all over again. He braced his arms on either side of her face and firmly pinned her to the wall with his body weight. She glared at him but didn't struggle – she was smart enough to know in a fight between sheer arm strength his archery enhanced limbs would always win.

"I won't let you go until you reconsider." He said flashing her a cheeky grin. She shot fire through her eyes – but he could take the heat.

"Threats are the worst way to win a lady's heart Barton." She said dryly. He snorted.

"You never considered yourself one of those candies and roses type ladies anyway." He said frankly. She rolled her eyes. Spies don't need strength to get out of a sticky situation – they just need leverage – and at this distance she has very good leverage. She jabbed him in the stomach, stepped on his toe and gracefully ducked out from underneath him as he fell forward in pain.

"That was a dirty move." He wheezed. She spun around with her dress flowing around her like a wave. She gave a quick bow.

"Intelligence over strength wins the war. See you at the rendezvous point Barton." She said simply before she stalked down the alley with a triumph smile on her face.

"You know you liked it!" He shouted after her. _Woosh_.

He found a knife embedded in the wall 2 centimeter from his ear. Ah womanly affection had so many forms.

**Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass **

**Was I the only one who giggled at the last scene? hehe ^.^ I hope that was a nice change for clintasha fans! There are 133 people following this fic – let me know what you think please! Just drop me a hello :D I gave you clintasha goodness! ^.^ 7,000 WORDS PEOPLE! School is starting tomorrow so I thought I would leave you guys with something really long and sweet :D I don't know if I'll survive grade 12…O.O**

**Food for thought – this mission isn't random – there's a point to all this secrecy. Anyone know what the papers were all about? Any guesses? **

**1 **_**Krasivaya**_** – Russian for beautiful **


	11. Chapter 11

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: I didn't not forget about you guys! School has been crazy people! CRAZY! Final year of high school! But I won't abandon this awesome story! We still don't know so much about this big mystery I'm orchestrating :D Even I don't know how it's going to play out! (Well obviously I have an idea…LOL) but here is the brand new chapter! Please excuse the little angsty suspense at the beginning! What is a story without a little suspense huh? ;)**

**Chapter 11 **

**RECAP:** The Avengers have just successfully finished their first mission with Natasha since her accident 3 weeks ago that caused her to lose the last 3 years of her memories. They split up as per protocol to meet up at a rendezvous point 30 minutes after the end of their mission. Natasha and Clint were the last to leave the mission site after having a cheesy, fluffy, gag worthy moment against a wall – with a guard audience to boot. He asked her out, she said no once again – blah blah blah.

_"Intelligence over strength wins the war. See you at the rendezvous point Barton." She said simply before she stalked down the alley with a triumph smile on her face._

_"You know you liked it!" He shouted after her. __Woosh__._

_He found a knife embedded in the wall 2 centimeter from his ear. Ah womanly affection had so many forms._

**Memories memories memories memories **

_45 minutes later. _

4 Avengers stood around the designated rendezvous point nervously looking at anything except Clint Barton. He was intently staring at the entrance of the warehouse with his arms crossed across his chest and an intense look on his face.

She was late.

Natasha was _never_ late.

Clint continued to stand there like a statue while Steve and Bruce shared a worried look over his shoulder. '_What do we do?'_ Steve mouthed to Bruce silently. Bruce shook his head. _'I don't know,_' he mouthed back. Steve worriedly glanced at the stony archer. Bruce gestured towards the closed door with a wary look on his face. Steve tapped his watch and Bruce sighed. Tony and Thor watched this silent tennis ball match-like conversation go back and forth for several minutes.

"Stop making constipated faces at each other you two –you're worse than the gossiping junior agents in the SHIELD cafeteria," Clint said frankly not taking his eyes off the doorway in front of them for a second. Steve and Bruce simultaneously went bright red. Steve was the first to recover from Clint's dry barb.

"Clint, you know we're all worr-" he started to say but Clint cut him off.

"I'm not worried – she'll come," Clint said simply. Steve didn't look so convinced and neither did the rest of the team.

"It's been 15 minutes after our scheduled rendezvous time Clint," Bruce said slowly. Clint tensed – he knew that – he was listening to his watch tick by each second Natasha didn't appear in front of them with a deadly look on her face that dared them to question her tardiness. He could yell at her later for scaring the shit out of them – right now he was just getting a teensy bit frustrated that she was taking so long. Or so he kept telling himself.

"No one gives a shit about protocol here Clint – but SHIELD will want an update within the next 90 minutes. They are stick up their ass strict about stuff like that," Tony said pointing out the obviously time limit they suddenly found themselves working with. The one thing he didn't mention was the fact that the success of the mission was banking on the retrieval of that coded location.

The document with the code which was currently sitting in a dainty little purse belonging to an heiress of an insurance company that didn't actually exist. The purse with the document that was in the hands of their reliable Russian spy - yet who somehow was the same Avenger that managed to go missing in less than 60 minutes.

"I know what the protocol dictates Stark. I was a SHIELD agent before you even had your stint in Afghanistan and turned from simply an immature man to super immature man," Clint said blankly. The Avengers shared a wary look – he was doing that emotionless spy thing again. Bad sign. Tony tried to get through to the archer once more.

"Do you think they caug-"

"No – she would have alerted us through the com link if she was captured. At that point it wouldn't matter if she gave us away. She's not messaging us on purpose," Clint said finally tearing his eyes away from the warehouse door and glancing down at his communicator. It wasn't blinking – there were no emergency messages waiting for them.

"But that could be even worse," Bruce said cautiously. Everyone except Clint gave Bruce a confused look. Clint simply stared at the timid Doctor who sent him a knowing look – Bruce seemed to have done his espionage mission homework.

"She's either being followed by the enemy or someone who is equally dangerous," Bruce said giving Clint a look that dared him to refute the possibility.

He didn't say a word.

The silence was deafening.

"We need to find her," Clint finally said with a fleeting sense of anxiousness leaking into his voice– there was suddenly a crack in his emotionless mask.

Natasha was in trouble.

Someone was going to get an arrow stuck right in their eye. Potentially many someones.

"Well that's a brilliant idea– expect how the hell are we going to find a person who specializes in not being found?" Tony asked sarcastically. Clint glared at him.

"I'm not the genius here. What don't have an answer to every question Stark?" Clint asked spitefully. Tony narrowed his eyes at the icy archer. If he wanted to pick a fight…

"Whoa! Where is this coming from? We have bigger things to worry about then petty team backbiting alright?" Steve said breaking up the intense glaring match going on between the two usually chummy teammates. Wow, stress really _does_ bring out the nasty in people. Clint sighed and let his anger deflate – it wasn't Stark's fault everything was going to shit. Not this time at least. Tony just huffed and turned away from the entire team.

"Um…this may not be exactly what Lady Hill said, but isn't there a tracking technical charm or something like that on the communicators? Can you not…um…what is the word? Hack said device Tony?" Thor asked hesitantly. Everyone stared at him in disbelief.

_Thor_ was the voice of reason. Who would've thought?

"Stark-" Steve started to say but Tony was already crouching down onto the floor and emptying his pockets.

"I'm on it," Tony said as he took out his phone and started tinkering with his own communicator.

"How long will it take?" Clint asked warily. Tony shrugged as he connected his phone to the communicator with a couple of wires he had stashed in his pocket - thank god for crazy technological geniuses who carry random gadgets and tools with them wherever they go.

"Give us an estimate," Clint urged. Tony stared at his little phone screen critically and sighed.

"At least 15 minutes. 20 tops. There is a lot of interference in this high profile area," he replied apologetically. Clint swore under his breath. Steve watched the tension in the room rise to unhealthy levels. What was a technologically disabled Captain to do? Find an alternative route that requires old school style of course.

"We should just start looking for her on foot while Stark tries to electronically lock onto her signal. Thor can stay here with Stark and the rest of us can split up," Steve said effectively easing the tension for the moment. Clint nodded and starting walking towards the door at an extremely fast pace.

"Message me if you find anything!" he shouted over his shoulder as he quickly slipped out the door. He started sprinting down the hall the minute he turned the corner.

Every second counted.

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories **

_40 minutes ago._

"What the hell is he playing at?" Natasha muttered to herself as she stalked down another deserted alleyway solely focused on getting as far away from her annoyingly confusing partner as possible. She clenched her fists as the kiss flashed through her mind. She didn't care that they kissed to get the guards off their back – it was a good move on Barton's part. She was pissed because of how much control she really lost during the kiss at all. And if that wasn't bad enough she was absolutely furious at herself for allowing the black widow to fade into the background while Natasha thoroughly enjoyed that kiss.

"That was _not_ supposed to happen," she growled at herself. She was finding cracks in the carefully construction mask that took her years to perfect. She was starting to see the differences in her own mannerisms and how she reacted more openly to things than she remembered. Something was off – something was missing. She could sense that fleeting feeling of recognition at the edge of her conscious mind but once again it slipped away before she could get a good grasp on the complete thought. She's only ever left with pieces – swirling colours and familiar faces. Never anything concrete or for certain though. She growled and punched the wall beside her in frustration.

"Damn it! Stupid messed up memories! Stupid archers who only know how to confuse the shit out of people! Stupid team that cares too fucking much! What type of mindfuck _is_ this?" she screamed as she fell to her knees with her forehead leaning against the wall. She stared at her bruised knuckles vacantly. Why was this all so hard? She was unmade once before – she never had such a hard time recovering from that cycle of memory wiping. Why was it so different this time?

"Sounds like someone is having a little mental breakdown," an amused voice said a couple feet to her left. She froze and quickly spun around to face the new presence in the alleyway. She was getting sloppy – she didn't even hear him walk into the passageway.

A tall relatively well built blond man stepped out of the shadows – she would have classified him as handsome if it wasn't for the maniacal glean in his eyes. He had crazy written all over him. Street thugs were simply annoying.

"What do you want Blondie?" she asked swiftly locking her emotions away to deal with at a later time. The thing about mental breakdowns though was that once they started you can't actually stop freaking out on the inside - you're just ignoring it for the moment.

"Hello Miss Sylvia Cross or should I say Natasha Romanoff. Unusual place to be so late at night don't you think?" the man asked leaning against the wall beside her. She narrowed her eyes. So he wasn't an average street thug after all.

"Who _are_ you?" she asked as numerous red flags immediately shot up in several parts of her brain. The edge of his mouth quirked ever so slightly.

"No one of importance. But _you_ on the other hand are of a lot of importance in our world right now," he said with a shrug. She had to resist the incredible urge to roll her eyes.

"You mean in the disturbing world of disturbing people who do disturbing things in their spare time?" she asked dryly. He gave her a warning look that she promptly ignored.

"You have something of importance in your purse Natasha. And we'd like it back," he said slowly pushing himself off the wall. She held her ground as he walked right up to her and stared her down.

"What are you going to do – try and steal it from me?" she asked staring back at him with and icy gaze. He shrugged.

"You've probably heard the phrase called 'there's the easy way or the hard way'. I don't like being predictable. So let's just say there's only _my_ way tonight. And that this is the last late night walk you're ever going to take," he said menacingly. Natasha didn't even blink. They were all the same. Too confident, too proud and too stupid to see that she had them in the palm of her hand from the moment they started talking.

"I'm not afraid of people like you," she said firmly standing her ground. He brought his face so close to hers she could practically taste the liquor on his breath.

"Why are your hands shaking ever so slightly then?" he whispered.

She promptly socked him in the face.

"You talk too much," she said simply before she flew down the alley and sprinted across a deserted street. She stared down at her hands as she ran as fast as she could. He was right though – she was shaking. Shit.

"No time to breakdown. No time to break down," she muttered to herself and she tried door after door – they were all locked. She continued down another street of winding alleyways and immediately heard several footsteps in the distance closing in on her. So the head honcho's back up thugs were here. Joy.

She looked around the empty neighbourhood and noticed the park across the street. Well if you're going to have some guerrilla warfare it might as well being in some trees. She ran through the small tokenistic forest and ripped her small purse open to reveal a small plastic bag with a few sheets of paper inside. She looked at the bag and glanced back at the thundering sound of footsteps hot on her trail.

"Oh for god's sake," she muttered staring at stupid sheets of paper that were apparently worth millions. She had 10 seconds to make a decision.

"You made a bad move little devotshka. People who dare touch the handler experience the worst type of death _imaginable_," a rough voice called out 10 feet to her left. She leaned heavily against the tree and held her breath. She knew what she was going to do.

The obviously hired guns carefully walked deeper and deeper into the woods searching for their redheaded target. Their only orders were to retrieve the purse in her possession – how they obtained the accessory from its owner was up to them to decide.

"You were brave enough to get on the radar of some very powerful people little girl. Now why are you hiding from your retribution?" the deep voice continued to taunt her but it wasn't the right moment to act yet. She held back for a couple more moments.

"When we find you we are going to have so much fun Krasivaya. You are going to scream like so many little girls have screamed before you. We're going to make you beg for death – and the moment when you finally crack is when we're going to end your pathetic life," he continued to speak quietly but his voice carried out through the silent forest. When the crazies come to town even the animals run as far away from them as possible.

"Why so silent oh fiery one?" he asked aloud standing merely 2 feet from her hidden position. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for what she was about to do next.

"You know we're just goi-" his words got lodged in his throat as and large branch came out of nowhere and knocked the breath out of his lungs. He fell to the ground clutching his stomach in pain as the tall figure of their target gracefully appeared around the large tree with fire in her eyes.

"You all talk too much," she said darkly.

The next thing they knew another 2 thugs hit the floor with their own bandanas choking them into unconsciousness. She fell to the floor when a rain of bullets flew over her head and rolled to the side as one of the closer men lunged for her. She kicked him the face with her killer heels and hastily kicked them off altogether. She quickly jumped up and dived towards the side before she started sprinting towards the edge of the forest.

"She's getting away!" one of them shouted. She ducked as another round of bullets flew over her head.

"No she isn't!" another man hollered as he took chase. She sprinted through the trees with the dark haired assassin hot on her trail. She ducked under a low branch and cut left. For a second she thought she had lost her tail when suddenly he dived through a random bush and knocked her to the ground. They tumbled down a unexpected hill and she wrestled to get out of his grasp. He smiled creepily at her.

"You're a pretty spy aren't you?" he said holding her to the ground as they both heard the rest of his team shout in the distance. She snorted – typically shallow.

"Always so focused on the face and upper body portions that men like you always forget about a spy's best friend," she said with a roll of her eyes. He looked confused for a moment until she swiftly kneed him in the groin and ripped her hand out of his grasp. She shoved him off of her and accidently dropped her purse when he yanked her back by grabbing onto her foot. She crashed to the floor and he lunged for the purse that fell a few feet away from them. He spun around and pointed his gun at her head with a smirk on his face as soon as she managed to quickly push herself to her feet. She raised an eyebrow and glanced down. He followed her gaze and saw that she had two guns, one trained on his family jewels and the other pointed at his heart.

"How about you take the purse and I get out of here and we'll call it a day?" she asked tilting her head to the side. He shook his head carefully watching the two guns in her hands.

"Can't do that Red. Dead or alive wasn't in the message – it was just recovery at all costs. And you're too much of a loose cannon to let go," he said unapologetically. She knew these assassin types – they were simply programmed to feel no remorse. A long time ago she was exactly where he was standing today. But there was something in his eyes that made her pause – he wasn't completely brainless – she could see the rapid speed of his mind working to figure out the fastest way to get in control of the situation. He was too young to be in this type of work.

"What's your name kid?" she asked suddenly. He looked momentarily startled at the unexpected question but ultimately narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"Names don't matter here," he said avoiding her question.

"Sure they do. If one of us is going to die today at least you could do the courtesy of telling me your name," she said simply. He watched her stand there with only open curiosity on her face.

"You're like me," he said with sudden realization. She didn't react outwardly – but inside she smiled. He was different. She shook her head.

"No kid. I _was_ like you. I'm free now," she said trying to get him to see the difference between where he was right now and where he could be tomorrow. He tensed.

"There's no turning back after you're in the game," he said emotionlessly – like he's repeated that same phrase for years and it was engraved in his skull.

"Did Ivan tell you that?" She asked quietly. He froze and the colour literally drained from his face.

"Have you ever wondered if everything you've ever known was a lie? That the world you knew was constructed for you to see it in a specific way and that all the horrors you've seen could be prevented?" she continued quietly. She watched patiently as the realization suddenly clicked in his head and her words finally seemed to reach him.

"But no one has ever left the program and survived," he whispered. She froze.

"Do you even know who I am?" She asked in confusion. He shook his head and stared at her in disbelief. She looked him straight in the eye and hoped that he could see the truth that she could not prove through words.

"My name is Natasha Romanoff and no matter how fucked up my life is right now – I _survived_," she said firmly. He remained silent after that and refused to respond. She was running out of time – if he wasn't going to make a choice she had to get out of here _now_.

"If I lower my guns and walk away will you shoot me in the back regardless of what I just told you?" she asked seriously. He looked so lost – a small boy trying to fight to survive in such a big bad world. His face suddenly went blank – he had made a decision.

"My instructions were to retrieve this bag. I won't kill you today, but I can't speak for the others," he said lowering his gun and looking away from her. He was conflicted – but she could tell there was something of the little innocent boy left in there.

"Thank you," she said instead of all the things she wish she had time to explain to him but didn't.

Sometimes you can't save everyone.

She turned around and sprinted through the trees and down the hill that led to the edge of the park. She didn't run as fast as she could because she was hoping for one word that would indicate that she was even partially successful.

"PAVEL!" he shouted after her retreating figure. She smiled and kept running.

_2 minutes later. _

She groaned as bullets continued to fly over her head. You try and do one messed up kid a favour and the next thing you know his friends have caught up with you and were now playing target practice – with you as the prized birdy. How wonderful. She sighed and suddenly stopped running. The fence dividing the park at the road beyond it was only 10 feet away from her. She turned around and came face to face with over 20 guns and even one machine gun.

"Giving up already?" one of the large thugs called out. She rolled her eyes.

"You all think you're so smart – you've managed to corner one small redhead and now you think you can have your way with her," she said with a laugh. They all looked at her in confusion – was she crazy or something?

"I believe you are confused little girl…this is the part where you're supposed to beg for your life," the large thug continued slowly. She shrugged.

"You see, I learned something from an annoying genius the other day. You don't need to do everything by the book – it's a waste of time and energy," she said taking out a grenade that was strapped to her thigh and unhooking the pin from the top with a quiet _pop_.

Everyone froze as they watched her raise the active grenade above her head and whip it at them.

They all sprinted in opposite directions.

Natasha ran the last few meters between her and the fence and quickly threw herself over the metal barrier before she heard the large explosion behind her.

BOOM!

She fell to the ground and covered her head as dirt and branches rained down around her. When it was relatively safe to look up she pushed herself off the ground and kept running. A few sparks and flying dirt wasn't going to stop these bastards. She reached a riverbank and ran down the edge of the water and saw a large bridge 20 meters in front of her. She heard a familiar horn in the distance and she got an idea.

She ran the distance between her at the bridge within 30 seconds and glanced back long enough to see the little army of hired guns still on her trail – except now Blondie was back and sporting a nice black eye.

"How's your face feeling? Not so handsome anymore eh?" she called out as she quickly climbed the stairs leading up to the top of the bridge. The mob continued to run down the riverbank as she glanced at the ladder in front of her. What the heck? She climbed that too.

"You're just driving yourself into a corner Natasha!" Blondie shouted as the mob drew closer. She reached the top of the ladder and carefully walked across the bar that connected the two towers that held the bridge together.

DING! DING! DING!

She smiled slowly.

A train was suddenly approaching the bridge at rapid speed.

Blondie slapped one of the thugs beside him across the face angrily.

"You'll never make it!" he shouted as a last resort. She flipped him off and took deep breath before she jumped onto the moving train. She skidded across the metal ceiling and would have almost fallen off the side of the train if she didn't grab onto the edge in time. She hoisted herself up onto the top of the car and collapsed in exhaustion. That was an _exhausting_ post-mission chase.

"You can run as far as you like little devotshka – but one day someone is going to find you and there will be nowhere for you to hide!" the furious blond shouted after her as she laid on top of the speeding train and stared up at the dull sky above her head. She held up a middle finger that he could barely make out.

"That's the day you're going to be shot in the face you little bastard," She huffed trying to catch her breath after all that running. She glanced down at her watch. That fiasco took nearly an hour.

"Shit the evil bastard made me late," she muttered irritably. She wouldn't be surprised if they completely ignored missing agent protocol and were out searching for her. Idiots.

She sighed and let her head bang against the metal ceiling of the train car she was lying on top of. She felt a dull ache build at the back of her head and black spots flicker across her vision. She looked down at her hands and the goose bumps that were appearing along the length of her arms. She was shutting down for some reason. She needed to get off this train and she needed to find a safe place _now_.

"Why do these things always happen at exactly the same fucking moment?" She asked as her vision blurred in her left eye. She saw bursts of laughing faces flash across her mind. She heard murmurs of an unintelligible soothing voice and the feeling of safety flooding her body. But she knew it was all in her head because she was on a moving train, in the middle of nowhere and if she didn't get off now she was going to be in even _more_ trouble if she passed out and ended up 100 miles away from her team. Then SHIELD would really kick her out of the Avengers initiative. And regardless of how annoying and utter infuriating her teammates were – she kind of liked it here. She was so freaking messed up.

She dragged herself to the edge of the speeding train and barely made out a lower bridge they were about to cross 20 meters in front of her current position. She felt another stab of pain in her head but pushed the ache to side for a moment as she tried to focus as much attention as possible on what she was about to attempt to do.

"This so much harder with only one working eye," she muttered to herself as she prepared to launch herself off a train moving 70 miles per hour into a small 10 meter wide steam. _How does Fury do it? _Shewondered offhandedly.

"Well here goes everything I stand for," she said as she hurled herself over the edge and dived into the cold water 15 feet below her.

The rumbling sound of the train carried off into the distance and the water splashed on impact from her dive. For several moments there was no movement at the surface of the stream. Ten seconds later a drenched redhead emerged from the shallow water with a gasp. She coughed up some disgusting city water and swam towards the edge of the stream.

"Well hallelujah I'm still alive," she mumbled as she half-heartedly dragged herself out of the water and collapsed onto the relatively dry grass. She looked up at the dull sky and realized it was dull for a reason. The next thing she knew the clouds broke apart and rain started pouring from the heavens and drenched everything in sight within seconds. She sighed.

"I will not say it can't get worse than this," she said firmly. Because she knew it can.

_Rip_!

She looked down at her torn muddy red dress and sighed.

"Well that was pretty stupid," she said blankly. The sharp pain at the back of her head was back and another few flickers of faces flashes across her mind. She got bits and pieces of the Avengers doing likely stupid things together but the scenery was moving too fast for her to recognize anything. She thinks she saw the hulk in there somewhere and Stark's horror stricken face appeared a lot as well. They were like a freaking dysfunctional family or something! The only real clear thing she could make out every single time was Clint's bright smiling face. He looked _unbelievably_ happy.

He did _not_ look that happy over the last couple of weeks.

She has _never_ seen him that happy before either.

What happened between _her_ last memory and the moment she woke up from her accident?

"Ugh! This is even worse than not having any memories at all!" she shouted up at the grey pouring sky. She looked into the distance and noticed a tall figure sprinting down the dirt road. Who would be out jogging in weather like this? She pushed herself into a sitting position and stood up to get a better look at who the stranger was.

As the crazy jogger got closer she stared at the familiar figure in disbelief. Clint Barton was sprinting down the beaten road 30 meters away from her in a torn and completely ruined extremely expensive tuxedo with a determined look on his face. He must have run for _miles_. They weren't even in the city anymore! How the hell did he get here so fast?

And more importantly how did he find _her_?

He nearly tripped over himself when he saw the drenched redheaded figure standing in the rain beside a rusty little bridge– she was even more beautiful now than at the gala because _this_ was Natasha - not the black widow. The one thought that was formerly running through his head for the past 20 minutes finally came to swift halt – almost.

"You're late," was the first thing that came out of his runaway mouth. She rolled her eyes as a look of horror crossed his face – she could tell he did _not_ mean to say that.

"That's the first thing you say to me?" she asked dryly. He sputtered trying to fix his slip up.

"No – well yes- but – can I please just freaking give you a hug first?" he asked desperately trying to organized his chaotic thoughts. The only thing he could really comprehend at the moment was that she safe – soaked to the bone – but safe. She gave him a wary look but instead of promptly turning him down she shrugged.

"Okay…" she said slowly. His mouth literally hit the floor.

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"What, what?" she asked in confusion.

"Did you just say you'll give me a hug?"

"Um…yes?" she said cautiously. Wasn't he the one who said he wanted a hug?

"But-But _why_?" he asked still not believing his ears. This was madness! She rolled her eyes.

"I don't know."

"I don't believe this!"

"I can take my hug back…"she said slowly.

"NO I WANT THIS FREELY GIVEN HUG!" he shouted nearly slipping on the muddy ground and falling on his face. He promptly pulled her drenched figure into a tight embrace completely oblivious to the fact that the mud on her dress has officially ruined his tuxedo beyond repair. There was no hope of salvation for this tux.

"You scare the shit out of my every single day Tasha," he mumbled into her hair.

"This was only the first mission we had since my accident," she said her voice muffled by the rain falling around them. He snorted.

"We live with 4 other idiots. I'm always scared for your health," he said firmly. She rolled her eyes.

"Whose idea was the massive cheesecake eating contest huh?" she asked dryly. He pulled back from his bone crushing hug and scowled at her.

"Hey someone laughed until tears came to her eyes when Stark and Thor both ran to the washroom at the same- wait, WHAT DID YOU SAY?" he shouted in shock. She shrugged.

"Cheesecake?" she said warily. He mouth fell open as the realization of her statement dawned on him.

"No way?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yeah – bits and pieces," she said cautiously. He looked _ecstatic_.

"Everything?" he asked sounding way too happy about that. She shook her head slightly. His face fell – but only by a fraction.

"Nothing major like conversations – but I'm starting to remember stupid things like that and all their faces," she said slowly. The look of pure hope in his eyes was freaking her out a little bit.

"Are you serious?" he asked once again.

"Stop acting like I'm telling you I'm pregnant Barton," she said dryly. His head nearly exploded at that barb.

"Hey! This is a celebratory moment woman!" he exclaimed. She gave him a look…a long, long look.

"It's just memories Barton – not the Noble peace prize," she said dryly. He scoffed.

"Whatever! Nothing can ruin- _oh shit,_" he said looking down at her hands with a slight frown on his face. She glanced down as well and stared at her empty hands – right. Mission. Documents. Angry Fury barking.

"They took the documents didn't they?" he groaned leaning his head against her shoulder. A slight twitch of her lips gave her away. He glanced at her curiously.

"No – not exactly," she said patting her hip that had a barely noticeable bump on it. He stared at her perfectly sculptured thighs for a second before he burst out laughing. She gave him a measured look.

"You strapped it to your leg or something?" he asked with a shake of his head. Her perfect mission record was still unblemished - how does she do it?

"No, I utilized the assets that I had on hand," She said plainly waiting for the inevitable response from the squeamish archer.

He suddenly stopped laughing.

"Wait so you _don't_ have any hidden pockets under there?" he asked slowly. She mysteriously remained silent and simply smirked at him. He groaned.

"Don't tell Stark where the documents were - he may do unmentionable things with that piece of paper," Clint said with a grimace. She snorted and slid a round into her gun with a resounding _click_.

"Let him try something. The masochist knows what's coming for him if he does," she said frankly.

"You might want to get a new gun – you're gun powder is probably wet and useless at the moment," he pointed out dryly. She scowled at him.

"I can still use it as a clu-ACHOOO!" she interrupted herself with a large sneeze. He chuckled.

"Okay time to get out of this rain before you catch a real cold," he said dragging her back down the road he came. She watched him whistle some stupid American song completely content with been soaked to the bone.

Sometimes Barton made it really hard to remain uncompromised. He looked back at her and grinned.

"When we get back to the tower I'm going to show you my awesome hot chocolate making skills!" he said with a weirdly familiar content smile on his face. It was so bright it was blinding! And yet she couldn't stop herself from smiling back a little.

Scratch that. He _always_ made it extremely difficult to stay uncompromised.

Especially when with each passing day she started to care less and less about SHIELD's stupid rules.

**Memories memories memories memories memories **

**Look! Look! I'm so nice! I wrote until I found a satisfactory happy intersession in the story! Because I don't want you all to cry as you wait for my next far away update! But I warn you now – I may not be so kind next time – so don't kill me! **

**RANDOM A/N: ****Have you ever tried grocery shopping with your mom while writing epic fanfiction on your iphone? It's a mess. I nearly rammed our cart into a little old lady. And yes…yes I did write part of this in the food aisle with the Cheetos. So sue me XD **


	12. Chapter 12

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**Chapter 12 **

"ACHOO!" Natasha sneezed for the 4th time in the last minute. She was sitting in an uncomfortable SHIELD debriefing room chair wrapped in a mountain of shock blankets – because apparently SHIELD doesn't have any _normal_ blankets on hand at the moment.

"That's what you get for standing in the rain for so long!" Tony said with a dramatic eye roll. Natasha's deadly glare that normally had Stark running for the hills was currently ineffective at the moment. Especially considering the fact that her nose was a stuffy red mess and her head was the only visible part of her tiny body in the mountain of blankets.

"Shut up! I got the damn papers what do you have?" Natasha said followed by another sneeze. ACHOO!

"The brains and the right technology to decode it," Tony said simply. The pitiful glare was back.

Silence.

"What happened to hot chocolate?" Natasha asked turning towards Clint. Sometimes it was just better to completely ignore the annoying narcissistic bastard. She would get a constant migraine otherwise.

"Hot chocolate has been delayed because of a nasty booger," Clint said grumpily. She raised an eyebrow in question and glanced around.

"He really doesn't like Jones," Bruce explained.

"In all honesty no one does," Tony added with a shrug.

"Who's Jones?" Natasha asked in confusion.

Everyone froze. Oh shit. She still doesn't know that Jones was their new mission handler ever since the Loki incident. They all gulped.

"Jones…Jones is this annoying agent at SHIELD…" Tony started slowly.

"…that no one likes…" Steve added.

"…he has bastardly tendencies…" Bruce threw in there for the hell of it.

"…he is the butt of a lot of bad jokes…" Clint said dryly.

"…he haunts the corridors of the helicarrier at all hours…" Tony chimed in.

"…and he has this odd tendency of appearing out of nowhere at very inopportune moments," Thor finished for them.

"Frankly none of those things tell me anything useful. Other then the fact that I think he is standing right behind you," Natasha said warily. They all froze and spun around to see the unimpressed expression of their lovely mission handler.

"Hello Avengers – it was a lovely week on the helicarrier – until now. You're all here to ruin my day I swear," agent Jones said shaking his head as he walked into the room.

"Hey our mission was a success thank you very much Mr. Grumpy pants!" Tony exclaimed indignantly. Jones froze in his motions of taking out his mission reports.

"What did you just say?" he asked in shock. All the avengers stared at the frozen agent in wary confusion.

"Um…that we beat the villains at their own game and stole these documents back?" Tony said holding up the small plastic wrapped pages. Jones nearly dropped his own papers in surprise.

"Are you serious?" he asked still sounding much more stunned then he ought to be.

"Why do you sound so surprised Jones…?" Clint asked suspiciously. The handler suddenly snapped out of his momentary stupor and was back to professional agent within seconds.

"No reason. Just give me _one_ second…" he said hesitantly as he spun around and stalked out of the room. They all watched him speed walk down the hall and turn the corner with a determined look on his face.

"Okay that was weird…" Natasha said slowly.

"Oh you don't know the half of it. I swear it's one of those not so legal SHIELD secrets again," Tony said skeptically.

"So what do we do?" Natasha asked glancing around. They all shared a universally understood look for a grand total of 5 seconds. Tony quickly slammed the documents onto the table and fished his phone out of his pocket.

"Quick Stark - before he comes back!" Clint said hurriedly.

"We're stealing the documents we just stole from someone else?" Bruce asked warily as he watched his team frantically remove the mission evidence from its package.

"Copying and steal are two very different things Brucie," Tony said as he photo scanned the papers quickly.

"Really?" Bruce asked dryly.

"Yeah - _they_ don't know I stole it," he said like it was obvious. Bruce sighed and bewilderedly glanced down at the phone that was suddenly shoved into his jacket pocket. He looked up at the sheepishly looking genius and raised an eyebrow.

"They'll never search you on the way out – SHIELD still thinks you'll hulk out if anyone ever rubs you're the wrong way. Their loss is our gain," Tony explained. Natasha watched the two scientists have a quick staring contest until the doctor finally caved and left the damning evidence of their stolen goods in his pocket.

"I will hulk smash you all if I get the heat for this," Bruce warned. They all shrugged.

"You can try – ACHOO! But I'll tranquilize ACHOO! You so fast ACHOO! Oh for god's sake you get the idea!" Natasha said irritably. At this point she was ready for this mission to be well over and done with so that she could get the hell out of this dreary place and away from these ridiculous people. Just cause she admitted to herself she wants to be on this team doesn't mean there is a chance in hell she'll ever let them know it. She would never hear the end of _that_.

"Oh shit here he comes!" Clint said as he glanced out the door. Tony rushed forward and quickly shoved the documents into Natasha's hand. She stared at him and glanced at the obviously tampered with papers.

"Drop dead Stark," she said darkly. He whistled an unfamiliar tune as Agent Jones walked back into the room and all the Avengers who weren't past SHIELD agents looked away from the handler at the same time. Natasha and Clint groaned. Smooth.

"I don't care what you 4 did as long as I don't see, hear or have to write paperwork for it after you leave. Who has the files?" Jones asked warily. Everyone promptly pointed at the buddle of blankets in the corner. ACHOO!

"Apparently ACHOO! I do," Natasha said holding up the aforementioned package. Jones held his hand out and Natasha promptly deposited the papers into it. He quickly scanned through the pages and sighed.

"You didn't see anything, you didn't hear anything and you sure as hell didn't read anything. Understood?" Jones said pinching the bridge of his nose. He sure looked stressed – more than usual.

"What's up with this mission Jones? Why so secretive and mysterious?" Tony asked bewilderedly. Jones looked torn between just blowing up at them on the spot and walking out of the room right at that moment. They wondered what the heck his problem was.

"This was _not_ an Avengers mission, therefore you have no reason to know anything except what your job entitled you to do," Jones replied vaguely. Like that was going to satisfy one of the nosiest men in the world, a couple of super spies, an experienced doctor and a demi-god with a Shakespeare complex.

"You're just throwing protocol garbage at us! You don't even know what's going on either _do_ you?" Clint said suspiciously. Jones gave him a warning look.

"I know enough that I wish I didn't. Alright? Debrief is over," Jones said shortly before he promptly walked out of the room leaving behind 6 very wary Avengers.

"That man _sucks_ at not making other people suspicious beyond belief…" Natasha said incredulously - effectively breaking the tense silence. They all nodded in agreement.

"There's a reason agents like him don't necessarily work in the field," Clint said dryly.

"Well it's not like we can't take our best shot at decoding these codes ourselves. Then we'll have at least an idea of what SHIELD is doing," Bruce said sensibly.

"Can you make us all hot chocolate when we go home Clint?" Tony asked suddenly. His quota for any serious thought has been met for today. He was done being a responsible team member.

"No hot chocolate for you! You guys were _useless_!" Clint said irritably.

"Hey! I found the signal that led you to her!" Tony shouted in outrage.

"You gave me a _satellite_ _coordinate_..." Clint said slowly.

"So...?" Tony asked in honest confusion.

"I'M NOT A SATALITE!" Clint exclaimed. He raised his hand for silence before Tony could respond with some sarcastic quip he wasn't in the mood for. "I'm not a crazy technological genius either. I only speak 46 languages and computer isn't one of them. I had to go find an atlas and a map of Europe to find this place in the middle of nowhere!" Clint said indignantly.

They all warily glanced at Natasha. They were still wondering about her disappearance.

"Why _were_ you in the middle of nowhere?" Steve asked in confusion.

"I was hitch hiking on a train and ended up a few miles outside of the city," she said with a shrug. That got her a range of looks from confused to utter disbelief.

"When you say on a train..." Steve started slowly. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"I mean literally on top of a moving train yes," she said dryly. What was so shocking about that?

_Gasp_.

"Why the heck did you do that for?" Tony asked incredulously.

"Oh I don't know, maybe it had something to do with the fact that I had about 20 hit men after me? Forgive me for not having a better idea in the 30 seconds I had to get out of there alive," Natasha said sarcastically.

"Well you're alive so it must've been a pretty good idea at the time," Bruce said adding his two cents to the conversation.

"Thank you Doctor! At least somebody understands!" she exclaimed.

"We need to find these bastards and teach them a lesson about messing with one of our own!" Tony shouted slamming a fist onto the table dramatically.

"Yes we must!" Thor boomed as he nodded his head in agreement. Everyone else rolled their eyes.

"How do we do that?" Tony asked turning towards Steve – he always had good ideas. Steve gave him a blank look.

"I have absolutely no clue," Steve replied frankly. Okay so maybe he wasn't always full of ideas.

"To the SHIELD restricted database!" Tony declared. Natasha sighed and shook her head at the over protectiveness of her fellow teammates. She never had brothers…but if _this_ is how it feels like – she's glad she didn't. It was bad enough that she sort of liked these idiots. It would be simply a _nightmare_ if she was actually related to them. Mental shudder.

"So while you do that…" Steve started slowly. Tony shook his head and grabbed both the Captain and the Doctor who was trying to subtly inch away from the scene and dragged them out the door behind him.

"You're both coming with me. I need your _everyone-can-trust-Captain-America_ face and I need your super smart brain – we have Russians bastards to locate and codes to crack!" Tony cackled gleefully as he pulled the poor Avengers down the hall. Thor looked back and forth between half of their team leaving the debrief room and at the two spies who had enough tension running between them that you could practically see the electrical sparks igniting the air. He gulped – it wasn't a very hard choice to make.

"Wait for me! I want to come too!" Thor shouted as he ran after them quickly. Fleeing with style – was not in these people's dictionary.

"Sometimes I wonder what the world is coming to when _this_ is all they have to protect them from global catastrophe," Natasha said warily. Clint snorted.

"The world is full of idiots who rely on even bigger idiots to hide behind when everything goes to shit," Clint said frankly. Natasha sneezed once again as a reply.

"And on that note I'm going to go find you a box of tissues and some soup from the cafeteria. Give me 10 minutes I'll be right back," Clint said watching the frazzled spy scowl at the blankets she was currently fighting to keep her head above and not suffocate from the thick material.

"No I'll come with ACHOO!" Natasha started to protest and nearly sneezed herself off of her wobbly chair. Clint quickly rushed forward to steady her so that she wouldn't have a colorful bruise on her forehead if she continued her fast decent to the floor. He gave her a look. She simply scowled back at him.

"Stupid rain," she mumbled sinking into her mountain of blankets sulkily. He chuckled and brushed some of her loose red hair out of her face and curled it behind her ear. He tried not to make a big deal out of the fact that she didn't really flinch away from his touch. She simply watched his warm gesture with curious eyes.

"Don't kill anyone while I'm gone alright?" he said warmly. She shrugged.

"I make no promises. If a junior SHIELD agent is stupid enough to bug me while I'm sick I cannot be held accountable for my actions," she said simply. He rolled his eyes – he would expect nothing less.

"True, but for my sanity let's keep the abuse strictly verbal – no bloodshed today okay?" he insisted. She sighed.

"Whatever, I'll probably die in this monster pile of blankets before I got a chance to get my hands on these annoying flees anyway," Natasha said banging her head against the table in defeat. She was exhausted. He patted her on the back sympathetically.

"You'll be up and shooting up the place in no time," he said reassuringly before he walked over to the door and slipped out of the room and made his way towards the cafeteria.

20 minutes later he was on his way back to the debrief room armed with chicken noodle soup and a stolen box of tissues off a desk in the security office – security is always too busy with intruders anyway to miss their tissue box.

He turned the corner and was just about reach the hall leading towards the debrief room when a pair of suspicious looking Avengers dashed around the corner with a pile of disks in their arms. Clint raised an eyebrow at their suspicious actions. Tony and Bruce didn't even spare him a glance - they were too busy frantically glancing over their shoulder as they ran down the hall.

"Why do you two look like two kids running with the cookie jar as if you're already busted?" Clint asked slowly. Both their heads whipped in his direction and the colour drained from their face. Now he was a little worried.

"Why are you looking at me like I'm dying or something?" he asked cautiously. They both glanced back down the hall.

"Oh no – it's much worse!" Tony wailed.

"It's Priscilla! She's back!" Bruce said in horror.

"You mean Godzilla!" Tony said with even more terror. The horror etched clearly on their face suddenly made sense. His own face paled as he stumbled back the way he came. Oh dear god not again. That bomb squad specialist was just scary. He'd rather face a rigged bomb.

"Run Barton! Run!" they shouted in unison. He didn't need to be told twice. Some things were more terrifying then Tasha's wrath.

Clint was about to run for his life - but he was too late.

"Hi Clint!" A cheery voice said from behind him. He froze and slowly turned to face the petite frame of a raven haired girl with a too big smile on her face and a smug of gun powder on her cheek. Oh no.

"H-h-hi Priscilla …" he said hesitantly as he frantically glanced around for a way out. She tilted her head to the side curiously. Tony and Bruce stood frozen to the ground off to the side.

"How did she get in _front_ of us?" Tony whispered frantically to Bruce. The Doctor was at a loss for words himself. Clint looked at his teammates desperately. They glanced at the formidable tiny figure and up at the begging face of their fellow avenger.

"She hasn't seen us yet…" Bruce said slowly. They shared a quick look of understanding.

They both promptly ran in the opposite direction.

"You're on your own Barton!" they shouted as they ran out of there like the cowards they were. Clint gaped after his so called friends who had just abandoned him to the face _the beast_ – alone!

"I haven't seen you in a few weeks you know. If I didn't know better I'd think you were avoiding me. You're not playing hide and seek again are you Clint?" she asked lightly playing with his collar. He started to sweat from the pressure of answering her question with the right amount of truth but not outright proving her poorly veiled accusation. Because boy was it true. She was just plain _crazy_. He looked down at her messy clothes and realized there was a bleeding panda bear shirt underneath her uniform. He paled even more. Scratch that – she was _psychotic_.

"I-I-I I've been busy! Doing…doing Avenger stuff…and dealing…with a crisis! Yes big family crisis!" he said hurriedly. She gave him a critical look but then her face cleared up and was replaced by a sympathetic look.

"Oh you poor baby! Here let me give you a hug!" she said throwing her arms around the startled archer who was suddenly trying to juggle hot chicken noodle soup and a tissue box in one arm and balance the weight of two people with the other. 20 seconds later – she was still hanging on to him. He frantically glances around for an escape but was effectively trapped. His panicky thoughts suddenly came to a screeching halt when he noticed a wave of red hair turn around the corner.

Aw shit.

"Look it's Captain America in his patriotic underpants!" Clint shouted desperately – he needed to get out of this awkward situation _now_. He needed to diffuse this potential disaster as soon as possible to boot. Priscilla glanced behind her in confusion. There was no one there.

_Whoosh_.

"I don't see-" she started to say as she glanced back at the suddenly vacant spot that Clint Barton was occupying just moments before. "Where did you go?" she asked placing her hands on her hips. She stared down at the forgotten box of tissues and soup lying on the floor in front of her. Huh. She wondered who that was for.

**memories memories memories memories memories memories **

**A/N: Ah misunderstandings are always fun ;) If anyone reading this is named Priscilla…well… don't hold it against me! XD I PLEA CREATIVE FREEDOM OF THIS NAME! It's times like these I'm glad you people don't know mine….O.O it's not that common so ha! No creeping me on facebook or anything weird like that…why am I giving you guys ideas? Sheesh. Alright enough with the geeking – until next time! Some awesome drama is literally around the corner! WOOT! WOOT! Too bad you guys can't read it until I find enough time to bring it to life on paper from the crazy imagination that exist in my even more insane mind. BLAME SCHOOL NOT ME! **

**P.S. Reviews make me writer faster :) And _you_ - yes you – that kid who writes awesome for every single chapter – I like you too! You're cool in my books – but I'd love to know what you actually found so awesome too XD **

**Adios amigos! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: Look at that? Is your email betraying your eyes? Thinking I couldn't possibly update two days in a row? WELL THINK AGAIN! And while you are doing a happy dance...please resist the urge to hunt me down and kill me :) Consider yourselves warned.  
**

**Chapter 13**

Clint ran as fast as his not long enough legs would take him. He needed to get as far away from Godzilla as possible and find a certain Russian spy who had the completely wrong idea at the moment. He groaned as he searched the halls – it was like one step forward and a hundred steps back.

He spotted a flash of red hair quickly turn a corner and sprinted off in that direction. He turned the corner as well and sure enough there was an angry redhead stomping down the hall with all the misdirected fury in the world. Honestly of all the things she should be worrying about – his affections should never be one of them because frankly Clint was certain he could never love anyone as much as he loved her. She was it. She was the one. And damn it if he wasn't going to make her see that all over again – or die trying. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

"Hey! Tasha slow down for a second!" Clint shouted after her.

"Don't talk to me _you_ – argh!" she said shaking her head and continued her angry stomp down the hall.

"Whoa! Whoa! That – that was – that was just _messed up_. You totally misread that situation all wrong judging by your reaction," he tried to explain the situation with Priscilla but she was too busy fuming to really hear what he was saying.

"Barton I don't care what you do in your spare time or who you do it with. So stop following me!" she huffed as they turned another corner. Clint nearly tripped on his own feet as he gaped at her.

"Are you freaking kidding me? You call this jealous rage _not_ _caring_?" he asked in utter disbelief. She froze and whipped around so fast he nearly crashed into her.

"I am _not_ jealous," she said angrily. He leaned forward and stared her straight in the eye.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you running away after seeing something you have no context behind huh?" he asked seriously.

"I don't need context because I didn't see anything that was my business!" she huffed and started stalking down the hall once more. He sprinted after her.

"Oh hell no you're not walking away from this! This _is_ your business! _You_ are my business! Fuck this whole mess is our business!" he said shoving in front of her and blocking her path. She glared at him.

"Get out of my way Barton," she said darkly. He laughed humourlessly.

"What are you going to do? Are you going to kill me Tasha? Because I can tell you right now you don't need a knife to do that," he said honestly. She tensed at his words – she didn't let it show but they both knew he was hitting way too close to home. "Go ahead take a shot because that's the only way you're getting past me without answering some of my questions," he said as he spread his arms out in front of her in an open gesture of complete and utter faith. He shouldn't have that much faith – no one should have that much faith she thought offhandedly.

"I'm not the one who is always being cryptic and skirting around certain topics over the last few weeks Barton. The day you tell me what the hell is really going on, when you tell me why when I walk into a room everyone suddenly stops talking or why certain people can't look me in the eye anymore will be the day I answer any of your burning questions," she said firmly pushing his arm to the side and shoving past him. He stood there staring at the wall in front of him with a determined look on his face.

"So many things have changed that I don't even know where to start. People gossip about the only Avenger to have amnesia – that's why you walk past long silences. They're jealous that you got onto the team and they didn't. They don't like the idea of two normal agents being on a superhero team to begin with and now that you are technically compromised they're even more critical. But you're right – we haven't told you something really big," he said slowly turning around and watching her stand with her back turned to him waiting to hear the rest of his sentence.

"Did you ever ask yourself why you haven't seen Phil Coulson around the helicarrier over the last few weeks?" he asked suddenly. She paused.

"Coulson was one of the best," Natasha said firmly. Clint took a deep breath.

"Coulson is also dead," he said slowly. He watched her tense slightly.

"How?"

"The same mission that brought us all together. You didn't come across it in the files because Fury had the information wiped from the system for some reason. Loki got him," he explained quietly. He watched her gradually process the information he just gave her and slowly turned to look at him.

"Now will you listen to me? Priscilla is just a psychotic SHIELD agent who has a crush on me since she started working here two years ago. She doesn't understand the phrase _not interested_. She doesn't understand that there was never anything between us, there is nothing between us and that there _will_ never be anything between us," he said trying to get her see the truth in his eyes but she wasn't actually paying attention.

"You don't need to defend yourself Barton," she said quietly.

"Yes I do – because you don't _get_ it," he said firmly. She huffed heatedly.

"Stop thinking I'm jealous of some crazy little admirers of yours Barton – they were here before the Avengers started and now that you're famous there are probably hundreds of more crazy stalkers like this girl who think they are half way in love with you," Natasha spat coldly – but he could see her hands curled into tight white fists at her sides. Busted.

"Not jealous my ass."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and pinned her in place with his intense gaze.

"I don't care about all those girls Natasha. Don't you see that? I. Don't. _Care_. Why would I care about girls who didn't give a shit about me when I was still a nobody working the low ranks of SHIELD field work? I didn't work with assassins and hit men because it was fun Tasha. I did the _undesirable_ missions. But it didn't matter to me because anything was better than street gang crap I was tangled up with before joining SHIELD. I don't ever regret doing those missions because that's how I met _you_ Tasha. Sure you were a pain in the ass in the beginning but at least you saw me for who I was today – not who I was in the past. No one understood disconnected pasts better then you did Natasha. No one. You once said that I saved you from a world of meaningless bloodshed, but today I'm going to tell you that you saved me from a life of meaningless existence. You can have the world in your hands and still have absolutely nothing if you don't have someone to share it with. Don't you see what I'm talking about?" he asked earnestly. For him it's been years since he had these doubts and fears running through his head about his feelings – it's only really been three weeks for her. He knew that he was pushing for something she wasn't ready for – but damn it no one is perfect.

"I see a lot of things Barton – but some things are harder to see than others," she said hesitantly. He growled in frustration. He lightly shook her by the shoulders as she stared at him blankly. No more beating around the bush. No more walking on egg shells. He was going to cut it to her straight.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing for me Tasha. Tell me I don't mean anything to you and I promise I'll stop sending you mixed signals, I'll stop asking you out and I'll stop making random pickup lines on the spot," he said seriously. There was nowhere for her to look except into his stormy blue eyes. She was a master of worming herself out of tight situations. She could handle virtually any torture scenario, rewire 4000 different types of bombs in less than 30 seconds, charm her way out of practically any conflict and disengage an opponent 7 times her size without even breaking a sweat. But when the one man in the entire world who actually knew the real her beneath all the lies, the secrets and the dark past asked her a question she didn't even know the answer to herself - Natasha Romanoff was at a loss for words.

"I-I-I-" Why couldn't she get out even a single coherent sentence?

"Guys! Guys! You need to see- am I interrupting something...?" Steve asked slowly as he rounded the corner. Clint groaned as Natasha quickly slipped out of his grasp and looked at anything except her partner who had just managed to make her more uncomfortable then she has ever felt in her entire life. Why does he have to be so painfully straightforward? Why does he have to confuse her so freaking much?

"Yes! Well no, not if it's impor- oh for god's sake just tell us," Clint said as he dragged his hands down his face. He almost had her...he almost got her to freaking _say_something!

"We just found out that Agent Hill is on the missing agents list," Steve said quickly. All the drama between them suddenly came to a screeching halt.

Natasha and Clint simply stared at him.

"_What_?" they asked at once.

Agent Hill doesn't go missing - she just doesn't. She was the freaking second in command.

"She disappeared a week ago. We stumbled across it completely by accident...while doing not so legal things that I don't fully support...but that's not the point! The point is why the hell has SHIELD kept this info a secret from the rest of us?" Steve said angrily. He was livid. He was furious. He was going to punch something because he didn't even realize she was gone for so long.

"Whoa - back up there Captain. How did you guys find this out?" Natasha asked slipping effortlessly in serious agent mode. Clint felt like he wanted to punch something too - it just wasn't fair. Why did he have to fall in love with the stubborn one?

"I can't really explain it out here – you need to see it along with the disturbing data we managed to make sense of from the papers," Steve said cautiously. Natasha latched onto his words like a life line.

"Where are the others Captain?" Natasha asked not very subtly inching away from her tense partner.

"Just down the hall. Follow me!" Steve said as he sprinted back down the way he came. Natasha quickly trailed after him and sent a hesitant look towards Clint over her shoulder as she went.

_Coward_. He thought irritably. She could face armies of sadistic psychopaths and lie successfully amongst the best liars in the world – but when it came to the truth she was a coward. The sad part was that he loved her anyway. The good part was that he was a stubborn bastard that was going to make this coward talk whether she wanted to or not. No one can rile a girl up better than her husband. Lucky him.

They followed Steve into the room he indicated and saw the rest of the team huddled around a laptop sitting on a table in front of a frantically typing Tony Stark with photocopied papers scattered around them.

"Good you finally got your lazy – why do you two look like you're about to start world war 3?" Tony asked glancing back and forth between the invisible tension high in the air between their resident spies. Great time to choose to be perceptive Stark.

"Shut up and continue what you were saying Stark or I'll strangle the information out of you," Clint said warningly. Tony raised an eyebrow.

"O…kay? Well we were basically surfing through all of SHIELD major databases – illegally of course. We were scanning through all the records of the known underworld leaders big enough to get on SHIELD's radar and then we came across this classified list of missing agents that is constantly being updated," Tony said spinning the laptop around to face to the two spies. Natasha furrowed her brow as Clint tensed. There in front of them for all to see was a picture of Maria Hill with the blinking status of MIA beside her name in big red letters.

"If this is classified…" Natasha said slowly.

"Then nobody knows except people with level 10 clearance – AKA _none of us,"_ Tony finished her thought. Clint stared at picture of their boss who went missing exactly 5 days ago.

_"Why did you really call me Maria?" Clint asked slowly. _

_"I'm going to be out of reach from tonight...For an undetermined amount of time," she added hesitantly._

_"What? Why?"_

_"There's something that has popped up the Philippines. I'm going there to check it out," she said carefully. Something wasn't right._

_"I don't like where this conversation is going..." he said unhappily. She shrugged._

_"Doesn't matter. All I ask is that you keep this information to yourself - no matter who asks you," she said carefully. That had some warning bells ringing._

_"Is this even a mission?" he suddenly asked._

_"Gotta go. Take care Barton," was the last thing she said before the line went dead._

How did miss this blinding connection? He was… "…such an idiot," he finished out loud. Everyone stared at him in confusion.

"Huh?" Tony expressed all their thoughts in one word.

"Did you get a map of some sort out of those codes Stark?" Clint asked warily. He didn't like where this was all going. For the record – he really hoped he was wrong.

"Actually yeah…yeah we did. Well as far as I know it's a map. It's a freaking complicated map but a map nonetheless. It gets a hell of a lot more difficult after that. I still haven't figured out how to read it," Tony explained as he passed them a complicated looking copy of the partially decoded version of their stolen information.

"What you can't get a street, an address or even a city? Hell a country would be helpful at this point!" Clint exclaimed. Tony shrugged.

"Dude cut me slack this is all I got in half an hour. Give me another 20 minutes and I'll probably get somewhere," Tony said simply.

Natasha pulled the copy of the codes towards her and stared at it intently.

"I can read it," she said suddenly breaking the back and forth flow of conversation. They all whipped their head in her direction.

"What?" Tony asked in surprise.

"I've seen this coding before...before I was a part of SHIELD," she said cautiously.

"When were you still doing your weird Russian mafia mojo?" Tony asked as he peeked over her shoulder to see if he could make out the gibberish she was looking at – he got squat.

"Get off my shoulder before I dislocate your neck," Natasha said threateningly. Tony quickly pulled back and coughed into his hand.

"Right. So what do you see exactly?" Tony asked curiously. She grabbed a pencil off the table and started circling random symbols.

"I don't know. I have to decode it first," she said simply and she diligently worked through the lines of code. He watched her work for a grand total of 10 seconds before he couldn't take the mundane task any longer.

"Well that is boring to watch. While we wait for our apparently new code breaker here, let me catch you up on some of the coding we _were_ able to understand. I was trying to find something that would explain the confusing information we got from the documents. Half of it is a bunch of chemical equations. I understand most of the chemistry behind it but it's the biological side that has me stumped. I'm an engineer - not a Doc-" he paused as all eyes turned towards the only person with any medical knowledge to begin with. Bruce shifted awkwardly under their intense gaze.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not a microbiologist or have any intensive knowledge in chemical research..." Bruce said slowly.

"Yeah right. Who's been doing research on every genetic process imaginable for the past year without any of our knowledge again huh?" Tony asked sounding thoroughly unconvinced. Bruce sighed.

"Give me the decoded paper," Bruce said in defeat. Tony handed over the scraps of papers with scribbles all over it. Bruce read through the science gibberish and his face got graver and graver.

"It's a medical procedure…" he said slowly. Tony snorted.

"Yeah I got that part, what I was really wonder-"

"For a brain transplant," Bruce finished calmly.

Silence.

"Say that again?" Steve asked not believing his ears.

"It's the ground work for neurological conscious transfer between two subjects. I read about this research before it got shut down by the government a few years ago for unethical uses. The real concern here is that at the end the results are being stated as positive," Bruce said as he continued to read through the pages. Every stared at him in confusion.

"Speak English Doc!" Clint said irritably.

"They tested their hypothesis in a real life experiment and this is saying it worked," Bruce said gravely.

Dead silence.

"That is sickening!" Thor said in horror.

"That is messed up!" Clint said in shock.

"That is _so_ cool!" Tony exclaimed. Everyone stared at him.

"Do you _know_ how many things are wrong with this scenario?" Steve asked slowly. Tony's excitement dimmed.

"Well…yeah the ethics, the side effects and the general defying the laws of nature kind of suck but if they could actually manage something like this it's a miracle of science in itself!" Tony said animatedly.

"Tony…no patients would willingly volunteer themselves for a procedure like this. There is only a 0.003% chance of success," Bruce said staring at the foreboding information before him. Tony winced.

"So the question is – has anyone survived?" Steve asked cautiously.

"Which also leads to the question how many have not?" Clint asked after him. They all looked at each other and glanced at Bruce questioningly. He gave a half shrug.

"That's all I got. We're going to get nowhere with just these notes to go on. We need solid proof before we jump to any conclusions though – just because you read something doesn't mean-"

"7114 Kundiman Street, Sampaloc, 1008 Manila, Philippines," Natasha suddenly said cutting into the conversation. They all stared at her.

"What?" they asked in unison. She rolled her eyes – typical male behaviour to get so caught up in their own conversation they forget the female in the room.

"Map? Code? Location? I got an address," she said holding up her scarp sheet of paper with the East Asian address written across the blank page in her neat hand writing. All the colour instantly drained from Clint's face. He looked at the address and back at the missing agent report with anger burning in his eyes. He was such an _idiot_.

"I'm going to murder Fury," he said pushing himself out of his seat and stalking out of the room. They all stared after his retreating form in confusion.

"Are we missing something?" Steve asked slowly.

"I don't know what up with him but I want to see this," Tony said as he dashed after the angry archer. They rest of the Avengers looked at each other.

"What the heck. If he's going to confront the boss we might as well be there to bail him out if we need to make a quick escape," Bruce said with a shrug and walked out the door followed by the rest of the team.

"I have this odd feeling that there is a connection between whatever is in this location in the Philippines and Agent Hill's MIA status," Natasha said perceptively. Bruce nodded.

"Well you're probably not wrong. The real mystery is why. Why is she there and what does SHIELD have to do with all of this?" Bruce said as they caught up with the rest of the Avengers. Clint swiftly bypassed Fury's security while sending a murderous look in their direction that made the poor agents cower in fear. As long as he isn't going in there to murder their boss they weren't going to stand in his way. He burst into the Director's office and threw the MIA paper right in the face of the boss himself.

"You bastard!" he shouted. Fury blinked as the paper made contact with his face and floated to the desk in front of him.

"Nice opening," Tony whispered to the others.

"What the hell are you doing pulling stupid stunts like hiding Coulson's file, Hill's MIA status and the stupid shit happening in the Philippines?" Clint exclaimed angrily. Fury raised a calm eyebrow at the huffing display of a red faced agent.

"Before you say another word I'd like to point out that a) you just insulted and assaulted your boss who may I just add has the power to not only fire you but _dispose_ of you. b) You have clearly breached security and stolen classified information and c) I don't like your tone," Fury said calmly leaning back against his seat. Bruce whistled behind the scene – the director has got style.

"You- I – you little! Agh!" Clint was so mad he could barely put a proper sentence together. Fury leaned forward and stared him right in the eye.

"Before you come into my office with arrows blazing think about _who_ you're accusing and _what_ you're accusing them of. I say you all had a grand total of 5 at most 10 minutes to really let the information you have sink in. So until you actually_ know what you are talking_ _about_ – get out of my office!" Fury said impatiently. Clint paused as he stared at director's eyes. His eyes weren't matching his words. He glanced back at Natasha and saw that she noticed the same thing.

"I'm not leaving until you tell us what's going on…" Clint said firmly. Fury narrowed his eyes.

"The information in those documents and the files on Agent Hill were not _meant for your eyes. _You will not ask any more questions. You will not _go to this location_. You will not try _find her_. Understood?" Fury said staring at the two best partners SHIELD has ever had. He had many unspoken words burning in his eyes – but it was their job to be able to read between the lines.

"Yes sir!" Agent Barton Agent Romanoff said in sync. Tony's mouth fell open. Wasn't Barton just badmouthing this wannabe pirate a second ago?

"Good. Now get lost," Fury said giving them all a pointed look. The two agents nodded and walked out of the room.

"What the hell? How could you jus-" Tony started to protest when Steve and Bruce both simultaneously slapped a hand against the billionaire's mouth and dragged him out of the room.

"Sometimes you need to keep your mouth shut and use those massive brain cells in your head Stark," Steve said shaking his head at the clueless superhero. Tony shouted against their hands but no sound came out.

"So what shall we doing now?" Thor asked the pacing archer.

"We're going to disappear off SHIELD radar for however long it's necessary. We are going to this address in the Philippines, we are going to find agent Hill and we are going to figure this shit out," Clint said as he continued to pace.

"And what happens when that doesn't work out?" Bruce asked warily.

"We're going to _make_ it work. We're not going to sit around and wait for this whole thing to blow up in our face. We're going finding out what's happening as fast as possible and preferably without dying in the process," Clint said as he tried to run all the possible variables and life threatening components of this mission through his head. It didn't look that great.

"Well…at least this sounds more like Avengers style then the mission we just did," Tony said with shrug as Steve and Bruce let the genius go once he had calmed down.

"Yeah like half our missions are basically based in mutiny against our organization. This is a _very_ stupid idea – but obviously we're going to do it anyway," Steve said dryly. They all rolled their eyes at the conflicted solider. Clint glanced at his watch and looked up at his team.

"I know we're exhausted – but who is in for a sudden trip across the globe?" Clint asked glancing around at all the determined faces in front of him. "Good. Get your stuff and let's meet in the hanger in 10 minutes. We're going to be in the Philippines in 12 hours," Clint said with a nod. He zoned in on Natasha was standing to his left who was currently failing at avoiding his searching look.

"We're not done here. Sooner or later you are going to have to answer my question Tasha. I hope you make the right decision you can live with," he said firmly before walking out of the room leaving one ruffled spy and 4 very confused avengers.

"Did we miss something...?" Bruce asked cautiously.

"Don't worry Bruce - you have the luxury of never having to understand the complexity of lovers spats," Tony said shaking his head. Natasha's eye twitched.

SMACK!

"OW! Romanoff you're so abusive!" Tony whined as he held his bruised head in pain. She shook the rolled up paper in her hand at him.

"Come here and say that again you narcissistic bastard!" She growled at the cowering superhero. She was _angry_. She was angry Barton was putting her in such an impossible position, but most of all she was angry at herself for not knowing the answer to his questions.

To be compromised or not to be compromised - that is the ultimate question.

But she was lost as to what was the right choice. To follow her brain is all she's ever known – her heart is just a new part of her she's starting to understand for the first time all over again. Assassins never had to learn how to love as adults. She always thought love was for children because that was the only kind of love she ever knew.

Inside Natasha Romanoff was just a child.

**memories memories memories memories **

A/N: Was that intense enough for some of you? We got some Clintasha shizzle AND finally some plot moving here! Those stupid mysterious papers are finally done with! We finally got a clue where the heck agent Hill went and Clintasha drama will remain unresolved for now – but we'll get to that confrontation soon :) Now we're off to the Philippines! Yeah! I know I updated yesterday but my muse was like on fire and wrote this in one sitting! This means…no updates for a couple weeks. But don't burst into tears yet! At least you now have some time to try and figure out the big conspiracy I'm building right? I practically gave you guys half the clues in this entire story! There are only a couple surprises left and I don't know anyone who has let me know if they figured it out yet. Let me know what you think in a review!

P.S. yes I know my author notes destroy some of the intenseness of this chapter but this is how I talk/type whatever – DEAL WITH IT! ;)

Au revoir lovely readers!


	14. Chapter 14

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: DUDES! AUTHORS LIVES! It's been a while so RECAP TIME!  
**

**RECAP: So the Avengers have just found out that the papers they recovered during their mission were BRAIN TRANSPLANT PROCEDURES! On top of that Maria Hill AKA second in command has been MIA (missing in Action) for a WEEK! Clint knew this cause she told him vaguely that she was going to all fall off the face of the earth of a little while - he just didn't know WHY. Natasha is pissed off - as usual. Clint goes all out and pours his heart out in front of her and the coward basically runs away. Smooth russian spy smooth. The avengers follow Clint as he confronts Fury about all the secrecy shit happening at the moment. Fury basically TELLS them to get their butt off his helicarrier and figure out what's going on. Now they are on the mystery trail armed with an address, some clashing super personalities, some disturbing information and an unknown enemy on the horizon. INTENSE!  
**

**But FIRST - they must get there in one piece.  
**

**ENJOY!  
**

******Chapter 14**

It was 11 hours into their flight to the Philippines and Tony was getting antsy.

"Clint can you fly this thing any faster?" Tony whined. Clint rolled his eyes and didn't even spare the childish man a single glance.

"You've lasted 11 hours Stark – you can last one more," Clint said simply as he continued to steer the jet over and through the clouds above the Pacific Ocean – it was soothing in a way. Flying always made him feel like he could forget about all his problems and just focus on moving as far away from them as possible. Sadly the feeling was dampened by the fact that his current problem was sitting in a corner reading a stack of reports and acting like he doesn't exist. Life was full of ironies. Tony groaned and sunk deeper into his chair.

"Hey Brucie…?" Tony mumbled from his slouched position in his seat. Bruce looked up from his book and gave his friend a pointed look.

"If you ask for one more piece of gum to stick under these seats the answer will be no just like the first 10 times you asked," Bruce said bluntly. Tony pouted.

"Oh okay...Um…have you ever been sky diving?" he asked suddenly. Everyone in the cockpit gave Stark an _are-you-kidding-me-_look.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

"Tony, _think_ about who you are talking to before you ask certain questions," Bruce said frankly.

"So if I opened this latch and pushed you off the jet you'd just hulk out without a second thought right?" Tony asked the wary doctor sitting across from him securely strapped to his seat with an extra reinforced safety strap just in case.

"That's the idea…"Bruce said warily. He unconsciously tugged on his seat belt just to make sure it was still there.

"What if we gave you a parachute?" Tony continued to probe. Bruce shifted awkwardly beneath of his extremely curious gaze.

"I don't particularly like heights Tony – let alone free falling," Bruce answered slowly.

"Well let's say we got hit by enemy fire – and we had to jump – what about then?" Tony asked leaning forward. Bruce gave the overly curious genius a long look.

"I have enough control to not hulk out under most circumstances Tony," Bruce said with a sigh.

"When you say _most_ are you excluding the time when you and red -" Tony started to say but Bruce was finally fed up with this line of questioning – he didn't like where he thinks it would end up.

"Stark if you value your life – don't finish that sentence," Bruce warned.

"Aw come on! It's good to know thes-"

_Click_.

Tony paled as he glanced at the pistol aimed at his head connected to the arm of a silent Russian spy reading a mission file.

"Who's up for hot chocolate when we land?" Tony asked quickly changing the subject. They all rolled their eyes at Tony's bipolar behavior. Bruce simply sighed in relief now that the interrogation was over.

"Find something better to do then slowly drive Banner insane Stark," Natasha said flipping through her notes. He snorted.

"Like what? Sulk in the corner like a lost puppy or continue to pretend like the gigantic obnoxious elephant in the room is going to just disappear the longer it's ignored?" Tony asked dryly. She tensed as the implications behind Tony's words were lost on no one.

"Don't talk about things you know nothing about Stark," Natasha said darkly. Tony stared back at her guarded eyes with a challenge in his own.

"Oh I may not know a lot about who you were 3 years ago Natasha – but trust me when I say I know a lot about who you were 3 weeks ago. And this right here? This is a ticking time bomb," Tony said gesturing towards the two guarded SHIELD agents. She narrowed her eyes at the overconfident bastard – he glared right back. She threw her forgotten files onto the seat beside her and stalked over to the superhero who was just asking for it.

"If you want to say something say it straight otherwise keep your mouth shut and your flimsy opinions to yourself! I don't care what you're trying to imply but it's not there understand?" she growled shoving the genius against his seat with the tip of her gun shoved right up against his arc reactor. He didn't even flinch – he simply stared back at her angry eyes with an icy calm gaze.

The tension in the room skyrocketed. There was one thing about playful gun pointing – it was a whole other story when she looked like she actually meant it.

"You're always so quick to get fired up Red – but am I really the one you're angry at?" Tony asked calmly. Her grip around her gun faltered for only a second before she steeled herself once more.

"You don't know me," she said heatedly. He chuckled humourlessly.

"You don't even know yourself. Face it – you're a mess Natasha Romanoff. You're falling apart at the seams and you're too damn stubborn to let anyone actually _help_ you," he shot back. The fire in her eyes seemed to only grow angrier by the second but the tremble in her hand was the true give away.

"Tony…" Bruce said carefully. He ignored the warning.

"One day you're going to wake up and your chance at happiness is going to be long gone. Don't tell me about any stupid sob story or whatever. We all had a shitty life – but that doesn't mean you can't change it," Tony said ignoring the cold gun pressed against his mechanical heart. She wouldn't shoot – he knew she wouldn't. She had a ledger after all.

"People like me don't do happy Stark," Natasha said guardedly. Tony scoffed.

"Oh cut the crap – you started searching for a happier life the moment you stopped being a mindless assassin for a bunch of money hording mobsters. You joined SHIELD out of your own free will Natasha. You _chose_ to become agent Romanoff instead of just another number on a hit man list. You chose to do something about your ledger and you may not remember it but you chose to be on this team too. You did those things for a _reason_ Red," Tony said slowly. Natasha tensed.

"People do things for all sorts of reason. But the people who have too much faith in others are the first to fall," Natasha said blankly. Tony's eyes narrowed – she just didn't _get_ it.

"Bullshit, people with _no_ faith have lost their humanity. Sometimes I feel like you're just a heartless machine Romanoff. Sometimes I wonder if you have a heart at all," Tony said seriously.

BANG!

They all froze as the gun shot echoed around the cockpit.

Natasha set down the gun and walked out of the room without a single glance back. Tony sat there with a smoking bullet hole 3 cm to the right of his left ear. He took a deep breath and looked up at the wide eyes of his fellow team mates.

"Well that went better than I expected," he said dryly. The rest of the Avengers just stared at the calm Avenger like he was crazy – they already knew he was but this was a whole new level of insanity.

"You have a death wish Stark," Steve said slowly shaking his head.

"Someone had to tell her," Tony said with a shrug.

"It wasn't your job to tell her anything," Clint said glaring at the window in front of him as he gripped the steering rod harder.

"Well maybe I wouldn't have to if the person who was supposed to do it was actually doing their job," Tony said crossing his arms over his chest.

_CRASH!_

They all fearfully stared at the closed latch leading into the other room on the jet.

"I think someone should go back there and make sure she doesn't accidentally blow a hole through something important we need to stay in the air," Bruce said warily. He didn't want to die. They all instantly looked at Clint.

"I'm piloting this jet guys. I can't do it," Clint said not taking his eyes off the miles of water in front of them. The obvious tension in his shoulders said otherwise. He was dying to go after her.

"So? Cap is a solider – he can fly this thing," Tony said with a shrug. Steve gave Stark a calculative look – what was he trying to do…?

"No offense Steve but if I remember correctly the last time you piloted an advanced jet like this you ended up a thousand feet under a sheet of ice for 70 years," Clint said apologetically. Steve coughed sheepishly.

"I've learned a thing or two about modern day jets Clint – I can keep us up while you go do your thing," Steve said reassuringly. Clint glanced back at his team who were all sending him the same look – _deal with your woman and deal with her fast - we don't want to die. _

"I swear you guys are all cowards underneath all that superhero bravado," Clint muttered as he put the jet into auto pilot and shot his team a pointed look before going after the likely fuming redhead.

"We love you too buddy," Tony said as the door shut in their face. He quickly turned around and started searching through his bag for something.

"Why did you do that Tony?" Bruce asked quietly.

"Because they need to get their shit sorted out before we reach the ground – I have this bad feeling that something is going to go horribly wrong 5 minutes into this shady mission," Tony said pulling out his own crumpled notes and staring at his messy scribbles across the paper.

"Something _always_ goes wrong during Avenger missions…" Steve said shaking his head from the helm of the jet. He didn't know how Clint did it – it was just staring at boring open water for miles! The rest of the Avengers glanced at the closed door behind which hopefully two high trained assassins weren't beating each other to death.

"Yeah it's like we all take turns completely screwing up each and every operation," Tony said rolling his eyes.

"It is indeed a miracle we are successful in our endeavors," Thor added thoughtfully.

"Yup miracle…" Tony said as he held his notes in one hand and scrolled through his phone with the other. It was the uneasy look on his face that really bothered Bruce. Bruce watched him scan whatever it was on his phone with a suspicious look.

"You're doing it again," he said simply. Tony glanced up for a second but quickly went back to his phone.

"Doing what?" he asked vaguely. Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"The _I know something you don't know _face," Bruce replied dryly. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Didn't you think it was strange how everything sort of fell into place from the abrupt mission for Natasha to the classified information we happened to stumble across?" Tony asked carefully. Bruce nodded slowly.

"It was a little suspicious…" he said. Tony looked up at the cautious doctor with a wary look in his eyes.

"What if this is a trap?" he asked suddenly. They all looked at each other – that's happened before.

"So what if it's a trap? That doesn't change the fact that agent Hill is missing somewhere on the ground," Steve said heatedly. Tony shook his head.

"What if it's not a trap for us? What if it's a trap for Natasha our amnesiac avenger specifically?" Tony asked slowly. They all froze.

"Then we better make sure the trap doesn't work," Bruce replied seriously.

Clint slowly walked through the narrow gap that led towards the small storage room on the jet. He knew the things Stark had said had definitely rubbed Natasha wrong way. There was a 50/50 chance that she could have chosen not to purposely miss her target. He sighed.

Stark was a certified masochist. The day Pepper learned how to use a gun he was dead.

He slowly opened the second door and walked into the dimly lit storage room. He glanced around to see where Natasha had gone – it wasn't very big. He was slightly worried that it was so quiet - too quiet.

"Natasha?" he called out.

"If you're here to '_calm me down'_, I'll make your life easier and promise not to kill anyone. Now leave me alone," a voice said angrily from somewhere in the room. Clint snorted.

"When have I ever listened to anything anyone has even said?" Clint asked trying to figure out where Natasha was hiding.

"Never –that is exactly why you always end up in so much shit," Natasha replied curtly. Clint sputtered.

"Hey! I'll have you know my impulsiveness has saved our asses countless times in the past!" Clint said defensively.

"What about the other 50% of the time?" she asked dryly. He winced.

"Well we survived that too. Let's take it as a learning experience," he said walking a few steps into dark room. Where was the light switch for this place?

"Go away Barton," she said with a sigh. The anger had finally left her sails.

"Can't do that Tasha. We're all in this together remember?" he said feeling his way through the aisle of shelves and trying to pin point where her voice was coming from.

"Then why do I sometimes feel like we are on two different sides?" she asked from behind him. He spun around and came face to face with the distrustful expression of a world wary spy.

"Team relationships are not black and white Tasha – you know that," he said.

"I'm not talking about Stark," she said shaking her head. He nervously shifted from side to side.

"Look Tasha – I'm sorry about putting you on the spot earlier-" he started to say.

"I don't know," she suddenly said interrupting him. He paused.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"I don't know…what I feel. I don't know what we are anymore. It's all too fast Barton," she said staring at her hands. Clint sighed and rubbed his forehead uneasily.

"I'm sorry Tasha – it's my fault-" he never finished his sentence because the next thing he knew he was talking to thin air.

_CRASH_!

A box of grenades fell to the floor and rolled out of the box as Natasha leaned heavily on to the shelf and slid to the floor holding the side of her head in pain.

"Oh my god! Tasha what's wrong?" Clint asked anxiously as he fell to the floor in front of her. Natasha could barely hear what Clint was saying through the loud buzzing in her ears. She froze when black spots started appearing in front of her eyes.

"_Shit_ why do these things always happen at the worst possible time?" she muttered angrily.

"What? What are you talking about?" Clint asked in confusion. She swayed from side to side as her vision flicked once more.

"Damn memories…" she cursed before she promptly passed out. Clint caught her limp body in time so that she wouldn't crash into the floor and have a concussion to make the dire situation even worse.

"Natasha? NATASHA!" Clint shouted frantically shaking his unconscious partner. He was so scared it wasn't even funny. Normal people didn't pass out just because they were reliving past memories.

_The Avenger's jet faded away and the next thing she knew she was in a thunder storm – with an army of fire blade wielding Vikings rushing towards her in the distance. _

"_Everyone understands the plan?" someone that sounded strikingly like the Captain shouted over the battle cries. Natasha whipped around and stared at her drenched team huddled around a glowing blue stick in her hand. Except it wasn't in her hand - it was in the hands of a girl that looked just like her. _

_What the hell was going on? _

"_We distract Viking mafia while Mr. Lightening god powers the time gap to send these barbarians back to their time correct?" Tony said in his Iron man suit. Natasha just realized she's never really seen Stark in action before. _

"_Don't forget the glow stick of destiny," her doppelganger said dryly. Natasha stared at her twin as the realization finally dawned on her. _

_Aw shit she was stuck in her own memories. Great._

"_Hey be happy the stick will close the time gap on the other side and it doesn't have to be one of us!" Tony shouted over the pouring rain. The sky flashed bright white due to a lightning strike not to from their location. However the following loud crack of thunder nearly burst their eardrums._

"_Thor can you tone down the thunder please?" Clint asked holding his hands over his abused ears. Thor coughed sheepishly and moved the storm farther away from them to reduce the effects. _

"_My apologies Clint," Thor said apologetically. _

"_You're such a baby Clint," the memory version of herself said while rolling her eyes. Clint stuck his tongue out at her. _

"_My ears are sensitive – leave me alone!" he mumbled. They all rolled their eyes. _

"_Alright is everyone ready?" Steve said as the Viking army approached with weapons viciously at the ready. _

"_Yes!" they all replied in unison. _

"_Okay 1, 2, 3 – go!" Steve signaled and they all ran off in opposite directions. Natasha's vision promptly went black right before the fighting started. The next thing she saw was the familiar SHIELD debrief room with several Avengers sitting around the table – including herself. It didn't make sense – these memories were all over the place! _

"_Thor, what's his play?" Steve suddenly asked. _

"_He has an army, called the Chitauri. They're not of Asgard or any world known. He means to lead them against your people. They will win him the Earth. In return, I suspect, for the Tesseract," Thor replied. Natasha paused – she remembered reading about the enemy during the Battle of New York in the SHIELD mission reports. They were still trying to figure out what was going on here. _

"_An army. From outer space," Steve said. Natasha rolled her eyes – where else would aliens come from?_

"_So he's building another portal. That's what he needs Erik Selvig for," Bruce chimed into the conversation. _

"_Loki has them under some kind of spell. Along with one of ours," the Natasha in the memory said staring at the table blankly. Natasha froze – Barton was compromised in this mission. She was talking about Barton. _

"_I wanna know why Loki let us take him. He's not leading an army from here," Steve pointed out. _

"_I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him," Bruce said warily. Always the logical one Natasha thought offhandedly. _

"_Have a care how you speak! Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard and he is my brother!" Thor said crossly. Natasha simply stared at him in disbelief. _

"_He killed eighty people in two days," her memory version said. _

"_He's adopted," Thor said frankly. Natasha snorted – crazy aliens. The memory faded again and another scene flashed in front of her. Some things were familiar while other not so much. She looked around the training facility and realized it was a room in Avengers tower. She watched as Stark, Pepper and her memory self had a conversation in the center of the room. _

"_How do you spell your name, Natalie?" Tony asked whipping out his phone. Natasha froze – oh god no. Natalie? She went undercover at some point? _

"_R-U-S-H-M-A-N," her memory version said patiently. She looked down at her style of business/sexy clothing – definitely undercover. Like hell she would wear uncomfortable clothes like that along with those insanely high heels. So unpractical in a fight. _

"_What, are you Googling her now?" Pepper asked incredulously. Natasha face palmed in the corner. So Stark. _

"_I thought I was ogling her?" Tony asked as he openly leered at the slightly younger version of herself. Natasha thought she was going to gag. Ugh! Stark was hitting on her at some point too? This was just so disturbing on so many levels. She was happy when the memory faded but groaned when she realized the next one was with Stark too. What was the narcissistic bastard going to do now? _

"_Can I ask you something personal? If this was the last birthday party you were going to have, what would you do?" Tony asked staring at the cup in his hand. Natasha paused as she watched her memory self actually consider the annoying man's question. He actually sounded sincere for once. _

"_I would do whatever I wanted to do, with whomever I wanted to," her memory self replied. Natasha paused as she watched a certain expression cross the genius' face. He totally didn't take what she said the right way. She could just tell by the funny spark in his eyes. The narcissistic bastard was back. The memory faded before she could see what he would end up doing. The next memory however scared the shit out of her. _

"_Your world in the balance and you bargain for one man?" Loki asked menacingly. Natasha froze as she watched the familiar scene play out in front of her. _

"_Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that, I'm Russian... or was," her memory version said. She felt an uneasiness start to fill her body. _

"_What is it you want?" Loki asked narrowing his eyes. _

"_It's really not that complicated. I've got red in my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out," her old self said frankly. The dark look that passed over Loki's eye instantly made her blood run cold. _

"_Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov's daughter, Tugenov, the hospital fire? Yes, Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer...PATHETIC! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away!... No, I won't touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you! Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear! And when he wakes, he'll have just enough time to see the work he's done, and when he screams, I'll break his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!" Loki shouted with a crazy look in his eyes. Natasha gripped the side of her arm until her fingers started turning blue. She may have been a good actress – but no one came out of a confrontation like that unscratched. No one. Not when it was all true._

"_You're a monster!" her memory self said backing away fearfully. Definitely acting; but the flick of slight panic in her eyes that disappeared in a second was real. For a second – Natasha Romanoff was not acting. _

"_No, you brought the monster," Loki said darkly. She watched the emotions drain from her face and leave a neutral expression behind. Loki seemed severely confused. She has done her job right. _

"_So, Banner... that's your play," her old self muttered as she walked away. The scene faded just like all the others and left her feeling empty and more alone then she's every felt in her entire life. It was one thing to watch that conversation on security footage – it was a whole other story when you were reliving it through your own perspective. She slowly fell to the ground as the colours swirled around her and changed shaped multiple times. The scene finally stopped moving in a SHIELD containment room. She looked up from the floor and her eyes zoned in on the pair of familiar spies having a conversation in front of her. _

"_Clint, you're gonna be alright," her memory self said quietly. Barton took a few deep breaths and simply stared at her. That was definitely not that right thing to say Natasha thought warily. _

"_You know that? Is that what you know? I got... I gotta go in though. I gotta flush him out," he said shutting his eyes and trying to block out wherever demons were haunting him at the moment. _

"_You gotta level out, that's gonna take time," her old self said firmly. He shook his head weakly. _

"_You don't understand. Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Take you out and stuff something else in? You know what it's like to be unmade?" Clint asked with a faraway look in his face. Natasha froze as several moments from her life before SHIELD came to mind – she quickly shoved those back into the dark box she created to lock them away. She could see her memory self do the exact same thing. _

"_You know that I do," her old self said quietly. _

"_Why am I back? How'd you get him out?" Clint asked glancing around as if he was going to relapse any second. Natasha watched him barely in control – she never realized how hard it must have been on him to be basically turned into a puppet against your own free will. It must have nearly destroyed him. _

"_Cognitive re-calibration. I hit you really hard in the head," he old self said dryly. The scene faded at the end of her comment and once again she was lost in the darkness of her own mind. A__mongst the flashes of these fleeting memories were some of the most horrifying moments she had ever experienced in her entire life. The one memory that was going to haunt her until her last breath was when new scenery painted itself across her vision in front of her and she came face to face with a picture of Clint lying in the ruins of a battle field bleeding to death. Her heart nearly stopped as she watched him take a ragged breath and cough up his own blood. _

"_CLINT!" someone shout from behind her. She spun around and watched herself run across the street littered with smashed cars and half caved in buildings. She looked like she had just fought through a war – maybe they did. _

"_I'm okay Tasha, I'm okay!" he croaked from the ground. Natasha couldn't breathe – he was so not okay. He was practically on his death bed. The memory version of herself fell to her knees completely disregarding the bruises she would get from the impact. Natasha slowly fell to her knees beside them as well._

"_This is not considered okay! Don't you dare say any of this is okay!" Natasha shouted as she frantically ripped some fabric off her already ruined shirt and started putting pressure on the gaping wound bleeding from the side of his stomach. There was just way too much blood. It soaked through her uniform immediately. _

"_Guess I'm not as super as the rest of them eh?" Clint said with a painful laugh. Natasha shook her head in disbelief– how could he joke in a situation like this?_

"_Stop laughing you're not being funny," memory Natasha said angrily wiping something that suspiciously looked like a teary eye away with her sleeve. Clint froze. _

"_Why are you crying?" Clint asked incredulously. _

"_I'm not crying!" Natasha shouted defensively. He gave her a look of disbelieve._

"_I saw some mist in your eyes! I'm not even dead yet!" Clint said in shock. Memory Natasha scowled viciously at the wounded archer and promptly smacked him upside the head. _

"_OUCH! Why would you hit a dying man Tasha?" Clint cried at he held is bruised head in pain. Natasha looked down at the rapidly bleeding wound in his side – if he lost any more blood he was going to pass out. He was down playing his injury. The lying bastard. _

"_You just said you weren't dying!" memory Natasha shouted furiously. Clint gave her a sheepishly smile that turned into a grimace. He had minutes left – and they both knew it. _

"_Tasha I didn't really want to tell you like this…but I lo-" he never managed to finished his sentence because they next thing they all knew an explosion went off to their right and completely drowned out all the other noise around them. Natasha's world went black once more but not before the searing pain of metal and fire making direct contact with her skin spasmed through her brain. Normal people don't survive explosions like that. _

Her eyes shot open and the hazy vision of a dark and cool storage room appeared in front of her.

"Natasha!" Clint shouted worriedly as he helped her into a sitting position. Her mind was still crowded with the information overload she just experienced in the last 5 minutes. The last scene she saw continued to reply over and over again in her mind. She couldn't get it to stop. She swayed from side to side and suddenly lost control of her stomach.

"I think I'm going to throw up!" she said as she rapidly turned green. Clint quickly dragged and random box towards her and held her hair back as she promptly threw up into the box of random ammunition – highly unlikely to ever be used again. She leaned back against the shelf beside them and took in several deep breaths as she tried to calm her chaotic thoughts. She weakly grabbed onto Clint's shirt and pulled him towards her – he came willingly despite looking very confused.

"Tell me. You're not. Dead," she wheezed as she tried to take in as much oxygen as physically possible and calm her frantically beating heart. He looked at her with a worried expression but complied with her request nonetheless.

"I'm not dead Tasha – I'm completely okay," he said slowly. Natasha scowled at him.

"I _hate_ the word okay," she said angrily. He froze.

"_Colombia_," Clint said with heavily realization. Natasha stared at him in confusion.

"What?" she asked. He sighed in resignation.

"You remember Colombia?" he asked slowly. She gave him a calculative look.

"Were you on a street in the middle of nowhere bleeding to death?" she asked slowly. He winced.

"Yup," he said warily. She glared at his vagueness.

"What the _hell_ happened?" she asked impatiently.

"Ivan happened…" Clint said glancing away from her frozen expression.

"That _bastard_! Is he still alive?" she asked angrily – there was murder in her eyes as clear as day. Clint quickly grabbed onto her shoulder and forced her to look at him.

"No Tasha – _don't_ go there again. Trust me it doesn't end well – for anyone involved. We can't win against people like him," Clint said firmly. The anger in her eyes continued to simmer.

"Why the hell not?" she shouted. A haunted darkness settled into his eyes.

"Because the last time we tried to confront him he had a 4 year old girl strapped to a bomb and made me choose between you and her," Clint said quietly.

The silence was deafening.

"Did you choose the girl," she asked expressionlessly. He didn't respond. She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and shook him vigorously.

"DID YOU CHOOSE THE LITTLE GIRL?" she shouted.

"Yes," he croaked. She let go of his shirt and stared at the floor.

"Why am I alive?" she asked finally.

"Because Stark is good with bombs – they got to you before I could," Clint said staring at a point on the wall above her shoulder. She opened her mouth to ask another question but he beat her to it.

"Don't ask Tasha – you don't want to know," Clint said slowly. She shook her head – she wouldn't sleep tonight either way.

"Where is she?" she asked dreading the answer. Clint tore his eyes away from the wall and made contact with her own steady gaze. His haunted eyes spoke volumes. She clenched her jaw and angrily punched the floor.

"That's why you were bleeding to death," she said angrily.

"I couldn't save her," he said with a faraway look in his eyes.

"This is one of the reasons why agents aren't supposed to be compromised Barton," Natasha said quietly after a few moments of silence. Barton shook his head sadly. No matter what shit happened in their lives – that was the one thing he would never lose hope in.

"You don't decide to be compromised or not Natasha – it was never your call to make. Whether you accept it or not – we've been compromised for a very long time," he said honestly. He watched as the stubborn streak finally drained out of her system and a tentative resignation took its place.

"Maybe that's why I fight it so much," she said quietly.

"When are you going to _stop_ fighting Tasha?" he asked staring at her straight in the eye. She stared right back at him with something different shining in her eyes for the first time in 3 weeks. A part of the Natasha he used to know from before the accident was back.

However the intense staring contest was interrupted by the resounding sound of an explosion taking out of the side of the plane. They both crashed into the wall as several boxes fell out of their shelves.

"What the hell was that?" Clint groaned as pushed himself off the ground and looked up at his frozen partner. He realized half a second later why.

The engine wasn't running anymore.

And then everything started falling.

Natasha and Clint stared at each other and rushed back towards the front of the plane. Clint quickly shoved open the door and stared at the arguing bunch of avengers at the helm.

"I didn't know they were there!" Tony cried waving his arms at the unimpressed Captain standing in front of him.

"How could you _not_ see fighter jets 100 feet to our left?" Steve asked incredulously.

"It's dark outside!" Tony said guiltily.

"There's a radar right there!" Steve said pointing at the flashing red screen in front of them.

"It's not my fault!" Tony said taking his hands off the helm.

"How is this _not_ your fault?" Steve asked in disbelief.

"I'm not the one who went to the bathroom and left an inexperienced pilot at the helm!" Tony shouted. Steve stared at the red faced genius.

"YOU FREAKING BUILT A FLYING SUIT THAT YOU CAN PILOT INTO SPACE!" Steve exclaimed in disbelief.

"IT'S NOT THE SAME!" Tony said defensively.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Natasha shouted effectively ending the dispute.

"Get out of the pilot chair before we all crash and burn," Clint said glaring at the pair of idiots. Tony and Steve quickly moved away from the controls and Clint swiftly righted the nose diving plane. He tried to bring them back up to safer altitude – except the thrusters were not cooperating.

"Why are we still falling…?" Bruce asked holding onto his seat for dear life.

"Ah…does anyone know how to fix a crankshaft in under 30 seconds?" Clint asked as he frantically tried to figure out what happened to the system.

"Why…?" Tony asked as they all stared at the fast approaching earth.

"Alert. Alert. Thruster is disengaged. Impact in 60 seconds," calm voiced reverted around the cockpit.

They all froze.

"WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?" Tony yelped.

"Okay everyone get out!" Clint shouted as he jumped out of the pilot seat and pushed them all towards the back of the plane.

"This is like World War 2 all over again," Steve said with a sigh.

"If that is so, every day is like World War 2 Captain," Thor said watching Tony and Clint freak out in front of them.

"My Iron man suit!" Tony cried frantically glancing around.

"There's no time for your Iron man suit!" Clint said incredulously as he busted open a cabinet and pulled out a pile of parachutes.

"YES THERE IS!" Tony cried as he dived under his chair and tugged his suitcase out of the gap and towards the rest of the team.

"30 seconds until impact," the calm computer voice spoke again. Bruce stared at the parachute that was suddenly shoved into his hands.

"Oh hell no…" he said fearfully.

"Oh hell yes! Put it on!" Tony shouted as he threw his own parachute on and opened up the latch on the floor of the jet.

"Is everyone ready?" Clint asked loudly over the sound of the air rushing past them.

"I'M NOT READY!" Bruce said fearfully.

"TOO BAD!" they shouted in unison and shoved the poor doctor through the gap in the floor.

"AHHHHH!" Bruce shouted as he fell through the sky waving his arms around frantically. The rest of the team jumped after him and suddenly they were all in free fall. They all pulled the parachute inflation strap one by one until there was only one flailing avenger still falling through the sky.

"PULL THE STRAP BANNER! PULL THE STRAP!" Natasha shouted as she fell beside him.

"I can't! I can't! It's not working!" Bruce said frantically trying to get his parachute open. Steve huffed and tugged on the damn piece of fabric for him and they all watched the doctor get pulled up by the force of his parachute inflation.

They all awkwardly started floating to the ground 500 feet above the surface. Bruce looked like he was ready to throw up.

"Well that was fun," Tony said dryly as he awkwardly hugged his travel Iron Man suit.

"We didn't even reach the right country yet and you already managed to blow up our ride," Natasha muttered beside him.

"Yeah it's not as uncommon as you may think," Steve said dryly. She stared at him in disbelief.

"People shoot you out of the sky on a regular basis?" she asked incredulously. They all shrugged.

"What can we say? We're popular target practice," Tony replied. They all rolled their eyes.

_Whoosh_. They all watched warily as their smoking and flaming jet rushed passed them and fell into the ocean with a gigantic splash.

"How are we getting back home exactly?" Tony asked staring at their totaled jet as it sunk to the bottom of the ocean never to see the light of day again.

"Not with you!" they all replied in unison.

**A/N: Hey guys it's been a while but I didn't forget about you! I really love this story and I was just wondering if you guys are still interested in reading it? Because I know around 200 people are following but I don't know if you like where the story is going or if you just hate it to pieces :( only a few people review so I don't really know what the majority of you think. Please let me know so that I can make it better! Feedback is really appreciated!**

**I'll keep writing if you guys want to keep reading!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: Oh so dedicated Clintasha fans – I give you a taste of salvation in the first half of the chapter! Oh so patiently waiting action fans – YOUR TIME HAS COME – in the second half of the chapter! And for the couple of you who actually care about the mystery – IT STARTS NEXT CHAPTER! Hold on! **

**RECAP TIME: The team were on their way to the Philippines to find Maria Hill and face unknown enemy #1. Natasha and Tony had a good old fashion spat which left Tony nearly shot within an inch his life. Natasha and Clint resolved basically shit but the good news is Tasha is finally getting some overdue memories back – rant all you readers want it was necessary to drag that plot line out. Hello? Amnesia story 101 – she can't regain her memories in the first quarter of the story! Sheesh. Anyway by the end of the last chapter the team was floating to the shores of the main Philippine island after Tony basically caused them to get shot out of the sky. I think Bruce was about to wet himself. Poor doctor. Oh well. ONWARD!**

**Chapter 15 **

It was the middle of the night and the Avengers were all sitting on the side of the road - soaked to the bone. No one had the foresight to bring Filipino currency. Steve stood at edge of the deserted street with his thumb sticking out and a stony expression on his face. No pun intended.

"How could we forge-" Tony started to say.

"Don't say it Stark!" they all said in unison. Tony pouted and sat back on the ground. After another 10 minutes passed they had enough.

"You've been standing there for 30 minutes Steve - every single car that has passed by didn't even spare you one look," Clint said with a sigh. Steve shrugged.

"Patience is a well-earned skill," was all he said.

"Yeah right - not when you're freezing your ass off it ain't," Tony muttered as he tried to make himself as small as possible - damn rain still got him. Clint sent Natasha pleading look. She rolled her eyes and got up off the rock she was sitting on.

"Move aside Cap," she said simply. Steve glanced at her and opened his mouth to say something - but then thought better of it. He backed off and watched the master at work. Natasha let out her hair and stuck out her thumb the exact same fashion as Steve had been doing for the past half hour. The next vehicle to come over the little hill was a gigantic cross country charter bus. And what do you know? They stopped instantly.

"Hey beautiful! You need a ride?" the smelly looking bus driver leered at her through his window. She batted her eyelashes at him - but the disgust burned in her eyes all the same.

"I do! Would you mind if my friends came along too?" she asked shyly. The driver glanced back at the 5 drowned rats that had matching sulking expressions on their face. It's not fair - _she was a girl_!

"Eh...why not? Hop on!" he said pushing open the door for them to come in. Natasha glanced back at the guys and gave them all a smug look. Clint rolled his eyes. Steve pouted off to the side. Tony and Thor simply gaped at her instantaneous results. Bruce looked back and forth between his ego bruised teammates and snorted.

"Whatever! I had no dignity from the start of this mission! I need some _sleep_!" he said pushing himself off the ground and walking onto the bus and finally out of the rain. Natasha rolled her eyes and followed his lead onto the bus - if the 3 idiots wanted to freeze in the rain - by all means they could knock themselves out. One by one the grumbling avengers made their way onto the relatively empty bus. Clint sat down beside Natasha and watched her for a few moments as she stared out the window.

"What would our lives be like if we could just jump on a bus one day and run away from the world?" Natasha asked suddenly. Clint paused as he considered her question.

"It wouldn't be much different than what we are doing now – if you overlook the whole searching for a missing comrade part," Clint said thoughtfully. She leaned her head against the window and sighed.

"Sometimes I wish I had the chance to do those stupid reckless things most people do while I was younger," she said quietly.

"You're pretty reckless still Tasha if you asked me," Clint said dryly. She rolled her eyes.

"I meant _normal_ 20 year old reckless Barton – not trained assassin reckless," she said frankly. Clint coughed into his hand awkwardly.

"Well…if you'd like we could ditch the Avengers for a few months after all this blows over and tour all the countries we haven't had horrible mission memories associated with," he offered nervously. She paused.

"I'd like that," she said quietly. He smiled softly.

"I thought you would," he said simply. A comfortable silence fell between and before she knew is she was fast asleep leaning against the cool glass. It's easy to fall asleep when you haven't had a moment of rest in the last 72 hours.

An hour or two later she found herself drifting in and out of deep sleep as she snoozed while leaning against a soft head rest. Even while she was half awake she still had a hundred different scenarios of this mission running through her brain - it's like she never gave herself a break. She tried to pushed the technically stuff out of her mind and tried to focus on shutting down. As she started to drift off a few scenes lazily floating into her mind.

_"You're going to love it trust me!" Clint said as he spun around and gave her a blinding smile._

_"You're surprises are never really surprising Clint," Natasha said with an amused expression on her face. Clint pouted._

_"Aww Tasha you're cruel words wound me!" Clint said dramatically clutching his heart._

_"Okay, okay! What do you want to show me?" Natasha said while rolling her eyes. The smile was back as he walked over and covered her eyes._

_"You always said you've only seen the bad side of magic - so why don't I show you what magic should really look like?" he whispered in her ear._

Natasha froze.

Was that a memory or just her wild imagination?

She was definitely exhausted beyond belief if she was hallucinating about things that were never going to happen. She tried to ignore the unsettling scene and go back to trying to fall asleep – like that was ever going to happen.

Tony peeked through the gap between the seats and cackled. Natasha was apparently fast asleep on Clint's shoulder.

"I bet you ten bucks she's not really sleeping," Tony whispered to Bruce. Bruce wrinkled his eyebrows as he sank deeper into his chair.

"Stark - bet with yourself I'm trying to sleep," Bruce muttered turning away from the talkative genius. Why did he always get stuck with the chatty man? Tony peeked over the edge of his seat and stared at the two cozy spies.

"She's so adorable - it's sickening!" Tony said in disgust. Clint promptly threw a magazine at Stark's head and watched as it smacked him square in the nose.

"ACK! What? She probably hasn't been an innocent girl since the day she was born! She probably knew how to castrate a man from the age of 2!" Tony exclaimed.

_Click_.

There was suddenly a gun nose to nose with Tony's nose.

"No one can sleep with your potty mouth going off every five seconds. Sit down, shut up and sleep Stark," Natasha said without even opening her eyes. Tony held his nose and slowly disappeared behind his chair - his work here was done. Natasha sighed and moved away from Clint's shoulder.

"So you weren't sleep this _whole tim_e?" Clint asked wagging his eyebrows at her. Her cheeks held the slightest hint of red - but in Natasha body language she might as well have just declared her embarrassment on national television. The suggestive hallucinations were making her suddenly act funny around Clint.

"I was sleeping for the first hour!" she said quickly trying to defend herself.

"Right..." he said giving her a mischievously look. She scowled at him.

"I was practically knocked out!" she said defensively. He laughed.

"I know your breathing patterns Natasha. You were awake for at least the last half hour," Clint said with a smile. A little bit more red entered her cheeks - damn this man and his obsessively observant ways!

"That's just creepy Clint," she said shaking her head. He froze.

"What? What's wrong?" she said sounding alarmed. He open and closed his mouth in shock.

"You- you said my name!" he said in surprise. Now the red in her cheeks were _definitely _there.

"So? You've been calling me by my name for weeks!" Natasha said turning away from him and crossing her arms. She tried to tone down the burning in her face - but it was futile.

"It sounds nice," he said softly. Cue the flames.

"You keep saying those cheesy things and she is going to explod- AGH!" Bruce promptly gagged Tony with his sock. Thor and Steve burst out laughing across the aisle.

"Stark you just got –pwn-" Steve's jab got cut off by the bus suddenly making a sharp turn and his face being slammed into the window beside him.

"Ugh…hitchhike driving…" Steve groaned as he peeled his face of the window and looked back at the frozen expressions on the face of every single person on the bus.

"What did I miss?" Steve asked slowly. He followed their line of sight and stared at the bus driver lying on the floor of the bus. Oh that was never a good sign.

"SOMEONE SHOT THE DRIVER!" a panicked lady shrieked before she promptly passed out. That got the Avengers into action.

"SOMEONE FREAKING GET THE WHEEL!" Natasha shouted as she fell to her knees and quickly checked the pulse of the driver. Tony dived into the driver's seat and frantically spun the bus back onto the main road before they all drowned by driving into a lake. He wildly looked around at all the complicated knobs and rods sticking out of the dashboard. He paled.

"Um…guys? I don't know how to drive this thing!" he said as he desperately avoided all the rushing cars coming at him every 5 seconds.

"YOU'RE DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!" the entire bus roared. Tony quickly switched lanes and laughed nervously.

"I knew that…" he said awkwardly. Natasha looked up from the fallen driver – the black widow was in the house.

"He's tranquilized. And we're being followed," Natasha said expressionlessly as she slipped a gun out of her boot and clicked the safety off. Clint sighed.

"Why is it that the bad guys come to us before we even know what we're going to bust them for?" Clint asked as he stared up at the ceiling. A loud snore ruined his epic monologue.

They all gaped at the snoring doctor laying face first across a row of three seats.

"HE'S _SLEEPING_?" they all cried in disbelief.

BANG! BANG! BANG! When bullets start flying through the windows you know the party has reached your front door.

"EVERYONE GET DOWN!" Natasha shouted as she moved towards the back of the bus to get a better look at what they were dealing with. She glanced out the back window and saw 3 massive jeeps all filled with massive muscles men – joy.

"Do you have an extra gun Tasha?" Clint shouted over all the screaming. She was about to throw him a spare firearm when a bulky object suddenly smashed through the window and landed on the floor between them. Clint and Natasha both stared at the black box and then glanced up at each other warily.

"Guess I have something better to do now don't I?" Clint said dryly as he quickly crouched down to analyze the black box. He quickly spun it around and came face to face with a note along with a ticking timer.

"IS THAT A _BOMB_?" Tony shouted as he tried to see what was going on through his rear view mirror.

"SHUT UP AND DRIVE!" they all shouted back.

"Leave our country and we'll let him live. Stay and we will not miss next time," Clint read the little piece of paper out loud. He paused.

"What the _hell_ does that mean?" Clint asked bewilderedly.

"LESS CONTEMPLATING, MORE BOMB DIFFUSING!" Steve shouted as he used his shield to block as many bullets as he could from hitting the civilians on the bus.

"You know for a highly skilled super-agent you're pretty dull Clint!" Tony called back as he broke every single traffic law there probably was.

"Eyes on the road!" the front half of the bus shouted. Clint looked up at Tony and scowled at him.

"Eyes on the bomb!" the back half of the bus shrieked. Clint huffed as he stared at the complicated mess in front of him. It's been 72 hours since he has last seen a bed, he smells like a drowned rat and he was _hungry_ damn it. This shit ends now.

"Okay! This is freaking taking too long! We're doing this Afghanistan style! Fire in the hole!" Clint shouted as he promptly whipped the bomb out the window and several yards across the lake beside them.

They all stared at him like he was crazy.

He simply shrugged in response. He came to terms with his insanity a long time ago – when he married an ex-assassin who could probably kill him in his sleep if he got on her nerves.

Every single head whipped around to stare at their temporary driver/ appointed saviour.

"DRIVE FASTER!" they all shrieked.

"What about speeding-?" Tony started to say.

"TO HELL WITH SPEEDING! WE NEED TO OUT RUN A BOMB!" Steve shouted giving the unbelievable genius a disbelieving look. Tony shrugged.

"Suit yourselves," Tony said as he promptly slammed his foot on the gas pedal. They all held onto their seats as the bus shot forward at neck breaking speed. The bullets suddenly stopped being fired at the bus as Tony drove faster and faster away from their ticking disaster.

"Our tail just turned around and drove off in the opposite direction!" Natasha called out as she watched their tail disappear into the distance.

"IT'S DOESN'T MATTER IF WE'RE GOING TO BLOW UP!" Steve said as he stared at his seconds hand tic closer can closer to 1 minute.

"EVERYONE DUCK!" Clint shouted when the time was up.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The entire bus shook from the vibrations of the energy being released from the explosion. Natasha froze as she stared at the gigantic fireball rushing towards them.

"STARK! CUT THROUGH THE FOREST!" Natasha shouted hastily.

"WHAT?" Tony stared at her like she was mad.

"JUST DO IT!" she shrieked. Tony paled as he saw the flames gaining on them and sharply crashed the bus through the thick line of trees beside them - barely missing the brunt of the flames by a nanosecond. However the next thing they knew the bus was tipping over edge of a hill.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed as the bus flipped on its back, hit the side of the hill and miraculously righted itself on the road down below. Tony accidentally slammed his foot against the reverse accelerator and caused them to crash into the crumbly mountain side.

_Rumble_. _Rumble_.

"Oh dear god no…" Steve groaned in defeat. Tony froze as he heard the distinct sound of rocks shifting.

'MOVE STARK! MOVE!" Natasha shouted from the back of the bus breaking him out of his momentary shock. Tony slammed his foot on the gas once more and sharply shot forward barely missing a large boulder from taking out a chunk of the bus.

10 seconds later the bus slowly came to a stop in front of a sign that ironically said, 'Welcome to Manila'. 6 frazzled wide eyed Avengers sat in the front half of the broken down bus with their wits barely about them.

"That is a welcome I will _never_ forget," Clint said collapsing onto the floor of the bus. Natasha took a few calming breaths to lower the high amounts of adrenaline pumping through her body and suddenly paused as she sniffed the air. They all look at Tony who was still sitting in the driver's seat -fanning himself.

"Is it getting hot in here?" Tony asked nervously. The Avengers shared a wary look.

"Stark...you're on fire," Bruce said dryly. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Bruce I know we're close but you know I'm taken," Tony said waving his hand in his direction. Natasha pinches the bridge of her nose.

"No Stark...your hair is _literally_ on fire," Steve said as he gestured towards the smoke rising from the genius' head. Tony paled as he slowly looked up.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! My beautiful hair!" Tony shrieked as he ran off the bus and down the street. He ran around in a circle like a headless chicken screaming bloody murder.

"TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT!" he screamed like a headless chicken.

_BOOM. BOOM. BOOM._

Thor stomped off the bus, picked up the squealing man and promptly threw him into the shrimp infested pond 20 feet away from them.

_SPLASH_!

"Problem solved," Thor said simply.

"AHHH! THERE'S SHRIMP IN MY PANTS!" Tony wailed as he sat in the pond.

They all did an epic face palm - even the locals.

**A/N: Haha oh my goodness i think the humour really lighten the action scene...even though they could potentially could've been shot, blown up, driven off a larger cliff, crashed into something or simply just pass out because of amnesiatic conditions. LOL I thought it would be awkward to just jump right into the next action scene since it has a completely different tone so I just broke this chapter into 2 parts. I'll update the second half as soon as I finish editing it! It's like the epic revelation moment of the story! I just thought I'd give you guys this half first since it has been a while! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: OH YEAH BABY! :D THIS IS IT! THE TURNING POINT IN LOST IN THE SEAS OF FORGOTTEN MEMORIES! **

**IT TOOK SO FREAKING LONG TO GET TO THIS MOMENT I KNOW! (The down time was for **_**you**_** Clintasha fluff fans) NOW THE ACTION BEGINS! WHO IS EXCITED?**

**CAUTION: Results may vary.**

**Hey mystery fans – it's your moment to shine! Enjoy it well. ;) WE ARE GOING TO ROCK THIS BOAT FOR THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS! **

**Chapter 16 **

"Okay did everyone go to the washroom?" Steve asked glancing around at his team milling around a gas station at the edge of the highway where their bus broke down on.

5 eyes stared at the Captain in disbelief.

"What? It's a valid question!" Steve said defensively.

_HONK! HONK!  
_

"Yo slow pokes! Need a ride?" someone shouted from behind them. They all spun around to stare at Tony Stark sitting in a beat up old minivan that looked like it was going to break down any minute now.

"…where did you get a car Tony…?" Bruce asked slowly.

"And where did you get those tacky sunglasses?" Steve asked in confusion.

_Cricket…cricket…_

"Do you really want to know the answer to those questions or do you want to find Maria Hill before these idiots who keep trying to kill us manage to be successful on their third try?" Tony asked dryly. They all looked at one another.

"Eh…it's his driver's license on the line," Clint said with a shrug. They all quickly filed into the car and off they went.

5 minutes into the drive.

"Do we turn left or right?" Tony shouted as he tried to navigate through the busy streets of downtown Manila. Steve tried to make sense of a map they picked up at the gas station – he was holding it upside down.

"I don't know! The map is in Filipino! I don't know how to read Filipino!" Steve said desperately. Clint rolled his eyes.

"That is why I should be the one in charge of directions!" Clint said as he took the map out of the sulking Captain's hands.

"Okay –we're probably about 20 minutes from that address Natasha found, if you take a U turn here-" Clint suddenly got cut off when Tony slammed his foot on the breaks and would've caused Clint to nearly fly out the window if Steve and Thor hadn't pulled him back in time.

Cue epic Avengers pancake.

"STARK! What the heck was that?" Natasha asked angrily shoving the boys off of her – being in the middle was not a perk when you get squished between 4 very large, very annoying superheroes – who haven't showered in over 72 hours.

Tony simply gaped at the scene in front of him.

6 mouths hit the floor in unison as they watched a taxi car zoom past them with 20 black SUV's hot on its tail. The scene itself was crazy - but the taxi driver was what caught all their attention.

"Was that just Agent Hill driving that taxi cab?" Steve asked in shock.

_3 seconds of shock later._

"Start the car Stark! Start the car!" they shouted frantically. Tony slammed his foot on the gas once more and they were off chasing after the massive car chase in front of them.

Natasha quickly rolled down the window and shot several direct hits at the wheels of half the massive cars. Nearly all of them swiveled to the side as the air deflated from their wheels. Tony nearly flipped the minivan sideways trying to avoid the skidding cars that were stopping in the middle of the road.

"AHHH! Romanoff don't you see I'm _driving_?" Tony yelped as he bypassed most of the stopped vehicles. Natasha glared at him.

"Either you find a better way to take out the enemy or shut up and drive Stark," Natasha said threateningly. Tony scoffed as he gained ground between them at the last 4 cars still chasing Maria Hill in her likely stolen Taxi car. They all raced onto the highway and then the bullets started flying in retaliation.

"EVERYONE DUCK!" Clint shouted as they all fell to the floor of the car as bullets flew through the glass and shattered it into a million pieces. The van ping ponged off of several other cars as Tony tried in futile to drive and duck from being hit by flying stray bullets.

Natasha quickly looked up and shot the men shooting at them from the SUV speeding beside them. The car promptly crashed into the sidewalk and now there was only 3 cars left chasing Maria Hill and her Taxi.

"Where is the Filipino police in all of this?" Steve asked in disbelief staring at the insane path of chaos they left behind them.

Sirens started sounding in the distance.

They all gave Steve a look.

"Okay yeah I was asking for that one," Steve said guiltily. Tony suddenly slammed his foot on the brakes _again_ and caused everyone to shoot forward by the force of the sudden stop.

"STARK! What are you-" Natasha started to say angrily.

_WHOOSH_.

They all froze as Agent Hill promptly spun her taxi car around and zoomed past their van in the opposite direction. For a single moment they all made eye contact with her and then she was speeding down the street and made a sharp turn around the corner.

Moments after she left they were surrounded by police cars.

"Stark…the second they get out of their car you drive through the workshop on our right…" Natasha said slowly as she watched the police men get their guns ready for an arrest.

"Why do your escape plans always have a 50% chance of us dying in them?" Tony asked warily. She scowled at him.

"Did you have a better idea?" she asked. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Nope. You're crazy stunt move it is," Tony said as they all took a deep breath as the police officers stepped out of their cars.

"Now!" Natasha said quickly. Tony suddenly pulled the car into reverse and onto the sidewalk.

"Hold on to your stomachs fellas! That means you Banner," Tony said and he turned the car around and crashed straight through the wood shop. They didn't know how many masterpieces they road killed in the process.

"Sorry! We'll pay for it later!" Tony called out at the wide-eyed old man drinking tea at his little coffee table. They drove out of the other side of the little shop and onto another busy street with sirens not far behind them again.

"Where did she go?" Steve asked worriedly. They all heard the massive explosion a couple of streets away from them and paused as they watch a huge fire-ball rise to the sky.

"I say we go in that direction," Clint said dryly.

"No shit Sherlock," Tony muttered as he slammed his foot on the gas and drove towards the source of the explosion while all the cars were driving in the opposite direction _away_ from the blast. When they turned the corner they came face to face with a huge burning car crash scene straight out a James bond film.

When all the dust settled they noticed the totalled yellow cab right in the middle of the massive car crash.

Everyone froze.

"Oh my _god_…" Steve said and he pulled open the door and quickly jumped out of the car to go see the damaged vehicle. The rest of the team followed him into the flaming car crash scene. Steve fell to his knees and peeked into the over turned car.

"Is she there?" Bruce asked anxiously. Steve looked up at them and shook his head.

"Then where could she be?" Clint asked slowly.

"What the _hell_ are you all doing here?" an angry voice asked suddenly from behind them. They all spun around and stared at the bruised and scratched up form of a righteously pissed SHIELD agent – but who was definitely alive.

"Agent Hill you're alive!" Tony cried theatrically as he ran forward and gave her a big fat fake hug. Oh he was going to get it now. Agent Hill's eye twitched.

WHAM!

Tony sat on the ground holding his forehead in pain.

"Keep your slimy hands to yourself Stark! And _you_! Why the hell are you 6 here?" Agent Hill shouted angrily turning towards the rest of the team. They all blinked at the angry agent's words.

"Um...we're here to find you?" Steve said slowly. She narrowed her eyes.

"I don't need 6 immature babysitters following my every move!" she spat. They winced – they definitely didn't think this one through.

"We thought something had happened to you Lady Hill!" Thor said nervously.

"Well obviously I'm not dead and definitely not in need of _rescuing_. Barton! I told you not to tell anyone!" agent Hill gave him the evil eye.

"I didn't tell anyone! We just found out that some mission intelligence pointed at the Philippines as a new target site and the fact that you just happened to be here made me suspicious!" Clint exclaimed.

5 Avengers stared at the archer in utter disbelief. They didn't know this!

"YOU KNEW SHE WAS HERE FROM THE START?" they shrieked. Steve and Natasha narrowed their eyes.

"You're not being a team player when you hide information like that Clint," Steve said evenly – but you could see the death rays shooting out of his eyes.

"When was this exactly?" Natasha asked darkly. Clint groaned – not again.

"Like only last week people! But forget about that for a second! We're here already – why _are_ you here? Who are these people who keep trying to get us to leave? And in general – what the hell is going on?" Clint asked giving agent Hill a pointed look. She glared at him.

"You know what? You _chose_ to gallivant into this country without all the facts, you _chose_ to play a wild goose chase with Fury and you _chose_ to get yourselves involved in shit you know nothing about – so don't blame me when you all end up dead. I'm not here on SHIELD business – therefore I have nothing to tell you. You shouldn't even be here – none of you should be here. _You idiots_," Maria growled angrily. They paused – they were missing something.

"Agent Hill if you just tell us what's going on-" Steve started to say.

BEEP. They all glanced down and finally noticed the mysterious metal bands wrapped around her wrists and up at her guarded eyes.

"I can't," she said through gritted teeth. They all froze.

Dead silence.

"We can hel-" Steve tried to reason with her again.

"NO! Leave me the _hell_ alone – get out and stay away," she said firmly cutting him off. They all gave her worried looks. "Just – just don't get involved. And for god's sake get her out of broad daylight and out of the country," Maria said pointing at a stone cold Natasha Romanoff standing off to the side. They all glanced at their resident Russian spy in confusion.

BEEP.

"Agent Hill why are those bands beep-" Clint started to ask suspiciously.

"Don't ask questions I can't answer!" she said quickly cutting them off again. Okay they were beyond suspicious at this point. They were just plain _alarmed_ now.

"Maria we can't help you if you don't let us understand what's going on!" Clint said angrily. She shook her head.

"Sometimes even the world's greatest heroes can't save you. And besides, heroes can only save the innocent. Guess what category I don't fall under?" she said weakly. They all sent her a pleading look which she promptly ignored.

"Don't follow me," she whispered taking a few steps back before she promptly ran down the street filled with totalled cars and general massive car crash rubble. The next thing they knew she had successfully disappeared into the thick crowds of downtown Manila.

_10 seconds later. _

"Are we following her?" Tony asked slowly.

"Yup," Clint said without a second thought.

"Okay good because otherwise I would've stuck a tracking device on her for nothing," Tony said rubbing his head and holding up his phone that had a map with a rapidly moving red dot on it.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

"Only you Stark could get close enough to bug someone and play it off as your insane personality…" Clint said shaking his head. He always wondered if it was all just an act. Tony shrugged.

"This is bad isn't it?" Bruce asked carefully. Clint sighed.

"Ohhhh yeah – but we got to find out what's wrong with her anyway. It could be dangerous. Scratch that – we're likely passed dangerous," Clint said as he started following their no longer missing agent – however the circumstances surrounding her disappearance are still a mystery.

"Why are the women in this organization always either dead cold silence or like firecrackers?" Steve asked shaking his head. They all raised their eyebrows.

"What's up with him?" Bruce asked in confusion.

"He's hitting puberty 70 years too late buddy. Don't worry about it," Tony said shaking his head and pushing the two equally confused (but for different reasons) avengers along.

Glare. Glare. Glare.

"Stop glaring at me Tasha. Of all the reasons to be mad at me – you're choosing the stupidest one," Clint said frankly without even looking at her.

"I'm not glaring at you," Natasha muttered as she relocated her burning gaze to the floor.

"Burning a hole into the ground is not different," Clint said dryly. She clenched her fists and simply remained silent. Clint sighed.

"If it means anything to you – Maria Hill is definitely not my type," Clint said as he cautiously glanced around to make sure _they_ weren't being followed as they followed Hill.

"Really? Because you seem to like batshit insane just fine," Tony said dryly. Clint narrowed his eyes. The next thing Stark knew he was kissing the floor as a pissed archer stomped down the street.

"OMPH! Sheesh you're the sensitive type," Tony muttered as he pushed himself off the ground.

"Shit she's leaving the busy crowd and turning down that alley!" Steve whispered breaking into the bickering.

"She's trying to round us off through the side streets - we need to split up and corner her," Clint said as he watched Hill zigzag down the street. She didn't look back once - she knew they were still there.

"Alright so Steve and Stark you follow Hill down this alley while Thor and Bruce will cut her off through the back. And _you_, you're coming with me," Clint said as he grabbed Natasha by the hand and dragged her down a different street. She bewilderedly allowed him to drag her around the corner. That left four Avengers staring after the stubborn duo with equally blank expressions.

"I always find it fascinating that the only person in the world who has absolutely no reason to be jealous is the most jealous of all and denies it as well," Tony said dryly.

"No one said the mind of Natasha Romanoff worked in reasonable ways. However if you value your life don't let her know that," Bruce added with equal dryness.

"Less gossiping more stalking Stark - we have a runaway agent to find," Steve said dragging the complaining genius down the alley by the collar of his shirt.

"But Cap! I NEED TO HAVE THE LAST WORD!" Tony wailed.

Even if the world was crumbling around them Tony would likely use his last breath to annoy the shit out of everyone in his direct vicinity.

A/N: **DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER! Hahaha I just give you what the imagination had deemed worthy of sharing! Now I think you all have more questions than answers XD Am I right? Well we'll find out more next chapter! I would love to hear your guesses to what is going on! At least they've found Maria Hill right? Now let's find out what the heck she is doing. By the way – sorry for the lack of Clintasha in this chapter. I made them go off on their own for a reason. We'll see some spies without avengers around the beginning on the next chapter! Stalemate or something more? hmm. **

**One more thing. PLEASE tell me you guys finally understand what Steve and Natasha's conversation was about waaaaay back when he was telling her back at the tower about how he once liked a SHIELD agent. Again it wasn't Natasha he liked. Ew icky love triangles are not my thing. **

**Anyway see you all soon! **


	17. Chapter 17

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: Hey guys! And we are back! When I said it's time to get this party start I meant it! We're on the downhill roller-coaster from here on out fellow avenger fans!  
**

**WARNING – I don't play nice. However happy ending guaranteed. That is my ONLY promise you. **

**Time to put the Avengers in a tight spot. **

**Chapter 17 **

"Hey Brucie we've caught up with Hill where are you?" Tony asked holding his cellphone to his ear.

"We're a little busy right now!" Bruce shouted into his phone as he ducked as several knives flew through the air and nearly sliced his ear off – that would be a bitch to regenerate.

"They sent the female assassins after us? That's just sexist man!" Bruce said as he and Thor sprinted around the corner and down another alley.

"It is effective! They make scary opponents Doctor!" Thor said as they ducked and stared at the axe that suddenly sliced into the brick wall in front of them.

"Oh come on! An AXE?" Bruce shouted in disbelief.

"Alright get back to me after you clean that mess up," Tony said closing his phone and glancing at the steady face of his righteous teammate.

"You and Clint know just how to pick them you know?" Tony said giving the Cap a long look. Steve didn't even spare the annoying man a glance.

"you fell in love with the girl that knew every single type of living thing you've ever sleep with, picked up your dry cleaning, knew how to run your business better then you and was the only woman in the world that would never take your shit and doesn't give a rats ass about your fame, money or status," Steve said promptly shutting the genius up. Tony blinked.

"Touché," he said dryly. But that wouldn't stop him from making one last jab.

"Yo Maria Stevey's got something to tell you!" Tony called out in sing song voice as they caught up with the agent. Steve scowled and slammed a hand over Tony's runaway mouth.

"Agent Hill! We're not going to go away and frankly neither is whatever problem you're running from!" Steve called out. Maria suddenly skidded to a stop. Tony and Steve nearly crashed right into her. She spun around promptly jabbed Steve in the stomach and kicked him to the ground.

"I told you to stop following me," she growled at him. Steve's shoulder ached from the impact but he stared back at her with equally firm eyes.

"If you want to fight I'll fight you but it's not going to change anything," Steve said seriously.

"Whatever it takes to get you idiots to leave," she said evenly. He narrowed his eyes.

"Who's trying to be a hero now?" he asked slowly. She tensed.

"I was never a hero," she hissed before she sent another kick his way. Steve quickly rolled to the side and dodged her next punch.

"You can't win if it's just you against the world Maria!" Steve said jumping to his feet and holding his fists in a defensive position in front of him. She laughed humourlessly.

"You think I don't know that? You may technically be older then all of us Cap, but let me tell you I've been awake longer then all of you - and reality is not pretty," she said circling him slowly.

"Can I say something-?" Tony started to ask.

Maria promptly kicked the poor genius into the wall and caused him to smack his nose face first into the brick barrier.

"Ugh! Ah…you know what guys? I think I'm going to sit this one out…" Stark said as he watched Steve and Maria continue to exchange fists completely unaware of his presence.

"You were the best! Why did you leave?" Steve asked angrily blocking one of her fast hooks to the right. She angrily jumped back and ducked as he sent a return punch.

"I made a mistake! I have to fix it!" She shouted before she promptly tripped him and shoved him into the ground. _Click_. There was suddenly a cold metal gun pointed at his heart. He looked up at the heavily breathing agent with the world on her shoulders.

"I'm not afraid to die Maria," Steve said quietly. She growled and shoved the gun into his chest harder.

"You're still a _child_! You need to understand that there are things out there that are NOT worth dying for!" she shouted.

"Are comrades not worth dying for in the 21st century?" Steve asked calmly. She froze.

"I'm not your comrade – one day you'll regret saying those words," she said quietly – and then she shot him.

_Oh shit. _

"Did you just shoot the Cap?" Tony asked in disbelief. Maria shook her head.

"Tranquilizer. They never expect it," She said calmly stepping away from the unconscious Captain. She looked up warily at the genius staring at her with wide eyes.

"You put a tracking device on me," she stated bluntly. He shrugged.

"Why did it take you so long to figure it out?" he asked slowly.

"It didn't – I needed to talk to you," she said. He raised an eyebrow.

"Very few people ever voluntarily want to talk with me about serious matters," Tony said dryly. Maria sighed.

"Cut the crap Stark. Don't tell me you haven't figured out what the Russians are trying to do with the neurotechnology," she said frankly.

"Enlighten me," Tony said dryly.

"Stark you know business – or god help us at least your girlfriend knows business. After America, Russia and China are the next two biggest world powers. Do you know what they could do with this technology _if it worked?"_ She asked slowly. Tony paused.

"I have an idea. However I don't particularly like to think about it," Tony said warily.

"I'll give you 3 guesses. Was Natasha Romanoff's amnesia an accident?" Maria asked staring at the genius dead in the eye.

"When is anything ever an accident?" Tony asked carefully.

"We're not fighting an alien invasion Stark. We're fighting to stop world war 3. Science is always a pain in my ass because it can be used to fix problems and then behind my back it goes and creates more," she said seriously.

"What's science doing now?" Tony asked cautiously.

"What's the best way to take away someone's identity?" she asked instead.

"Take away their memory?" Tony guessed. She shook her head.

"_Wrong_. Memories come back. They never fully disappear," Maria said shaking her head. Now Tony was beyond wary.

"What else is left?" he asked slowly.

"Take away everything there was about them and leave only memories behind – then those will fade," Maria answered seriously.

"How does that create a global catastrophe?" Tony asked warily.

"What could they do if they can take a perfect soldier and dump a brainwashed mind into that body," she said slowly. Tony's eyes widened.

"Oh _shit_…" Tony said in shock. "They'd get the perfect robot!"

"And where the hell would the world be if they could take someone important out, by simply sticking someone else in?" she continued. Tony froze.

"What exactly did you _do_ Hill…?" Tony asked cautiously. She grimaced.

"I told someone not to die," she said in a hollow voice.

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories **

"Barton…CLINT! Stop dragging me!" Natasha huffed as Clint literally shoved her down the street.

"I'll apologize later - walk faster," Clint said firmly. She gave him a wary look.

"You're not taking what Hill said too seriously are you?" she asked slowly. Clint paused in his brisk walk and gave her a serious look.

"Maria Hill is a lot of things Tasha – but a liar she is not," Clint said seriously. She tensed.

"I never accused her of being a liar," Natasha said guardedly. Clint sighed.

"I didn't say that you did. I'm saying she's trying to warn us about something she herself is running from. She's in knee dead with shit and I have a really bad feeling about how we fit into all of this…" Clint said warily.

"Clint I can take care of myself…" Natasha said irritably. His over-protectiveness was starting to get on her nerves. He pinched the bridge of his nose. She paused as she noticed an irregular motion in the busy street behind him.

"I'm not doubting your ability to be an efficient agent Natasha. I'm just trying to keep one of the only people that matter to me safe," Clint said firmly.

BANG!

A bullet grazed his left ear and he froze. Natasha's gun was practically in his face and smoking while the sound of her latest shot echoed around them.

"Did you just shoot at me?" Clint asked in disbelief. She gave him a blank look.

"No. I shot the sniper positioned on the rooftop across the street that had a red dot on the back of your head," she answered plainly. That made him tense even more.

"Oh _shit_," he cursed before he promptly shoved her to the ground as another round of bullets flew over their shoulders as they slammed into the floor.

"There are better ways of getting people to move Clint," Natasha muttered as his body weight literally knocked the breath out of her lungs. He quickly jumped to his feet and pulled her up with him.

"Not all those ways results in both of us being alive. Let's go," Clint said pulling her down another alleyway and quickly away from the tail they now knew they never lost in the first place.

"I think they have the entire place mapped out," Clint muttered as he kept making sharp turns through the crowds every time he noticed different men that kept raising red signals in his brain. Natasha noticed an empty warehouse at the end of the streets and pulled him back.

"I have an idea," she said dragged him towards the building.

"Isn't that going to get us cornered?" Clint asked warily.

"Maybe. But it also gives us several exits to confuse them with if we can weave through the building and exit it without anyone seeing us," Natasha said as they reached the front of the empty warehouse. She shoved open the rusty door with her shoulder and they both quickly walked into the semi-dark room. She pulled him down an unknown hall and they both paused as they heard the rusty door get blown off its hinges.

"Supervillian dramatics," Clint said shaking his head. Natasha just rolled her eyes.

"Where are they?" a deep voice asked calmly.

"They're in here sir – we just don't know where," a random hired gun said slowly surveying the dark rundown room. Natasha and Clint slowly started inching towards the back of the warehouse.

"Well _find_ them – there is a lot to do and not enough time to do it," the man continued.

"Sir we lost the test subject!" a voice said nervously through the radio attached to the belt of the faceless leader.

"How do you lose a 17 year old boy?" the man asked the anger vibrating through his words.

"He was broken out Sir," the voice answered anxiously. The man paused.

"Clean things up here," he ordered the group of men standing in front of him.

"What should we do with the scrawny one?" one of the hired guns asked. The leader shrugged.

"Simple, kill him – get her," the man replied before he turned away from the rough looking group of men and swiftly walked out of the warehouse.

"Time to go," Clint whispered pulling Natasha away from the doorway and down the hall towards the back of the warehouse. She stared at the group of men in front of her in confusion. They were too familiar.

"We know you're here Romanoff. Why don't you come out to play so we don't have to blow the place up to flush you out?" a dark haired men called out.

His question was met with silence.

"Women are always such difficult beings," the dark haired man muttered.

"Burn it down," he said tossing a grenade at one of the men behind him.

"I thought we needed the girl alive?" the hired gun asked in confusion.

"Oh don't worry. She'll be alive," the man said with a chuckle. All the men took a step back as hired gun pulled the pin and threw the grenade into the back of the room. Natasha and Clint froze and they watched it fly through the air. They both shot off down the hall just as the grenade hit the floor.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

They got knocked into the wall beside them and fell right through the unbalanced wooden screen that divided them and their adversaries.

Clint coughed through the smoke and pushed himself off of Natasha for the second time that day and locked eyes with the dark haired man on the other side of the flames. His emotionless eyes spoke volumes of his humanity – or lack thereof. The man raised his arm and a clear shot rang through the room.

"Natasha get down!" Clint shouted shoving her out of the way and gasped in pain as the bullet like object it made direct contact with his leg. Clint fell to the floor as the pain spasmed through the entire length of his body. Natasha hit the wall and watched in horror as a large piece of the ceiling fell to the ground blocking the path between her and Clint.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Clint said staring at the dart sticking out of his thigh. Natasha froze as the chaos of the explosion raged around them. She glanced at the exit that was about to cave-in in front of her and back at her fallen partner. Not a hard decision to make. She quickly snatched up her fallen gun and ran back towards the one man who she was sure would never leave her. The least she could do was return the favour.

"What are you doing? RUN!" Clint shouted as her. Natasha glared at him.

"NO! Are you fucking crazy?" Natasha shouted back she quickly rolled back under the burning beam that had fallen from the ceiling. They both glanced back to watch the doorway cave-in and block their closet exit.

"_Idiot_," Clint groaned covering his face with his hands.

"_You're_ an idiot!" Natasha said firmly.

"No I meant you could have turned the fire sprinklers on from the outside! Now we're both going to burn to death," Clint groaned. Natasha paused.

"Oh...okay yeah then I'm an idiot. Whatever – I'll make it up to you by getting us both out of here," Natasha said falling to her knees beside him and trying to assess the problem.

"Good luck with that…" Clint muttered staring at his non-cooperating limbs. He felt like a noodle.

"What did they do?" Natasha asked quickly.

"I don't know – I think it's a heavy sedative. My legs aren't working," Clint said through gritted teeth. She gaped at him.

"Of all the things you could get shot with! A freaking bullet is better than _this_!" Natasha huffed as she grabbed his arm and threw it over her shoulder before she dragged him to his feet and started making her way down the shaky hall.

"The building is going to cave in any second Tasha," Clint said weakly. Shit he could barely see.

"Shut up self-sacrificing is the Captain's thing – not ours," Natasha said quickly cutting off the rest of his inevitable comment. Clint smiled.

"Why are you smiling you idiot?" Natasha asked in disbelief.

"You said ours," Clint said softly. She flushed.

"YOU'RE SAYING WEIRD THINGS AT A TIME LIKE THIS?" Natasha shouted in disbelief. He chuckled.

"You never though it was weird before. Everything is a bit weird now," he said with a faraway look. She could see his eyes start to cloud over – that was not a good sign.

"Yeah tell me about," she muttered as she continued to drag his dead weight away from the fire and deeper into the building. She needed to find the back door to this place or something soon.

"Well…you're a little bit more mean now…But I still like you," Clint said thinking out loud. She froze.

"What?" she asked in confusion.

"Well you don't even let me hug you anymore or anything. That's mean," Clint said with a shrug.

"I'm not a hugging person Clint…" Natasha said slowly. Where was this coming from?

"You used to be…" he said with a heavy sigh.

BOOM! She nearly dropped him from the force of the explosion and quickly looked around to see where the sound came from.

"Natasha Romanoff. We know you're here and we know your partner's down. If you hand yourself over we'll let him live," a loud voice boomed through a voice amplifier from in front of the warehouse. The exit was practically surrounded.

"Oh come on," Natasha growled.

"They don't sound very reassuring," Clint said furrowing his brow.

"No – they don't. They're a bunch of fat liars. And I'm not quite out of ideas yet," Natasha muttered as she stared at the sealed window beside them.

"Clint…I'm going to have to put you down for a second…" Natasha said slowly as she glanced back and forth between the chair laying the floor beside them and at the window – it was worth a shot.

"Sure – just don't forget me okay?" Clint said quietly. Natasha's heart froze – he was like a child while drugged. She didn't know how much she liked this too open and vulnerable Clint Barton.

"I won't forget," she promised.

"But you already broke all your promises Tasha…" he said quietly as he watched her sprint across the hall and drag a half broken chair over to the window.

"Here goes everything," Natasha muttered before she smashed the chair into the window and shattered the glass into a million pieces. She surveyed her crooked handiwork – it would have to do.

"Okay. Listen carefully – I am going to throw you out the window and when you hit the ground roll away from the edge so that I can jump out okay?" she said quickly.

"Huh?" he asked in confusion. They both grabbed onto the wall as another explosion caused part of the building to cave in behind them. They were out of time.

"Just try not to die from a four feet fall," she said before she pulled him up off the floor and pushed him out the window. She quickly hopped over the edge and crouched down the make sure he didn't break anything important.

"You okay?" she asked worriedly.

"That was not fun…" he groaned. She snorted.

"Okay you're alive time to go," she said hulling him to his feet and dragging him down the alley and away from the burning warehouse.

"You're not going to out run the bad guys with me holding you back Tasha," Clint said faintly. Drugged but yet still semi-coherent – huh.

"NO we _will_ make it and you know why? Because I am a _god damn_ spy and I make a hobby out of beating the impossible system," she said through gritted teeth. The perspiration was streaming down her face as it become harder and harder to support both their weight and keep up her brisk pace. They both heard the footsteps in the distance and for a moment Natasha wasn't as sure anymore…until she caught sight of a life saver in front of her.

"Clint…I need to put you down again…" Natasha said slowly.

The hit men rounded the corner 3 minutes later and stared at the empty alley they swore the pair of wounded spies was limping down not even a few moments ago.

"Where did they go?" they asked in confusion.

"She couldn't have gotten far without ditching her partner – split up!" one of them shouted. 20 hit men broke off into 4 different directions to search the area and hunt down their target.

30 feet below the surface Natasha and Clint leaned against a dirty sewer wall completely out of breath - but alive.

"You're pretty," Clint said suddenly. She stared at him in disbelief.

"I look like a drowning rat and you are basically drugged. You're compliments mean very little at the moment," Natasha said dryly.

"But it's true…" he pouted. Natasha fell to the floor with a groan.

"Why does it have to be you? Why?" she mumbled.

**A/N: Oh shit right? Did I just write that? My computer is on fire with all the action on this page! Y********ou probably noticed the different tone from the last chapter - made sense to cut them into two right?**

**QUESTION! Maria only has a few more scenes before she becomes basically unimportant – however do you guys like the Steve/Maria side story enough to keep it going through the rest of the story? Or is Clintasha the only romance you want to read? Obviously Clintasha continues no matter what. **

**LET ME KNOW IF YOU LIKE WHERE THE STORY IS GOING PLEASE!  
**

**AND THE PLOT THICKENS! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: Okay so the Steve/Maria response took me by surprise. It seems like there is a three way divide between people who really don't like this couple, absolutely love this couple – or have never encountered it period. Wow. Personally it was just convenient but I have no preference. Steve is going to be canon shipped with someone very soon once Captain America 2 comes out so I'm just using what I have at the moment. But since I am the author I shall veto all your votes because I am the monster dictator of this story (muhahaha) and I'm just going downplay their relationship (which technically is nothing right now). I'm not kicking her out of the story just because she isn't a hardcore love interest anymore and you Maria/Fury fans...Fury is not here so sorry about that. That ship has got to go sail in someone else's ocean. **

**And so…we shall go to war! (POTC anyone?)**

**NO! What I meant to say is that I shall continue to shamelessly use her as a plot device and not much more. She IS important and you will see why. **

**DEBATE OVER! **

**Just live through the Clintasha people. That is why we are all here.**

**MINI RECAP: People I posted like days ago but if your brains are like hamsters and you have extremely short term memories – Clint and Natasha split from the Avengers, got cornered, Clint got shot with a sedative and is sort of loopy right now, they avoided the massive assassins entourage that was out for their blood by hitting the sewers while in another part of the city Steve is completely knocked out as Tony has an unsettling conversation with the runaway agent Hill. **

**Longest run on sentence in my **_**life**_** - ENJOY! **

**Chapter 18 **

30 feet below the surface two spies sat on the hard wet floor trying to figure out where to go from here. Well…at least Natasha was.

"Hey Tasha do you know what shwarama is?" Clint asked as he watched her fiddling with her communicator. She warily glanced down at the immobilized archer lying on the floor beside her.

"Not really…" she replied slowly.

"How about the visit to beat the shit out of Loki we made to Asgard?" he asked curiously.

"I definitely don't remember that," she said dryly.

"That was worth the month long probation we all got because of it," he said with a weak laugh.

"I was a part of that?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"Are you kidding me? You pistol whipped him so hard he probably still has the indentation on his face," Clint said with a sly grin. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"The little bastard deserves another…" she mumbled grumpily. He sent her another sidelong look as she continued to try to get a link through to the rest of the team.

"Do you remember June 23rd?" he asked suddenly. She paused as the sound of bells and whistles chimed softly near the back of her head. That date sounded familiar.

"No – what happened that day?" she asked curiously. He watched her with clouded eyes lost in his own memories – memories she didn't have anymore.

"It was just a really important day…" he said staring off into the distance. She waited quietly for him to come back from wherever his mind had wondered off to.

"You missed out on a lot you know?" he said finally turning back to the silent agent. She sighed.

"I know – it hard to be on the outside sometimes…" she said quietly. Clint gently gripped her hand in his and tugged it weakly.

"You're not on the outside Tasha. No matter where you are I'll always just be a step behind you," he said giving her a crooked smile. She sighed and stared down at their joint hands.

"That might not always be a good thing Clint," she said quietly. He snorted.

"Life's a gamble Tasha – the most you can ever do is approach every day like it's worth being alive to see it," he said meaningfully.

"When did you become a philosopher?" she asked warily.

"When life gives you lemons…" he said wagging his eyebrows at her. She rolled her eyes.

"I hate lemonade. I'll use those lemons as lethal projectiles if it comes down to it," Natasha said dryly. Clint laughed softly.

"You're such an anomaly. That's one of the reasons why I love you so much," he said staring at her calmly. Natasha froze as she replayed what he just said over and over again in her head.

"You don't know _what_ you're saying Barton," Natasha said slowly shaking her head. He was drugged for crying out loud!

"Nope. I know what I said and I said it. You just have to deal with it now," Clint said staring up at the ceiling. Natasha sighed.

"You're going to regret this when the drug leaves your system," she mumbled beside him. He laughed softly.

"Maybe – but you haven't rejected me either," he pointed out. She shifted awkwardly beside him.

"Talk to me when you're not semi-coherent Barton – then I'll take whatever you say seriously," Natasha said finally. Clint suddenly looked like he was about to nod off.

"How about when I wake up the next time?" he asked groggily. She paused as she watched him slowly drift off into his drug induced sleep.

"Sure – just don't sleep for too long," she said warily. He smiled as he closed his eyes.

"I like sleep –dreams are nice…"he said with a content sigh. She stared up at the ceiling as his breathing evened out and she was left to her own thoughts once more. She listened to the soft rhythmic sound of the water flowing in front of them and leaned her head back against the damp wall.

"Sometimes you make me want to learn how to love someone…" she said quietly to herself.

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories **

20 minutes later Natasha finally came to the conclusion that SHIELD communication technology is _shit_ underground.

"Out of 4 idiots why can't I even get through to a single one of them?" Natasha said angrily smacking the communicator onto the ground.

"Hey Natas..are you o…what happe…did you get cau-?" suddenly Bruce's voice came crackling through the previously uncooperative communicator. She stared at the stupid device in disbelief.

Glorified piece of crap.

"Yeah we're alive – but we're stuck underground because Barton got shot and it's impossible to move through the city – it's swarming with hit men looking for us," Natasha said cautiously. Bruce froze.

"What do you mean he got shot?" Bruce asked worriedly. Natasha glanced at the perfectly healthy snoozing archer lying on the cold floor beside her.

"Let me rephrase that. He was stupid enough to get shot with a heavy sedative and is out cold at the moment," Natasha said dryly. Bruce sighed in relief. Cleaning bullet wounds was just a pain in the ass when you're on the run from the enemy.

"But you two are safe now right?" he asked. She nodded slowly.

"For now…" she replied. Bruce looked at Thor warily.

"Did you get a hold of Tony yet?" he asked. Thor shook his head slowly.

"No man of Iron has been deliberately ignoring my calls – I know because he keeps cutting off the rings before they are over," Thor said sounding severely cross. Bruce and Natasha snorted at opposite ends of the line.

"One day Stark will die at the hands of one of us – he doesn't need any enemies – he pisses us off enough to risk Pepper's rage and end his annoying life with our bare hands," Bruce muttered. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Took the words right out of my mouth Doc," Natasha said dryly.

"Where are you two exactly?" Bruce asked suddenly. Natasha glanced around the dark sewer – it was a sewer underneath the Filipino capital…not a major intersection in New York.

"I have absolutely no idea," she answered frankly. Thor suddenly stopped Bruce from continuing down the alley they were walking along.

"Bruce…why did the assassins chasing us suddenly disappear…?" Thor asked cautiously beside the wary Doctor. Bruce froze and quickly glanced around the empty alleyway around them.

"What do you mean they disappeared-"

BANG!

The line instantly went dead. Natasha froze and stared at the dead communicator apprehensively.

Things were not looking good for the Avengers at the moment. Not good at all.

She quickly tried to connect to Thor's line and hoped the weak connection would go through.

BANG! BANG! CRASH! BOOM! Was the first thing she heard from the other end.

"My-" BANG! "-apologies Natasha! We-" BOOM! "– are slightly preoccupied at the moment!" Thor's voice boomed brokenly across the receiver. Natasha listened to the repeated explosions in the background with due wariness. However she tensed when she realized the last explosion was close enough that she could feel the vibrations from the blast from where she was sitting. Red flags went up in her brain when the walls around them continued to shake even after the explosion had passed.

It was times like these she wondered why she chose such a high risk job to be her profession.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

Oh right…she didn't.

To hell with _that_ philosophical line of thinking then.

"Guys…what's that noise…?" Natasha said cautiously inching towards Clint's unconscious body.

"NATASHA! Please tell me you're not in the northern part of the sewage system!" Bruce shouted suddenly into the receiver.

Natasha gaped at the communicator in disbelief.

"I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY IS NORTH DOWN HERE!" Natasha cried.

"The city's main water pipe just got blown up! You're going to be flooded any-" Bruce started to say frantically.

WOOSH.

Natasha stared in shock as a massive wave of water rushed around the corner and straight for her and her fallen partner.

Aw shit.

She quickly dropped to her knees and started shaking Clint's sleeping body like mad.

"GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!" she shouted hurriedly.

Too late.

The next thing she knew they were both under water and fighting to resist the current. Natasha quickly wrapped her arm around Clint's waist and dragged them both to the surface as fast as she could. She gasped as she broke through the surface and reached the small air space between the water and the ceiling. She held on to Clint as tightly as she possibly could.

They were _not_ going to drown to death – they were freaking master assassins for crying out loud!

"BRUCE! GOD DAMN IT! GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE _NOW_ AND FIND US!" Natasha shouted into her communicator desperately trying to keep them both above water. She frantically smacked Clint across the face – he was out cold.

"I can't get a lock on your signal!" Bruce said anxiously.

"WE"RE FREAKING UNDERWATER! Obviously _not_! Switch to the military line!" Natasha instructed furiously.

"I'm 60 yards away! What do you want me to do?" Bruce asked as he and Thor ran down the street towards Natasha and Clint's location.

"Just blow it up and drain the water!" Natasha shouted – she was offically _fed up_ with this crap. If this is what Avenger missions were like on a daily basis she is going to resign _tomorrow_!

"Tony is right your escape plans are always borderline suicidal," Bruce said in disbelief.

"SHUT UP! THERE IS A REASON THEY ALWAYS WORK!" Natasha shouted into the communicator.

"Okay! Okay! Just…don't die yet!" Bruce said quickly rounding a corner and staring at the gigantic opening into the city sewers. He glanced at Thor warily.

"Hey Thor…" Bruce started to say uneasily.

"I do not like that look you are giving me Doctor," Thor said immediately. Bruce coughed into his hand.

"Lightning can be explosive right…?" Bruce continued anyway.

_10 seconds later. _

An epic lightning storm lite up central Manila and fused every single light source in a 5 mile radius. A huge gaping hole was seen into the middle of the ground and the streets surrounding it were immediately flooded with water. Natasha and Clint flopped onto the ground like a pair of drowning rats. Natasha pushed her still unconscious partner off of her and sent the two soaked avengers standing in front of her a murderous look.

"YOU NEARLY FREAKING ELECTRICUTED US!" Natasha shouted promptly smacking them both across the face.

SMACK!

"UGH! MY FACE!" they wailed. Natasha threateningly shook her fist in their face.

"Do you idiots know that water conducts _electricity_? And that electric currents at that high voltages KILL PEOPLE?" Natasha exclaimed angrily. Thor raised a finger nervously.

"In my opinion there are too many ways to kill a human to keep track-" insert on the verge of nuclear warfare glare – "okay I shall be silenced now!" Thor squeaked as he cowered in view of her death glare.

"Hey you're both alive so it- wait...Where's Clint?" Bruce asked in confusion.

They all turned around to stare at the soaked archer drooling on the ground – surrounded by a really big puddle. They didn't know how much of it was drool and how much was the flood.

"You brought him back looking like that?" Bruce asked dryly. Natasha's eye twitched.

SMACK!

"You're the doctor! Fix him!" Natasha said irritably.

"I can't fix someone without any medical supplies!" Bruce said rubbing his poor bruised head.

"I believe this is the time we call Tony and Steve," Thor suggested cautiously. They all shared a wary look. When it was time to call Stark you knew it was bad.

"He's completely unresponsive," Natasha said shaking Clint's body and once again got no response.

"Damn they must've shot him with the heavy stuff," Bruce said in awe.

"Stop staring at my partner with the eyes of an experimental scientist Bruce…" Natasha said darkly.

"Get Stark on the line fast Thor!" Bruce whispered in fear for his life.

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories **

"Every time you breathe Hill I feel like someone will drop dead because the sheer size of the ripple effects that your actions create…" Tony said dryly. Maria gave him a blank look.

"Was that supposed to make me feel better?" she asked warily. Tony shrugged.

"Not really. I'm simply saying you're screwed," he replied.

"The most prominent terrorists in the world still have Stark weapons under their belts Stark," Maria said steadily. Tony tensed.

"I've been working on changing that…" he said defensively. She gave him a blank look.

"And what am I doing? Collecting daisies and running through sunflower patches?" she asked sarcastically. Tony winced.

"Everything you do always ends up being 10 times bigger than us though…" Tony said cautiously. She sighed.

"I know. That's the difference between being the hero and saving people and being the bad guy to make sure people like you can do the saving," she said glanced down at the metal bands wrapped around her wrists.

"What are those for?" Tony asked slowly. She avoided his eyes and stared at the unconscious captain lying a few feet away from them.

"To keep me alive," she said vaguely.

"Like my arc reactor?" he asked in confusion. She shook her head.

"No. It's more like a timed bomb," she said with a wince. Tony simply stared at her.

"The more questions you answer the less I want to know," Tony said warily. She snorted.

"Trust me. The moment I finish what I came here to do I'm gone," she said simply. The finality in her voice made Tony pause.

"What do you mean by gone…?" Tony asked suspiciously. She quickly dug something out of her pocket and tossed it at him.

"Adrenaline shot – should kick him out of the drugged induced coma," she said gesturing towards the Captain.

"No you can't ignore my question! What do you mean by gone?" Tony asked angrily. They both stared at the frantically beeping communicator that Tony had been ignoring for the past five minutes.

"Go save your team Stark," Maria said firmly. Tony glanced down at the flashing red communicator and back at the agent that looked like she was about to bolt.

"No you can't just- DAMN IT HILL!" Tony shouted after the sprinting agent who always worked best on her own. She had a job to do and they had theirs.

"Tell Rogers he needs to grow up a bit more before he's ready to understand any girl," Maria called back.

"Oh come on!" Tony said throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

"Why are you people calling me like it's the end of the world?" Tony shouted into the communicator.

"Clint's been knocked out with a sedative and Natasha is on the verge of murdering us all! Where are you?" Bruce said quickly. Tony stared at the phone in disbelief.

"What is this? A see how many Avengers we can drug in one day marathon?" Tony asked sarcastically.

**A/N: Oh! Oh! Oh! June 23 is my birthday! LOL However that is not what Clint was referring to! **

**Also I'm graduating this year and planning to study neuroscience: D woo! Hint…hint…does anyone see a connection? XD haha! **

**THE STRESS OF GRADE 12 IS KILLING ME! **

**But writing is relaxing…sort of…lol thank you for supporting me guys! Please let me know what you like best about this story! **


	19. Chapter 19

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: So yes I realize my little detour took a bit longer than I expected…and I've somehow accidentally created a few big problems the Avengers have to fix before they finally find what they were supposed to find in Manila. Oops. **

**Chapter 19**

Tony quickly crouched down beside the unconscious Captain and stared at the odd looking device in his hand.

"How do you _use _this thing?" Tony asked incredulously.

"What are you trying to do Stark?" Bruce asked through the phone.

"Ahh...I have this adrenaline shot thing Hill left me to awaken our second drugged Avenger as of today," Tony said dryly. Natasha, Thor and Bruce stared at the communicator in disbelief.

"THE CAPTAIN IS DOWN TOO?" they all shouted in unison. Tony pulled the communicator away from his ear and winced. Man these Avengers had some vocal cords.

"Yeah...Hill really doesn't like to play fair. By the way we lost her again," Tony said with a shrugged. They all groaned.

"Whatever you have in your hand is probably like an epipen just stab him in the thigh and it should do the trick," Bruce explained reluctantly.

_Cricket...cricket...cricket..._

"Did you just tell Stark of all people to revive someone using a medical device?" Natasha asked slowly. Bruce gave her a wary look.

"Natasha if it was anyone and I mean _anyone_ besides Steve Rogers I would tell Stark to drop the needle and step one hundred feet away from that person. But trust me...it is next to impossible to kill Steve without honestly blowing him up," Bruce said frankly.

"How do you know how much damage he can take...?" she asked suspiciously. Tony and Bruce had matching nervous expressions on both sides of the phone.

"Ah...that's a long story we don't have a lot of time for. Hit him Stark and meet us in the centre of town! We need to figure out our Barton problem," Bruce instructed. Tony warily glanced at the epipen in his hand.

"Well Mr. super-epipen...let's hope we don't accidentally kill any Captains today - I'd never hear the end of that one," Tony muttered as he quickly jabbed the poor captain in the thigh.

It was like ripping off a band aid.

"OH MY GOD!" Steve gasped shooting right up and smacking Tony right in the face.

"AHH! You broke my nose - _AGAIN_!" Tony cried holding his wounded face away from the panicked looking solider.

"What the heck did you do to me Stark?" Steve asked incredulously staring at his shaking hands.

"Don't blame me - this is all on your crush..." Tony said with a snort.

"Wait...DID SHE ACTUALLY SHOOT ME?" Steve cried staring at the dart sticking out of his chest.

"Yeah makes you wonder about priorities doesn't it?" Tony said holding his sleeve over his bleeding nose.

"She actually _shot_ me?" Steve repeated clearly in shock. Tony awkwardly patted him on the back.

"It's okay Cap. If you like that type of crazy there is always Priscilla waiting back home for a Barton replacement," Tony said reassuringly. Steve was about to smack Tony over the head when he noticed the half-filled needle sticking out of his leg. His eyes instantly narrowed.

"Tony Stark you tell me right now you did not stick another needle in me regardless of your intentions..." Steve said darkly. Tony gulped.

He could do no such thing.

Steve had murder in his eyes.

"Run Stark! Run like the chicken you know you have in you!" Bruce said through the communicator.

Tony bolted across the alley and frantically pushed through the crowds at neck breaking speeds.

"I'D RATHER BE CHICKEN THEN ROADKILL ANY DAAAAAAAAY!" Tony shouted as he ran for his life. Steve growled as he ripped the epipen-like dart out of his leg and chased after the cowardly genius with the dart still in his hand.

"GET BACK HERE STARK AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL WHEN SOMEONE JABS YOU WITH A NEEDLE WITH AN UNKNOWN SUBSTANCE AND YOU END UP WITH A MASSIVE MUTATED MUSTACHE FOR 3 WEEKS!" Steve roared as he ran after the runaway genius.

_Cricket...cricket...cricket..._

"A massive mutated _what_?" Natasha asked incredulously. Bruce and Thor winced.

"You don't want to know," they said in unison.

"STEVE WE HAVE A BIGGER PROBLE-"

"I will KILL you!" Steve shouted angrily ignoring any attempts from the fleeing avenger to placate him.

The Captain has officially cracked.

"I think the adrenaline is getting to him…" Thor whispered to Bruce. Bruce simply stared at the communicator in shock.

"But Steve! We didn't know it would last 3 weeks!" Tony wailed. Steve narrowed his eyes as they ran around another street corner.

"WHEN WILL YOU LEARN NOT TO DRAG YOUR TEAMMATES INTO YOUR INSANE EXPERIMENTS STARK?" Steve hollered after him. Bruce suddenly shook himself out of his momentary shock and realized that the two speeding avengers didn't know about the flood.

"Wait guys watch out for the-" Bruce tried to warn them but he was too late.

Tony and Steve zipped around the corner, slipped on the wet street they were all crowded around and smacked face first into the brick wall beside the team. They both slowly fell to the ground with a painful groan.

"Well…that was one way to get them here quickly…" Natasha said warily. Bruce sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Steve…give me the dart before you hurt someone," Bruce said holding his hand out for the aforementioned item. Steve grumpily passed the dangerous object over to the calm doctor.

"Damn scary things…" Steve muttered as he literally vibrated with energy while sitting on the ground.

"Do you have ADD or something?" Tony groaned as he pushed himself off the wet floor. Steve's eye twitched.

SMACK!

"UGH! Note...to…self…captain volatile…while drugged…" Tony croaked as he fell back onto the ground.

"If it worked for Steve it will likely work for Clint…but I'm scared for the side effects…" Bruce said to Natasha before they both glanced at the oddly behaving Captain on the ground.

"If you say one more thing Stark…just one more…" Steve said threateningly. It was a very strange sight indeed.

"Two of them might be a nightmare…" Natasha said with winced.

"Dragging an unconscious man across a foreign country is also a nightmare," Bruce groaned. They both looked down at the adrenaline shot and up at each other.

PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!

Everyone quickly fell to the ground and stared at the laser marks burned into the wall behind them.

"ENOUGH WITH THE AMBUSHING! WILL WE NEVER GET A FREAKING BREAK?" Tony shouted to the sky. Steve slammed a hand over the big mouth of Tony Stark while Natasha and Bruce made the decision to make no decision.

"Decision delayed! Let's move team!" Bruce shouted shoving them all down the alley. Thor picked up the unconscious archer and stomped down the path behind the rest of the team.

"That's my line," Steve muttered as he was dragged along with them.

"Where are we going exactly?" Tony asked as they ran down yet another alley.

"Give me your tracking device Stark," Natasha said suddenly. Tony shook his head.

"Hill knew about the tracking device – you're not going to be able to find-" Natasha promptly grabbed Tony by his collar, shook him vigorously until his phone fell out of his pocket and into her hand. She shoved him away, flipped the phone open and quickly brought up the tracking screen.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

"She's a couple miles outside of the city," Natasha stated simply showing them the clear evidence of her work.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

"Did everyone just see how she just assaulted my person?" Tony asked in shock.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Less talking more running!" Steve said dragging Tony down the street once more. Tony nearly fell on his face 5 times trying to keep up with the Captain's insane adrenaline induced speed.

"STEVE! IF YOU DON'T SLOW YOUR HYPERACTIVE BUTT DOWN I'M GOING TO THROW UP ON YOU!" Tony exclaimed warningly. Steve paused as he stared at his relatively slow teammate.

"When life gives you lemons…" Steve stated slowly.

"YOU TAKE MATTERS INTO YOUR OWNS HANDS AND HIJACK THE SITUATION!" Steve declared as he promptly threw Tony over his shoulder and ran even faster.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT LEMONS DO!" Tony cried.

"Bruce…I really don't want to find out what Clint would do if we pump him with that stuff…"Natasha said worriedly. Bruce quickly glanced around them as they followed the map on Stark's phone.

"At the rate things are going here Natasha the faster we wake him up the faster he can shake it off. Unfortunately it will take him longer then Steve…" Bruce said apologetically.

"I think I'm getting motion sickness!" Tony wheezed in front of them.

"We need to find a place out of sight to get the adrenaline pumping through his system," Natasha said wincing at the madness that lay ahead of them.

"Oh! I have an idea!" Steve said suddenly. He threw Stark's body at Thor like it was a pillow. Thor frantically tried to juggle two Avengers in his arms as they watched the Captain run into a tiny neighborhood and randomly knock on a stranger's door. The door swung open to reveal an elderly lady who looked like she may just be blind.

"Sorry to bother you ma'am! But I really, really need to use the washroom! May I please use yours?" Steve said politely – as politely as someone can while jumping from left to right. The old lady squinted at the hyperactive man twitching in front of her.

"Son…it's unhealthy to deny the call of nature for this long," she said giving his inability to stand still a pointed look.

Every single Avenger face palmed behind Steve – sans our unconscious archer, but he was doing it in spirit.

"May I change that fast?" Steve asked desperately. They all paused for a moment.

"He's not kidding is he?" Natasha said slowly.

"Nope," they all replied with equal dryness.

"Alright young man – let me show you to our washroom…"the elderly lady said slowly leading him into the back of the house. Steve spun around and made random crazy hand gestures that they interpreted as _- get shit done._

"Okay team! Let's hijack this living roo-" Thor promptly slammed his large hand over Tony's mouth, dragged him into the small house and slammed the door shut behind them. They all held their breath as they heard the commotion outside continue rapidly down the street.

"Thank god one problem has been momentarily solved," Bruce said in relief.

They all glanced at the unconscious man in Thor's arms.

"Are we operating on sleeping beauty or what?" Tony asked breaking the prolonged silence.

"You want to do it Natasha?" Bruce asked nervously. Natasha stared at him like he was crazy.

"And have him blame me for the crazy shit that he'll do for the rest of our lives? No way – you're the doctor on the team – it's all you Banner," Natasha said as she took a gigantic step back. Bruce stared at the weird adrenaline shot in his hand.

"The things I have to do to stay sane on this team," Bruce muttered as he gestured to Thor to put Clint on the couch.

"Just do it already!" Tony said impatiently. Bruce took a deep breath and expertly jabbed the epipen into Clint's leg.

Instantaneous results.

"HOLY SHIT THAT FREAKING HUUUUUUURTS!" Clint howled as his eyes shot open and he stared down at the needle stuck in his thigh in shock.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU GUYS DO TO ME? WITH DO I FEEL LIKE I AM ON FIRE? WHY CAN'T I MOVE MY LEGS? WHY DO I SMELL LIKE A DIRTY GYM SOCK? DID YOU REALLY STAB ME WITH A NEEDLE THAT FREAKING BIG? WHAT HAPPENED TO DOCTOR-PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY? WHERE ON EARTH ARE WE? AND WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M ABOUT OT THROW UP?" Clint shouted at the top of his lungs. He took a deep breath.

"AND WHY DO I NEED TO GO TO THE WASHROOM SO BAD?" Clint continued frantically looking around.

"Are we really saying this is success…?" Tony dared to ask as they watched their resident archer royally freak out.

"You know I thought he would crack sooner or later but under very different circumstances…and for very different reasons…" Bruce said warily.

Natasha's eye twitched. Something needed to be done.

SMACK! She promptly slapped her partner across the face to shut him up.

"CALM DOWN BARTON OR I'LL THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW!" Natasha threatened in the scariest voice that she could muster.

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed.

"I feel like I'm going to explode," Clint whispered shakily staring at his hands.

"We know. It's the side effects of a drug that's meant for a super soldier…"Bruce said tentatively. Clint gaped at the doctor.

"YOU STABBED ME WITH A POWERFUL DRUG THAT WAS MEANT FOR A MAN WHO CAN'T EVEN GET _DRUNK_?" Clint shouted in disbelief.

They all stared back at him with matching guilty expressions.

"GIVE ME A TABLE! I NEED TO FREAKING FLIP A TABLE!" Clint said angrily.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

"We're writing everything weird he does or says off as side effects right…?" Tony whispered to Bruce.

"Yup – I'll give him a serious psychological checkup later," Bruce whispered back.

"What do we do in the mean time?" Tony asked warily.

"Get him to focus on the mission so that he can shake off the drugs faster," Bruce instructed. Tony clapped his hands together and brought the room's attention to him – including that of a fuming assassin.

"Listen up Clint! You're stronger then this sissy drug meant to take out a 96 old man! You're young and in your prime! Are you really going to let some pesky chemicals rule your senses like this?" Tony asked inspirationally.

"Stark if I could stop shaking I would strangle you _right now_," Clint said darkly. Tony paused.

"Okay plan B. If you don't shape up and start acting like the highly skilled and responsible SHIELD agent you normally are the people who are trying to kill _her_ are going to succeed and it will be your entire fault. Are you honestly going to let that happen?" Tony asked seriously. Clint narrowed his eyes.

"I would _never_ let that happen," Clint said firmly.

"Then get a hold of yourself and prove it," Tony challenged.

"Is this his version of a pep talk?" Natasha asked incredulously. Bruce shrugged.

"Natasha…you may know a lot of things about men working in this field…but let me tell you nothing makes a man react faster than putting his pride in jeopardy," Bruce said simply.

CRASH!

They all spun around and stared at the slightly green looking Captain leaning against the frame of the doorway leading into the tiny living room.

"Guys…can we just agree to never talk about what happened in the last ten minutes please?" a wary Steve Rogers asked while holding his head clearly in pain.

"Okay one Avenger back to normal…one more to go," Tony said sending Clint a pointed look. Clint glared back at him.

"This is not my fault!" Clint said defensively. They all watched him vibrate down the length couch.

BEEP!

Natasha glanced down at the flashing screen in front of her.

"She's moving again," Natasha said as she watched the red dot continue to move in a zigzag fashion across the city's boundaries. Steve paused as he stared at the screen in Natasha's hands.

"Why would she willingly leave the tracking device on her?" Steve asked cautiously.

"Cause she obviously wants us to follow her without the entire Manila mafia on her tail," Clint chimed into the conversation. He raised an eyebrow as they all stared at him in shock. He may not be able to sit still – but he still had a fairly high functioning brain.

"The druggie is right. She's been trying to lose these guys for god knows how long – I don't think us being here has made it any easier for her," Tony said with a wince. So maybe he was a little too harsh on her.

"There is still one more option…"Bruce said carefully. They all paused.

"That Maria Hill is not who she says she is and that this is all a trap right?" Steve said simply. They winced at his point blank statement.

"It's always a possibility," Bruce said reluctantly.

"So it's a judgement call right?" Clint said pushing himself into a sitting position and testing his legs.

"I guess so…"Bruce said slowly.

"So take a vote – who thinks agent Hill is a double agent and who thinks she's just trying to fix something in the only way she thinks she can?" Clint said heavily leaning against the wall as he tried to get some feeling back into his legs.

No one wanted to be the first one to make a decision.

"I say we have some _faith_ in our SHIELD agents and give her a chance," Natasha suddenly said giving Stark a pointed look. He shrugged as she threw his previous words back in his face - he could take the heat.

"Honestly at this point I think you are potentially the person in the most danger at the moment – so if you think she's worth it I'll have some faith too," Bruce said tentatively. They both looked at the other 4 avengers in the room.

"I've known agent Hill for almost as long as Natasha – if she had a serious character flaw it would've shown by now," Clint said firmly. Thor tentatively shifted beside him.

"Um…my judgement calls have not been very well received in the past so I shall merely support the final verdict…" Thor said evasively. Tony snorted.

"Hey Hill is an annoying pain in in the ass – but she's never been an evil one," he said with a shrug. The last vote went to the silent Captain standing off to the side.

"When someone tranquilizes you instead of point blank shooting you down it means something," Steve said throwing in his two cent.

"Okay then…Let's follow agent Hill to wherever she wants us to go and figure things out from there," Bruce said looking around at their team. They all zoned in on Clint's pitiful attempts to walk even a few feet across the room. He froze in his quest to make it to the coffee table.

"You try walking after 3 hours of numb legs!" Clint said defensively.

"We're not judging – we just need to figure out how this will work," Bruce said as he glanced around trying to come up with some sort of plan.

"Oh um…I have an idea…but it might not be very desirable…" Thor said tentatively. They all shrugged.

"What's your idea Thor?" they all asked curiously.

_10 minutes later._

The next thing Clint knew he was piggybacking Thor as they quickly made their way through the quieter side of the city.

"How long do I have to look like an idiot again?" Clint asked in defeat.

"Until you can walk in a straight line without falling flat on your face," Tony said simply. Clint grumbled as he turned away from his annoying teammates.

"I'd rather be unconscious again…" he muttered grumpily.

"Clint…we nearly got blown up, burned to death, drowned to death and were almost electrocuted to death while you were unconscious…" Natasha said warily. Clint froze.

"Wait so being trapped underwater wasn't a dream?" he asked incredulously. She slowly shook her head.

"No…what was the last real thing you remember?" Natasha asked warily. Clint's face scrunched up as he tried to wrack his fuzzy brain for the last thing that happened before he went a little loopy.

"I pushed you out of the way of a bullet and got hit instead – everything else is weird fuzz after that," Clint replied finally. Natasha tensed ever so slightly – everyone missed it completely except for Clint.

"What? What did I do?" he asked in alarm. She shook her head.

"Nothing…you didn't do much," she said looking away from him. Clint narrowed his eyes.

"You're _lying_ Tasha," Clint said suspiciously. She huffed.

"And you were a pain in the ass to drag around with a team of assassins hunting us down," she shot back heatedly.

"I didn't ask you to save me!" he said crossly. She completely stopped moving and caused the entire team to look at her in confusion.

"There was _never_ another option," she said angrily before she took tracking device out of Bruce's hand and angrily stomped ahead of the group.

"Guys…what did I do?" Clint asked slowly staring at the lone Russian spy several paces ahead of them.

"You were unconscious by the time we found you – we have no idea what you did before that," Bruce said quietly. Clint groaned as he dropped his head against Thor's shoulder.

"This mission just keeps getting better and better," he muttered to himself.

_Another 20 minutes later. _

"She is literally 50 meters ahead of us – and there is no one around," Natasha said glancing around the deserted street with shady warehouses lined up in every direction.

"It seems like the factory storage side of town," Steve said warily. It was a little creepy with the sudden silence.

"It's quiet…definitely not like the chaos we just bulldozed through half an hour ago," Bruce said cautiously taking in the odd looking section of town.

"Everyone try to be quiet and let's watch what she does," Natasha whispered giving Tony a pointed look.

"Hey! I wasn't one of the screaming crazy druggies today!" Tony whispered back defensively. She narrowed her eyes.

"How about every other day?" she asked. Tony faltered.

"I don't blow things up _every_ day…" Tony mumbled. They all ignored his typical whining and quietly made their way behind a warehouse. They watched as a cautious Maria Hill stalked down the empty street with a ready gun in her hand. She looked _pissed_. They all held their breath as she passed their hiding spot and walked straight up to a specific warehouse across the road. She glanced around warily before she fully kicked the metal door and cause the vibrations to echo down the empty street.

"COULSON? I know you're in there!" she shouted into the empty looking warehouse.

They all froze.

"COULSON?" the avengers whispered in disbelief as they watched her push open the heavy metal door and reveal a lean 17 year old boy with messy brown hair and cautious eyes.

"I told you not to call me that Maria!" the young teen said hastily. She snorted.

"Boy, there a lot of things I want to call you right now - be happy it wasn't more vulgar," Maria said frankly. He winced.

"Still sarcastic as ever I see," he said warily.

"Still caught up in too much shit even while off SHIELD radar I see," Maria shot back.

"How's the team doing?" he asked switching the subject.

"Why don't you ask them yourself? They're not so quietly gasping their ass off 10 feet behind us," Maria said with a shrug. Tony fell flat on his face.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?" he exclaimed.

"The next time you want to be sneaky make sure you're not bugged by the person you think you've bugged," she said holding up her own tracking device. They all quickly patted themselves down and Steve warily pulled out a microchip from his pocket.

"Damn she is good," he said in awe.

**A/N: Let me know what you think guys!  
**

**AND THE PLOT CONTINUES!  
**


	20. Chapter 20

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: I made the last chapter super funny for a reason. Please bear with me on this serious chapter. **

**RECAP: PHIL DAMN COULSON IS ALIVE – what else do you need to know? **

**Chapter 20 **

6 Avengers stood frozen to the ground as they stared at the last person they thought they would ever see – in any weird form whatsoever.

"B-B-But you're dead!" Tony stuttered in disbelief as he stared at the 17 year old boy in front of them.

"Forget dead! You're a kid?" Clint asked incredulously.

"My brain hurts," Bruce muttered beside them.

"Yeah...that's a long story..." Coulson said warily. Maria narrowed her eyes.

"You're an asshole Coulson. It took me 3 years to figure it out," she said furiously. Coulson shifted awkwardly from side to side.

"It wasn't exactly intentional..." Coulson said cautiously.

They all froze.

"What do you mean not intentional?" Natasha asked slowly. Coulson paused.

"It's not a really good idea to have highly classified conversations out in the open," he said as he glanced around the deserted street and gestured for them to come inside. They all followed him into the warehouse and towards a rusty old elevator shaft that looked like its days are numbered.

"You know agent...this thing may be able to handle a 100 lbs. stick but I'm not sure how it's going to support all of us..." Tony said slowly. Coulson snorted.

"Trust me - this guy has lived through everything," he said as he pulled the metal screen to the side and allowed everyone to file in. Tony tentatively stuck his toe into the machine. Steve grabbed him by the collar and dragged him into the shaft.

"Manhandling is against the gentleman code!" Tony said trying to get out of the Captain's grasp.

"You don't deserve the code. Go on Coulson," Steve said glancing back at the agent watching their antics with an odd expression on his face.

"You've changed Captain," Coulson said tentatively. Steve paused.

"No one stays the same after 3 years Coulson," Steve said quietly. Coulson sighed.

"Don't I know it?" he said as the elevator creaked as it came to a stop. They all filed out into the basement crowded with maps, old newspapers clippings and an entire wall dedicated to all the news coverage the Avengers have had over the last couple of years. Coulson definitely chose a discreet place to lay low.

"So..." Coulson said awkwardly breaking the silence.

"What _is_ this?" Tony said gesturing towards Coulson's very different looking body.

"This is what SHIELD does when you're suddenly a prime candidate for a highly risky, highly classified and highly illegal procedure and your brain is worth enough money to do it," Coulson said dryly.

They all blinked.

"How could Fury keep something like this from us?" Clint asked angrily.

Coulson laughed.

"Fury isn't SHIELD. The council is SHIELD. We are just an extension of a larger system," he said shaking his head.

"What the heck? I thought we were the good guys!" Tony exclaimed in disbelief.

"Think about that carefully. Individual people are good and bad. A massive collective group of people has no conscience," Coulson said cautiously.

"So you're saying..." Steve started to say.

"Fury has no idea I'm alive," Coulson finished for him.

Dead silence.

"Well that's just fucking messed up," Stark said in disbelief effectively diffusing the mounting tension in the air.

"Well said Stark, well said," Hill said dryly.

"So this brain transplant experiment was SHIELD's brilliant invention that's now suddenly the most sought after procedure in the black market at the moment?" Steve asked for clarification. Coulson shook his head.

"No. The procedure you read was created by a brilliant Russian scientist who sold it to the wrong people. SHIELD took it off the market a couple of years ago and it collected dust in their archives until it finally occurred to them that it could be useful to carry out missions. There was only one problem..." Coulson said warily.

"No one has ever survived the direct transplant procedure," Maria finished for him. Clint watched the reserved teenager as he winced at Hill's frankness.

"But apparently you did," Clint said cautiously.

"Not exactly, but that's the big problem at the moment," Coulson said looking away from them. Bruce furrowed his brow.

"I read through the original research papers before. Everything seemed possible...except something was missing. Something didn't work out in the end," Bruce said trying to remember what he read back when he was still hiding from the world. Natasha suddenly looked up and locked eyes with the agent that taught her so much while working for SHIELD over the last decade.

"The procedure is useless. It's _you_ they're after. You're the key to solving the original deadlock," Natasha said in realization. They all froze.

"WHAT?" they all exclaimed in unison. Hill pinched the bridge of her nose. This entire mess was just one big headache for her.

"You always were one of the sharpest agents I ever had the honour of mentoring," Coulson said with a wary smile. Natasha shook her head.

"It's not always about sharpness. It's about reading people's body language and understanding what they're _not _saying in words," Natasha said quietly. Clint watched the silent staring contest continue between their old handler and his amnesic protege. He could see the gears in her head rapidly turning and connecting the very striking similarity between Coulson's condition and her own. It was a scary thought to even consider.

"I read about your amnesia in the paper. If you somehow permanently lost all your memories you've ever had would you still be Natasha Romanoff?" Coulson asked suddenly. Natasha and Clint tensed.

"How could you say that Coulson?" Clint asked angrily. He spent 3 _weeks_ trying to prove to her she was still Natasha! How could Coulson go and just destroy all his hard work?

"But if that's true does that mean I'm still Phil Coulson if the only thing I have _left_ are memories of who I was?" Coulson asked with a faraway look.

Dead silence. No one knew the answer to that question.

"No one has ever been in your situation Coulson," Maria said quietly. He laughed softly.

"I finally understand how you feel Captain – being the only one really does suck," he said shaking his head. Steve winced.

"I don't think you can compare being in a different time and being in a different body Coulson," Steve said uncertainly. Coulson paused.

"The real Phil Coulson is dead," he said with a sigh.

This was just one mindfuck after another.

"Wait! Wait! Wait! I thought we just established that _you_ were Coulson?" Tony asked incredulously. Coulson shook his head.

"You haven't understood the situation properly. Physical brain transplanting is impossible. It's never been done and we're years away from ever accomplishing it," Coulson said steadily. They all paused as they took in exactly what he said.

"…then how are you possible Coulson?" Clint asked slowly. Coulson shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away.

"Coulson's actual brain was never transplanted into this body. SHIELD scientists got around that problem by digitally transferring his memories into this body. That's why I asked you how important your memories are to who you are Natasha – because that is all I have left," Coulson said sadly. Natasha shook her head – she couldn't answer something like that. She had a difficult time dealing with her own problem – Coulson's situation was just a nightmare compared to hers.

No one said a word. They were all too busy trying to wrap their head around what he was actually saying.

"Coulson…if they never transplanted your brain…whose body do you have?" Bruce asked cautiously. Everyone was thinking the exact same thing.

"Before the memory transferring happened I was technically a 15 year old boy named James Hawthorne. However he got caught in a traumatic car accident 2 years before the Loki incident. He was in a coma in a hospital in New York ever since. No family meant he was a governmental charge and SHIELD has a way of bending the rules of ethics when it comes to things in the grey area," Coulson explained while staring at his wall covered with every scrap of information he could get about James' past life and his own. He had significantly less about the apparently dead SHIELD agent.

"I spent the last 3 years trying to understand if it's your physical body that makes you real or the information that body carries. If someone can easily take away the memories I have – who am I?" Coulson asked staring up at the ceiling.

"We can't answer that question for you Coulson," Clint said quietly. Coulson laughed softly.

"The scientists said the exact same thing. They told me it was my decision to choose who I was at the end of the day," he said quietly.

"Who did you chose in the end?" Maria asked quietly. He gave her a crooked smile.

"I chose to be Coulson – why burden the world with another orphaned kid?" he said sadly.

"So what does this all mean for us?" Tony asked utterly confusion.

"It means he knows a lot of SHIELD secrets but other than anonymity he has no effective way to defend himself," Maria said with a sigh.

"What?" they asked in unison.

"My mind knows how to disengage any sized opponent - my new body does not cooperate sometimes," Coulson said warily.

"At least you now got a nice blob of hair," Tony said trying to lighten the mood. He failed miserably judging by the dirty looks everyone sent him.

"I can still beat _your _ass any day Stark," Coulson said pointedly. Tony snorted – yeah right.

"And here we were thinking you had it the worse with the memory business Natasha," Bruce said warily. She gave him a blank look.

"No...I think turning an enormous green rage monster still takes the cake," Tony said flatly. Everyone groaned at his tactlessness.

"You know, other than the whole _Who am I_ issue…I don't see many negatives to this Coulson. You're young, you're fit and you got _hair_! What more could you possibly want?" Tony asked incredulously. No one would ever admit it – but he's got a point.

Coulson sighed.

"Stark how old are you?" Coulson asked plainly.

"Um...30 plus something I don't want to say...?" Tony said slowly. Coulson nodded.

"And how would you feel if you suddenly woke up one day in a body of a 15 year old..."

"I would be ecstatic!" Tony interjected.

"...but the girl you loved was now suddenly 20 years your senior?" Coulson ended expressionlessly. Everyone froze and quickly glanced at the silent agent Hill who wasn't looking at any of them. Tony's smiled wiped off his face so fast he might just get permanent frown lines from it.

No one has ever managed to make Tony Stark feel like shit this fast in his entire life.

And boy did he feel like a dick.

"That is why I don't care about all those things Stark. And now that we have that settled let's move on to more important matters," Coulson said turning towards Natasha who was standing off to the side listening to the ongoing conversation.

"Have you forgotten about Vladivostok Agent Romanoff?" Coulson asked suddenly. She tensed. Clint looked back and forth between agent and handler. He had no idea what they were talking about – no one but Hill seemed to understand what was going on either. She simply gave him a wary look. No one tells him anything anymore apparently.

"No," she said reluctantly.

"Have you told Barton?" he asked steadily. Clint's eyes whipped towards Natasha's rigid form.

"No," she said through gritted teeth. Now they were all worried.

"What's Vladivostok?" Clint asked slowly. Natasha clenched her fists tightly at her sides.

"It's nothing we have to worry about," she said firmly. Coulson pulled a sheet of paper out of his desk and showed her a hand sketch of a sun intertwined with an hourglass. Clint recognized it immediately – it was the one piece of her past that Natasha never let him know about in the 10 years that they've known each other.

"Do you have this tattoo on your back?" he asked cautiously. They all stared at the stone cold face of Natasha – her strong reaction was what was alarming all of them at the moment.

"Why are you bringing all of this up now Coulson? You promised never to let anyone know!" Natasha said angrily. Clint watched Natasha shoot him a quick glance. He stared back at her emptily. So there were still things about Natasha Romanoff he didn't know.

"Because I spent the last 6 months trying to figure out what happened to the 9 people in this project Natasha. And 8 of them are dead," Coulson said carefully. The tension was vibrating off Natasha's form in waves.

"So? The people in that program were not innocent people Coulson. They didn't have the necessary abilities to function properly in society," Natasha said slowly. He gave her another one of his looks that spoke a thousand words.

"They all died consecutively in the last month," he said flatly. The entire team froze.

"Okay someone needs to tell us what Vladivostok is _right now_!" Tony said butting into the conversation.

"Vladivostok is a city in Eastern Russia that is near the border between China and North Korea. During the end of the cold war it was one of the major cities used to carry out Russian operative missions in the east and the location of several classified government experiments. The Russians had the right idea from the start – brain transplanting is impossible. However memory imprinting was _very_ possible. The catch was that it only worked with young children whose brains were extremely impressionable – literally. There were 9 kids of various ages chosen from random orphanages across the country…" Coulson trailed off and looked at Natasha for permission to continue or finish what he started. She shot him the darkest look she has ever sent anyone in her life.

"The youngest one of those kids was me. They transferred high level combats skills, language skills, survival skills and other war applicable skills into all our brains. It's a whole different level of child soldiers," Natasha said reluctantly. Everyone heard the silent intake of breath from the only archer in the room. Natasha didn't look at any of them as she continued.

"The project was considered a success however the ethics behind it was highly controversial. Every single child was labelled criminally insane when the cold war ended and the Soviet Union was disbanded. We were subject to solitary prison for 2 years before the Russian handlers from the Red Room program broke us out and were the first people in 5 years to treat us like real people. You all know the rest," Natasha finished quietly. No one dared to look at Clint who stood stock still beside the suddenly silent ex-Russian assassin. He couldn't breath – he couldn't even think. The only thing that was running through his head was all those nights when Natasha would wake up screaming and never told him what the nightmares were about. 2 years of solitary prison as a _child_…the complexity that surrounds Natasha Romanoff is unbelievable.

"How does this relate to the situation right now Coulson?" Maria asked quietly.

"Ivan Braginski was the man who pushed for this project to get the green light. He's also the man behind the Red Room program and the Russian black market. The real problem is that they are trying to repeat the project on a larger scale but they need to know the long term effects," Coulson said slowly.

"But you just said…" Steve started to say.

"They're all dead except for Natasha," Coulson finished for him.

Clint spun around and walked out of the room slamming the door behind him. He couldn't handle this at the moment. Natasha cursed under her breath in Russian.

"I'm sorry," Coulson said with a wince.

"Were you ever going to tell him?" Steve asked quietly. Natasha looked up at them and the answer was clear as day.

"No," she answered honestly.

**A/N: Interesting turn of events maybe?  
**


	21. Chapter 21

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**Right so we got a lot of questions! I have tailored this chapter to answer as many as possible – but as you will see…the pieces are starting to fall into place.**

**RECAP: Natasha's dark child solider past has been revealed. Clint has blown a fuse and left the group to blow off some steam. The team is wary about Natasha's emotional state of mind. Coulson and Hill have their own shit to deal with. Something big is brewing in the background. Natasha is in trouble. The bad guys are lurking in the distance. The Avengers are still in the dark about certain things. **

**Chapter 21 **

They all looked at Natasha uneasily as she stared at the door an archer just ran through.

"I know what you're all thinking – and I'm not going to break down like a child and start crying. Yes I was used like a weapon, yes I was technically a child, and yes life just sucks for some people. But that part of my life I remember very clearly and the important thing is that I _survived_. And no one is ever going to use me like that again," she said darkly.

"We're not judging you based on your past Natasha…," Steve said quietly.

"But you are Steve. Even if you don't want to," she said emptily.

"Barton's an idiot," Tony muttered beside them. Natasha sighed.

"Barton's not an idiot Stark. That was actually exactly along the lines of the reaction I thought I would get. Remember I still knew him for a full 7 years before my memory starts having blanks," she said carefully.

"You are indeed very strong Lady Natasha," Thor said solemnly. Natasha gave him a sad look.

"It's not always about strength Thor. Sometimes all you need is the right motivation to keep you going through the darkness," she said quietly.

"Where did you get 2 _years_ of motivation?" Bruce asked slowly. He could never imagine going through what she's lived through and coming out even half as sane as Natasha has turned out to be. Sometimes he felt like Natasha has experienced so much more pain then he ever did because of the Hulk – she was just so much better at hiding it then he was.

"I had someone I had to protect and that meant I had to make it back alive," Natasha replied vaguely. That could mean a whole host of things - but nobody wanted to be the one to ask.

"Can we leave it at the fact that I had a shitty childhood and get on with our lives?" Natasha said before anyone could gather enough courage to ask her anything. They all cringed.

"I don't think it's healthy to bottle things up-" She gave him a look. "–but we will let it go if you want us too," Bruce said with a sigh.

"Thank you – I'm going to get some fresh air now," she said before she walked out of the room and slowly closed the door behind her.

"Someone is going after her right?" Steve asked when the door shut in their face. They all promptly engaged in a staring contest.

"Well obviously Barton's not going to do it," Steve said with a sigh.

His comment was followed by silence. No one was volunteering. Bruce sighed.

"I'll go," he said as he got up to go after the closed off Russian. They were all cowards.

"Man of action my ass," Tony said looking Steve up and down. Steve flushed.

"Hey I don't see man of Iron running after a deadly spy either!" Steve shot back. Tony snorted.

"That's because I have survival instincts – you're just a coward," Tony said simply. Steve gaped at him.

"In what world does that make sense?" Steve asked incredulously. Thor simply watched the ping pong like conversation fly back and forth between genius and soldier.

"Some things don't change," Coulson said dryly as he watched the two Avengers bicker even after one of the most horrific conversations they've ever had.

"It's how they cope with reality," Maria said quietly.

**Memories memories memories memories **

"This is not what I consider fresh air," Bruce said as he walked into the tiny storage room at the other end of the building. It took him nearly 20 minutes to find her – but the fact that he did meant that she wanted him to. "I know you don't want to talk to us but you should go talk to him you know," Bruce said taking a seat beside the silent agent staring at the wall in front of her.

"I don't think he wants to talk to anyone right now," she said quietly. Bruce shook his head.

"No I don't think so either – but that doesn't mean solitude is what either of you need right now," Bruce said staring out the window at the empty streets that lay on the other side.

"Bruce…can I ask you a question and get a straight answer?" she asked suddenly. He paused and gave her a cautious look.

"I can't guarantee that Natasha," he said quietly. She picked a little red headed doll lying on the floor beside her.

"Was I in some kind of relationship with Clint before my accident?" she asked staring at the worn out doll in her hand. Bruce froze – _oh_ _shit_. Where on earth did that come from?

"I can't answer that for you Natasha," Bruce said carefully. She laughed softly and placed her head in her hands.

"So I was," she said with a heavy sigh. He cringed – talk about bad timing.

"Clint would never force you into something you didn't fully consent to," Bruce said firmly. She shook her head and pulled her knees up to her chest.

"It's not that. It's the fact that no matter what I do – it's going to kill him slowly that I'm not her," Natasha said shutting her eyes tightly. Bruce tensed beside her.

"You only stop being Natasha Romanoff when you stop believing that you are Natasha," Bruce said after a few moments of silence. She hugged herself tighter.

"Sometimes I don't even know who she's supposed to be anymore," she whispered into her knees.

"Forget who she's _supposed_ to be – who do you _want_ to be?" Bruce asked carefully.

"I want to be someone Clint Barton can be proud to call his partner," she said quietly.

"That's not good enough Natasha. You were always that someone - you need to be more specific," Bruce said shaking his head.

"I want to be strong enough that when all of this is over – I'll still be me," she whispered.

"Why are you scared that you won't be?" he asked carefully.

"They got into my head once Bruce – what's stopping them from doing it again?" she asked in a hollow voice.

"That's what _guns_ are for. That's what _we're_ here for. And god damn it if that's not enough Clint will never let them get to you as long as he's alive," Bruce said firmly. He felt her instantly grow still beside him the moment he said Clint's name. He knew he hit a sore spot when he felt her heart rate spike to unimaginable proportions – almost to a level considered hyperventilation. When a person doesn't show any signs on their face that they are practically on the verge of a heart attack – you knew something was wrong.

"You know…there are a lot of things out there to be afraid of Bruce. Most people are scared of things they don't understand. But nothing scares me more than the fact that I _know_ that the day Clint Barton dies – it's going to be _my_ fault," she whispered finally looking up at Bruce's sad eyes.

"How are you so sure?" Bruce asked quietly.

"Because he'll always take the final hit for me Bruce – he always does. One day it's going to be too close. One day he won't wake up to tell me I worry too much. One day he's going to be gone," she said as her hands fell into her lap and the little red headed doll fell to the floor.

"You can't live your life by what ifs Natasha," Bruce said shaking his head. She stared at the floor with a vacant expression on her face.

"87," she said quietly. He gave her a confused look.

"What?"

"He's almost died 87 times because of me," she said emptily.

"How many times have _you_ almost died trying to save him Natasha?" Bruce asked instead of letting her fall deeper into her little world of despair. She tensed but didn't answer.

"Just as much I'm guessing…" he said looking away from her and out the window once more. The light was fading rapidly as the sun began to touch the horizon.

"Love is a funny thing Natasha. You don't know what it is exactly until it's gone. But in the end you realize it's the only thing that keeps us alive," Bruce said to the silent agent. "Don't wait until it's gone Natasha. Go find him and tell him what you've been going through all by yourself for the past 20 years. So he blew a fuse – he's not perfect Natasha. It doesn't matter if you two have a 3 year gap between you – you can't possibly hope to fix the present until you've come to terms with the past," he said as he pushed himself off the ground and dusted himself off as he stood in front of her. She gave him a cautious look.

"You know that saying '_history has a tendency to repeat itself'_?" Bruce asked shoving his hands in his pockets.

"What about it?" she asked slowly.

"I have this feeling that if you stick around long enough….everything will happen all over again. Moment by moment until you eventually catch up," he said giving her a small smile. She didn't return his smile. Instead she gave him a doubting look.

"Life doesn't always work out how you want it too Bruce," she said quietly.

"It never will unless you _try_ Natasha," he said as he walked away – there was nothing more left to say. She watched him slip out of the room and glanced out the window – there was an angry confused archer to find.

**Memories memories memories memories memories **

Steve sat on the ground and leaned against the rusty old warehouse as he stared up at the stars twinkling above them. At least there was one thing that didn't change in the last 70 years.

"Why are you sitting out here by yourself acting like a lonely man?" a voice asked from behind him. Steve sighed - self contemplation time was over.

"Go away Stark," Steve said tiredly. He didn't have the energy that was required to refrain from murdering the narcissistic bastard. Tony was about to make one of his world famous sarcastic remarks when he paused as he noticed a pair of experienced agents sitting on a swing set talking quietly in the distance. They were old souls who were suddenly years apart.

"You're a masochist Rogers," Tony said frankly. Steve snorted.

"No Stark - _Bruce_ is the masochist sitting inside dealing with Natasha because she and Clint are having another round of epic spy drama," Steve replied. Tony paused.

"Fine I'll give you that one. Scoot over," Tony said taking a seat on the cold ground beside the Captain.

"If Bruce and Natasha are inside and Clint is off beating the shit out of some poor defenceless wall – where is Thor?" Steve asked suddenly. Tony paused.

"You know that is a _very_ good question. Where is the gentle giant?" Tony asked glancing around. They both froze as they head a very loud conversation begin inside.

"Jane? Jane? Can you hear me? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me _now_? How about now? Now?" Thor's voiced boomed as he walked in circles inside the large warehouse. Tony and Steve groaned in unison.

"Stark go fix his damn phone before he brings every single assassin in the city to this location," Steve said looking up at the sky and mouthing '_why me?'_ Tony winced as the demigod continued to boom.

"I shall get right on that. Why don't you distract him while I fiddle with his phone?" Tony suggested as he pushed himself off the ground. Steve sighed and followed his actions.

"Sure why not?" he said as he led them into the warehouse. Tony dusted the dirt off his pants and started making crazy hand gestures to Thor from behind the captain's back. Thor nodded and continued to speak annoyingly loud into his communicator.

"I don't think this invention called reception is very good here Jane!" Thor boomed into the phone. Steve sighed and held out his in front of the booming demigod.

"Give me the phone Thor – you can have it back after Stark fixes it okay?" Steve said kindly. Thor suspiciously glanced at the calm solider. However eventually he handed over the malfunctioning device with a dramatic sigh.

"You have much wisdom dear Captain," Thor said begrudgingly. Steve gave him a weird look and passed the phone to Tony.

"Sure…" Steve said slowly.

"You two tango while I'll be right back…with…the mechanic stuff I need okay?" Tony said as he inched towards the elevator that led down to Coulson's domain. He quickly rod down to the basement level and got out to survey the messy nook full of information that Coulson spent the last couple of years compiling.

"There is always more to the story then what SHIELD agents say…" Tony said as he stared at the thick piles of papers lying all over the floor and clippings pasted across all the walls.

"If I was that high in the SHIELD promotion ladder of succession and had 3 years to sit on everything I knew about the organization… what would I do?" Tony muttered as he started leafing through all of Coulson's work.

"Well _that_ was a stupid question. I definitely wouldn't haul myself up in a tiny nook in the _Philippines_ of all places. Why are you here Coulson? Why did you choose _now_ to let Hill know you were alive?" Tony mused as he dragged his hand across the wall of newspaper articles that highlighted several key avenger appearances through the years. He paused when he noticed a red string running along the wall behind all the papers. He slowly started ripping the articles off the wall to reveal a bigger, bigger interconnecting web of strings on a map with 9 cities circled on it.

"The red _web_ of conspiracy – poetic Coulson, very poetic," Tony said with a snort. He followed the lines that went from city to city.

"Moscow, Dubai, Rio de Janeiro, Seoul, New Delhi, Tokyo, Paris, Beijing…Manila," he paused on the last city that they were currently residing in.

"What's so special about these cities?" Tony asked as he took a step back and surveyed Coulson's work.

"The Avengers haven't been to all these-" he froze.

"_Where have you been around the globe Natalie?" Tony asked throwing a stress ball into the air as he watched Pepper's "secretary" work diligently at her desk. _

"_I used to travel a lot while I was still in college," Natalie Rushman AKA Natasha Romanoff once said to him. _

"_Like where?" Tony asked tilting his head to the side. She shrugged. _

"_Like most of the major touristy countries; Dubai, Singapore, Brazil, China, the Philippines, Korea, India, Russia, Japan – the likes," she said as she continued to type on her laptop. _

"_Um…Natalie? Those aren't all the most common vacation spots for college students…" Tony said slowly. She paused for just a millisecond in her motions of writing up a report for Pepper – he would have missed it completely if he wasn't watched her so carefully. _

"_Aren't they?" she said warily. That was one of the first red flags that told him something was up with the secretary. _

"Was that a lie or just a convenience truth?" Tony muttered as he continued to leaf through some of Coulson's books. He knew Red was a very well-travelled assassin with high profile assignments from around the world – but sometimes he wondered why her assignments were always so far away from each other. What type of targets did she have exactly? How random were they actually? He paused as he came across a well-worn journal stuck between a series of atlas in a shelf beside the map. He opened the journal and was bombarded with the messy handwriting that definitely belonged to Coulson. Guess some things never change. He flipped through the pages and stared at one of the most faded and scratched up pages in the book.

_**Project Arcanum test subjects**_

_May 1, 2014_

_Brazil - Sylvia Nijinsky - find and ask her about Vladivostok _

_May 2, 2014_

_Singapore - Sylvia Nijinsky - death by assassination _

_May 5, 2014 _

_Dubai - Pierre Vladimiroff - __death by assassination _

_May 8, 2014 _

_France - Michel Fokine – __death by assassination _

_May 14, 2014_

_India - Marius Petipa- __death by assassination _

_May 15, 2014_

_Russia - Yekaterina Geltzer- __death by assassination _

_May 18, 2014 _

_China - Theodore Kosloff – __death by assassination _

_May 19, 2014 _

_Japan - Lydia Lopokova – missing_

_Japan - Rudolf Nureyev –__ death by assassination _

_May 20, 2014_

_U.S. - Natasha Romanoff – alive but location unknown *need to find_

Tony froze as he got to Natasha's name. He glanced back all the rest of the names…they were all Russian. They were all scattered. They were all _dead_.

"What kind of shit went down between these people before Natasha joined SHIELD…?" Tony asked in shock. If these were the 9 people from the project in Vladivostok that Coulson was talking about they were in trouble. The question was - _why_?

Tony flipped the page and came face to face with a wall of text. It was a photocopied list of locations…locations in which Natasha Romanoff has been sighted over the last 10 years.

"Okay this is just creepy Coulson!" Tony said shaking his head. At the bottom of the sheet said.

_*All data found on hard drive belonging to Ivan Braginski. – Who is he? _

Tony froze.

"Oh my god…they've been tracking her for years!" Tony exclaimed as he read and reread the notes in his hands.

"Coulson you are a genius….a creepy little 17 year old genius with a _lot_ of time – but a genius nonetheless," Tony said shaking his head. He flipped the page again and watched as a sheet of paper slipped out and fell to the ground. He slowly picked up the messy note and froze.

He read the note. He read it again. He quickly glanced up at the calendar on the wall – today was **May 24, 2014.**

He read it one last time.

"Oh shit….oh _shit_…guys? GUYS? WHERE IS NATASHA?" Tony shouted as he ran out of the room. The piece of paper that was just in his hand floated to the ground and lay forgotten on the cold basement floor.

_Project X_

_May 1, 2014, Manhattan, U.S.A_

_Phase 1: Amnesia virus incubation state date…_

_May 22, 2014_

_Phase 2: Encourage subject transport…_

_May 24, 2014, Manila, Philippines _

_Phase 3: End of incubation period. _

**Memories memories memories memories memories **

Two weary shield agents sat on an old rusty swing set not too far from the warehouse where the rest of the Avengers were having the drama of the hour.

"How could you let us think you were dead for 3 years Coulson?" Maria said staring at the ground in front of her. Coulson sighed as he slowly swung back and forth on the swing.

"When you say us, you really mean _you_ right?" he said quietly. She tensed.

"Does it make a difference?" she asked blankly. Phil winced.

"I was a mess at the beginning Maria," he said quietly.

"So you just didn't want any of us to see you all broken and battered? Is that it?" she said tightly – the anger simmering just below the surface.

"I wasn't _ready_ to see anyone Maria. I could barely _walk,_ let alone talk or make any intelligible sounds," Phil said shaking his head. Maria tensed.

"Those aren't memory transfer side effects," Maria said slowly. He smiled weakly –she was always the brighter one.

"Not they're not. They're the side effects of a body being comatose and inactive for 2 years and suddenly jerked to life with a new conscious to control it," he said answering her unasked question.

"How long did it take you to relearn everything?" she asked quietly. He furrowed his brow as he tried to think back to those first few months of hopelessness.

"I think it took about 6 months…" he said trying to remember back to when he was a shell of a person.

"Then what happened?" she asked.

"I pissed off the council and nearly got terminated," he said flatly. She froze.

"_What_?" she asked incredulously. He shrugged.

"I told them they could take their future plans and shove it up their ass. Instead of peacefully allowing me to die in my own body they had to screw me and a little boy over just for their own god damn agendas. They didn't like that very much…" he said kicking a stone across the field in front of them. Maria paused as she slowly connected the dots.

"You ran for it," she said in realization. It was obvious. He shrugged.

"Yup."

"As a 15 year old boy who hasn't fully developed since he was 12 years old?" she asked incredulously.

"Uh huh," he said.

"How long did it take them to find you?" she asked knowingly. He laughed lightly – he could never pull one past her.

"3 months actually – I was very good at slipping out of their hands at the very last minute," he said giving her a cheeky grin. She rolled her eyes.

"What did you do when they finally cornered you?" she asked cautiously.

"I took a gun at pointed it at my head," he said like it was no big deal. She did a double take – the horrifying words did _not_ match his calm expression.

"_What_?" she shouted.

"Yeah, I told them either they would let me go and allow me to live my life however I wanted or I would destroy any hope of repeating the procedure on another agent and getting similar positive results. I'm the only one who's ever survived and was considered medically _sane_ – _that_ made me indispensable for the moment," he said warily.

"What did they want? To make you become head of SHIELD when you got a bit older?" she asked sarcastically. He didn't laugh.

Silence.

"That was sarcasm…," she said slowly.

"The council does not have a sense of humor," he said expressionlessly.

"They would never leave you alone Coulson – even if they said they will – they'll always keep tabs on you," she said gravely. He nodded.

"I know – why do you think I'm hiding out in the Philippines?" he said with a sigh.

"Nowhere is far enough Coulson – you'll never stop running," she said quietly. He smiled weakly.

"I'm not running _away_ Maria, I'm running to protect things that are important to me and I was trying to fix as many problems as possible before…before it all went to hell…" he trailed on uncertainly.

"It's not your fault that people are dying Coulson," Maria said quietly. Coulson sighed.

"I've been working in the intelligence sector for a long time Maria – I have my share of mistakes that have led to countless innocent deaths," he said emptily. At that moment he looks so much older than his 17 year old face. No matter what he said – she knew he was Coulson under all the identity crisis.

"You're starting to sound like Natasha you know?" she informed him cautiously. He laughed softly.

"Natasha is like a walking pillar of guilt mixed with determination and pure strength. I'm tired Maria – I may be stuck in a young body but I've been around for a long time. All I have left is the guilt," he said with the sheer mental exhaustion evident in his voice. She didn't know what to say to a man who has seen it all and who will likely out live her to see it happen all over again.

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes as they were both lost in their own thoughts.

"Hey Maria – was I a good husband?" he asked suddenly. Maria froze as she stared ahead of her trying to keep the ghosts that have been haunting her for the last 3 years at bay_. He was a kid now. He was a kid now. He was a kid now. _She chanted to herself.

"Yes… yes you were a very good husband," she said finally. He smiled softly.

"That's good. I'm glad I had a decade of your love before you hate me for the rest of your life," he said calmly. Now she was alarmed. Why does he keep saying things like that?

"Why would I hate you Coulson…? Sure you made a shitty move hiding from us but I can forgive you for that eventually," she said furrowing her brow.

"I wish that was the only thing I did," he said after a few moments of tense silence.

Maria stiffened.

"What do you mean Coulson….?" she said giving him a cautious look.

"Natasha doesn't actually have amnesia," he said vacantly. Maria blinked – what…?

"It's a set up. The accident she had was most likely planned to inject her with a specialized virus that mimics amnesia symptoms," he continued quietly.

"How do you know this?" Maria asked slowly. He was starting to freak her out.

"I've been talking to a lot of people and hacking a lot of systems. The problem is that everyone I find is already dead or ends up dead several days later," he explained as he continued to swing back and forth beside her. She didn't think she liked where this was going.

"They were watching their contacts…" she said slowly.

"Yes they were."

"That's why you got caught!" she exclaimed. He winced – that's when everything went to shit.

"I know - I should have been more careful," he murmured regretfully.

"What do they want exactly...?" Maria said slowly. Coulson sighed.

"They want to take out SHIELD completely – for many reasons; a major one being that SHIELD took one of the best assassins they've ever trained. Another one being the fact that we shut down a lot of their trafficking operations across the world. They are _pissed _and what better way to destroy an organization then start from the top and break up the iconic team and leaders?" he said quietly.

"Wait…why is no one after Fury?" Maria asked carefully.

"I never said no one is after Fury..." Coulson said steadily.

Maria froze.

"How many double agents do we have Coulson...?" she said sitting stalk still.

"I don't know," he said grimly.

"How long have they been planning this?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Years Maria…years," he said shaking his head.

"We need to get Romanoff out of here," she said instantly standing up.

Coulson gave her a sad look.

"It's not going to work," he said regretfully.

"Why not?" she demanded.

"Because the virus in her goes live in 1 hour," he said staring at his hands. The implications behind his words finally came crashing down on her. 1 _hour_…

"Oh my _god _Coulson! Why didn't you tell us before? WHY DID YOU WAIT UNTIL NOW TO TELL US?" she shouted as she shook him vigorously.

"I couldn't tell her directly…" he said she as stared at him with a look of utter betrayal on her face. "I couldn't tell her… because then otherwise...they'd kill _you _Maria," his voice cracked as they both stared at the metal bands attached to her wrists. Maria's heart literally stopped beating for a moment. So _that's _what the Russian bastard meant by her days being numbered based on an important decision…

"Oh my god… oh my god! How _dare_ you Coulson? How dare you?" she shouted as she angrily slapped him across the face. She wanted to do _so_ much more – but there just wasn't time.

"You….ugh!" she tore her eyes away from his guilt-ridden expression and sprinted down the path that led back to the warehouse.

"I'm so sorry Natasha…" he said staring down at the microchip embedded in his own wrist. He was just a boy now. Damn technology.

Meanwhile the clock was ticking for the Avengers and half of them didn't even know it yet.

"Natasha!" Tony and Maria shouted at the same time and smacked right into each other as they rounded the corner.

"Stark!"

"Hill!"

"Where is Natasha?" they asked at the same time.

"We need to find her!" they said together.

"How do _you_ know?" they said at once.

"Coulson just spilled a shit load of crap and we are running out of time!" she said breaking the shouting in unison cycle.

"You just found out _now_? _I_ know he didn't tell us a whole shit load of things because I just found that shit load of information downstairs! What's going on?" Tony asked angrily.

"I don't know but you have less than an hour to figure this out!" she said hurriedly. Tony paused as he replayed her words in his head.

"Why are you saying _you_…?" Tony asked suspiciously. Maria winced.

"Somehow I die in the process! But that doesn't matter! Where is she?" she asked quickly. Like she could say something crazy like that and expect him to not notice.

"Wait you do _WHAT_?" Tony shouted.

"Guys...? What's with all the screaming?" Bruce said slowly walking out of the warehouse. They both promptly crowded Bruce's breathing space.

"Where is Natasha?" they shouted at him. Bruce winced from the volume.

"She just went to find Clint..." he said slowly.

"_Shit_!" they both took off in opposite directions.

**A/N: I answered as many question as I could…but I have a feeling I have just created new ones as well. XD **

**THE ****ENTIRE**** NEXT CHAPTER IS CLINTASHA! I PROMISE!  
**

**P.S. does anyone want to beta this story? XD  
**


	22. Chapter 22

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: I told you I would update pretty fast. No avengers today – solely Clintasha. **

**Chapter 22 **

"Shit! God damn it!" Clint shouted as he punched the wall with as much force as he could possibly manage.

CRACK!

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why was I so stupid? Why?" he whispered as he fell to his knees staring at his bleeding knuckles. He should've known. It was his _job _as her husband to know. And he failed. What was wrong with him?

"It's not your fault Clint," someone said quietly from behind him. He sat on his knees staring lifelessly at the half broken wall in front of him.

"A lot of things aren't my fault Natasha. And a lot of things have happened since I first met you – but there are some things you need to know about someone after a partnership that's lasted a decade," he said in a hollow voice. If only she knew why this was really killing him.

"I doubt you've met many people with a childhood like mine Clint…" she said uncertainly.

"No that's the thing Natasha. I've meet _countless_ people with a childhood on the same level as yours. There's always this one glaring difference though. They're all unstable or criminally insane. You may not understand a lot of normal everyday things Natasha – but you're a miracle to come out of _that_ with even a shred of humanity," he said quietly.

"I knew you'd be angry," she said with a sigh. Clint froze – she didn't understand.

"I'm not angry at you Natasha. I don't expect the you from 3 years ago to ever share this part of your past with me. I'm just...I just..." he struggled to find the right words without being completely brutally honest.

"...You expected the Natasha Romanoff you knew from a month ago to tell you didn't you?" she supplied for him. He sighed heavily – it was all so messed up.

"Yes, but at the same time I feel so stupid for not realizing what you weren't telling me. It all makes so much damn sense! The blank stares, the haunts expressions, the long moments of silence – the fact that you're so young and yet you act like you've been in the field for over 30 years. It kills me Tasha - it just kills me to not have known," he said staring at his shaking hands. They were married - and he didn't even know this part about her. How could he have not known? Was their relationship even real?

"I'm sorry Clint," she said quietly beside him. He shook his head.

"No, I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough partner to hear what you weren't saying," he said looking up at her haunted eyes. She could hear the double meaning in his voice but couldn't understand what exactly he was apologizing for.

"You're the best partner I've ever had Clint," she said as she leaned against the wall beside him. He sighed as he stared at the ground.

"How much do you want to bet that I was the only partner you've ever had?" he asked dryly. She shifted uneasily beside him. Prediction confirmed.

"I'm not perfect Natasha – I have limits too," he said staring down at his bruised hands. He screwed up and he knew it. Now if he told her about their relationship she'd call him a hypocrite. Natasha watched him think silently for a few moments as she gathered her thoughts.

"I was never naturally good at partnerships either Clint – you know that. It takes time to really get to know someone and learn how to work as a team. It took me years longer than most to trust you – now you know why," she said quietly. He looked up at her calm expression and couldn't figure out where to start.

"What happened to all the other kids?" he finally asked quietly.

"They were driven insane," she said staring off at the slums that were clustered in pockets along the outskirts of the city. He dragged his hands down his face and slumped against the wall - he couldn't even muster enough courage to ask.

"I was different from all the others. I had something to hold on to," she said after a few moments of tense silence. She was answering his unasked question for him.

"What was that?" he asked quietly.

"I had a little sister waiting for me to come back to her," she said as she looked off into the distance.

"_Irena_," he whispered with a faraway look. She glanced at him warily.

"You've met her," she stated more the asked. He nodded slowly.

"Once - a couple of years ago. I ran into a younger girl who looked just like you it was unnerving. She's a brilliant Russian chemist...but..." he trailed off suddenly connecting the dots that have been floating around his head over the last 2 years.

"...but she doesn't remember ever having a sister," she finished for him. He let her words slowly sink in and froze.

"Natasha what did you _do_?" he asked in shock. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and looked up at the sky.

"I erased myself from her life. I told the our head mistress to make sure Irena thought Natasha Romanoff was an imaginary sister she made up as a child. I made her think she was crazy - so that she would be safe," she said without looking at him.

"How _old_ were you?" he asked incredulously.

"I was 13 when I finally got out of prison. By that point she was 9," she answered emptily. She hasn't seen her sister in over 19 years.

"The Russian mafia let you visit your sister after they broke you out?" he asked in disbelief. She shrugged.

"They didn't _let_ me – I would just disappear for a few days between assignments to make sure she was never found," she said carefully. There were many people who would want to use a loved one against the black widow to get her to do their bidding. It was better that she was thought to be family less. At the end of the day she managed just that.

"H-how...how did you …mange to…" he was having a really difficult time get words out today.

"How did I stay sane or how did I get away with all of that?" she asked calmly. He winced at her frankness.

"Both," he said quietly.

"I stayed sane because I managed to turn my brain off during the periods of silence – it was just a survival mechanism. I got away with disappearances…because I was _good_ at my job Clint," she said giving him a wary look. He stared back at her with sad eyes.

"None of those things are your fault Natasha. None of those incidents are supposed to be on your ledger," he said firmly. She stared at the grass in front of them.

"You know what's worse than death Clint?" she asked quietly. He could think of _many_ things worse than death – it wasn't a very short list either.

"The little parts of you that die every time you shoot an innocent person," she said quietly.

"You were a child Natasha," Clint said determinedly.

"So were they," she said with a faraway expression.

"Children killing children isn't normal. It's sick bastards who manipulate young highly skilled girls like you to do the dirty work they can't be bothered to do themselves," Clint said trying to get her to see reason. She looked back at him with that haunted expression he's seen so many times before but only now could he understand the true depth of her pain.

"Why didn't I forget _those_ memories Clint? Why did I forget the part of my life that I seemed to be the happiest in?" she asked brokenly. Clint leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her slime frame and held her tightly. His heart skipped a beat when she actually hugged him back.

"I don't know Tasha – sometimes life just doesn't make sense," he whispered into her hair. She gripped his shirt tighter.

"She might have told you later you know… I might have eventually told you too," she said quietly. He sighed – he was an idiot for overreacting.

"It's okay – I understand why you didn't," he said shaking his head.

"You know the first day we met you asked me if I knew what I was doing was wrong?" she asked suddenly. He cringed.

"I wouldn't quite use my first words to an unknown target as the best example," Clint said warily. She shook her head.

"And you were unbelievably surprised when I said yes," she continued quietly.

"Because you were the only assassin in the history of my time as a SHIELD agent to ever say that Natasha – I thought you were crazy. But then I realized all the assassins I've ever met were crazy – you were the first sane one I met in a long time," he said looking up at her.

"Do you remember what I said after that?" she asked.

"Yeah. You said not everyone has a choice…" he said steadily. Where was she going with this?

"You didn't take me out after that," she said quietly. He shook his head.

"No…why would I when I saw potential for you to change? For you to want to be better?" he asked in confusion. She took a deep breath.

"But you never knew everything about me Clint… How could you have made such an assumption?" she asked cautiously. She had to know – she had to know how Clint could change her life with just one simple decision not to do his job.

"Because I still believe in redemption Natasha," he said quietly. "I just…I just can't believe you've been keeping these secrets from me for so long," Clint said staring at her shoulder. Natasha tensed – bad move Barton. Bad move.

"_I've_ been keeping secrets from you? Me? How about _you_? How about all the things you haven't been telling me Clint?" she asked narrowing her eyes. Clint froze as she stared at him with clear accusations in her eyes. Oh no.

"What are you talking about…?" he asked cautiously. _Don't ask right now. Please not right now._

"When were you going to tell me about…about _us_? I'm not stupid Barton – I don't just miss obvious signs like that. You're acting is as shitty as hell and the clues were blinding. But do you know what really gave it away? It was the fact that I had _your_ name on the other side of my dog tag chain. _Your_ name Barton. When were you going to tell me?" she said clenching the chain in her hand. Clint froze as the realization of her words slowly sunk in.

"Tasha…you have to understand-" he started to say slowly but she cut him off.

"What's so hard to understand that within the 3 years that I don't remember everything that wasn't supposed to happen – happened?" she said through gritted teeth. Clint cursed under his breath – this was all going to hell really fast.

"It's more complicated than us just being together. You were completely unaware of what was going on when you woke up. I couldn't possibly tell you something like this back then!" he said heatedly.

"It's been _weeks_ Barton! Weeks! I'm not a fragile little girl!" she shouted.

"I _know_ Tasha! God I know that better than _anyone_! But a few weeks aren't enough to throw our relationship in your face Natasha! It took us 8 years to get there! 8 _years_!" he said clenching his fists at his side. She still wasn't having any of it.

"You're still not giving me a good enough reason to why you haven't told me!" she said angrily.

"Because we're not just romantically involved Natasha!" he said through gritted teeth. She narrowed her eyes.

"What else could there be?" she said heatedly. He finally cracked.

"I _married_ you Natasha! We've been married for 2 years!" he shouted before he could stop himself. They both froze as his words echoed around them.

Silence.

A thousands links suddenly started firing off in her head at rapid speed.

Budapest. The pitying looks from all the SHIELD agents. Her 'new' room. The awkward silences between the team sometimes. The random worrying looks the team would periodically shoot at Clint. The uneasiness Clint always felt around certain topics. The way he looked at her from the moment she woke up. The way he was always so hesitant, so careful around her. The sadness and longing that was always lurking in the back of his eyes.

But she's not the girl he fell in love with.

She's not the girl he married.

She's not _his_ Natasha.

And he was a damn liar.

"How - how could you lead me on like that?" she said instantly reverting to defensive mode. If she stopped to really analyze what she was feeling at the moment she would become a mess.

"Natasha you're jumping to conclusions…" he said cautiously.

"Why didn't you tell me Barton? Why were you hiding this from me?" she asked furiously.

"Cause I _knew_ you would react like this!" he groaned. He was so _stupid_!

"You're a hypocrite!" she accused.

"You're so damn _stubborn_!" he shouted back angrily.

"Why did you marry me then?" she asked in outrage.

"Cause I _loved_ you damn it!" he shouted. His words echoing down the empty street around them. She froze as her angry words died in her mouth. "I still do," he said more quietly. Natasha shook her head slowly.

"I'm not her Clint," she whispered.

"Love is not perfect Tasha," he said softly.

"But that's the thing! What is love anyway? Why do you love me? How do you know it won't just fall apart in end?" she asked needing to know the answers she knew no one had. He gave her a sad look.

"You don't know Natasha. All I know is that despite all the imperfections we have the last 10 years were the happiest years of my life. It's because I loved you Natasha. It's _always_ been you," he said dropping his hands to his sides.

"But you _can't_ love me Clint…" she said in denial. Clint could handle a lot of things. But when the girl you've loved for over a decade says that one single fact that defined your life was impossible - you are going to explode.

"That is a_ god damn _lie! Stop _lying_ to yourself Natasha! You're not scared that I can't love you just as much as I did before because of you accident. That's not the problem here. You're terrified of loving _me_ Natasha. You think love makes you weak. You think love destroys people. But you _just_ spent 10 minutes telling me how love was the only thing that kept a little girl sane while she was all alone for 2 years in a suffocating _prison_. I would've gone insane Natasha – _anyone_ would've gone insane under those conditions. But _you_ didn't. Why can't you see this is the same thing Natasha?" he said grasping her by the shoulders and begging her to see reason. Natasha stared back at him vacantly as a million thoughts raced through her mind. Everything came to a screaming halt when something that has been haunting her for the past 2 weeks blinded every other thought she was thinking at the moment. Ever since she read her medical progress report. There was something she could never give him that the old Natasha could.

She lost more than just memories because of her accident.

"I-I can't," she said slipping out of his arms.

Clint stared at her in confusion when she started to back away slowly.

"I-I need to go..." she said glancing around hurriedly. Clint took a hesitant step forward and raised his hands slowly.

"Tasha you need to stay calm and tell me what just happened..." he said cautiously but you could hear the anxiousness lurking in his voice all the same.

She looked up at him with haunted eyes and shook her head slowly.

"I can't do this," she whispered. He froze when he heard these words.

And then for the first time in their shared history Natasha Romanoff ran away.

"No Tasha don't! Damn it, don't do this Natasha!" he shouted as he ran after her. She sprinted down the street and disappeared around the corner. No, he couldn't lose her again. Not when he's already came so close to losing her once before. He sprinted around the corner seconds after her and swore when he came face to face with a busy narrow street market.

_Damn her field skills._

"Natasha wait!" he shouted as he unapologetically shoved people to the side and ran through the crowd. He saw her make a sharp turn down and alley and sprinted after her.

"Natasha! You can't just run away from all your problems damn it!" he shouted as he got closer - he was the one with the longer legs. She never looked back even once - but he knew she heard him because she nearly tripped on the curb as she dashed around another corner.

Why was it that they could never have _normal_ relationship problems?

He turned the corner just in time to see her run across a walk bridge crowded with hundreds of people -and then he suddenly lost sight of her small frame.

"Shit!" he swore and frantically ran onto the bridge trying to catch a glimpse of his runaway partner. He was scared - he was scared out of his mind because if Natasha Romanoff didn't want you to find her - you never will.

He heard a group of women scream behind him and spun around just in time to lock eyes with the best spy SHIELD has ever seen.

Before she jumped over the edge of the bridge and down onto a street full of rushing Manila traffic that is.

"Are you kidding me?" he groaned as he rushed to edge of the railing and watched her roll off a tall truck and onto street before she started sprinting off down another street.

"Why am I in love with an escape artist again?" he muttered to himself as he climbed over the edge and jumped down from the bridge as well - much less dramatically. He took off once again still hot on her trail as they approached the end of the busy market section of the city and the start of a train holding compound. She ran along the fence and he followed at a fast pace about 20 meters behind her.

"Leave me alone!" she shouted as they continued to run passed the fenced yard.

"No! I know what leave me alone means!" he shouted angrily. He would never stop chasing after her – never.

"Stop running away and fucking listen to me for a second!" he shouted as they ran across several train tracks. To his surprise she suddenly skidded to a halt in the distance and slowly turned around. He was so shocked he nearly tripped and slammed his face into the ground. She glanced up at an old rusty traffic light and the he realized too late why she finally stopped running. He ran faster.

DING! DING! DING!

He watched in horror as a dividing bar fell between them as a speeding train approached the intersection. A train conductor noticed that the young man was about to try and run across the tracks when the train was only a few meters away. He rushed forward to grab Clint around his waist and quickly drag him back away from the tracks.

"NATASHAAAAAAAA!" Clint shouted struggling against the iron grip of the conductor – but it was too late. She looked back at him with lost eyes as her short red hair haphazardly flew into the air and entangled itself around her face. He begged her with his eyes not to do it.

"I – let me go Clint," was the last thing she said before the train zoomed past them breaking the intense moment between the two best partners SHIELD has ever seen. The last expression he saw on her face would forever be engraved on his heart - utter devastation. All the hope he ever carried deep in his heart shattered when another train came rushing by in the opposite direction.

The conductor who was only trying to save the poor man from essential committing suicide. He slowly let Clint go since he was no longer struggling and watched as he silently fell to his knees.

The trains sped away into the distance and the dividing bar rose to the sky.

But Natasha Romanoff was long gone.

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**A/N: I will update soon. I promise. Remember to breath. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: I'm so spoiling you guys. But here is another update. **

**IMPORTANT: I. Do. Not. Kill. Main. Characters. Period. Be strong oh Clintasha hearts. **

**Chapter 23 **

Clint walked through the bustling city in a daze. There was only one thing that was repeating in his mind for the last 10 minutes. _She was gone. She was gone. She was gone._

A group of children were having a loud argument in the park beside him.

A temple bell was chiming from the center of town.

Someone was calling his name in the distance.

His phone was ringing like mad.

He couldn't hear any of it.

'_Let me go Clint,' _swirled through his nearly fell to his knees because of those words. How could that be the last thing she ever said to him?

"Um...excuse me sir... but I think your phone is ringing..." a little girl said as she tugged at the edge of his pants.

All the sound suddenly came rushing back to him and he stopped walking. Her face kept flashing in front of his eyes like a moment in history he was never allowed to forget. But it was the last expression on her face that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"Natasha…" he whispered as he covered his face with his hand and leaned heavily against the wall beside him. He looked like a man who had just lost everything. The little girl stared at the oddly behaving man and watched as his phone vibrated right out of his pocket and onto the floor in front of him.

He didn't notice a thing.

She gave him a sad look – he looked like he was having a really bad day.

She crouched onto the ground and picked up the fallen item for him.

"I hope you feel better sir…" she said quietly placing the phone in his hand and walking away. No one should look that sad she thought to herself.

He glanced down at the small device vibrating in his hand as if he had just noticed it was there. He unconsciously answered the call without holding the phone to his ear.

"Clint where are you?" Tony shouted in a panic on the other end of the line. Clint didn't respond and simply remained silent. Did it matter where he was? Did anything matter anymore?

"Clint? Clint? I can hear you breathing damn it! Why aren't you answering?" Tony asked angrily. He really didn't like tense silences like this. It made him worry – and he was _not_ the worrying type.

Clint stared at his cellphone and suddenly dropped it into a garbage can and walked away. He was done with the Avengers. There was nothing left for him there.

"Clint? Clint?" Tony shouted through the forgotten phone.

"Shit he just dropped his phone and walked away!" Tony exclaimed staring at the rest of the team.

They all froze.

"What does that mean…?" Thor asked slowly. They all glanced down at the watch around Bruce's wrist.

"35 minutes," Bruce said quietly. That meant…

"They decided to have a spat _NOW_? NOW? OF ALL THE TIMES TO SPAZ AT EACH OTHER?" Tony shouted in disbelief.

"Calm down Stark," Steve said impatiently. Tony glared at him.

"Shut up you righteous popsicle stick! Don't tell me to calm the hell down!" Tony shrieked.

Ring. Ring.

"What the hell do you want?" Tony shouted into his phone.

"DON'T YOU DARE USE THAT TONE WITH ME TONY STARK!" a familiar voice shouted through the phone.

"Pepper?" they all said in unison. Why was _she_ calling?

"P-Pepper? What's wrong?" Tony asked bewilderedly. Suddenly the anger was gone from his sails and he was left with a deep feeling of anxiousness. Pepper _never_ called while he was on missions. Never.

"What's wrong? What's _wrong_? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE NEWS DAMN IT?" Pepper asked in disbelief.

"No Pepper…we are sort of busy at the moment…" Tony said warily. The rest of the team groaned. What an understatement.

"SOME CRAZY IDIOT JUST BLEW UP AVENGERS TOWER!" she exclaimed. Everyone froze.

"WHAT?" They all shouted in unison.

_BOOM_!

"Pepper? Are you okay?" Tony asked fearfully staring at his phone.

"That depends on your definition of okay Tony…" she said as they heard a lot of shouting and rustling around on her end of the line.

"Where exactly are you Pepper…?" Tony asked uneasily.

"I'm stuck in your lab with Jane and JARVIS – who is running on very low power at the moment," Pepper said with a wince.

"_Jane_?" Thor asked in horror.

"Oh my god…" Bruce muttered under his breath. The whole world was falling apart at the same exact moment.

"Thor? I'm sorry our call got cut short an hour ago! We're kind of stuck at the moment," Jane laughed nervously from the other end.

"Why are you in Avengers Tower Jane…? Why are you in New York at all?" Thor asked slowly. He did not like this one bit.

"That's a long story…" Jane said warily.

"Sorry love birds! We don't have time for long stories – Tony, I know your lab has an oxygen tank that will last us 3 hours. What I'm worried about is what will happen _after_ that…" Pepper said slowly. Tony and Thor both froze at the same time.

"Bruce," Thor said quickly. Bruce glanced down at his ticking watch.

"27 minutes," he said anxiously. They all shared an intense look.

"Go Tony," Steve said quietly.

"No – you guys need me," Tony said shaking his head.

"What about Pepper and Jane?" Steve asked slowly. Tony gave the Captain a steady look before he turned towards Bruce and held out his hand.

"Give me your phone Bruce," he said frankly. Bruce gave him an odd look as he handed over his communicator to the expressionless genius. Stark was _never_ expressionless. He took the second phone and quickly dialed a number he memorized long ago.

Ring. Ring.

BEEP.

"Rohdney? I'm about to cash in on all those favours you owe me," Tony said slowly staring down his entire team. He couldn't leave them – not right now. He would never do that to Red.

"Stark…don't tell me your girl is where I think she is…," Rohdney said at the other end of the line. Tony heard the TV playing in the background as a reporter frantically reported on the explosion in downtown Manhattan. Tony winced.

"She is exactly where you think she is," Tony said frankly. He heard Rohdney groan and his chair screech against the floor.

"Why do you do this to me man?" Rohdney mumbled as he ran out of his office and fumbled with the keys to his jeep.

"You're going to need the suit," Tony instructed. Rohdney rolled his eyes.

"I already have a suit remember?" he said as he quickly threw open his car door and jumped in.

"You're going to need another one," Tony said warily.

"How would I operate both at once?" Rohdney asked slowly.

"Talk to JARVIS – you'll figure it out," Tony said confidently. He had to.

"Tony Stark…you are a _pain_ in my ass," Rohdney said with a sigh.

"And you are saving mine buddy," Tony said dryly before he hung up. He turned towards the gentle giant that looked beyond concerned at the moment.

"Someone has got to go big guy," Tony said clapping him on the back. Thor gave him a steady look.

"Are you sure Tony?" he asked slowly. Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Are you doubting yourself Mr. Asgardian Prince? " Tony asked with a fake gasp. Thor glared at him.

"Do not joke about such matters of importance Man of Iron," Thor said unamused. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah – get out of here Goldilocks," Tony said shoving the demigod down the alley.

Thor gave them all a wary look and raised his hammer.

"Stay strong my friends," he said seriously. Then with a flash of lightning he was gone. Tony brought his phone back to his ear.

"Pepper? You and Jane sit tight you hear me? Rohdney and Thor are coming to get you out," Tony said staring at the spot the demigod had just vanished from. He heard two matching sighs of relief.

"Thank god. But if you're not coming…that means you have something important you have to do don't you?" Pepper said rapidly connecting the dots. Tony cringed - she was too smart for her own good sometimes.

"Don't worry about it Peps. When things calm down over here I will be right over," Tony promised.

"Be safe Tony," Pepper said anxiously.

"I'm always safe Pepper," Tony said with a small smile before he hung up.

"Why did you let Thor go but you didn't Tony?" Steve asked in confusion. Tony sighed.

"As much as I pride myself in being a superhero…I can't cross half the world in 3 hours. Thor can and he'll be damn sure to get Jane out of them in time. Pepper will be safe," Tony said firmly. He had to be sure. They all shared a cautious look – now was not the time to doubt one of their own.

"Bruce?" Tony said warily.

"23 minutes," Bruce replied instantly.

"We have missing Avengers to find – let's go team," Tony said spinning around and stalking down the street. Steve and Bruce followed close behind.

"When Stark gets serious you know it's bad…" Steve whispered to Bruce.

A soggy wet sock suddenly made direct contact with the Captain's face.

He blinked as the sock of unknown origins slowly slid down his face and flopped onto the floor.

"I heard that ya old man!" Tony called over his shoulder.

"STARK YOU'RE CHILDISHNESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS!" Steve said angrily. Tony shrugged.

"Can't lose my reputation _and_ my dignity for an annoying Russian," he muttered as he stared at his phone and started hacking into her communicator. If she is not with Clint – where the _hell_ did she go?

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories memories **

Maria was frantically searching the streets. She had to final Romanoff.

The Avengers may have Tony and his big brain – but she has been in the field for over 15 years and knew the two spies the longest. If they didn't know about the virus they were going to be at each others throats or running away from each other in prime spy style. She ran down a busy street and froze as a familiar brown haired figure passed her in the crowd. She spun around and recognized the man immediately.

"Clint!" Maria shouted down the street - he didn't seem to hear her and kept walking. Why didn't he notice her?

She furrowed her brow in confusion.

Where Clint was Natasha shouldn't be too far away right?

Click.

A cool mental object was suddenly held against the back of her head.

"Finally found you SHIELD _bitch_," an ominous voice said from behind her. Maria tensed. _Play on their ego. Play on their ego._

"Being beat by a woman once wasn't enough eh?" she said before she instantly dropped to the floor and a heard the gun fire over her head.

"You took out my eye you crazy woman!" the man shouted as he fired another round of shots at her as she quickly rolled out of the way and jumped to her feet. She stared at the crazy assassin with a bandage messily wrapped around his left eye.

"The things you learn how to do from the weirdest places…" she said before she promptly kicked him in the gut and ran for it.

She couldn't be caught again. She couldn't be caught again.

_Maria woke up with a gasp. She immediately analyzed the situation. She took in the dirty walls, the running water, the metal bands around her wrists and the old man chained to the wall beside her watching her take in deep silent breaths. _

_She got caught. _

_Damn it. _

"_You shouldn't have come here girl," the wary man said quietly as he sat on the floor staring out the tiny window to their left. _

"_Yeah? I didn't exactly plan on getting stuck," she muttered. _

"_You're not going to find him you know," he said warily. She tensed. _

"_You have no idea why I am here," she said through gritted teeth. He smiled weakly. _

"_Your husband is not the same. He will never be the same," he said ominously. She gave him an odd look._

"_Who are you?" she asked incredulously. _

"_I'm just a scientist," he said sadly. She froze…a scientist? _

_Suddenly the door to their holding chamber burst open and 3 heavily armed gunmen walked into the room and roughly grabbed her by the arm and hauled her to her feet. _

"_Alright SHIELD scum. Time to go," the tallest one said gruffly. She was still in shock so she couldn't respond in kind. _

"_Are you Doctor __Vladimir?" she shouted as she got dragged out of the cell. He couldn't be the infamous Russian scientist who came up with the brain transplant research could he? _

"_I haven't been a doctor in a long time Agent Hill," he said softly. _

_She forcibly shoved that new information to the back of her mind and focused on memorize the route they were taking and any exits she could find. Too soon she was dragged into a room and shoved in front of what looked like a computer. _

"_I'm not going to hack my own organization is that's what you want," she said blankly staring at the familiar codes running across the blue screen in front of her. _

"_I'll take it from here men," a calm voice said from behind her. She tensed. _

"_James," she spat viciously. _

"_Been a long time since I've been called that," he said leaning against the table in front of her. _

"_Been a long time since I've seen your traitorous face anywhere," she said angrily. He shrugged. _

"_When you piss off the biggest intelligence agency in the world you have to lay low for a while," he said frankly. _

"_And these are the people you choose over us?" she asked incredulously. He smirked. _

"_They pay better," he said simply. _

"_I'll never tell you anything," she spat. He grinned. _

"_Ah but that's the thing Maria," he whispered. "I don't need you to tell me anything. That's what this little device is for," he said holding up a little memory scanning device. She tensed – shit. _

_And then he tazzed her. _

_5 hours later. _

_Maria woke up groggily. He head hurt like hell. _

"_Wake up sunshine – time to go back to your room," James said opening the door and allowing her guards to come back into the room. She glared at him fiercely. _

"_One day I'm going to kill you James," she growled at him. He smiled slowly – it made the hairs at the back of her neck stand on end. _

"_And what an honour that will be agent Hill. Death by the hands of a fellow traitor," he said holding a memory card for her to see. _

_She froze as she was pulled out of the room and got shoved down another hallway. She could barely grasp what she just let happen. As they walked back to her prison they passed another group of men leading a young boy in the opposite direction. She froze as her eyes connected with the boy's for a second before she was shoved ahead of him. She knew those eyes... _

"_Coulson…" she whispered. _

"_Egypt 1989!" she shouted over her shoulder. She saw him pause and nearly get dragged into the floor. _

"_It never happened," he called back before he was pulled around the corner. _

_She found what she was looking for. If only she hadn't compromised her entire organization for it. _

Maria froze as she heard several footsteps start following her in the distance.

"They always come with backup – cowards," Maria muttered as she ran through the dark alley. The sun had set and the light was fading rapidly around them. She was going to be in trouble when she could no longer see two feet in front of her.

She ran down the alley trying to figure out a way to lose her tail. She rounded another corner and skirted to a sudden halt. Dead end.

"Shit," she swore. She quickly spun around and came face to face with 3 heavily armed masked men who looked like they would like nothing more than to burn her head on a stake. Not a pretty sight.

"Hello agent Hill – nice to see you again isn't it?" one of them said casually. She knew they were trying to play it cool – but 3 guns instantly being pointed her way as if she was a dangerous animal shattered _that_ image. What overkill she thought offhandedly.

"And here I thought that was the last time I would have to see your _hideous_ face," she said dryly trying to buy herself some time. She needed a plan. She needed one _right now._

"You messed with the wrong house Maria Hill. Now you must pay the pr- BANG!" his words were instantly logged in his throat as he collapsed onto the floor.

BANG! BANG! Maria froze as a several bullets whizzed past her and knocked out all three gunmen that had her cornered. She had a feeling she knew who her unlikely saviour was too.

"You have to be more careful then that Maria. Don't make my efforts go to waste," Coulson said walking out of the shadows with a smoking gun at his side. She glared at him.

"I can take care of myself," she hissed at him. He glanced at the 3 masked men lying unconscious on the ground and up at the unarmed SHIELD agent. She continued to keep up her defensive stance. He sighed.

"Don't be reckless just because you're on a leash right now Maria. No matter how all this is going to end – I'll make sure to get those chains off of you," he said firmly. She shook her head.

"You can't Coulson. I'm not just physically chained to them. I've had invisible chains dragging me down for a long time," she said quietly.

"What would it take to remove those too?" he asked steadily. She stared off into the darkness that had fallen around them.

"You'd need a miracle," she said vacantly.

"Good thing I still believe in heroes then," he said softly.

"But we're not heroes Coulson," she said in confusion. He shook his head.

"No, we're not. That's why we have the Avengers. That's why we need them. To live up to the ideals that we can't," he said staring at her with the truth in his eyes.

"Are they going to find her?" she asked quietly.

"They have too," he said simply. There was no other option.

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**A/N: Do you still believe in heroes? **


	24. Chapter 24

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: Let's finally take a step towards understanding Natasha Romanoff. The plot will follow wherever she goes.**

**Warning: Angst. Angst. Angst. I'm not going to lie. Angst. **

**Chapter 24 **

"Hey look it's a redhead! We don't see many of those around this neighborhood," a short stubby boy whispered to his friends.

"Go ask her out then," his cocky crew said elbowing him in the gut.

"W-what?" he stuttered.

The next thing the poor boy knew he was shoved into the street – right in the middle of a master assassin's path.

"Um…hey beautiful – would you like-" he started to ask – but he didn't even stand a chance.

Natasha tazzed him and kept walking.

_Thud_.

The poor bastard's friends paled as they watched their buddy twitch awkward lying on the ground. As Natasha walked by their not so subtle hiding spot they nearly pissed their pants when she glanced their way. They quickly backed away from her angry path of doom and hightailed it out of there. The woman was _insane_.

Natasha Romanoff wasn't in the mood to be dealing with idiots today.

Mostly because she was starting to feel like one herself.

She cringed as the image of Clint's devastated expression flashed across her mind.

No she wasn't going to think about him right now. She clenched her hands into tight fists.

She wasn't going to do that to herself. She never planned on falling in love. She never planned to be compromised. She never planned on something as domestic as _marriage_.

But most of all she never planned on _ever_ meeting a man like Clint Barton.

She wasn't watching where she was aimlessly walking and nearly crashed into a wall. She silently leaned her forehead against the cool cement and shut her eyes.

But she did meet him.

She did and it was _killing_ her. Because he deserved so much more than a broken and worn out ex-Russian spy. He deserved more than a girl plagued with as many dangers and hidden scars as she did.

He deserved more than the scattered pieces of a soul she had left after so many years of having it being chipped away target after target. Until only the shell of the black widow was left.

She slowly slide to her knees and stared at a random pair of initials encompassed in a small chalky heart.

She didn't understand this type of love.

She didn't understand why he could love her.

How could he…when she couldn't even love herself?

"How did you do it Natasha?" she asked herself quietly. How did so much change in just 3 years? Why does she feel like the Natasha he knew was almost like a completely different person?

It never really was about Clint in the end.

Loving a man like Clint was easy.

It was loving herself she never got around to.

She laughed softly.

Everyone thought she was brilliant. They all thought Natasha Romanoff can handle anything. That she could survive anything. That nothing could faze her.

But she feels like she's been slowly slipping for a long time. There was a darkness lurking at the edge of her consciousness that she always tried to ignore.

Sometimes she wondered if the people on the other side of the fight just gave up fighting the darkness. Sometimes she wondered why people like Steve didn't seem to be affected by it at all.

"_Everyone has darkness in them Natasha. Just because you can't see it doesn't means it's not there," _she heard Clint's voice whisper in her ear. She tensed as her vision started flickering again. The black spots were back.

"Here we go again," she muttered before she crashed to the ground. _That_ was going to leave a mark. Damn memories.

_"What do you mean Clint?" she asked quietly. _

"_You think you're the only one Tasha – but you're not," he said shaking his head. She gave him an odd look and he watched her eyes glaze over slightly. _

_"I know what you're thinking," he said warily. _

_"How on earth do you know what I'm thinking?" she asked incredulously. _

_"You're making the reliving the past face," he said pointing at her nose. She furrowed her brow._

_"The what?" she asked. _

_"You know...the weird look on your face you always have when you're far away," he said tapping her on the forehead. _

_"I don't know what you're talking about," she muttered as she looked away. Clint gave her a sad look. _

"_You're not the only one with a past you're not proud of Natasha," Clint said curling a red strand of hair around her ear. She sighed._

"_I know that Clint, but..." she trailed off not knowing how to say what she means. _

"_You think we're not haunted by ghosts either? You don't think the others on our team struggle with their own demons Tasha?" he asked giving her a questioning look. _

_She opened her mouth to reply but the words died on her lips. She didn't know how to respond to something like that. Clint took her silence as confirmation. _

"_I'm going to show you something," he said suddenly as he jumped to his feet and pulled her up with him. She gave him a bewilderedly look. _

"_Right now?" she asked in confusion. _

"_Yeah – right now," he replied as he pulled her across the room. _

_"Do you know who Peggy Carter is?" Clint asked suddenly. Natasha furrowed her brow again. _

_"Is she a current SHIELD agent…?" Natasha asked slowly. She swore she's heard that name before…_

_"No she was a Military Officer," Clint said taking their coats out of the closet and handing her hers. She took it slowly and allowed him to drag her down the hall. _

"_Where are we going…?" she asked cautiously. He smiled at her warmly. _

"_Somewhere we aren't supposed to go – but I think you need to see something just this once," he said pulling her out the front down and down a busy New York street. _

_5 minutes later. _

_Natasha blew hot air into her cold hands as they continued their little trek through the snow. _

"_Are you going to tell me now?" she asked warily. He smiled but kept walking. _

"_Nope," he said simply. _

"_Joy," she mumbled as she rubbed her hands together trying to heat them up. After a few minutes he took her cold hands in his warm ones. How the heck were his so warm? _

"_You really don't eat enough Tasha," Clint said shaking his head. Natasha gave him a funny look. _

"_Me? The one who is the only person on this team who eats 3 meals a day and has to force vegetables and anything healthy down your throats?" she asked in disbelief. _

"_I don't mean when we're on off time Tasha. You hardly eat anything when we go on missions – that's why you've got nothing to protect you from the cold!" Clint exclaimed holding up her skinny arms. She huffed. _

"_Who eats while running from the enemy?" she mumbled beside him. He sighed. Sometimes Tasha was a lost cause. _

_Natasha froze when they finally stopped in front of grave yard. _

"_Clint…why are we in the Brooklyn cemetery…?" Natasha asked slowly. _

"_Because it's Friday," he said as he pulled her still formed through the small entrance and down a quiet path within the little cemetery. _

"_What happens on Fri-" Natasha held her breath when she finally noticed the neat blond hair of a familiar figure sitting on the snow covered earth beside a pretty white tombstone…in a T shirt? _

_She only knew one man crazy enough and thick skinned enough to wear a t shirt when it was -25 degrees outside. _

"_Hi Peggy," Steve said quietly as he placed a simple white rose in front of the tombstone. It was joining a large pile of stems that must have accumulated over a long period of time. _

"_How are you doing? Sorry I missed our date last week. Tony had the flu and Pepper was away for a conference so I was stuck playing a damn nurse. It was horrible. Even while throwing up he was well enough to continue his Starkish ways. Do you know he tried to shove me into a nurse outfit while I was knocked out in an uncomfortable chair beside him?" Steve exclaimed in horror. _

_Clint and Natasha both turned bright red. _

_Too much information! Tony Stark definitely had weird ideas of torture when it came to the innocent captain. Sometimes he took too much pleasure in making the Captain squirm._

"_Anyway, aside from being scarred even more then I already am on a daily basis…I'm kind of starting to like it here. I know whiplash right? A few weeks ago I was saying I just wanted it all to end and now this? It's crazy…but I think I finally found it Peggy," Steve said hopefully as he stared at the tombstone with his eyes shining with unushered tears. _

"_I think I finally found somewhere I belong," he whispered as he hugged his bag to his chest. _

_Even Natasha's heart broke just a little bit for the innocent Captain. Clint wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a light squeeze. _

"_I drew a picture for you, you know?" Steve said taking a small worn page out of his bag and held it in front of him._

"_It's my team – they're all batshit insane and they belong in a mental asylum - but they're mine. They sort of remind me of our old team you know?" he said with a faraway look in his eyes. Natasha really wanted to see that picture later. _

"…_I know we've avoided a few topics for a long time. You probably think I'm a coward but better late than never right?" he laughed softly. "Well…here it goes. I always wondered why you moved to America after the war ended. You never married but I heard you were one tough officer during the years you worked for the U.S. military. I also heard they were going to promote you to Captain Status near the end of your career but you denied the promotion…Why would you do that Peggy?" Steve asked sadly. He dropped his drawing into his lap and stared at the rose in front of him. He was silent for a few moments as he tried to gather his jumbled thoughts. _

"_You shouldn't have waited for me Peggy," he whispered touching the tombstone with the tips of his fingers. _

"_I miss you. I never forgot about you Peggy. It gets really lonely when my team is not around…but I've started to meet other people outside of the Avengers now too," he said as he stared at the ground. _

"_I know I always said nothing was going to change – but that was a bit childish and ambitious of me wasn't it?" he said with a light chuckle. He paused as he tried to say the words that have been lodged in his chest for a long time. _

"_Would you mind too much…if I ever fell in love again?" he asked nervously. Natasha looked away – she couldn't watch anymore. Clint nudged her shoulder and pointed at the fireflies that started floating around the Captain. Even the fireflies knew the Cap was special. _

"_No, you were always too kind to say no weren't you?" he laughed sadly. _

"_I think you'd like her. She scares the shit out of me – keeps all the SHIELD agents in line – including the Avengers. In some ways she is just like you; strong, determined and brave. But in other ways she is so different…I know she cares about all her agents – but she never wants to actually let anyone know it. She is also very closed off and guarded all the time. It's more of a distant admiration at this point. I'm not sure exactly what happened…but she changed after the Loki incident. She lost this spark in her eyes. It's been months since the battle and I'm still trying to figure out why that is," Steve said staring at the picture in his lap. He had only one more thing left to say. _

"_Thank you for always being here for me Peggy," he said quietly after a few moments of silence. _

"_You're not the only one with ghosts Tasha," Clint said as they continued to stand out of sight from the reminiscing man out of time. _

"_I know," she said softly as they watched the Captain have his heartbreaking one sided conversation with his first love and sole confidant. _

_"Aren't we lucky Tasha?" he said quietly squeezing her hand. _

_"Yeah. Yeah we are," she said hesitantly. _

Natasha opened her eyes and stared up at the darkening sky above her head. She must have been out for at least 20 minutes. She froze as a warm trail of water streaked down her cheek.

"_Shit_ - why am I crying?" she exclaimed as she quickly wiped the unfamiliar wetness from her eyes.

She never knew that part about Steve's past. Heck she never knew just _how_ different her relationship with Clint really became after they were married.

What did married people do anyway?

Scratch that – that was useless. What the hell did married spies do?

She sighed when she realized she wasn't going to get any answers any time soon.

Magic memory return time was apparently over. She sighed as she picked herself off the ground and winced. Her hand shot up to her forehead and felt a distinctly burning gash stretched out across the edge of her hairline. Joy. That was going to be a pain to disinfect later.

She sighed as she kept walking – maybe she would find a convenient store to buy some disinfectant spray from.

No matter how she looked at it…the memories she was gaining back from those 3 years were a hundred times better than the memories she's had for her entire life time. Especially the memories from before SHIELD.

Before she knew it she got lost in her own memories – the memories she's had for over a life time.

_Natasha expressionlessly watched as two men fought it out in a rundown boxing area while hundreds of people cheered on the fight to the death. _

_She never understood why people enjoyed someone else's pain so much. There was already enough pain in the world. _

"_You'll be a brilliant fighter one day Natasha. Just like me," Ivan said patting her on the head. _

_Natasha stood silently beside her papa as they continued to watch the brutal fight from Ivan's private booth above the crowds. _

"…_but why do we have to fight papa?" she asked quietly. Ivan paused as he took in the words of a little girl who shouldn't be able to think such complex thoughts at age 8. She was different. _

_Different was not always good. _

_Different was not always useful._

"_One day you'll understand why we don't ask questions like that Natasha," he said walking away from the window. Natasha continued to watch the fight as it started to favor the larger man as he delivered blow after blow. She didn't understand why he was punching his opponent in the face. There were far simpler and faster ways to kill someone. _

_Click. _

_She tensed as a gun was placed in her view on the ledge in front of her. _

"_End the fight Natasha – it's pathetic," Ivan said watching her reaction with a careful gaze. She didn't move a muscle. _

"_No – it's not my fight," she said evenly. _

"_Words like that are going to get you killed one day Natasha," he said ominously. She heard him load the gun and click the safety off. She looked away. _

_Natasha shut her eyes as she heard the gun fire and a silence fell upon the rowdy crowd below. _

_The fight was over. _

_But Natasha's heart was still beating. She had to always make sure it was still beating. _

Natasha clenched her fist as she shoved that memory out of her mind. She was never going to be manipulated like that ever again. There was a reason why she had such a hard time trusting people.

The wind started to pick up and Natasha noticed the shadows around the empty street started to get longer as the natural light faded and the streets lights flickered on.

Darkness has fallen.

Natasha paused as she listened to the silence echoing around her. Something wasn't right. She slowly surveyed the entire area until her eye caught a slight shift in the shadows across the street. She tensed before she quickly dropped to the floor as something rapidly shot over her head.

BANG!

She glanced back and noticed a tranquilizer shot buried in the wall behind her. She _was_ being followed. Damn.

"Wonderful reflexes darling – how about I test you a bit more?" a voice whispered from behind her. Natasha instantly clicked off her safety and fired at whoever was taunting her. She spun and was met with thin air.

The voice was gone.

She gripped her gun tighter.

"Where are you hiding…?" she muttered as she backed herself up against the wall and watched the only entrance into the alley.

"You always did miss the obvious didn't you Natasha?" the voice said with a sigh. Natasha froze when she suddenly felt an old fashioned pistol make contact with her head from her left. So there _was_ a way around the dead end.

She slowly turned and came face to face with a man she hasn't seen in god knows how long. She wished she could have kept it that way.

"_Ivan_…should have shot you when I had the chance," she said darkly. He smiled slowly.

"Pretty difficult to shoot the man who raised you isn't it?" he said giving her a knowing look.

"Not after all the shit you've put me through," she said shoving her own gun into his chest.

"You have one gun on me – but I have a 3," he said with a knowing smirk. She tensed as she quickly located the 2 snipers posted at both ends of the alley. They had time to set up while she was unconscious. Shit.

"I can shoot faster," she promised with the certainty evident in her voice.

"But don't you want to know some things from me before we both die?" he asked as he removed his pistol from her head and twirled it in his hand casually.

He was playing with her.

God damn him. Everything to him was a _game_.

Natasha Romanoff doesn't play games.

"If we're both going to die I don't really care what you have to say Braginski. All I know is that you screwed up my life and destroyed countless others. I'd be doing the world a favor by taking you down with me," she said angrily shoving him into the wall. She got angrier when he didn't even fight back- he was still messing with her.

"Would you do the world a favor if you went down as well?" he asked flippantly as he clicked his pistol open and peered into the weapon. She tensed.

"You don't know me anymore," she hissed at him. He smiled again.

"You never changed Natasha – you're still that scared little girl I found crying by the side of road as a brilliant fire blazed behind her," he said pointed the back of his gun at her nose. She narrowed her eyes and shoved the gun away from her face.

"I _never_ cried on that day," she growled.

"How are you so sure? Face it. You don't even what's real anymore," he said leaning against the wall as he watched the tense emotions rapidly flash across her face and instantly disappear.

"I may not have all my memories back. But I'm _damn_ sure about the ones I do have," she said firmly. Even the bittersweet ones with a certain archer which are currently breaking the heart she never knew she still had.

"Really? Are you _that_ sure? Who started the fire Natasha?" he said staring at her with something sinister in his eyes. She tensed.

"It was a malfunction in the hospital's boiler room," she said through gritted the teeth.

"Who started the fire?" he asked again with knowing eyes.

"No one started the fire!" she shouted as her hands started shaking at her sides.

"Who started the fire?" he whispered. Natasha finally cracked and smashed her fist into face.

CRACK!

She practically broke his jaw.

"I didn't kill my own parents you fucking bastard!" She shouted as she grabbed him by the edge of his shirt and slammed him into the wall. He took each of her blows patiently and without a single flinch.

"Fight back damn it! Fight back!" she shouted as she shook him vigorously.

"Think about it Natasha. There _was_ no boiler room," he said spitting the blood that was accumulating in his mouth onto the ground. Natasha froze as memories she doesn't remember flashed through her mind. Her mother's soft voice asking her to get her a glass of water. Getting distracted and accidentally crashed into a medical supply cabinet and causing hundreds of chemicals to crash onto the floor and onto the heater beside her. She got so scared she ran back to her parent's room without telling anyone.

The sound of the explosion that followed 5 minutes later would always haunt her for the rest of her life.

She silently collapsed onto the ground.

"You suppressed your own memories Natasha. I never did anything to your childhood memories," he said honestly. It was probably the only honest thing he said all day.

"I didn't kill them. I didn't do it on purpose," she whispered.

"You're a ticking time bomb Natasha. Who will bring you back from the brink of insanity? The boy who's heart you just broke? Or the team of ragtag outcasts who will eventually stop looking for you?" he asked as he watched her hyperventilate on her knees.

"Let's face it – they'll all leave you in the end. You have no one Natasha. You're all alone. You'll always be alone Natasha. Just like you started," he said ominously.

Natasha suddenly slammed her fist into the wall in front of her.

"Shut. Up. Just _shut up!_ I've dealt with your bullshit for more than 10 years. You don't think I know what you're doing? You don't think I know what you want?" she shouted staring at her bleeding knuckles.

"If you'd just accept what we want everything would stop Natasha. We wouldn't have to go to such measures just to put everything back in order," he said watching her shake silently on the ground.

"You just don't get it do you?" she whispered picking up her gun.

"I am _never_ coming back," she said backing away from him.

If she couldn't shoot him she'd shoot herself before he got her.

"You're not allowed to die Natasha – don't even think about it," he said slowly.

"You have no control over me Ivan. No one has control over me anymore," she said turning the gun on her own head. He gave her a steady look.

"Clint Barton does. He's still in the city. Walking the Manila streets like a ghost. Depressed and mostly likely not in his right mind at the moment. He has no way to get of the country without contacting SHIELD. And right now SHIELD is _not_ the safest people to talk to," he said slowly.

Natasha grew tenser and tenser as he continued to box her into a corner. _Damn you Barton_.

"You pull that trigger – and we pull one on him," he said nodding his head to her gun.

"What's it going to be Natasha?" he whispered. Natasha froze as she rapidly connected the dots in her head. She was missing something.

"You're _stalling_ for something," she said in realization. She dropped her arm with the gun to her side as she stared at him suspiciously.

"Am I?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"What did you _do_ Ivan?" she asked suspiciously.

"Do you really have amnesia Natasha?" he asked taking an apple out of his pocket and tossing it in the air.

She froze as she watched the apple suspend itself in the air for a split second.

_Natasha groaned as she leaned against the cold elevator shaft wall. She's pretty sure she broke everything. Her head hurt, her arms hurt, her legs hurt, her stomach hurt. Everything hurt. _

"_Sorry about the beating you got firecracker," someone said half apologetically to her right. She could barely see anything. She only caught glimpses and heard pieces of the conversation happening around her. _

"_Cairo really beat the shit out of her you know?" the familiar voice said with sigh. _

"_Stop wasting time James. Just hit her with the stuff and let's go," a gruff deep voice said from a distance. _

"_You're no fun Ivan – always work, work and no play," James muttered as he took out a needle from his bag and holding it in front of him. _

"_This is going to hurt like a bitch firecracker – but it's not like you're going to notice after it knocks you out," James said before a sharp pained stabbed her in the neck and flooded her body with a burning sensation. The last thing she remembered was the cool scent of apples. _

"_An apple to remember me by," Ivan whispered placing the fresh piece of fruit beside her and walking away. _

The apple dropped back into his hand and her train of thought suddenly all crashed into one another as she nearly collapsed all over again.

"You _drugged_ me," she said in shock. He smiled and shook his head.

"Close – but not quite," he said twirling his pistol again. She stared at him wondering what else there could possibly be.

"We developed the only virus in the world that mimics the symptoms of amnesia, but it's not really amnesia," he said mysteriously.

Natasha finally noticed the odd watch wrapped around his wrist. It had a large face with a timer that oringally spanned…weeks.

It was currently sitting at 40 seconds and decreasing every moment.

"It's a timed virus," she whispered.

"Clever isn't it?" he said glancing down at his watch. 30 days of waiting was finally coming to an end.

"I don't even have to do anything. We just have to wait 30 more seconds. Ready to test how strong you really are Romanoff?" Ivan said glancing up at her frozen expression. Natasha tensed as she gripped her gun harder.

"I can still shoot you into Swiss cheese in less than 2 milliseconds," she said dangerously. Ivan grinned slowly. He was way too damn confident.

"Of course you can Natasha – who knows that better than I? But where would that leave you when the time is up?" he said sadistically. Natasha cursed in Russian under her breath. He was right. She still didn't know what the virus would do.

20

19

18

17

16

They both stared at his loud ticking watch as the countdown started.

**Memories memories memories memories memories **

Coulson and Hill both stared at each other as the seconds ticked off Maria's phone.

"If she dies Coulson…I _will_ kill you," Maria said dangerously. Coulson nodded.

"I know," he said quietly.

16

15

14

13

He hoped for everyone's sake that's not what the virus was meant to do.

**Memories memories memories memories memories **

"Tony… Tony we're running out of time," Bruce said worriedly. Tony worked through the coded system as fast as he possibly could – it was damn difficult to break into SHIELD encrypted communicators with such a short amount of time!

"I know that Bruce! I need a few more seconds!" Tony muttered as he was dragged down the empty alley. They all stopped running when the Captain at the head of the group suddenly came to a sudden halt. He took a shaky breath when he glanced down at his watch.

"No Tony you don't understand… we're _out _of time…" Steve said tensely as he stared at his own watch in shock. They all froze as the last few seconds ticked away on his watch.

12

11

10

9

They were going to be too late.

**Memories memories memories memories memories **

Clint collapsed onto a bench and placed his head in his hands. The clouds in the sky broke open and the rain started pouring its heart out. It soaked everything in the park within seconds – including a broken man.

"So _that's_ what heartbreak feels like," he whispered to no one.

8

7

6

5

He never knew it would hurt this much to be left behind.

**Memories memories memories memories memories **

Natasha and Ivan both held their breath as the last couple of seconds blinked on his watch.

4

3

2

1

They both stared at each other waiting for something to happen.

5 seconds later – nothing did. Ivan narrowed his eyes as Natasha wondered why the virus didn't have any affect. However the sudden shift in the colour of his eyes put her on guard all over again. _The man was unstable._

"You weren't shot with the trigger were you?" Ivan said finally. Natasha nearly dropped the gun in her hand as the implications of his statement made her blood run cold. _Oh no._ _Oh god no._

No, _she_ wasn't.

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**A/N: ****I promise it gets better. It has to get worse before it gets better though. This was a very intense chapter.**

**Reviews make me write faster ;) **

**What happens next? Any theories? **


	25. Chapter 25

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: That wasn't too long of a wait. Enjoy! **

**Chapter 25 **

Natasha narrowed her eyes as she stared at the one man in the world who made her blood boil. If he was saying what she thinks he was saying she was done here.

"I was supposed to get shot with the trigger earlier today wasn't I?" she said dangerously. Ivan shrugged.

"It's not like it matters anymore –this just means you're on another time limit Natasha," he said with a sadistic grin.

"You know Ivan...you may have been spewing bullshit this whole time but it doesn't really matter anymore. Because I _always_ keep my promises," she said dangerously aiming her gun at his heart.

"Are you really going to shot me Natasha?" he asked calmly. She tensed and she held the gun firmly in her hand.

Clint's face flashed through her mind.

"Yes," she growled before she pulled the trigger.

BANG! She shot him in the chest and promptly ran for it as a rain of bullets flew over her head from two different points of the alleys. The snipers were amateurs.

She was a god damn profession assassin.

"_Ivan_!" someone shouted in the distance.

Natasha didn't look back once.

Ivan grunted as he collapsed to his knees and leaned heavily against the wall behind him.

"Ivan you idiot!" James shouted as he rounded the corner and stared at the bloody mess his boss was in. The man was _insane_.

"No James. You're the idiot. You're _worse_ than Rogers. After 70 years you still never understood brilliance in disguise did you?" Ivan wheezed as he spat out another large amount of blood that had accumulated in his mouth again. He took a deep breath and pushed himself off the wall with relatively no trouble. James gaped.

"But-but she fully shot you in the chest!" he exclaimed in shock. Ivan sighed.

"I know genius. That is why you wear a bullet proof vest when dealing with Natasha Romanoff," Ivan said leaning forward and massaging the bruised part of his chest. It hurt like a bitch – but he definitely wasn't dead yet. Not yet.

"She beat the _shit_ out of you boss…" James said warily. Ivan winced as set his nose back in place. _Crack_!

"I know," he said steadily.

"Why did you let her do that?" James demanded. Ivan smiled slowly.

"Because now she thinks I'm dead," he said simply. James shook his head – crazy.

"The virus didn't take effect did it?" he said warily. Ivan's eyes darkened as he was reminded of that little detail.

"No – which means I'm about to ask a very important question James. And if I don't like the answer – you won't like what I do next," Ivan said dangerously. James tensed – shit.

"Were you the one who was in charge of making sure Romanoff got hit with the trigger?" Ivan asked with the warning apparent in his voice.

"Ah…if I say no will you kill a random hit man instead?" James said warily. Ivan narrowed his eyes.

"James you may have your own super serum running through your veins but I _will_ kill you…" Ivan said dangerously. James paused as he heard the promise in his boss's voice. Scapegoat time.

"Before you finish that thought I would like to mention that Cairo accidently set off the bomb in the tower back in the States," James said swiftly damning his fellow associate. There was no comaradian amongst villains. It was every bastard for himself.

His statement was meant with silence.

"Where is the bastard now…?" Ivan asked darkly. James internally sighed in relief – he wasn't going to die to today.

"Still in America trying to tag the explosion on some other small time avenger nemesis," he explained. Ivan flipped open his phone and watched as the news silently displayed the damaged Avengers Tower in all its fallen glory.

"Someone is going to pay for that," Ivan growled.

"Seems like everything went to shit at the moment," James said dryly. Ivan paused as he continued to watch the disaster back in Manhattan capture the attention of the American nation. He stared at the faces of Jane Foster and Pepper Potts as they flashed across the screen listed as two of the people still stuck under all the rumble. Unless…

"No…not quite – find out where Barton is. Make sure Cairo still has his ass in America. This could work in our favor. And next time I give you a job Barnes – _don't miss_," Ivan said warningly before he threw the ruined bulletproof vest on the ground and stalked away.

There was always more than one way to destroy someone. There was always more than one way to reach your ultimate goal.

**memories meomries memories memories memories **

"Time's up guys," Steve said in shock. They all shared a worried look for all of 3 seconds.

And then they immediately got fired upon from 3 different directions.

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" Bruce shouted as he shoved Tony to the ground while the genius ignored everything and everyone around him as he continued to try and get a lock on Romanoff. The time was up - so what?

He wasn't going to give up.

DING.

"FINALLY! I GOT IT GUYS! I GOT! What do we do now?" Tony called out to his teammates covering him as he _finally_ managed to get a lock on her phone. She was 3 miles away from them near the central city train station. And she was moving fast. Well…that could mean many things. It could mean she was alive and running towards or away from something or someone else had Natasha Romanoff's phone.

"Just call her DAMN IT!" Bruce shouted as he blocked another round of bullets using a trash can lid lying on the floor beside him. He couldn't get hit and hulk out now. It would completely compromise their team if they had to deal with a hulk in this entire mess.

"Are you trying to make my shield look obsolete doctor?" Steve asked dryly from beside him. Bruce snorted.

"Cap your shield is like the mother of all shields. A trash can lid is simply a hundred times easier to find," Bruce said whipping the lid towards the gunmen ahead of them and racing back down the alley. They quickly picked up Tony's Iron Man suit backpack and dragged the man himself down the alley and around the corner. They finally had a lead.

"Hurry up with the call Stark!" Bruce said as glanced over his shoulder. They needed a better plan on getting rid of their new friends. Tony quickly dialed Romanoff's number as they all continued to run for their lives.

They were getting tired of running.

**memories meomries memories memories memories **

The time was up on Maria's phone and the silence between the two of the most important SHIELD agents was deafening.

"We need to get those metals bands off of you before we go looking for anyone Maria," Coulson said being the first to break the tense silence. She narrowed her eyes.

"There is no way we are going to waste time doing something as pointless as that. She could be in trouble _right now," _Maria said in disbelief.

"And you could be _dead_ right now," he said angrily. She glared at him.

"Stop being fucking selfish Coulson!" she shouted furiously. He clenched his fists at his sides.

"The virus is not meant to kill Natasha Maria. Of all the things it could do to her – it's not going to kill her," he said angrily. Maria's eyes darkened.

"How the _hell_ do you know that for sure?" she growled.

"Because this is all way too big to be a simple assassination plot! It's something bigger than Natasha Maria! This is something bigger than the Avengers even," he shouted angrily. She froze as she suddenly realized something about their shitty situation.

"Coulson if we're all out here…who's left back at SHIELD we can trust other than Fury?" she asked slowly. He gave her a wary look.

'No one else is left at SHIELD Maria. No one," he said vacantly. She tensed.

"_Shit_. We need to find Natasha and get everyone off this island now," she said banging her fist against the wall beside her. Too many things were happening way to fast all at once.

"I knew you'd say that," he said with a sigh. _Click_.

She froze as she felt a cool metal object make contact with her head. It was a standard tranquilizer.

"Coulson…" she said warningly. Shit he was such as _bastard_.

"I'm not sorry Maria," he said firmly. He would never be sorry for trying to save her.

BANG!

She lost consciousness before she felt herself fall into the arms of possibly the only man in the whole world who was looking out for her in this gigantic mess. If Maria Hill spent all her time and energy protecting her agents – who would protect her?

Once he was gone – who would even remember that Maria Hill needs protecting as all?

Those were the question he found himself asking nowadays.

**memories meomries memories memories memories **

Natasha cursed as she nearly tripped over her own feet as she dashed around another street corner.

Her phone was ringing.

She didn't know why but something compelled her to pick it up.

"You finally decided to pick up your phone did you? We have been trying to find you for the last HOUR!" Tony shouted through the speaker. Natasha narrowed her eyes.

"Shut up and get to the point I don't have time for your stupidity right now!" Natasha shot back as she ran through the alley and as far away from the disaster behind her as she could. Tony paused as he listened to her very Natasha like response. Huh. Sane enough he supposed.

"Give me one second," Tony said turning towards his two teammates still covering him as they ran from their own little party of gun men.

"SHE'S NOT DEAD!" Tony hollered at the other two avengers.

Natasha banged her head against her palm. _That_ was her rescue team?

"Fantastic! Ask her if she knows about the stupid virus!" Bruce shouted back. Tony snorted.

"Red – do you know you are kind of screwed with an amnesia causing bug right?" Tony asked just before he ducked as a spinning metal crowbar whipped over his head.

"_Hey_! Hey you! I'm on the phone here!" Tony shouted at the assassins dancing a bloody dance with his teammates. Steve and Bruce both groaned in unison.

"Hurry up!" they shouted at the same time.

"Yes, yes I know. It's not active at the moment. How do _you_ know?" she asked incredulously.

"Coulson – long story. Maria Hill's health was possibly involved in the scandal," Tony said dryly. Natasha sighed. So it was just her and Barton who were out of the loop. She froze.

Barton still didn't know.

Barton still didn't know _anything_.

"I got to go Stark," she said quickly speeding up. Tony froze.

"Wait – no! No! No! No-" he shouted in alarm.

She promptly shut her phone and hung up on the narcissistic bastard. She would never stop calling him that even though she didn't quite believe it anymore. He was too soft underneath all the sarcasm and swag.

For the first time in her life (that she remembered) Natasha Romanoff was finally running after someone else.

Oh how the stubborn have fallen.

She stared at her phone and quickly called Clint's number.

Ring. Ring.

BEEP.

"_This line is currently unavailable at the moment," _a robotic voice answered.

BEEP.

She stared at her phone in shock. Barton _always_ picked up his phone.

How on earth was his line _BUSY_?

"What on earth are you doing Clint?" she asked incredulously. She chunked her phone back into her pocket and started weaving through the crowded manila streets. She was wary of all these people around her when she had the unknown dormant virus in her body. She was silently freaking out as she tried to imagine every possibility the trigger could have. She only really came down to two that mattered.

Either the trigger worked in his body and did something horrible or it didn't.

There was a 50/50 chance for both.

"Where would he be? Where would he be?" she whispered anxiously looking around trying to figure out what a scorned Barton would do after she…left. She smacked her palm against her forehead. They were _both_ idiots.

She froze as a thought finally occurred to her.

He would _leave_.

She spun around and ran back the way she came. She was sure she passed a train station not too far back.

"Please be okay. Please still be here. Please still be here," she muttered as she ran into the station and started searching the massive crowd for a brown haired archer. It was almost 8 in the evening and the place was packed with people going home or leaving the city for the weekend. Even if Barton was here she could easily miss him. She ran through the crowd and scanned as many heads as she could. She froze in front of the largest departure and arrival time board in the station.

There were literally hundreds of trains departing within the next 2 hours to 20 different locations.

She was doomed.

She paused as she stared at the flashing part of the screen that said the current train in the 3rd platform was departing in 5 minutes. There were a hundred places he could end up - But he would choose… the one that would leave this place the soonest.

She ran towards the sign the said train platforms like her life depended on it. In some ways it did.

"Damn you Barton I _know_ you're here. Where are you?" she muttered as she quickly ran onto the platform and scanned the crowd for a certain archer. There was only 3 minutes left before the train left. She was running out of time herself.

They were always running out of time.

"Too many places for you to hide," she growled as she ran down the length of the platform. She reached one end of the train and still hasn't found him. She huffed and turned around to face the other side of the platform.

"CLINT BARTON ANSWER ME DAMN IT!" she shouted into the noisy crowd rushing all around her.

A world wary SHIELD agent sitting slumped against a seat at the other end of the train suddenly groaned and banged his head against his compartment window.

"I can't believe I'm still hearing her voice _again_," Clint growled. Why was his mind playing tricks on him? Wasn't it good enough that he was already plague with her face in his thoughts at every waking second? Now he was hallucinating too?

He covered his ears and tried to ignore the voice that sounded scarily like the one girl he ever cared for.

But he knew she would never come back. Natasha Romanoff would never run after him. She was way too stubborn.

Oh how wrong he was.

"Clint you bastard where are you?" Natasha growled as she started running down the train again peering into every individual train compartment window. He had to be here. He had to be here. Something was telling her he was here.

"Mommy…what is that girl doing?" a little boy asked as he sat on a bench with his mommy waiting for his daddy to come home after 8 months of serving in Afghanistan.

"She's looking for someone honey," she said as they both watched the redhead spin around and stare up at the large clock hanging from the ceiling. It was 2 minutes away from departure time. She started searching through the windows faster.

"Is she going to find that person?" he asked hopefully looking up at his mommy. She smiled and patted him on the head. Ah children – they were so innocent.

"Maybe. She might if she's lucky," she said quietly staring down at her wedding ring. She remembered the day many months ago when she was here saying goodbye to the man she loved. Maybe this girl regretted letting her love go too.

"But you can't be lucky _all_ the time mommy…" the child said furrowing his brow.

"That's right – but sometimes you can make your own luck sweetie," she said pulling the little boy into a tight hug.

A train conductor walked past the last compartment on the train near the control room and paused as he look at the lone man sitting in the compartment.

"Are you okay Sir?" he asked the man who was staring at his knees with a faraway look in his eyes.

"I don't know," Clint said blankly. He just wanted it to all stop. He didn't want to feel the emotions anymore.

The conductor sighed. Young love.

"It's a girl isn't it?" he asked with a knowing look. Poor man – looked like he really got the short stick.

"Have you ever fallen in love?" Clint asked still staring at his knees.

"Yes sir, indeed I have," the older man said with an odd look on his face. It was a long, long, long time ago though. Longer than anyone alive today was likely to remember.

"Was it the type of love where you need her like air whether her love was soft and sweet or burned like a blazing fire?" Clint asked still with the glazed look in his eyes.

"Can't say I have," the conductor said quietly. So that's how deep this boy was in. It's a shame she's letting him go. Such a shame….

"Guess the girl I love is just a bit _too_ unique," Clint said with a sad laugh.

"Guess so. Good luck sir," The conductor said giving the young man a nod. Clint was hardly in the right frame of mind to respond. The conductor slowly closed the door and walked down the hall connecting all the train compartments. He took the conductor hat off his head and tossed it into the control room.

"Barton's on the train," the conductor said into a speaker oh his wrist. He pulled the elderly looking mask off his face and it was James in all his bastardly glory. It was time to show Romanoff they mean business.

Natasha frantically continued to look through all the compartments. She still had 13 more to search through until she would reach the end. She heard the train whistle blow from the front of the train. She had less than a minute left to find him.

"Please be here, please be here, please be here," she chanted as she continued to run past all the windows that didn't contain the one man she was looking for. She was seconds away from reaching the last window on the train.

Clint looked up as something suddenly banged against his window.

He nearly crashed to the floor as he stared at the out of breath figure of Natasha Romanoff standing on the other side of the glass.

"Clint…" she whispered out of breath. She finally found him.

"Natasha?" he asked in shock.

And then the train started moving.

Natasha's hope shattered as her hands dropped to her side and the window holding the utterly shocked face of Clint Barton moved out of the station.

Their eyes stayed in contact with each other for a few agonizing seconds before she lost sight of him as the train curved around the corner. He was gone.

And she was left with silence.

She walks off the platform in a daze and into the bustling station. Everyone was rushing in and into with somewhere they had to go. She didn't know _what_ she was going to do now. He was alive – but he was also gone.

How could she have missed him?

How could he be moving hundreds of miles away from her without even knowing about the trigger running through his veins?

…Or the virus running through hers.

For the first time in her life…Natasha Romanoff was lost.

She stopped walking when heard the big clock chimed 8 times. Time was just no on her side.

"Natasha?" someone called out from behind her. She froze with one hand on the door leading out of the station. No...it couldn't be. He was definitely on the train moving past the window beside her.

She slowly turned around and stared at the bruised and out of breath image of Clint Barton. He had twigs and grass sticking out of his hair and mud all over his pants.

He looked like he had just jumped off a moving train.

She had the _strange_ feeling that's exactly what he did.

"Clint…" she whispered.

"Why did you come back Tasha?" he asked still breathing in ragged breath. She took a deep breath herself.

"Because you're the only one on the team who doesn't know what's going on…" she said still in shock that he was standing in front of her. He was here. He was alive. He was still _sane_.

"I…I have no idea what you're talking about Tasha," he said slowly. She froze. How was she going to tell him?

"Clint remember when you pushed me out of the way and got shot with something we thought was a sedative?" she asked uneasily.

"Yes…" he said waiting for her to continue.

"It's wasn't a sedative Clint. It was trigger for something else," she said slowly.

"I am still confused..." he said steadily. She winced.

"If you get the virus Clint – we don't what will happen to you," she said anxiously. He froze as he processed with she just said.

"But nothing has happened to me yet…" he said in confusion.

"No, nothing yet," she said the relief evidence in her voice. He shook the looming implications away for now he had more important things to ask at the moment.

"Then forget about the trigger for a second. Why did you run away Tasha?" he asked needing to know if she was just going to leave again if he did something stupid. She held her breath as she tried to find the right words that were honest enough to explain her jumbled thoughts. In the end she couldn't come up with anything too eloquent.

"Because you scared the _shit_ out of me Barton," she finally said while shaking her head. He laughed brokenly and dragged his fingers through his hair. God she was something.

"Of all the things to be afraid of Tasha – only you would be afraid of a confession. An _angry_ confession at that," he said giving her an incredulous look.

"It was more than a confession Clint," she said looking away. He sighed.

"Yeah, yeah it was," he said quietly. It was too much to throw at her at once. But he still needed to know. "Are you going to run away again Tasha?" he asked sadly. She froze. Was she?

"I don't know," she whispered.

"How about if I promise not to scare you with big secrets anymore?" he asked hopefully.

"I-" she started to say something but was immediately cut off by a deafening sound.

BOOM!

The entire station shook as a sudden explosion went off not too far away from their location. They both grabbed onto the wall beside them as the tremors continued to shake the foundation of the building. The two agents quickly looked out the window at what was going on outside. They froze.

"The train you were just on…it just got blown up didn't it?" she said slowly.

"Yes…yes it did," Clint said staring at the large fireball rising to the sky in the distance.

"We have to go Tasha…" Clint said seriously as he glanced around at all the people shouting and running out of the station behind them. Civilians were always so over dramatic.

"Clint I haven't told you something yet," she said anxiously.

"Later Tasha –it's not safe here anymore," he said taking a step forward to grab her hand.

She took a step back and didn't let him touch her. He paused as he gave her a quizzing look.

"What's wrong Tasha?" he asked worriedly. Her actions were raising certain red flags he didn't want to analyze to closely at the moment.

"_I_ have the virus Clint," she said staring at her hands.

Clint's heart froze.

"Tasha…Tasha if I have the trigger and you have the virus…" he said slowly as a deep dread started creeping into his heart. Please tell me it's not true Tasha. Please tell me it's not true.

"We're in deep trouble Clint," she said looking up at him with a hundred different emotions swirling in her eyes.

They both held the power to destroy each other in more ways than one now.

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**A/N: And now it finally all comes full circle. It's time to test their love before it's game over.**

**Remember:**

**Natasha had the virus since chapter 1.**

**Clint had the trigger since chapter 17. **

**It's chapter 25. **

**How will the knowledge of poison running through their veins affect their relationship? **

**Also. I seem to really like trains. ^.^ **

**(¯`v´¯)**

**¸.•´¸.•*• ƸӜƷ**

**ღ****°•. .•° Clintasha will live through laughter and tears °•. .•°****ღ**


	26. Chapter 26

**Lost in seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: I'm back!  
**

**Medical Terminology – complete science-**_**fiction**_** (I made it up people!) **

**Dormant virus -** is like a disease waiting to take over your body and give you full blown negative symptoms. As long as it stays dormant (inactive) it does nothing drastic. A dormant virus can have less serious inactive side effects – like Natasha' amnesia. Every unique active virus can do something different. (You don't know yet what Natasha's virus does)

**Trigger** - is like a chemical that causes the virus to activate. By itself it does nothing. It is still just as potentially dangerous because once coupled with the right virus it will active it within a certain amount of time (in this story it takes 1 hour for reaction to occur).

**Transfer process** - you can only get infected by this virus through _direct_ blood transfer. Otherwise you are _not_ contagious.

**Current situation** - Clint and Natasha are relatively healthy and sane at the moment. They are simply now a serious danger to one another.

**Now how are they going to actually deal with this knowledge?**

**Chapter 26 **

It was only a matter of time before James figured out Barton wasn't on the train when it blew up – they needed to leave the station and get off the streets as fast as possible. They needed to go _now_.

However it was rather difficult to do when you were both frozen to the ground staring at each other like you would suddenly burst into flames if you moved a muscle.

At the moment they didn't know if they should run away from each other or never let go.

The tension between them was unbearable and time was running out.

Clint took a deep breath.

"Tasha... do you trust me?" he asked slowly as he clenched his hands at his sides. He was painfully holding himself back until she was sure of what she wanted. He knew what he wanted. She _thought_ she did…but she didn't look so sure anymore.

"You knew the danger behind the virus and yet you still came back Tasha. There had to be a reason why you came back," he said giving her a pleading look. They both heard her take a shaky breath – there was no time for regrets anymore.

"Yes…yes I do trust you Clint," she whispered finally. She's never trusted anyone more in her entire life. He sighed in relief. _Thank god._

"Good," he said before he crossed the space between them and pulled her slim body into a tight embrace. She froze in his arms but didn't pull away. They both felt her heartbeat spike as it frantically thumped against her chest between them. But after several tense seconds she slowly gripped the back of his shirt and gently leaned her forehead against his shoulder. So _that's_ what people mean when they say you find relief in your loved ones arms.

"No matter _what_ happens Natasha, no matter how bad it gets, promise me we'll get through this together," Clint murmured into her hair as he held her close. Natasha wished she could give him the answer he wanted. She really did.

"I can't promise that Clint…" she whispered against his shirt. He didn't let go – if anything he held on tighter.

"Promise you'll _try_ Tasha," he whispered as he pulled away and stared at her right in the eyes. She stared back but with much more nervousness lurking in her eyes.

"I-I'll try," she said hesitantly. He gave her a weak smile.

"Thank you," he said softly.

He leaned forwards and kissed her on the forehead and then pulled her out of the station through the frantic crowds.

It was time to get the _hell_ out of here.

"Now we _really_ have to get off the streets and away from this location before whoever blew up the train finds us," he said weaving through the panicked masses of people moving away from the station and the site of the explosion. The police were everywhere trying to calm down the crowd as they investigated the explosion. But Natasha already knew who the culprit was.

She tensed beside him. He sent her a cautious look.

"It's Ivan," she said darkly. Clint paused – he had a feeling it was going to be that bastard.

"Okay… So I'll just have to break his nose like I did last time but make sure this time he can't get back up," he said casually. Natasha snorted. _Men_.

"Clint…I don't know if you remember properly…but the last time you met him you got one good punch in before he beat the shit out of you 5 times over…" Natasha said warily. Clint scoffed as he glanced around and pulled them down a less crowded and away from all the chaos around the station.

"Hey! I'm not the one with amnesia! My memory is fully intact and does not resemble Swiss cheese!" he said childishly. Natasha gave him a blank look.

"How many bones did you break after the Loki Incident?" she asked frankly. He paused as he tried to remember the exact number from his medical file. When the sweat broke out across his forehead she knew she had won.

"Perfect memory my ass," she said muttered. Clint scowled as they continued their path through the maze of alleys. Her eyes shot up when she felt him stiffen suddenly.

"How much _do_ you remember Tasha…?" he asked slowly taking in her cautious eyes. She instantly looked away. He was probing for answers again.

"I remember bits and pieces of pretty much everything. Everything except…" she started to say but then trailed off hesitantly.

"…us," he finished for her quietly. "And why is that?" he muttered to himself. She stared at him warily. She didn't have the answer to his question. An uneasy silence hung between as they both got lost in their own thoughts for a moment.

"12," she said quietly.

"What?" he asked glancing at her solemn face.

"You broke 12 bones after the fall you had during the battle in Manhattan," she explained staring at the ground. He blinked.

"How do you remember something like _that_?" he asked genuinely stunned. She shrugged and shifted uneasily beside him.

"I remember things that matter," she said while not looking at him. He gave her a soft look.

"I'm glad I matter," he said quietly giving her hand a light squeeze. Natasha flushed and was about to respond when she did a double take as they ran past an electronic shop window. She skidded to a suddenly stop which had Clint nearly crash into the cement sidewalk. He turned around and gave her a confused look.

"Tasha why did you…_what the heck is going there_?" Clint exclaimed as he finally noticed the news channel playing in the TV behind the window. It was the image of a completely destroyed building in the center of downtown New York. They've been gone for only a _day_ and some idiot already decided to blow something up?

"I have no idea Clint…" she said cautiously. She froze as she recognized the area of the explosion. It couldn't be…

"Is that _Avengers Tower_?" Natasha asked in utter shock as they both stared at the screen. Clint froze as the camera zoomed in on a speeding streak of light traveling down the street and stopping right in front of the wreckage. It was a blond man in a familiar armor diving into the rubble.

"Is that _Thor_?" Clint asked in disbelief. How the hell is he there when he was supposed to be _here_?

"We need to find Stark and the others – _now_," Natasha said shaking her head and stepping away from the unbelievable image. They've been out of the loop for too long.

Hawkeye and Black Widow were officially ready to get back into the game. Virus or no virus. They were going to fight until their last breath.

They just hoped their last breath wouldn't be because of each other.

**Memories memories memories memories memories **

Chaos. Chaos could not describe the utter shambles that SHIELD headquarters was in at the moment. All the agents were scrambling to deal with different problems that were popping up all across the city let alone the ones that they were experiencing around the world at the moment. Their oversea agents were swarmed with problems and enemies they did not foresee. SHEILD contacts were backing out of several key missions in priority countries and to top it all off – all their systems were going berserk at the moment.

Someone was screwing SHIELD over from the inside. Someone was doing a _damn_ good job of having all their people scattered. Wait until Fury got his hand on the person responsible for this mess…

Because everything was going to shit at the _exact_ same moment.

And Fury was at his last sliver of patience when he got a call from a dinky little junior agent who was on patrol duty in what was supposed to be the safest section of the city – the Avengers neighborhood.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN AVENGERS TOWER JUST BLEW UP?" Fury shouted into his phone.

He was pissed.

He was angry.

He was going to fucking _murder_ somebody.

WHERE WAS HIS FREAKING A TEAM WHEN HE NEEDED THEM?

Gallivanting across the globe chasing after his missing right hand woman who also chose the worse possible week to go missing.

Those _bastards_.

"Careful Fury – if you shout too much you'll pop a blood vessel and have to go on medical leave. I don't think your organization can handle any more key players being taken out of the game now can they?" a voice said ominously from behind him.

Fury froze with the phone still held to his ear. He slowly put the receiver down and ended the call. He would have to deal with that problem later.

"You had to get past a lot of security measures and countless agents to reach this room…Cairo," Fury said as he slowly turned around and came face to face with a smirking dark haired man leaning against his wall.

"It's not as hard as you'd like it to be Fury," he said with a secretive smile. Fury wanted to slap that look right off his face. But he was a professional. Professional _badass_.

"Alright cut the bullshit opening bad guy speech in half. I really do have better things to do with my time then humor you while my organization is being turned upside down," Fury said frankly. Cairo raised an eyebrow. _Someone_ was edgy today.

"You sound a bit stressed Fury," he said tilting his head to the side. Fury narrowed his eyes as he noticed the gun shaped bulge in Cairo's pocket.

"Are you here to try and kill me Cairo?" Fury asked pointe blank. He wasn't the beating around the bush kind of guy. People were always trying to kill him. Why should now be any different?

"Why are you always jumping to conclusions Director? I just came to say hi," Cairo said with a slight smile. Fury was not taking this bullshit.

"Tell me what the hell is going on Cairo because I am _this_ close to taking my gun and shooting you right now," Fury said dangerously. Cairo sighed. Fury was never any fun.

"You seem to be really busy at the moment…anything interesting happen recently?" he asked sticking his hands in his pockets. Fury narrowed his eyes.

There was something very, very wrong with this picture. No one occupies their hands when they need to defend themselves at a moment's notice. Either Cairo was being too overconfident and sloppy – or Fury was missing something.

"Did you blow up Avengers Tower you bastard?" Fury asked threateningly as he clenched his hands into tight fists. Cairo smiled slowly as his eyes swirled with a mischievous hint to them.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he said spinning a knife in his hand. That was _not_ there a moment ago. He was trying to fucking intimidate him. Who the hell can intimidate Nick Fury?

"Why did you choose now to come back Cairo? Where is the rest of your stupid posse?" Fury demanded. Cairo sighed. So impatient.

"Trust me. When it's time for you to meet them you'll wish it was just me," Cairo said quietly. Fury tensed. What does _that_ mean?

"I just came to say watch yourself Fury. All your Avengers are gone. Your right hand is missing. You're council is not communicating with you at the moment. And how many agents are really yours…?" Cairo said ominously glancing out of Fury's office window. They could see out into the hall but none of his agents could see in. Everyone was continuing to go crazy with the mess they were in while he was in here dealing with this piece of shit.

Sometimes that was a bad, bad office layout design.

"Just because they aren't here right now doesn't they won't be here when it's time to stop whatever your little ring of blackjacks are trying to do," Fury said firmly.

Cairo laughed. He literally leaned on his knees and laughed his heart out.

That _pissed_ Fury off to unimaginable levels.

"You think the Avengers of all people are going to stop us? Oh that's _rich_. That's rich. We're not an army trying to enslave the human race Fury. We don't have monsters and beasts waiting at our beck and call to destroy nations. There's no _profit_ in destroying nations. And there is no point in controlling said nations – not directly at least. How will your Avengers defeat a shadow Fury? Especially when it will seem to be cast by some very shocking people," Cairo said mysteriously. Fury narrowed his eyes.

"What are you planning Cairo…?" Fury asked suspiciously.

"We have an idea. And it's very hard to stop an idea Fury once it starts catching fire in the right people's minds. You should know shouldn't you? Your past is dripping with a ledger the rival's that of Natasha Romanoff. And boy does she have an impressive count," Cairo said giving him an impressed look. Fury clenched his fists again.

"I am _not_ that man anymore. And Romanoff is no long simply the machine your people used her as," Fury said narrowing his eyes. Cairo gave him a wary look.

"It's amazing you know. That people like you two choose to go to the light side and you forget about where you came from. You forget the darkness you were both born from. You had the assets to win and then you throw them away. You know it was a pretty dumb move cutting off ties with _all_ your contacts in the black market Fury," Cairo said shaking his head at the director. Fury tensed.

"I don't deal with criminals anymore Cairo. I _learned_ something from my previous superiors before I got this chair and title. Everything always goes to _shit_ when you try to appease to both sides. Always," he said firmly. Cairo sighed.

"So you chose the weaker ones. The ones who believe all the problems in this world can be solved through _love_ and _caring_ and _sacrifice_," Cairo said rolling his eyes. Pathetic.

"Love doesn't make you weak Cairo. It gives you the strength to do things selfish people like you could never do," Fury said narrowing his eyes at the unnaturally calm bastard.

"In my books it's smarter to use other people to do the things you don't want or can't do," he said with a dark look lurking in the back of his eyes.

"There is a reason your side never wins Cairo," Fury said slowly. Cairo rolled the knife in his hand and stared at it contemplatively.

"What happens…when both sides become equal then Fury?" he asked without looking up at the frozen director. "What do you think will happen when SHIELD falls?" Cairo said with an odd tone in his voice.

"SHIELD will never fall – not as long as there are people still out there who believe in what we stand for and are willing to fight for what is right," Fury growled. Cairo smiled warily.

"Where will you get all those people if you have no one left to inspire this will to fight for goodness?" Cairo said staring at the files on Fury's desk with 6 distinct names on them.

"Are you trying to imply something you bastard?" Fury asked angrily.

"No. Actually I'm here to give you an offer to switch sides," Cairo said staring at the tense director straight in the eye. Fury stared back at him in disbelief. Was this guy mentally insane?

"Storm's coming Nick Fury. When the world crumbles beneath your feet - which side will you choose?" he asked inquisitively.

"I'll always choose to side with the heroes," Fury said steadily.

Cairo smiled.

"There is no such thing as heroes," he said pushing himself off the wall.

Fury promptly picked up his pistol and shot the bastard right through the heart. To his surprise the bullet went right through Cairo and lodged into the wall behind him. Fury narrowed his eyes.

Hologram.

_Damn it. _

"Take care of yourself Fury. No one else will," Cairo whispered before the hologram faded.

SHIELD was in trouble. Big trouble.

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories memories memories**

Around the same time Natasha and Clint had found out about the tower being blown up Stark was on the phone once again. Red was alive for the moment – which means he could focus all his energies to making sure his girlfriend didn't die because a demigod didn't know how to dig properly.

At the moment Tony was royally freaking out in an alley while Steve and Bruce calmly watched the poor genius pace.

"I don't know what tank you're talking about! Just don't swing your hammer around too much and you won't cause any unnecessary explosions!" Tony shouted in his phone as he paced back and forth in front of his two teammates leaning against the wall.

"How long do you think this will take?" Bruce asked warily as Tony went off on another rant at the demigod trying to save both their loved ones.

"For Thor to finally understand Stark's instructions and get the girls out? Probably just under the 2 hours they have left. And only because they know Pepper and Jane are dead if they don't get them out in time," Steve said gravely. Bruce nodded and winced as he rubbed his shoulder.

"Is he getting anywhere closer to Tony's lab yet?" Bruce asked. They all tensed when they heard the loud explosive sound come from Tony's phone.

BOOM!

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Tony shrieked staring at his phone in disbelief.

"Ah…that was the tank I was talking about…?" Thor said sheepishly. Tony repeatedly banged his head against the wall beside him.

"Where is Rhodey?" Tony asked desperately.

There was some shuffling on the other end and a new voice was heard on the line.

"Yo man - calm yourself! Me and Thor can do this okay?" Rhodey said reassuringly. Tony did not look convinced. Not at all.

"If you mess up Rhodey…" Tony said warningly. Rhodey sighed. Protective Tony Stark as his best.

"Shut up and let me save your girl Stark because apparently you are too busy saving everyone else," Rhodey said as he looked up at ruffled demigod standing beside him. He was just itching to save his love. All he needed was the how.

"This where is the elevator shaft is supposed to be right?" Rhodey asked looking down at the caved-in section beside them.

"That is correct friend of Stark," Thor said nodding his head. Rhodey crossed his arms as he thought about how this would work. He glanced at the indented section and a potentially disastrous idea that may just work, hit him.

"Hey Thor…how controlled can you make your lightning from the hammer…?" Rhodey asked slowly.

"Fairly well," Thor said confidently.

"WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! You're going to make a tunnel…WITH LIGHTNING?" Tony shrieked. Rhodey sighed. His overdramatic friend really hurt his ear buds sometimes.

"_Calm down_ Tony – there is no way we could make it to Pepper and Jane without Thor's level of power," Rhodey said seriously. There was at least 200 feet of rubble they would have to get through. Nothing else could do that in less than 2 hours.

Tony sighed and leaned his head against the wall beside his teammates. Bruce and Steve shared a worried look. Stark looked….resigned to his fate. That was shocking their system. Tony _never_ settled for something he did not agree with.

Even Tony Stark takes himself down a notch for love.

Will wonders never cease?

"Okay. Okay do it," Tony said reluctantly. Thor looked at Rhodey and raised an eyebrow.

"He does know that I would never do anything to accidentally hurt Jane right?' Thor asked slowly. Rhodey patted the gentle giant on the shoulder.

"Just shoot the lightning man – we'll deal with Mr. Drama Queen later," Rhodey said taking a step back….just in case.

"Okay – Jane I shall rescue you and lady Potts!" Thor boomed before he raised his hammer into the sky and allowed it to charge up with thousands of bolts of electricity.

"Wow…now that packs a punch," Rhodey said in awe.

Tony switched the line from Thor to Pepper's to see how she and Jane were doing.

"Pepper?" Tony asked trying to keep the worry out of his voice.

"Still alive Tony," Pepper replied calmly.

He really didn't understand how she could sound so calm when he was literally about to break down from the worry.

Jane didn't either. She looked down at her own shaking hands at up at the calm and collected CEO of Stark industries. The woman had nerves of steel.

"How about J-" Tony started to ask.

"Jane is okay too. We're all okay. The only question I have…is what that sound of a dying cat coming closer and closer from the caved in elevator shaft…" Pepper said slowly. Tony banged his head against the wall again.

"Stark you're going to keep losing valuable brain cells if you keep that up," Steve pointed out from beside him.

"Shut up Rogers. I have more than enough brains cells to last me 500 lifetimes. You barely have enough for 1," Tony growled. Steve raised an eyebrow.

The man was oversensitive today.

"Tony…?" Pepper asked carefully.

"I'm still here Pepper. The dying cat noises are Thor and his lightning carving a passage through the shaft to get you two out," Tony said pinching the bridge of his nose. There were so many things that could go wrong with this scenario he didn't even want to imagine them for too long.

"Oh thank god – I have a lot of work to back up once we get out of here," Pepper said in relief.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

"You…ARE THINKING ABOUT _WORK_?" Tony shouted in disbelief. Pepper blinked.

"Well…what else do I have to think about after 2 hours of sitting around doing nothing?" she asked in confusion.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"There goes those brain cells again," Steve whispered to Bruce as they watched Tony hurt his skull once again.

"You're _crazy_ woman - you know that?" Tony asked as he dragged his hand through his hair in worry. _Damn_. Clint wasn't the only one. He was in love with a crazy too. Why did the Avengers always fall for the not sane ones?

"I have to be crazy enough to fall for you right?" she said with a weak smile. Tony slumped against the wall and finally took a seat beside Bruce and Steve. And so the super businesswoman finally calmed the genius.

"Keep talking – I like this crazy now," he said with a slight smile.

"I'm not _that_ crazy – don't let it get to your head," Pepper said warningly. That just made him laugh.

BOOM!

A large of rubble shot out from the elevator doors and smashed into the wall right across form it. Jane and Pepper stared at the gigantic opening in shock.

"Well…that didn't take very long…" Jane said in surprise.

"JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!….and Miss Potts. Are you alive?" Thor's voice boomed from 200 feet above the surface.

"_Yes_ we're still alive Thor," Jane said shaking her head. Thor was something.

"I think me and Jane need to take a short trip to my L.A office for a few days…don't you think Tony?" Pepper said suddenly as they waited for Thor to climb down and get them out. Tony sighed in relief.

"Yeah – yeah that would be a brilliant idea," he said quickly. She smiled.

"I thought you'd like it," she said as Jane and her got off the ground and walked towards the opening.

"Stay safe Pepper – take care of Jane too," Tony said anxiously.

"I thought that was my line?" she asked raising an eyebrow. He rolled his eyes.

"But Pepper you need it more – I'm always safe remember?" he said cheekily.

"Bye Tony," Pepper said shaking her head with a light laugh.

"Bye Peps," he whispered back. He shut his phone and stared at it for a couple of seconds. Pepper was going to be okay. Pepper was going to be okay. It was the only thing he could comprehend at the moment.

"Well…at least _something_ went right in this gigantic mess right?" Bruce said trying to brighten the dark mood that had been hovering over the 3 Avengers for the last 3 hours.

It was a sad day when _Bruce Banner_ was the trying to be the optimistic one.

**A/N: Haha look no cliffy! :O gasp I know – don't get used to it! ;)**

**But ****my holiday gift to you…is an update every other day until the 25****th****. How do you like that idea? lol either way Cheers! **

**See you all Sunday. **


	27. Chapter 27

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: It's not Sunday…ah but I'm busy Sunday so...EARLY UPDATE! Do read with caution…**

**RECAP: Clint and Natasha are looking for Tony and the team. Fury has just gotten an unnerving visit from the enemy and is scrambling to fix the mess SHIELD is in at the moment. Thor and Rhodey just saved Pepper and Jane from beneath the rubble of a destroyed Avenger's Tower. The world is waiting for the Avengers to return. **

**Now it's time for the team to reassemble. **

**Enjoy! **

**Chapter 27 **

_Ring. Ring. _

"Wow you're popular today," Steve said sarcastically. Tony huffed.

"I'm always popular!" Tony said arrogantly before he answered the 3rd call today.

"_Stark you have a lot of explaining to do when I find you!"_ was the first thing he heard as he answered the call. Tony stared at his phone warily. Okay maybe not so popular. Natasha knew just how to set the mood. Dark, threatening and ice cold. Too bad it never worked on the narcissistic bastard.

"_Me_? I have a lot of explaining to do? How about the girl who had a spat with her partner and then ran away while a virus was about to go off in her body?" Tony asked incredulously. He forgot he was actually _really_ pissed at Red at the moment. Natasha tensed.

"I didn't know about the virus before I ran into Ivan," she growled. Tony narrowed his eyes.

"But you knew about Barton didn't you? You at least had an _idea_ of what your relationship was like with him before your accident. Don't try to lie to me Romanoff – you're a _shit_ liar when it comes to Barton. And then you _left_ him at the worst moment possible," Tony said getting more than a little angry at the cold Russian spy. Natasha tensed and gripped the phone tighter. Clint listened to the heated conversation silently beside his partner. He wasn't going to interfere unless they really started going at each other's throats.

"Don't you _dare_ lecture me about relationships Stark – especially not while you girlfriend is in danger right now," she said dangerously. Tony narrowed his eyes – that was a low blow. He knew his responsibilities and made sure if he couldn't be there to save her someone else just as capable was.

"_I_ know where the girl I love is. _I_ know she is going to be safe because I sent a fucking demigod to save her life. I'm doing _my_ job Romanoff. Are you doing yours? Do you even know where your husband is? Because I'm going to guess you ditched his sorry ass after he probably blurted out that little detail otherwise he wouldn't have been so fucking depressed the last time I called him," Tony said angrily. Natasha was about to tear the narcissistic bastard's soul into a million pieces but Clint slowly took the phone out her hand and held it too his ear. She clenched her empty fists and looked away. She'll kill Stark later - with no witnesses.

"As nice as it is to know you care so much Stark – stop making my wife feel like shit. Nothing is going to make us feel worse than the shitty situation we're in at the moment," Clint said calmly but with the warning clear in his tone. Tony froze. Wait a minute. The Russian beast actually went after the archer?

_Clearly_ he had missed something in the last 20 minutes.

"_Shit_," he muttered.

Tony promptly handed the phone to Bruce and walked away. He was done with phone calls today. He also felt a bit too much like the bastard Natasha always called him behind his back.

"Hello..?" Bruce said awkwardly. He didn't really know what to say after an explosion like that. Clint sighed. His team was insane. There was nothing else to say.

"Where are you guys Bruce?" Clint said as he dragged a hand through his hair. They seriously needed to some sleep soon. He hasn't slept a minute in over 80 hours. While everyone took a nap on the flight here he was the damn pilot. He glanced at Natasha leaning against the wall beside him.

She was muttering about ways to end Tony Stark's pathetic life.

It was a good thing you couldn't control who you fall in love with.

Because otherwise she would've ditched him a _long_ time ago. Love made you a bit crazy. Just a bit.

"We're actually only a few blocks away from you two," Bruce said warily. Clint paused.

"What?" Clint asked blankly.

"Tony hacked into Natasha's phone," Bruce clarified as they got closer to the two spies.

"Where were you all _10 minutes_ ago?" Clint asked in disbelief. They all shared a wary look.

"Ah…we were sort of preoccupied…" Bruce said warily. Natasha and Clint both looked to their left as they saw their tired looking teammates round the corner – all still fairly sane.

They all froze as they stared at each other after those 2 hours of utter madness.

It was honestly a miracle all of them were still alive after the day they had.

The first person to say something was none other than the Captain himself.

"What _happened_…?" Steve asked in shock staring at the two spies who looked worse for wear – especially Clint. He still looked like he got run over by a train. Oh how close to the truth that was.

"Shit happened Steve…shit happened," Clint said tiredly. He was _exhausted_. Physically and emotionally.

"…and _this_ is what you look like at the end of the day…?" Steve asked bewilderedly.

"Well think about it Cap… in one day at least one of us have been shot at, chased from one corner of the city to the other, drugged, nearly drowned, electrocuted, infected with unknown viruses, nearly blown up countless times, crashed a plane, crashed a bus, crashed a car, tangled with evil Russians, had memory attacks that nearly cause concussions, met undead SHIELD agents, our home was blown up, all our loved ones are in danger, shrimp in our pants, crazy love confessions and we have been starving since we got off that godforsaken _bus_," Tony exclaimed - pretty much summing up the worst mission they've ever had.

Indeed. The Avengers have never had a crappier day in their insane lives. _Ever_.

"What _else_ could possibly go wrong Stark?" Bruce asked sarcastically after that depressing monologue of his.

"Ah…no one has died yet actually," Tony said dryly as he raised a finger in the air. They all paused.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

"I vote we ship him back to America," Steve said blankly.

"What?" Tony asked in shock. They all glanced around.

"All in favor say I," Steve said raising his hand. 3 hands instantly went up – even Natasha's – the one who usually looked down on their shenanigans. For once it was a unanimous decision. They all gave Tony a long look.

"_Get_ out," they all said darkly. Tony looked like he was about to sob.

"How could you do this to me guys? After all we've been through!" Tony wailed dramatically.

"Stop your sniffling and walk!" Bruce said shoving Tony down the street.

"Wait…are you serious?" Tony asked in actual shock.

"Yes actually. I am beyond tired. If we are going to have a team meeting – let's go to a damn coffee shop or something. Because my legs are about to give out," Bruce muttered as they all shared a wary look. The doctor was right.

And that is how the Avengers found themselves in a dinky little coffee shop hidden away in the corner of a small market district. If you really think about it – a coffee shop is the last place the enemy is going to look for the Avengers. The world may be going to shit – but they needed a break.

"So what do we do now?" Steve said glancing around at his exhausted team with steaming cups of coffee in front of them. It was some _shitty_ coffee too.

"Well…we have the deadly spy over there – whose blood is literally deadly at the moment…" Tony started off dryly.

_Click. _

"I don't need to use my blood to kill you Stark – my gun will do just fine," Natasha said darkly. Tony paled. Clint suddenly looked severely uncomfortable. Bruce noticed the change immediately.

"There's something you're not telling us isn't there?" Bruce said quietly. Clint and Natasha both tensed.

"What? What _else_ could there be?" Tony asked looking back and forth between Doctor and master assassins.

"Whatever the virus was supposed to do – it didn't happen. Which means there was a second part to the activation process…am I right?" Bruce asked slowly. Their silence was confirmation enough. Tony huffed and crossed his arms – he was very insulted that he was being ignored.

"You're right…" Natasha muttered as she looked away and clenched her fists. Clint sighed – they were both so screwed up it wasn't even funny. Bruce was still busy sitting there trying to figure out the puzzle.

"If Natasha has the dormant virus and it was supposed to be activated by something else that means…"Bruce said looking from the silent Russian to the silent archer. It wasn't that hard to guess.

"_You_ have the other half of it don't you? Back when you were drugged in the sewers…Oh my god guys you're both walking time bombs…" Bruce said staring at the two spies in shock.

The doc had connected the dots way too fast for their liking.

"What are you going to do?" Steve asked quietly. Natasha tightened her grip around her cup.

"We don't know. But obviously neither virus nor trigger is contagious – especially since it's been hours since Clint was drugged," Natasha said staring at the warm cup in her hands. No one was going to question the contagiousness of the virus she carried – it's been over a month and none of them have developed the amnesia side effects she seems to have. Throughout the entire back and forth conversation Clint was silently sitting beside his partner –thinking. He's been trying to find some plausible way to solve this nasty problem they found themselves in.

"Since it's a human made virus there must an antidote…right?" Clint asked finally entering the conversation and looking up from his hands. His question caught them all by surprise. Apparently no one was thinking that far yet. Bruce paused as he thought about it.

"Theoretically yes…but did they bother to create one though is another question," Bruce said quietly.

"Could you make it Bruce?" Natasha asked suddenly. Natasha Romanoff was not a person who held onto loose hopes – she was a woman of hard cold facts. It was the only way the world made sense to her. Bruce gave her a sad look.

"No – I don't have enough skills in chemistry to reverse engineer the virus in your body. We'd have to find someone more immersed in that field," he said apologetically. Natasha and Clint simultaneously glanced at each other and then promptly looked away.

It was extremely painful to witness the glaring wall between the two SHIELD partners.

Clint could feel the uneasiness start to take over Natasha's body as she got tenser beside him. Talking about it was obviously not getting them anywhere at the moment. Dooming themselves from the start wasn't going to keep her around for long either.

He didn't think he could survive a second disappearing act.

"Forget about our problem at the moment. Nothing is happening to us right now. What else happened while we've been…busy?" Clint said ending with a wince. That was one way to put the worse hour of his life he's ever lived through. Tony gave the archer a wary look but decided it was not the right moment to chew him out about avoiding his problems.

"Jane and Pepper were stuck underneath the rubble in my lab. But they are safe at the moment…Thor should be reaching them soon," Tony said slowly thinking about all the things that have happened in the last 10 hours. He was still monitoring the situation in Manhattan on his phone with JARVIS sending him the most important information in 10 minute intervals.

"Why didn't you go save Pepper yourself Stark…?" Clint asked suspiciously. That was not a Tony thing to do.

Tony coughed into his hand and refused to answer. Clint's cautious look morphed into one of realization. Tony shook his head rapidly at the look on Clint's face but there was nothing holding Clint back now.

"You _do_ care about Natasha, Stark!" Clint said dramatically. Well he already knew that…but it was nice to finally rub it in the genius' face.

Tony and Natasha took one look at each other – they both instantly looked like they wanted to gag.

"No I don't!" Tony denied immediately. That was ridiculous!

"Ugh! Stark that's disgusting! When did you get so _soft_?" Natasha said with a scowl. Tony went bright red and felt highly insulted. _Soft_? _Him_? Nothing could kill his pride faster than a statement like that.

"Oh yeah? I never said I liked you, you annoying Russian _beast_! If I thought Pepper was in serious trouble I would've have gone in a heartbeat! Sorry for thinking you were about to _die_!" Tony huffed and looked away angrily. Stupid Russian and her stupid tendency to fall into life threatening situations.

Steve and Bruce sat quietly beside the two people who could barely get along on a good day. They slowly sipped their terrible coffee. It was nice to be home. Thor should come back soon to take part in the reunion.

"How long are they going to be at that you suppose?" Bruce said calmly. Steve shrugged.

"Days if we locked them in a room together probably. Though one might come out dead if we're not careful to feed them," Steve said dryly. Bruce nodded slowly.

"That is very possible," Bruce said gravely. Clint gave their two resident commentators a weird look. They were all insane.

However regardless, the glaring match between Iron Man and Black widow continued on.

"You're such a childish…childish _man_ slut!" Natasha shouted not being able to come up with anything better at the moment. She was damn tired. Tony gaped at her.

"I'm the slut? Seriously? Who's the girl who freaking grooms herself at 7 am before missions?" Tony shot back. Natasha flushed and narrowed her eyes. Clint sighed – oh dear god this was turning into a war.

"Don't get me started on the amount of time _you_ spend in the washroom Stark. When you broke your sink you tried to use mine!" she said incredulously. Did the man have no self-preservation skills?

"You shot up the entire hall because of that one thing you crazy Russian!" Tony said angrily. Natasha huffed.

"You think I'm going to let you try on your hundreds of removable goatees in _my_ washroom? Are you joking?" she shouted in disbelief.

"THEY'RE VINTAGE!" Tony exclaimed.

"THEY'RE FREAKING WEIRD!" she shot back.

"YOU'RE OBSESSION WITH GUNS IS WEIRD!" he said childishly.

"YOU'RE THE FREAKING GENIUS WHO SPENDS HIS TIME BUILDING THEM!" she said shaking her gun in his face. He promptly smacked it out of her hand.

"WHO THE HELL HAS AN AIM LIKE YOU DO YOU CRAZY ASSASSIN?" Tony said furiously. Natasha narrowed her eyes.

"Say that again you hermit engineer…" she said dangerously.

"Are they even insulting each other anymore or actually shouting veiled compliments in disguise…?" Bruce asked in confusion.

"You can never be sure Bruce…" Steve said warily.

"Um…are you two done your insulting contest yet…?" Clint asked slowly breaking the intense showdown between the two avengers.

"SHUT UP BARTON!" they shouted at the same time. Clint sighed. Children. They were like two overgrown children.

"Before you two resume your epic battle of shame…we're actually still missing 2 people," Steve said suddenly interrupting Natasha's brilliant plan to strangle the narcissistic bastard once and for all.

Tony paused in his motion to continue to screw with Natasha's head and turned to glance at the wary Captain.

"You mean Coulson and Hill? Funny story – we don't actually know where they went. But strangely enough I still have the tracking device on her…" Tony said pulling up his phone and showing them the blinking red dot.

"Is that dot…in water?" Steve asked slowly. They all double checked just to make sure.

"Yes…yes it is…" Bruce said warily.

"Where the heck are _they_ going?" Tony asked staring at the blinking dot in the middle of nowhere.

Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Maria groaned as she rolled over and pushed herself off the hard solid bed she was lying on. She wobbled as the bed beneath her swayed back and forth…as if she was on a…she looked up and out the window.

It was blue water for miles in every single damn direction.

Maria's right eye twitched.

"COULSOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Maria shrieked from the cabin room at the other end of the boat. Coulson looked up from his map and grimaced.

Sleeping beauty had awaken. However in some ways she was more like the beast.

"My face is going to hurt after this one…" he muttered as he walked across the boat towards the girl who had _steam_ coming out of her ears at the moment. He slowly opened the door to the cabin and came face to face with the red fuming eyes of Maria Hill. There was a reason she was the most feared agent at SHIELD. Sometimes even more feared the Natasha Romanoff.

Because Natasha Romanoff didn't control your missions. Hill did.

She clenched her hands in to fists and promptly bashed him in the face.

_SMACK! _

"How could you bastard!" she shouted. Coulson winced. He totally deserved that.

But_ shit _that hurt like hell.

Back to the Avengers.

"How much do you want to bet Hill is not on that boat willingly…?" Tony said slowly. They all shared a wary look. Nobody was willing to bet against that call.

"It has something to do with those metal bands she had around her wrists doesn't it…?" Steve said quietly.

"Probably – but we still need to contact them to make sure," Tony said glancing down at his map.

"So let me get this straight. We need to find Coulson and Hill, get an antidote for you two and figure out what the hell Ivan Braginski has been up to over the past few hours before the whole world goes to hell. Did I miss anything?" Bruce asked glancing around at the cautious faces of his team mates.

"Yes, yes you did," Tony said gravely. Bruce paled.

"What did I miss?" Bruce asked worriedly.

"You _still_ don't have a girlfriend, " Tony said frankly. Bruce paused and narrowed his eyes - _oh no he didn't…_

_SMACK_!

_Thump_!

Tony twitched awkwardly as he lied on the floor with a massive hand print on his face. That was going to leave a mark. Bruce rubbed his hand as he glared at the pitiful genius on the ground.

The team gasped.

Bruce's saintly patience had finally run dry.

The world was going to end.

"When you all decide catch up time is over please let me know. Because I need some damn _sleep_!" Bruce grumbled as he banged his head against the table in front of him. He was done.

"You and your sleep Banner…" Steve said shaking his head.

They all froze as they watched several black cars zoomed past the little shop they were sitting in.

"Ivan is still looking for us…" Natasha said slowly staring out the window.

"Who exactly _is_ Ivan?" Tony asked cautiously. Clint and Natasha both tensed.

"The real life manifestation of everything I don't want to remember from my past," she said darkly. Bruce whistled.

"That's a tall order," he said quietly.

"So we're fighting ghosts from your pre-SHIELD days Red?" Tony asked for clarification. She paused.

"Not just _my_ past," she said staring at the Captain across the table. He froze as their eyes connected.

"Why do you mean not just your past…?" Tony asked slowly glancing back and forth between the most intense staring match between black widow and Captain America they ever witnessed.

And then all the windows on the streets shattered into a million pieces.

"Okay coffee time over! That's our cue to get out of here!" Clint shouted jumping up and quickly glancing down the street. He paled.

"Oh my god…" Clint said staring at the massive jeeps rolling down the street with several familiar gun men riding on them. He quickly backed away and spun around to face his team.

"Out the back! Out the back!" he shouted quickly shoving his team down the back hallway of the little shop.

"Wait…we're the Avengers! Why are we running away from the enemy?" Steve said slowly.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

They all froze as sharp needle like missiles craved a hole into the wall behind them. Dripping from the liquid casing of the needles was a suspicious red looking liquid that they did _not_ want to identify at the moment.

Natasha and Clint stared at the broken needles in utter horror. _Holy shit._ The rest of the Avengers paled.

"Scratch what I just said – _run_!" Steve said holding the back door open and gesturing them to all hurry the hell up. Nobody wasted time flying out the door.

"Where are we going?" Tony asked as they dashed around the corner and heard another loud explosion go off behind them

"Away from here!" Steve shouted back.

"Again with the running," Bruce muttered as he was dragged down another random alley.

"What do they _want_ anyway?" Tony asked warily. Natasha and Clint shared an uneasy look.

"Doesn't matter what they want unless they get us right?" Clint said vaguely.

"It always matters Clint…" Bruce said slowly.

"Let's deal with one problem at a time," Natasha said cutting into the conversation and putting an end to that topic for now. They would come to that when it could no longer be avoided.

"So Steve do you remember the way back to Coulson's little… - Steve?" Clint trailed off in confusion when he didn't see the reliable Captain beside him anymore. He glanced over his shoulder and froze as he noticed the usually calm and collected Captain staring at something down the alley hidden within the shadows. He looked white as a ghost.

They weren't going anywhere apparently.

"Running away never did work out for us did it…?" Natasha said slowly. Clint shook his head.

"No it did not…" he muttered.

Steve stood frozen in place and nearly fell to his knees in shock. He couldn't believe his eyes.

"Hello Stevie – Still as sharp as ever I see. Been a while since we last saw each other hasn't it?" James said coming out of the shadows with a sadistic smirk on his face. He looked nothing like the Bucky Steve knew from their war days – and yet he looked exactly the same. He hadn't changed at all for the past 70 years.

It was beyond unnerving.

"B-Bucky…?" Steve whispered the tremor clear in his voice. Natasha winced as she watched the inevitable disaster play out. Things were about to get a hundred times worse.

"In the flesh," James said holding his arms out in front of him. Steve shook his head in disbelief.

"But _how_? The train – you fell -" Steve stuttered as he tried to make sense of what his eyes were telling him against what his mind knew to be true. James sighed.

"Did you ever go back and look for me Steve? Did you ever think I could have actually survived that fall?" he asked slowly. Steve looked utterly devastated. If James still had a shred of humanity left in him – he would've felt bad for the poor man out of time.

Too bad he didn't give a rat's ass about the perfect soldier.

"If I thought you had-" Steve started to say but James cut him off immediately.

"No. You didn't. You _didn't_ Steve. I was stuck in the gorge for _days_," James said angrily.

"Bucky I thought-" Steve tried to explain but James would have none of it.

"_Shut up_ Rogers. Just shut up with your excuses. I was about to _die_ when hydra's team found me. If they hadn't drugged me with their own version of the serum I would be dead. However I didn't know it would be like this. I didn't know the serum was a fucking curse along with the thing that saved my life," James spat and he clenched his fists. Steve didn't understand. He was trying to understand.

"You're still like this after all this time…" Steve whispered gesturing towards James' young 25 years old form. James laughed darkly.

"70 years is a long time to be bitter. A long time to think. You've been frozen in the ice for over half a century Cap. I've been living through human history – without aging a day. Everyone we knew is dead Steve. Your fate was mercy Steve. Watching everyone grow older as you stay the same? That is true torture. That is true agony," James said dangerously. No one would understand the pain that he had to go through. No one would want to live forever once they knew the true reality of the matter.

"It was hard, I understand that Bucky! But why? Why would you choose their side over ours? Why would you help the people who tried to destroy us?" Steve asked trying to understand his long lost friend. Was he even his friend anymore?

"Actually...funny story. I was a part of SHIELD for about 20 years. Until they _screwed_ me over. Then I found a better group to work for. A group that didn't judge us by the dark history that may follow us wherever we go…" James said slowly as he gave Natasha a pointed look. Clint tensed beside her where their eyes connected.

"…Isn't that right Natasha?" James said with a sly smirk. Natasha clenched her jaw.

"Once a bastard always a bastard Barnes – even Ivan's group thinks you're more trouble than you're worth," Natasha said dangerously. James laughed humorlessly.

"There are a lot of things even _you_ know don't know about Ivan Braginski, Natasha. There are a lot of things you don't even know about SHIELD. SHIELD always has their own agenda – just like any other secret organization around the world. I've been a part of them all. What do you think they do when you no longer fit in their grand scheme of plans?" James asked vaguely.

They all tensed. James took their silence as confirmation. He then spoke the taboo words the Avengers have all thought about but never voiced in the last 3 years.

"What are you going to do when one day the Avengers no longer fit in SHIELD's future agenda?" James said mysteriously. Steve narrowed his eyes. Many things could happen to the Avengers in the next few years. But nothing would ever justify the path James chose to go down when everything went to shit.

"Shut up James. Just shut up!" Steve growled as he clenched his fists at his sides. He had heard enough bullshit for one day. James laughed as he shook his head.

"Why are you calling me James _now_ Rogers? Can't stand to think that your friend would be on the other side eh?" James said sadistically.

"You're not Bucky. You're not my friend. He would never do this," Steve said narrowing his eyes at the shell of the man he once knew. No Bucky was gone. Bucky was dead. He had died saving his country. Steve would _never_ let anyone taint his memory. Never. This was an imposter. That was his rational – otherwise it would drive him insane.

"Not everyone is as perfect as Captain America," James said darkly. Steve tensed.

"I am _not_ perfect," Steve said angrily. Perfect people didn't make mistakes.

"Because you couldn't save everybody? Or because you lost the bird you thought you were in love with?" James said warily. Steve tensed.

"Steve…" Clint said slowly. He didn't like where this conversation was going. He had a bad feeling about all of this.

"Stop messing with me James," Steve said warningly as his hands started shaking.

"Guess who got the lucky girl while you were chilling out in the ice?" James said as a cruel smile slowly spreading across his face. Steve instantly paled. _No_.

"Peggy would never-" Steve started to say. James cut him off before he could even finish his thought.

"Forget about you? Give up on you? Move on? She did all those things Rogers. Girls are fickle, vicious things. They never stick around long enough to be trusted anyway," he said spitefully.

The Captain's blood was about to boil.

"Peggy would _never_ stay with a man she didn't love," Steve growled. James smirked.

"I never said she didn't learn to love me. Peggy was a great body to keep my bed warm. Until I got tired of her of course," James said with a shrug. That was the last straw before the Cap finally cracked.

He instantly shoved the ex-soldier into the ground and smashed his fist into his face.

"HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU USE HER LIKE THAT?" Steve shouted repeatedly punching the bastard's face into the ground.

"Why so angry Steve? Cause I always got the girls and you didn't?" James laughed as he spat out the blood from his mouth.

"You bastard!" Steve growled as he grabbed the bleeding man and harshly shoved him against the wall behind him. James coughed at the air was knocked out of him but the sick grin was still there. It never left.

"Even after you got all buff and manly you were still too damn chicken to be a real man weren't you? Maybe that's why she didn't wait for you Steve," James whispered as the blood ran down his face. Steve froze as an angry red haze suddenly blinded his vision.

The Captain never truly ever wanted to kill someone in his entire life. He always believed in seconds chances. He always believed people could change.

But if he squeezed just a bit harder...he would no longer have such a clean ledger.

He didn't even realize he was choking the damn bastard until someone finally decided enough was enough.

"Stop Steve! You're going to kill him!" Bruce shouted fearfully from behind him.

Steve didn't hear him through his anger. He's never felt this angry, this betrayed or this useless in his entire life.

"Don't go down that path Steve - once you do there's no turning back," Natasha said quietly from behind him. Her words were the only ones that finally broke through his cloud of grief and anger. It was like a bucket of cold water in his burning world.

Nobody understood loss and years of pent up anger better than Natasha Romanoff.

But the broken man in front of them was not the Steve Rogers they all knew at the moment.

He was a man whose honor was just shattered. He wasn't able to protect the girl he loved. He wasn't able to save her from any of the horrors she had to face alone while he was still frozen in the ice. She was always waiting for him to save her one day. To mend her heart one day.

And then she died.

Steve finally found the strength to let go of the bastard's neck and firmly threw him into the wall beside them before he spun around and angrily stalked away. He was about to kill someone. He really was. His blood was pulsing and he was filled with a rage he has never felt before.

The darkness has finally reached the Cap's heart.

"Knock him out Tasha," Clint said quietly from beside her.

She silently aimed the tasser at the gasping bastard on the ground and shot him unconscious.

No one was innocent anymore.

They all stared after the retreating form of their Captain. He shouldn't be alone right now. No one should be left alone after an episode like that.

"Tony-" Bruce started to say but he was instantly cut off.

"Steve you bastard! What kind of Captain runs away?" Tony shouted angrily as he ran after the unstable soldier.

The rest of the team shared an uneasy look as they glanced down at the unconscious body of James Barnes they had beside them.

"What are we going to do with him?" Bruce asked quietly. Natasha pulled out her real gun and locked eyes with her partner. He did _not_ look happy.

"Can I kill him instead?" she asked dangerously serious. Clint promptly took the gun out of her pulsing hand.

"No," he said firmly. She growled and looked away. The bastard deserved to die. They would deal with James when he woke up. Right now they were all more worried about Steve.

"Rogers you better stop running before I _make_ you stop running!" Tony shouted from less than 10 feet behind the shaky captain. Steve may have been able to outrun the physically older genius on a normal day – but not in the state he was in. He could barely walk straight as his world crashed around him.

Tony lost sight of him for a split second as Steve rounded a corner. As he run around the edge himself he knocked right into the solid form of the man out of time. He took a step back and ignored the fact that his face hurt like hell after slamming into the solid frame of Steve Rogers.

"God you made me run a lot," Tony huffed as he leaned on his knees taking in deep breaths as he and stared up at the angry look on Steve's face.

"Leave me _alone_ Stark," Steve growled as he stared at the ground in front of him.

"Looking like this? Yeah _right_ like I'm going to leave you alone to self-destruct somewhere in a dark corner," Tony said in disbelief. He always knew Steve had his own brand of crazy.

"Why would you care?" he spat clenching his fists at his sides. Tony sighed. Defensive Steve was not pleasant.

"We're a team Steve. There is no way in hell we could _not_ care," Tony said slowly.

"I just – I just can't talk to anyone right now Tony," Steve said as he felt a sudden wave of grief drown out all his anger. No, he wanted to hold on to the anger. Because being angry at James was so much easier to accept then the fact that…

"She's gone Tony. She's _gone_," Steve whispered as he slowly sunk to his knees. He was finally forced to come to terms with that fact that he was never going to see Peggy again. That she didn't wait for him. That he had lost her long before he thought he did. Steve Rogers was finally having a breakdown 70 years overdue. Tony cringed – it was too painful to watch the man he once looked up to literally be brought to his knees.

"I know she's gone Steve. But you're still here. Everything happens for a reason Steve. Whether we understand it or not," Tony said quietly. When his eyes locked with the haunted ones of Steve Rogers he knew his heart was about to break for the ex-soldier.

"If Pepper died without knowing that you loved her…what would you do Tony? What would you do? " Steve asked brokenly with the hurt shining in his eyes. Tony's shoulders slumped in defeat as he slowly crouched down beside the broken Captain. His eyes said he needed the truth. But there was nothing he could say that would ease this man's pain. All he could do now was watch the breakdown happen and then be there to pick up the pieces when it was over.

"I would look just you Steve. Just like you," he whispered truthfully. Tony Stark was not known to be an honest man. But right now there was no one around to see that his facade was completely stripped away only leaving bare emotions behind.

For once Tony Stark wasn't afraid to say he would do the same thing as the Captain.

"It's okay to cry Steve," Tony said quietly. Steve took in deep ragged breaths and weakly shook his head.

"Strong men don't cry," he whispered even as his eyes glazed over against his will. Tony gave him a sad look as he watched the Cap start to lose the battle.

"It's raining Tony," Steve whispered taking in shallow breaths as he painfully shut his eyes. Tony nodded as he stared at the warm rain drops falling into his lap. Rain drops that bleed sorrow and heartache.

"Yeah…it's pouring Steve," he said softly.

Strong men don't cry. But Tony didn't think that was true. Steve was one of the strongest men he knew that ever lived.

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**A/N: Very evil. Yes I know. Well…I never said I was **_**nice**_**…but I shall update immediately Monday to save your Christmas. Bye now! **

**(Shadows totally runs away from her email in fear of angry reviews…)**

**P.S. Review and maybe I'll update it tomorrow? ;)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: So I was like who the heck is going to read this on Christmas eve right? So either I gave it to you today….or after Christmas. I didn't think anyone would like the second option. lol Have fun! **

**RECAP: The Avengers have reassembled (Thor will be on his way back). They need to find out what Ivan Braginski is doing and make sure Natasha and Clint don't end up accidentally killing each other before then. They have an unconscious James Barnes in their custody after he basically broke the Captain and forced Tony to watch the strong soldier have an emotional breakdown that should have happened a long time ago. And now they wait for James to wake up. **

**Chapter 28 **

In a quiet bar somewhere along the edge of the city that never sleeps.

A young dark haired man was sitting at the bar staring at his drink as if it held all the answers to his problems. Things did not go as he had planned and he was going to get grilled for it very soon. He knew the risks of working with the people that he did – he didn't plan on sticking around if he ever had to pay a price higher than he could afford.

"Stare at that glass any harder and it might just shatter into a million pieces Cairo," someone said from behind him. Cairo tensed as he recognized the voice immediately. He instantly spun around and came face to face with his boss. _Oh shit_ …he thought he still had a few hours before this conversation.

"Why are you here?" Cairo asked suspiciously. Ivan gave him a blank look.

"Why do you think I'm here?" Ivan said calmly but Cairo knew that the anger was simmering just below the surface.

"You wouldn't come here all the way from the Philippines just to reprimand me," Cairo said narrowing his eyes. Ivan gave him a twisted smile that had the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

"You're right. I'm not here to kill you today. Plans have changed thanks to a few key mess ups," Ivan said with a steady look in his eyes. That was good – that meant Ivan wasn't hell bent on being homicidal like most days.

"What happened?" Cairo asked warily. Ivan gave him a long look.

"Other than your screw up here? Romanoff wasn't shot with the trigger – Barton was," Ivan said with the dissatisfaction clear in his voice. Cairo looked momentarily confused.

"But if Romanoff is still walking around with the virus we don't have-" Cairo started to say.

"James is fixing that problem. He is getting what we need as we speak," Ivan said cutting him off.

"So why _are_ you here?" Cairo asked carefully. Ivan smiled slowly.

"Business," was all he said. Cairo sighed. He really hated when Ivan did that. The bastard never let anyone see all his cards. It was probably part of the reason why he wasn't dead yet.

"So where exactly is James?" Cairo asked instead. The mischievous glint faded from his eyes and was replaced with something more sinister.

"James is doing his job – you better make sure you do yours," Ivan said menacingly. Cairo narrowed his eyes.

"I won't take your shit Braginski. I'm not a trained military dog like Barnes. If you push me around I _will_ push back," Cairo said dangerously. Ivan's eyes darkened.

"If you try to undermine my authority I will tear your heart out," Ivan said harshly. Cairo instantly tensed. The bastard was doing it _again_.

"You don't know me half as well as you think you do Ivan," Cairo said steadily. Ivan's intense gaze never wavered.

"Are you sure? Does that mean you don't have a little girl living with an adoptive family in Austria?" Ivan said ominously with the threat clear in his tone.

The silence that followed was deafening.

Ivan knew he had won when he noticed the edges of Cairo's face tighten with hidden signs of stress.

"Cassandra is a beautiful name – even on a tombstone," Ivan said giving Cairo a piercing look before he spun around and stalked away. If his men didn't do their job right – there were going to be consequences. Dire consequences.

Cairo slammed his fist into the wall beside him when he could no longer hear the Russian bastard down the street.

Sometimes you don't even know who the bad guy is anymore.

**Memories memories memories memories memories memories memories **

After the intense showdown between Steve and James the entire team decided it was best if they relocated back to Coulson's little hideout. Even though Coulson and Maria Hill were sort of MIA at the moment.

"He's not going to mind us if we just crash his place right?" Bruce said as he helped Clint drag the unconscious bastard's body into the warehouse and unceremoniously dump him in a corner. It wasn't like he was going to feel anything for the next few hours.

"He better not after what _he_ did," Clint said dangerously. He just found out Coulson actually knew about the virus. The bastard was getting a piece of his mind when they eventually find him. His angry gaze instantly connected with Natasha's distant look and faded into a more worried one.

"Tasha are you-" he started to ask. She shook her head.

"I'm fine Clint," she said cutting him off. He didn't look very convinced.

"You don't look that fine…" he said slowly. She glanced away from his searching gaze.

"I'm fine as I'm going to be," she said quietly. He sighed.

Everything had changed between them since she came back. And yet at the same time nothing had.

"Find something to tie Barnes up with Bruce – the taser may take a while to wear off," Clint said not taking his eyes off of his partner for even a second.

Sooner or later he was going to _make_ her talk.

5 minutes later Tony walked into the warehouse with an exhausted looking Steve Rogers not far behind him.

"Did you miss us?" Tony said giving his team a _'If you dare destroy my work in dragging his sorry ass back here you better think twice look'._ Message was readily received.

They all simply gave Steve a wary look – his eyes weren't bloodshot because the serum side effects.

The damn thing didn't even let him grieve properly.

Before the silence could suffocate them too much a weird rumble noise suddenly echoed around the silent walls of the empty warehouse as the Avengers awkwardly stood around the center of the room waiting for someone to break the sudden lull in conversation.

"…was that your _stomach_ Steve?" Bruce finally asked slowly. The red that creeped up the soldier's neck was enough to break the tension in the room as they all shook their heads at the poor captain.

"Figures he would be the hungriest based on his size," Tony mumbled beside the embarrassed soldier.

"Stupid stomach betrayed me too," Steve muttered looking away.

"Don't worry Steve – you're not the only one. We're all practically starving," Bruce said tiredly. Clint suddenly looked up.

"Then let's raid Coulson's place for food – or whatever he keeps around here to survive," Clint said glancing around. They all instantly zoned in on the bulging cabinet on the other side of the room.

They all took one look at each other and ran for it.

They haven't eaten anything in _hours_.

"Tony if you break anything I will tie you up and slowly feed myself while you watch!" Clint said dangerously.

Natasha sighed as she watched the 4 men fight over the food.

Barbarians.

_5 minutes later. _

Tony poked the massive pile of wraps sitting on the table in front of him with a sour look on his face.

"Peanuts. That's all he had. A life supply of _peanuts_," he said in disbelief. Clint held up a mug from the other end of the table.

"And milk," he said as he took a sip of the white stuff. He was pretty sure it was safe…after being drugged by a chemical that could potential destroy him, his partner or both of them together – he didn't really care anymore about spoiled milk.

Tony gave up on the food and poked the captain lying on Coulson's desk with his head in his arms. He was definitely having a bad day.

"Poke me _one_ more time and I will break your finger," Steve muttered threateningly without even looking up. Tony paled and quickly pushed his rolly chair away.

"He's alive," Tony called out to the others. They all rolled their eyes.

"Leave him alone Stark - before you regret it," Clint said shaking his head at the unbelievable pair. How can two men who pissed each other off _so_ much still run after the other without fail when things go wrong?

Clint will never understand Tony's relationship with Steve.

Then again none of them understand his relationship with Natasha.

This suddenly made him aware of a little detail.

"Where did Natasha go…?" Clint asked nervously glancing around. He wasn't going to freak out. He was _not_ going to freak out. She promised. She promised to try.

"I think I saw her head down to the basement down the hall," Bruce said offhandedly as he stared at the notes in front of him – he was finally taking a look at the notes Tony found in Coulson's room before everything went to hell. The tightness around Clint's heart loosened slightly. But not by much.

"Are you sure?" he asked seriously. Bruce glanced up at the edgy archer and furrowed his brow.

"Are you okay Clint?" Bruce asked slowly. Clint nodded a bit too quickly.

"I'm fine – why wouldn't I be?" he asked evasively.

"Because you're inching towards the door as you're talking to me?" Bruce said carefully. Clint laughed nervously as he continued to do just that.

"I'll be right back," he said before he practically flew out the door.

Three avengers stared after the fleeing archer with matching wary looks on their faces.

"The boy is whipped," Tony said frankly.

"And she doesn't even know it," Steve said shaking his head.

"Oh no, she knows – that's why she keeps running away," Bruce said staring at the open door with a knowing look.

"What, Natasha Romanoff is scared of love or something?" Tony asked with a snort. Bruce didn't laugh.

"You have _no_ idea," Bruce said quietly spinning around in his chair and going back to his notes.

"Of all the things that Russian has been through…_he_ scares the shit out of her?" Tony asked incredulously. Bruce pushed his glasses over his nose and gave Tony and pointed look.

"Who's the man who had an _insane_ number of liaisons with hundreds of beautiful women because he didn't know what to do about his feelings for his cold and highly professional personal secretary?" Bruce asked point blank. Tony coughed awkwardly.

"That is not _fear_," he said defensively.

"It is in Tony language," Bruce said with a shrug.

"I need to learn _Bruce_ language," Tony muttered as he poked his phone. Steve snorted.

"What's so funny you depressed bagel?" Tony said narrowing his eyes. Steve finally pulled his head out of his arms and gave Tony and weird look.

"Did you just call me a bagel?" he asked slowly.

"Yes I did," Tony said crossing his arms defiantly. Steve blinked.

"Bruce…" Steve said warily.

"Don't ask me – I'm still learning Tony language slang," Bruce said as he started writing out important information from Coulson's notes on a scrap piece of paper.

"Lies – you just don't want to tell me," Steve mumbled. The corner of Bruce's mouth twitched.

"Hey, I don't hear anything breaking or gun shots yet," Tony said leaning towards the doorway.

"That means they're talking," Bruce said with a sigh of relief. Talking was good. Angry Russians storming away was not.

"Talking about what? The relationship she can't remember? Or the virus that is hanging over their heads like a death threat?" Steve said quietly.

"Just because it is a virus doesn't mean it's meant to kill you…" Bruce said slowly.

Everyone tensed.

"Nobody wants to find out Bruce," Tony said staring at the desk in front of him.

"Especially not those two," Steve muttered glancing down the hall leading to the basement where Natasha and Clint were hiding from the world at the moment.

**memories memories memories memories **

Clint silently made his way into the dark cold cellar of the warehouse that Coulson's little nook wasn't occupying. He always wondered how Natasha managed to find these types of places. It was probably on instinct that she would locate the best hiding places in the area.

Sometimes the black widow never completely disappeared from Natasha's psyche.

He slowly made his way through the darkness and waited as his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the room. It was getting way to common of him to find her in dark places. He paused as he passed a small lump leaning against the cement wall to his right. The light breathing was what gave it away. So she wanted him to find her.

Clint took a seat beside the silent spy and leaned his head against the wall as he stared up at the ceiling.

"What are you doing down here Tasha?" he asked quietly. She pulled her knees closer to her and leaned her head against them.

"I'm thinking," she replied softly.

"Thinking about what?" he asked curiously. She was silent for a few moments.

"Thinking about you," she finally said in a quiet voice. Clint held his breath.

"Ready to share those thoughts yet?" he asked hopefully. She held herself tighter. Her silence was more than enough of an answer. He sighed. Sometimes Natasha Romanoff was like a scared kitten - a dangerous kitten.

"You know Tasha…I was honestly shocked out of my mind when I saw you on the other side of that window," he said quietly as he remembered the out of breath image of Natasha Romanoff he never thought he would see again. He never expected her to come back. But now…now he could never let her go again. Especially while she still had the virus in her.

"I came back because you needed me to," she said quietly into her knees. He laughed softly.

"I needed you way before the trigger Natasha. Did you ever need me?" he asked sadly. Natasha stopped breathing for a moment.

"Don't ask questions like that Clint," she said shutting her eyes tightly. Questions like that made her think about too many things she wasn't ready to face yet. But Clint was ready. He's been waiting weeks for her to finally see the connection between them.

"You always avoid my questions Tasha," he said as he cautiously watched the explosion waiting to happen. She glared at him.

"Why do you always ask such difficult ones?" she said heatedly. He matched her glare with one of his own. Stubborn Natasha was back.

"I only ask the ones that matter," he said steadily. Her sudden silence was what finally broke his long standing patience. He tried not to be angry at her. He really did. However he was failing _miserably_. If he was ever honest with himself – he's been angry at Natasha for a long time.

"Have you ever given anyone your heart, watched them drop it on the ground, _stomp_ on it for fun and sprinkle salt all over it for good measure?" he asked looking her dead in the eye. She stared back with equal grit.

"Have you ever been lost in a sea of forgotten memories, that everyone else seems to recall except yourself, and be expected to continue living your life like a part of you isn't _missing_?" she shot back. The anger in his sails receded and instantly drained out of his system. It wasn't fair.

"I'm sorry I lied to you Natasha," he said with a sigh.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you explain," she said glancing away. Another uneasy silence fell between them.

"So where are we now?" he asked looking away from her face – it made him itch in all the wrong ways. How can you love someone so much and still hate their guts with every fibre of your being?

"I'm not the Natasha you fell in love with Clint – I'm not the girl you married 2 years ago," she said quietly. He laughed humourlessly.

"You just _don't_ get it do you?" he asked staring at his hands. He doesn't need to look up to know she was furrowing her brow trying to understand the one truth that had kept him sane during those few weeks after her accident.

"What do you mean?" she asked in confusion. He shook his head and looked up at the beautiful eyes of the girl who makes him want to scream.

"I fell in love with you the first day we _met_ Natasha. Memories or no memories I still love _you_ – the Natasha from 3 years ago, the Natasha from 1 month ago or even the Natasha you'll be 5 years down the road. It doesn't matter Tasha – because I'll _always_ love you - whether you hate my guts or not," he said simply and with finality. She sighed. She could never hate him. Hating was so much easier than love but she could never bring herself to actually mean it.

"This is why partners are not supposed to be compromised," she said half-heartedly as she banged her head against her knees. He shrugged.

"How did that work out for you?" he asked dryly.

"Not so well…" she said slowly.

"You know…we fought it for a _long_ time Tasha…" he said quietly. 7 _years_ of fighting themselves. 3 years of peace. Then back to fighting but now for two different things.

"What made you stop fighting?'' she asked uneasily.

"I found something more important to fight for," he whispered staring at her with an intense look in his sharp blue eyes. Her cheeks slowly turned a soft rosy colour – she tried to keep the blush down as best she could. She was an assassin for crying out loud! He smiled softly.

"You know Tasha…you're the only person I've ever met who fell kicking and screaming into love," he said with a small chuckle. There was no hiding the colour in her cheeks now. Damn.

"Did you now?" she mumbled beside him. He smiled as a faraway look glazed over his eyes.

"Yeah…it was like an explosion waiting to happen…one moment we were fighting and nearly about to kill each other and the next thing I knew you pushed me into a wall and slammed your lips on mine. I nearly _died_ from the shock alone," he said frankly. She snorted – she couldn't help it.

"Overdramatic archer," she muttered under her breath. He raised an eyebrow.

"Girl who runs away from her partner is lecturing _me_ about dramatics?" he asked warily. She flushed.

"Will you never let that go?" she asked incredulously.

"Never," he said a bit too seriously. He was never going to forget that if he wasn't too careful he had the potential of losing her. He would never let her go again. It was his job to make sure she never wanted to. He just wished she needed him as much as he needed her.

"You know Clint…you say you can love me even though I don't remember what love is. But there _is_ something the old Natasha could give you that I no longer can," she whispered staring at her hands.

"I don't need anything from you Tasha. Having you by my side is more than enough," he said seriously. She didn't seem anymore reassured whatsoever. If he really had to guess he would say she looked even tenser.

"Did we ever want kids Clint?' she asked out of nowhere. He paused as he replayed her abrupt question.

"We were never ready for kids Tasha…" he said slowly.

"Will _you_ ever be?" she asked vacantly. He paused as he noticed her frame started shaking ever so slightly. "…Because I _can't_ Clint. Not after the amnesia accident," she said finally looking up at him with the pain clear in her eyes. No one ever wanted to find out that they couldn't have kids. Not even those who never thought they ever could.

Clint sighed. There were always going to be more secrets.

"I already knew that Tasha," he said sadly. She froze.

"What?" she asked freezing in place. How could he know?

"I already read all your medical files Tasha. I always had access to that," he said quietly.

"How?" she asked in disbelief. _No_ one had access to her – she froze. He gave her a sad look.

"Husband remember?" he said weakly. Her heart nearly stopped beating right then. That word was going to give her a heart attack one day. He immediately noticed the sudden change in her face and sat up straight.

"Are you okay Tasha?" he asked worriedly.

"I just need a second Clint," she whispered closing her eyes and taking in deep breaths. He _knew_. This whole time he knew.

"It's going to be o-"

"_Don't_ say okay Clint," she said cutting him off immediately. He paused as she stared at him angrily. "Don't say we're going to be okay until I'm sure my blood isn't going to destroy the one man that matters," she said with the fear swirling in her eyes. He returned her anger with a steady look.

"I'm not afraid to die for you Natasha," he said firmly. She took a shaky breath.

"No, you're not - _that's_ what terrifies me the most Clint," she said staring back at him with haunted eyes. He leaned forward and gently brushed her short locks out of her eyes. He felt the slight tremors as he lightly dragged the back of his fingertips against her soft cheek.

"Why are you so scared Tasha?" he asked sadly.

"I don't know," she whispered. She held her breath when she saw the terrifying emotions swirling in his eyes.

"I'm going to kiss you Tasha," he whispered a hair's breath away from her. She didn't pull away. They were already in too deep anyway. She was falling all over again.

"Okay," she whispered back. She closed her eyes as his lips lightly brushed against hers even as they had poison running through their veins.

Sometimes the things that scare you the most are telling you what you can't live without.

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**A/N: And that is the end of rapid updates. I'm not sure where everyone went haha…but review and let me know if you liked the last few chapters! I'm sure you're all really busy with family stuff. I'd love to know if you guys can guess what might happen next ;) Btw that was their first real honest kiss in this story…shocking isn't it? It's only took them…a little over…100,000 words. O.O **

**Happy holidays! **


	29. Chapter 29

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: So we are finally gearing up for some intense action - Clintasha action. Both meanings. **

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**Chapter 29 **

Clint slowly buried his hand in Natasha's hair and pulled her closer to deepen the kiss. He could feel her uncertain hands travel up his shirt and grip his sleeves tightly. He smiled slightly against her lips. Natasha was never uncertain by choice. He was glad he could still make her nervous. Many men have kissed the black widow throughout the years.

But no one has been allowed to kiss Natasha Romanoff except him in a long time.

He lightly braced his arms against the wall behind her and gently leaned into her. He trailed his hand down her back and felt her involuntary shiver. Her hands climbed up to his hair and tugged on it tightly to bring his closer. He moaned softly from the pain mixed with pleasure. That was what their life was like together wasn't it? Surrounded by pain but finding solace in each other.

He didn't want this moment to end because when it did he knew they would be thrown back into the mess their life was in at the moment. He didn't want her to regret it either. Natasha Romanoff was a lot of things. She was sharp, sarcastic, badass, beautiful and downright scary. But she was also a damned coward when it came to emotions. Being emotionless wasn't control – it was hiding from the truth. And he was tired of it. Frankly he has been deprived of kissing his wife for too damn long. There was only so much stubbornness he could take.

Eventually he finally had to pull away due to the lack of oxygen and watched her slowly open her eyes. They were both breathing heavily as they stared at each other for several minutes trying to find the right words to say.

"Wow," she whispered finally.

"Wow," he whispered back.

"Why are you saying wow?" she said with an odd look on her face. He smiled.

"Cause you're not running away," he said softly.

"I don't _always_ run away," she mumbled looking away.

"You've run away many times Natasha. Only your most dramatic episode happened recently," he said with a light chuckle. The blush creeping up on her face was downright adorable. She would shoot him pointblank if he said that out loud.

"Tasha…?" he asked quietly. She gave him a wary look. He was staring at her funny again.

"What Clint…?"she asked staring at his soft eyes.

"Do you still l-"

"OI! Lover spies! Barnes is starting to stir!" Tony shouted down the stairs instantly breaking the moment. Clint groaned and dropped his head on her shoulder. Natasha snorted.

"Did he always do that?" she asked warily.

"Yes!" he groaned again.

"We should go make sure Steve hasn't killed Barnes yet," she said pulling away from him. He sighed. Natasha was closing up again.

"Yeah – but before we get bombarded by the team again…what are we really going to do about the virus Natasha?" he asked with a careful gaze. She tensed ever so slightly.

"I was thinking about it," she said quietly.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked cautiously. She looked away and stared at the wall behind him.

"I was thinking about leaving the team," she whispered. He took a deep breath.

"What if that's not an option?" he said slowly.

"What if staying isn't either?" she shot back.

"You're an Avenger for life Natasha – that will never change," he said shaking his head.

"But the danger I present to them did. All these problems we're having? It's all connected to my past. The Avengers shouldn't even be in the Philippines – especially not when the city they are supposed to protect is in danger. Their loved ones are in danger Clint," she whispered staring at her knees. Clint clenched his fists in front of her.

"I'm not going back without you Tasha," he said firmly.

"I-I'm not asking you to," she said hesitantly. He paused and furrowed his brow. Wait what? This was new.

"They can't follow us anymore Clint – they have to go back," Natasha said quietly.

"What's really going on out there Natasha?" Clint asked quietly.

"I'm pretty sure they are trying to break up the Avengers. And it might be working. Thor is still in America. The amnesia was probably supposed to kick me off the team. We still don't know what the virus and trigger were meant to do. We're both a constant danger to the rest of the team," She said clenching her fists. Clint suddenly looked very grave.

"The Avengers have to go on with or without us…we can't drag them down too Tasha," Clint said in momentous realization. She nodded.

"We also need to find a chemist," she said firmly.

"You're right but before that give me your phone," he said holding out his hand. She gave him a suspicious look but complied with his request anyway. He flipped her phone open and quickly dialed a number they were all forced to memorize if they were in an emergency of the highest degree.

_Ring. Ring. _

_Click. _

"This damn better be important," they heard the familiar gruff voice of their rouge boss.

"Fury – it's Barton. You are not going to believe the shit we have to been dealing with today," Clint said giving Natasha a steady look. They heard the director freeze at the other end of the line. He hadn't heard a peep from his A team in nearly 24 hours.

"YOU? Do you know what we have been dealing with since you all LEFT? The city is in chaos! SHIELD is a mess! And my right hand woman is _gone_ along with the _entire_ A team. What more do you want me to deal with?" Fury shouted in rage.

"Nothing – just call them back," Clint said slowly.

Fury paused.

"What…?" he asked blankly. He did not expect to hear that.

"Call the team back. Tell Stark, Rogers and Banner that they are being required back in Manhattan. Get them back on American soil. I don't care how," Clint said firmly.

"When you order your boss around like that it makes me antsy…" Fury said slowly. Clint smiled warily.

"You have more things to worry about then two lowly SHIELD agents boss," he said with a chuckle. Fury narrowed his eyes.

"If I had hair Barton…it would've turned grey years ago just because of you two," Fury said with a sigh. Clint snorted.

"Did you find agent Hill?" Fury asked slowly. Clint paused.

"Oh we found a lot more than just Hill. You have no idea what you've missed over the last 12 hours Fury. Ask the team about it – they'll explain," he said with a guarded look on his face.

"One day I'm going to book you for insubordination Barton," Fury sad steadily. Clint rolled his eyes. He was bluffing.

"Later Fury," he said glancing back at his partner. She was staring back at him with silent determination in her eyes.

"You and Romanoff better come back in one piece Barton," Fury said firmly. Clint laughed softly.

"We'll try our utmost best sir," Clint said before he hung up.

"Where are we going after we beat the crap out of Barnes, Natasha?" he asked turning towards his too quiet partner.

"We're going to Vladivostok," she said darkly. They had a backwater Russian black market base to crash.

"Joy," Clint said warily.

Meanwhile upstairs.

"THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL WE ARE COMING BACK RIGHT NOW! WE FINALLY HAVE THE DAMN ENEMY IN OUR HANDS AFTER 12 HOURS OF BEING CHASED WITH BULLETS ON OUR HEELS AND DIRT IN PLACES DIRT SHOULD NOT BE! GO CALL UP SOME OTHER SUPERHERO TEAM IN AMERICA! GO FREAKING BORROW THE HEROES FROM CANADA! I DON'T CARE! WE'LL COME BACK WHEN WE'RE DONE DEALING WITH THIS SHIT! GOOD BYE!" Tony shouted before he promptly slammed his communicator down on the table in front of him.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

"Fury is going to kill you Tony…" Steve said in utter shock. Tony took several deeps breaths before he gave the Captain a pointed look.

"There are some orders you just can't listen to Steve," Tony said staring at Steve with a dark look swirling in his eyes.

"I know," Steve said looking away. Bruce glanced back and forth between his two teammates and wondered what exactly they were talking about.

"Am I missing something…?" Bruce asked slowly. Tony and Steve both tensed and looked away.

Suddenly the door swung open and Bruce knew he wasn't going to hear that story any time soon.

"Okay where is Barn- did I just interrupt something?" Clint asked slowly as he and Natasha walked into the tense atmosphere between 3 Avengers locked in an intense staring match.

"He's cuffed to the poll in the other room," Bruce said without looking away from Tony's vacant expression. There was something his best friend wasn't telling him. And he was going to damn well find out. But in the mean time they had a traitor to interrogate.

_5 minutes later. _

"Okay...he's waking up. Time to get some answers," Clint said steadily as he crouched down beside the semiconscious man.

Thy all sent Steve a wary look.

"What?" Steve asked slowly.

"You - go take a walk," Clint said giving the edgy Captain a pointed look. Steve gaped at him.

"I can handle-" Steve started to protest.

They all pointed to the door.

"Walk soldier walk," Tony said frankly.

"Are you serious?" Steve asked in disbelief. They all gave his faintly shaking hands a pointed look.

"_Yes_," they said without a doubt. Steve's shoulders slumped as he made his walk of shame to the door. He turned around and opened his mouth to try one more time.

"Out!" they shouted. Steve sighed.

"You nearly kill the target once and they never let it go," Steve muttered as he made his way out the door and down the street.

The cool night air always calmed his frantic thoughts anyway.

"Prop him against the wall and go get the taser just in case he tries something Bruce," Clint instructed as they all looked back at their prisoner.

"He's going to either lash out at you or start messing with you head you know that right...?" Bruce said slowly.

"No, he won't. He's going to be perfectly calm when he wakes up," Natasha said out of nowhere. They all gave her a quizzing look.

"How do you know that?" Clint asked carefully. She tore her eyes away from the limp body and up at the questioning eyes of her partner.

"Because his eyes before I shot him weren't shocked enough. He was too controlled. He was expecting the tranquilizer. He _chose _to be caught. The question is why?" Natasha said quietly.

"What can Barnes gain from being captured?" Bruce asked cautiously. They all shared a wary look.

"Our location?" Clint asked tentatively. She shook her head. No he must want something more valuable than that. He would never risk unconsciousness for something petty. No…James Barnes had an agenda.

"It doesn't matter. We don't plan to stick around here for very long," Tony said as he tried to figure out Barnes' motives as well.

Clint picked up a water bottle and tossed it in the air.

"Only one way to find out right?" Clint said catching the bottle in his open hand as it fell back down.

"I'll get the taser just in case," Bruce said heading out of the room. Clint unscrewed the cap on the bottle and gave Natasha and Tony a measured look.

"Ready to get some answers?" he asked determinedly. They both nodded silent. Clint nodded back and promptly splashed the SHIELD traitor in the face.

James coughed as the water made him stir and slowly cracked open his bleary eyes.

"Hello again," he croaked as his throat was still sore from nearly being strangled by a super soldier. Natasha was on to something – the man was too calm.

"Tell us one good reason not to kill you _right_ _now_," Natasha said darkly pointing her gun at his forehead. Tony and Clint shared a look – she always got right to the point.

"I'm the only person in the room who knows anything about what is happening on the other side at the moment," he said simply. They all tensed.

"Don't be a smartass prisoner Barnes – they tend to have a very low life expectancy," Clint said narrowing his eyes. James smiled grimly.

"A prisoner is such a harsh word Barton. I feel more like a messenger," James said with a wicked grin curving across his face. Clint was just itching to smack the look right off his face.

"What are you planning James?" Clint asked darkly.

"Oh I can't take the credit for any of this. This is all Ivan Braginski. I am just a humble accomplice to his brilliant plan," James said with a shrug.

"Humble my ass," Tony muttered to their left. Natasha tensed. The last time she saw Ivan he should have had a gaping bullet wound in his chest. However something was telling her he didn't.

"Where is Ivan?" Natasha asked dangerously. James raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know Ivan is still alive after you shot him through the heart?" James said calmly but with the anger simmering below the surface.

"Because nothing has fallen apart yet behind your stupid schemes. And you're way to damn confident," she said glaring at him.

"Ivan is not in the country anymore," James said nonchalantly. They all froze.

"What?" they shouted. The bastard had ditched the country and they had to find out from the likes of this piece of shit?

"Where the hell did he go?" Clint asked clenching his fists. James smiled slowly. It made the hairs on the back of their necks stand on end.

"Where the Avengers should be in the first place," he said leaning against the wall. They all tensed.

"Why is Ivan in America…?" Natasha asked the threat clear in her tone. James gave her an amused look.

"To plant an idea," he whispered.

"What on earth do you idiots want?" she asked in disbelief.

"Right now? To level the playing field. It's not fair if we're the only ones being chased after. Later? Well you'll just have to find out," James said mysteriously. He suddenly tilted his head to the side.

"End of question time," he said quietly.

A loud crash was heard from behind them. All 3 Avengers spun around and stared at nothing. They scanned the room with suspicious eyes.

"Heroes always fall the simplest tricks in the book you know?" James said warily from behind them. Natasha glanced back at the spot they had tied him down to and froze – he was gone. She caught sight of motion from the corner of her eye and promptly pointed her gun in that direction.

"You're _never_ getting out of here alive Barnes. Not while I'm still breathing and have enough energy left to pull a trigger," Natasha growled glaring up at the calm bastard sitting on a large storage box to their left with an odd smile on his face. He had escaped his binds _too_ fast. This was all too planned.

"How will you catch me Natasha…when you're too busy fighting each other?" James whispered with a burning promise in his eyes.

An earsplitting roar was suddenly heard from the other room.

The 3 Avengers froze as they heard the heavy footsteps curve around the corner. _Holy shit_. They all frantically spun around and stared at the shaking double doors with matching guarded looks on all their faces. Clint quickly glanced back at the storage box – James was gone. _Damn it._

"Guys…you need to distract the big guy for 3 minutes okay?" Tony said slowly as he backed away from his team and headed towards the elevator that led down to Coulson's den. He needed to get something _fast_.

"A lot of things can happen in 3 minutes Stark…" Clint said steadily as they all moved away from the door leading into the room.

"As long as one of those things is not your death deal with it," Tony said before he spun around and dived into the elevator and frantically pressed the down button. He needed to get back soon to help his team. But he couldn't protect them from a rampaging Hulk without the proper equipment.

"3 minutes Stark! Not a second longer!" Clint called over his shoulder through gritted teeth. Tony nodded with a determined look on his face. The second he lost sight of the two SHIELD partners the doors flew off their hinges and looming figure took up the entire space of the doorway. Natasha took a deep breath.

"Is there a reason why I feel like this is dejavu?" Natasha asked staring at the massive pulsing green giant standing in front of them.

"_Oh_ yeah..." Clint said with a grim look on his face. Why now? Why did this have to happen _now_?

"Why are his eyes red? Doesn't he recognize us?" Natasha asked slowly. She knew Bruce had been able to control the Hulk over the last couple of years. Where has that control gone?

"You know Tasha…this is the part where we should just shut up and run…" Clint said backing away from the pulsing green giant staring at them as his nostrils flared.

"I thought Bruce can control the hulk in battle?" she asked guardedly.

"Well he ain't in control right now!" Clint shouted before he yanked her away from the spot she was standing in just before and angry green fist dented floor with the force of the impact.

"HULK SMASH PUNY REDHEAD!" Hulk boomed with a wild look in his eyes. Natasha stood frozen in place as she stared at the Hulk as he clenched his large fist and pulled it out of the hole he had just created. He was _drugged_.

"MOVE NATASHA! MOVE!" Clint shouted shoving her ahead of him. A gigantic roar echoed around the city as Natasha and Clint sprinted away from the enormous pulsing beast.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Too bad enormous green rage monsters could overrun even the fastest human any day.

"HULK SMASH PUNY MAN!" Hulk roared raising his fist in above his head. Clint and Natasha locked eyes and promptly dived in opposite directions of the Hulk's path of destruction. They rolled out of harm's way and both quickly got to their feet in a split second.

"Keep running Tasha!" Clint shouted as spun around and slapped the safety off his gun. He aimed it at the stampeding giant coming right at him.

"NO! Don't shoot him!" Natasha shouted shoving Clint to the ground. They both crashed into the cement as Clint's gun swiveled out of his hands and slid across the floor. Clint promptly rolled them to the side as an angry fist flew over their heads barely missing them by an inch.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" he shouted at her. She glared up at him.

"DO YOU REALLY THINK BULLETS WOULD WORK ON HIM ANYWAY?" she shouted back. He narrowed his eyes but froze as he stared at the mirror behind her. He promptly tugged her forward and caused her to crash into him as a desk crashed into the spot she was just lying on. She froze as she stared at the damage that could have just been her.

"Thanks," she muttered. He took a deep breath and dragged them both to their feet.

"Just don't die," he said firmly.

"Never planned on it," she said staring at him with a heated look in her eyes.

_CREAK!_

They all froze as the ceiling creaked and a beam suddenly broke off from the roof and came crashing down right on top of them. Clint quickly glanced down at the only girl that was not allowed to die even if the entire world went up in flames. He promptly shoved her out of the way and got hit instead.

"OH MY GOD! CLINT YOU BASTARD!" Natasha shouted in horror as she hit the ground. Clint got caught underneath the large beam of wood and looked in serious pain. She quickly picked herself off the floor and crawled over to her trapped partner.

"I'm okay Natasha," Clint hissed through the pain. The stupid beam weighted a shit load of pounds and was cutting off his circulation and possibly crushing his legs – but he wasn't about to tell her that.

"You are such a liar!" Natasha growled trying to pull the beam off of him. Didn't budge an inch.

Natasha suddenly heard the sound of deep ragged breathing accompanied by the stomping of a giant she did not want to meet right now. He was looking for them through the rubble but Clint and her were momentarily hidden behind a fallen wall.

"Natasha…" he said with the demand clear in his eyes.

"No!" she growled back.

"Natasha you got to get out!" Clint whispered harshly when suddenly a large piece of splinted wood flew over their heads. Oh shit he found them.

"No I'm not going anywhere without you, _you bastard_!" Natasha shouted over the roar behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and promptly dived to her left as another chunk of metal was whipped at her by the raging giant.

"Natasha if you stay here we're _both_ going to die!" Clint shouted. Why couldn't she see this? Natasha rolled to the side and flipped herself to her feet before whipping around and viciously glaring at her partner.

"Just _shut up_ and let me think Clint!" she shouted angrily. Why wouldn't he just stop talking for a damn second?

"STOP THINKING! JUST RUN!" Clint shouted furiously. _She was such a damn stubborn woman._

She took and deep breath did the exact opposite. She skidded to a stop and slowly turned around to face the panting Hulk clenching and unclenching his fists while staring at her.

"Holy shit Natasha…Natasha what the _hell_ are you doing?" Clint asked in disbelief.

"Bruce…?" Natasha said slowly. The hulk growled and narrowed his eyes. "Hulk…?" she tried again as she walked _towards_ the giant that could break her in half.

"Natasha!" Clint hissed as he tried frantically to shove the fallen 600 lbs piece of wood off of him. It wasn't budging an inch. If the hulk didn't manage to kill her he was going to do it himself!

"I don't remember all the missions we've been on together since we met 3 years ago. But do you remember me?" she asked not taking her eyes off of his. They were flickering between red and green. She knew for a fact his were normally green.

"Hulk…hulk remember Red…" he muttered in a confused tone. Natasha sighed in relief.

"Will you stop smashing things now…?" she asked slowly. The hulk was shaking slightly and then suddenly his eyes turned dark red and stopped flickering. Oh shit. He didn't know her well enough to have a good grip on his senses. Where the hell was the narcissistic bastard when you needed him?

CRASH!

They all quickly glanced to their left as a sheet of metal suddenly flew into the air right off the top of the elevator.

"I'M BACK! I'M BACK!" Tony shouted as he crashed through the ceiling of the elevator shaft in the Iron Man suit and all.

"IT'S BEEN MORE THEN 3 MINUTES!" Clint and Natasha shouted at the same time.

"I KNOW! I KNOW! THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY SUIT!" Tony shouted as he dived in front of them and promptly distracted the Hulk from chasing the two spies behind him.

"Alright Brucie…I know you're in there! We've been through this before!" Tony said as he slowly walked up to the glaring and panting rage monster- but Tony's didn't think he was a monster anymore. The hulk was so much more than just an unintelligent weapon of mass destruction.

"And I know something is wrong…but we can get through this together right?" Tony said steadily while looking up at the clouded eyes of the giant that hid away the man he would always risk his life to protect. There weren't many people in the world Tony Stark was willing to lay down his life for. Most of them he lived with.

"Hulk…hulk don't feel good…" the green giant growled as his eyes rapidly changed colors between green and red. Tony didn't miss this little detail and he was going to _kill_ someone for messing with his best friend.

"I know buddy. I know," Tony said sadly. The colour finally stopped at red again and the recognition faded from Hulk's eyes. Tony was in trouble.

"HULK SMASH ANNOYING TIN MAN!" Hulk roared as he promptly grabbed Tony by the back of his suit and slammed him into the floor. Clint and Natasha winced from the sound of the impact. That got to hurt.

"Ugh! I hate being smashed!" Tony groaned before he was picked up and promptly thrown into the wall. CRASH!

"Okay buddy – you asked for it," Tony grumbled as he pushed himself off the ground and brushed the plaster debris off his suit. It was time to go a few rounds with the big guy.

"Give me your best shot hulky," Tony said holding his fists in front of him. He needed to buy Natasha at least a couple minutes to get Clint out of here.

Natasha quickly crouched down beside her trapped partner.

"Leverage. Leverage. Leverage," she muttered frantically looking around. Clint watched her with wary eyes.

"Natasha?" he said breaking her concentration.

"What Clint? Can't you see I'm busy?" she exclaimed in frustration.

"Just in case we both die," he said before he grabbed her by her shoulders and smashed their lips together. Natasha froze as she unwillingly melted into the kiss. Damn him.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Tony shouted he ran for his life with an angry hulk hot on his trail.

"THIS IS NOT FAIR! I HAVEN'T KISSED MY GIRLFRIEND IN 3 DAYS!" Tony cried as he ran past them again.

Clint gave him the finger without opening his eyes.

Natasha finally got a hold of herself and the gravity of their situation came crashing down on her again. She promptly pulled away and slapped him across the face. The sound was so loud it could be heard above the hulk roaring.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" she roared completely red in the face. He had a feeling it wasn't just from anger.

"For you? Always," he said with a cheeky grin. Natasha wanted to shoot him.

"I will kill you when we get out of this mess!" she hissed before she rose to her feet and stalked over towards the pulsing hulk. He froze.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" Clint shouted after her. The horror was creeping into his heart. The type of horror he felt whenever Natasha Romanoff was about to do something very, _very_ stupid.

"Stark! Use your stupid suit to get the beam off of him – I'll distract the hulk," Natasha said clenching a taser in her hand. It was so much more useful than a gun when green rage monsters were involved.

"Are you crazy?" Tony shouted.

"Yes I am – now _do it_!" she growled. Tony gave her enraged face a weird look before he figured what the hell? It wasn't like he had a better idea.

He promptly ran across the room and towards the trapped archer.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU LISTEN TO _HER_?" Clint shouted in disbelief. Tony quickly fired several shots at the wooden beam so that he could lift the damn weight off his teammate.

"Because she has damn _skills _Barton," he growled as he worked quickly. The faster he freed Clint the faster he could help Natasha out.

Behind them Natasha whipped a stone at the Hulk to distract him from Tony and Clint.

"Hey big guy! You still haven't smashed me yet!" Natasha shouted instantly grabbing the Hulk's attention. His dazed red eyes suddenly locked with her green ones.

And now…it was time to run.

She bolted across the room and hoped beyond hope that she would not have _death by hulk_ written on her tombstone.

Tony finally managed to saw the large beam in half and lift it high enough to allow Clint to drag himself out from underneath. Clint collapsed on the ground beside it in relief. If he stayed under there any longer he thinks he might have lost feeling in his legs.

"Thank you, you _bastard_! Now go freaking stop your best friend from smashing my wife!" Clint growled. Tony rolled his eyes and turned around to do just that. Except there was a problem. He couldn't move.

Tony froze as the screen on his suit suddenly shut down and turned bright red. That wasn't supposed to happen. He watched in horror as all the weapons in his suit went online and started being engaged without authorization.

_Oh shit…_

"DUCK CLINT DUCK!" Tony shouted. Clint glanced up and paled when he saw every single damn explosive on the Iron Man suit pointed at his face.

"WHAT THE HELL STARK?" Clint shouted before he _did_ ducked.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Tony said repeatedly as his suit continued to fire at the frantically running archer. He had no control of his own damn invention. Oh shit.

"Sorry ain't cutting it at the moment Stark you bastard!" Clint growled as he dived to the floor as around round of bullet flew over his head. He tensed as the exhaustion started sinking into his bones. He could only out run a super machine suit for so long.

"WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING AT ME?" Clint shouted as he ran across the center of the room.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Tony exclaimed in shock. Someone had hacked the Iron Man suit.

"HOW DO YOU NOT FREAKING KNOW?" Clint asked incredulously.

"I'M NOT IN CONTROL ANYMORE!" Tony shouted back. Clint stared at him in horror…and then promptly shot Tony in the shoulder to take out some of stupid weapons.

"Hey! You scratched my paint!" Tony complained.

"YOU ARE TRYING TO _KILL_ ME!" Clint exclaimed in disbelief.

"IT'S NOT ON PURPOSE!" Tony shouted back as he was forced to reload his weapons and aim it at Clint's head. Clint promptly ducked as another round of ammo was emptied over his head.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"MY HAIR!" Clint cried as he hands shot up to feel the burnt edges of his former beautiful locks of hair. He narrowed his eyes and angrily shot Stark in the head several times – just because he could.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Natasha was rubbing off on him.

"YOU JUST BLEW MY FACE-LID OFF!" Tony shouted seriously pissed. Clint was completely destroying his suit.

"YOU NEARLY BURNED _MY_ FACE OFF!" Clint shouted back in disbelief. Tony paused. It was true.

_Click. _

Stark was finally out of ammo. Thank god.

A familiar scream he never wanted to hear in a thousand years suddenly echoed around the room.

"NATASHA!" Clint shouted from the other side of the room as she hit the wall and was cornered by the growling red eyed hulk. He saw the taser firmly griped in her hand. Why wasn't she using it? He took a closer look at the expression on her face.

The crazy Russian was faking it. _Damn_ her acting skills.

"PAY ATTENTION TO THE FREAKING LASER POWERING UP IN FRONT OF YOU!" Tony shouted in his face. Clint whipped his head around to stare at the Iron man fist in his face and promptly dropped his knees and dived between Tony's legs as his laser finished powering up and blasted a gigantic bus sized hole in the wall Clint was just cornered against.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU STILL HAVE AMMO LEFT?" Clint cried in disbelief. Tony groaned. No. No he did not.

"Clint…run…" he said desperately.

They both watched in horror as Iron man's fists suddenly went up and started attacking the tired archer.

"IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS I AM RESIGNING FROM THIS DAMN TEAM!" Clint screamed before he started dodging the super fast blows.

"YOU AND ME BOTH BUDDY!" Tony called out as he threw punch after punch. Sooner or later Clint wasn't going to dodge fast enough to avoid Iron Man's speed punches. He was already started to feel the burn in his muscles.

They both heard a gigantic crash behind them. For a split second Clint lost focus as he involuntarily glanced over his shoulder to see his partner standing over a fallen hulk.

And then he got punched in the stomach and slammed into the wall. He slide down the solid surface and winced. He wasn't getting up anything soon.

"STARK WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Natasha screamed from across the room.

Tony froze. He suddenly felt his suit disengage and a familiar ticking sound started to echo inside his suit. Oh no…oh god no.

"_Fuck_!…Guys…guys you need to destroy my arc reactor _right_ now!" Tony shouted as the panic started rising in his voice.

Everyone froze.

"WHAT?" Natasha and Clint shouted in unison.

"JUST DO IT!" he shouted as he fell to his knees and felt the rest of his suit reroute the power to a feature he should have removed a long time ago. He was such an _idiot_.

"Self-destruct sequence in 20, 19 18, 17, 16-" JARVIS' robotic voice started to inform in a monotone voice. It was JARVIS' voice but it wasn't JARVIS.

"NOW! NOW! DO IT NOW!" he shouted shutting his eyes. _I'm sorry I can't call you Pepper._

Natasha froze as she stared at the genius on his knees and at the suddenly very heavy gun in her hand. She locked eyes with her partner leaning heavily against the wall across the room. All their lives were in her hands at the moment. No…

"No I'm not going to kill you," she whispered before she dropped her gun onto the floor. She promptly dived to pick up the taser that was lying on the ground beside the frozen genius. It took out a hulk. It could be powered high enough to short-circuit a power source like an arc reactor.

"Do you trust me to revive you Stark?" she asked staring at him dead in the eye.

"10, 9, 8, 7-" JARVIS' voice counted the countdown. There was no time.

He took a deep ragged breath and stared back are her with the most serious expression she had ever seen on his face.

"Yes," he said firmly. She nodded and promptly fired the taser and shot him in the chest. The Iron Man suit starting smoking and all the light faded from his reactor. Tony lost consciousness immediately and fell to the ground.

Something suddenly rolled into sight from the corner of the room and caused Natasha to freeze up.

"Are you fucking kidding me… EVERYBODY DUCK! LIVE GRENADE!" Natasha shouted before she promptly kicked the bomb to the other side of the room. Clint growled as he painfully crawled over and dragged Tony's broken suit across the room and behind a fallen wall. He shut his eyes and hoped beyond hope they weren't all about to blow up.

BOOM!

The air was instantly filled with debris and smoke as a several beams caught on fire. The warehouse was intact but it was in absolute chaos. It was a freaking battlefield. When all the dust settled 3 Avengers sat in the center of the room completely drained and _exhausted_.

They only knew 3 things at the moment.

Their muscles ached like hell.

They were going to freaking kill each other.

And James Barnes was long gone.

Clint couldn't see anything through the damn smoke but he knew Stark was about to die if he didn't do something _right now._

"What would Tasha do…?" he muttered frantically as he stared at his unconscious teammate dying in front of him. He saw the taser she used to knock Stark out…well if it had enough power to knock him out…

He quickly dived through the smoke to get the device and powered it up – he stared at the red blinking light on the side of the taser.

"Why me? Why does that always happen to me?" he groaned. He only had one shot at this or Tony Stark was dead. He aimed the stupid taser at Stark's reactor and just hoped it would do something – _anything_.

BANG!

Tony gasped and rolled over to cough and breathed in as much oxygen as possible. The faint light in his reactor was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"I'm not dead!" he exclaimed in shock. Clint nodded and collapsed onto the ground beside him. He was done with heroics today.

"Yeah…but damn do _I_ feel like I am," Clint muttered into the ground. Tony raised his hand and stared at his suit. He was in control again. Why was that?

Steve chose that exact moment to walk through the front door and froze as he stared at the mess in front of him. He was gone for 20 minutes…_just_ 20 minutes.

He said the first thing that came to mind.

"Bruce…_why_ are you naked?" he asked painfully.

Bruce went bright red as he dived behind a fallen wall and frantically searched for his pants. Tony was still lying on the ground staring at the ceiling in shock – his suit was ruined but he was still alive. Clint groaned as he rolled over and came nose to nose with Natasha's hand gun lying on the ground. He froze. She never left her signature weapon lying on the floor.

"Where is Natasha…?" Clint asked slowly as he pushed himself off the ground. All the Avengers froze as they quickly glanced around the destroyed room.

Natasha Romanoff was gone.

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**Someone asked for next chapter previews…so why not? **

"_JAMES BARNES WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I WILL KILL YOU!" Natasha growled viciously tugging at her handcuffs. Damn it how did she not see it coming? _

"_Not before I kill you first," he said with a dangerous look in his eyes. Then he slammed the car door shut in her face. They had shit to do. _

**A/N: That was intense…one of the most intense scenes I ever wrote in my life. Review and I shall update as soon as I can! Natasha Romanoff usually doesn't need saving. But sometimes…she wouldn't mind being saved by the right person. **


	30. Chapter 30

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: This is probably one of the most important chapters of the story. Read carefully. **

**Chapter 30 **

4 Avengers stood silently around the center of the destroyed warehouse. They had already lost one Avenger as he went to go save his love in America. Now they just lost another one of their own – who was god knows where.

"Does she still have her communicator on her?" Clint asked slowly staring at the broken door in front of him. The tension in the room was unbearable. They all glanced at each other nervously.

"We never saw her drop it…" Tony said carefully. Clint crouched down and forcefully grabbed Stark by his broken Iron Man suit chest plate and pulled him right up to his face.

"Track her. Find her. And do it _now_," he growled. Tony held back a wince as he felt a hundred different bruises and cuts flare up as the archer glared down at him.

"Can you get off my leg first and get me out of this junk? It's useless now," Tony said warily. Clint narrowed his eyes. He promptly dropped the genius, took out his gun and shot every single damn screw and bolt that held the suit together. Tony froze in fear as his suit promptly broke into a million pieces and fell off his body. Clint picked up Stark's phone and tossed it to him. That was one way to do it.

"Everybody get out – we have a Russian to find," he said darkly pointing to the door. Steve and Bruce shared a wary look. Clint had reached his breaking point. If they didn't find Natasha soon they were going to start fearing for his sanity. Love was a powerful thing that has protected millions of lives around the world.

But the price was that it also held the power to destroy you.

**memories memories memories memories memories memories **

Natasha coughed as she rolled over and stared up at the shaking ceiling above her. She felt her body lurch as the entire room jerked around her. She was in a moved vehicle.

"Finally awake eh firecracker?" someone said quietly to her left. She narrowed her eyes when she recognized the voice instantly.

"James fucking Barnes when I get my hands on you I will kill you with my bare hands," Natasha growled as she tugged at her handcuffed hands. Damn it why didn't she see it coming?

James laughed darkly.

"Not before I kill you first Natasha. Not before I kill you first," he whispered with promise.

"What the hell are you playing at?" she hissed at him. He narrowed his eyes.

"Because of your stupid partner I missed and you never got hit with the trigger," he said darkly. Natasha tensed.

"And now you've kidnapped me to finish your job is that was this is?" she said shaking her head. He was pathetic. James smirked.

"No – I came up with a better idea. I don't need the virus to get what we really want Natasha," he said ominously.

"What is the virus meant to do anyway Barnes?" she asked narrowing her eyes. James raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you already know Romanoff? I thought you were smarter than that," he said shaking his head in disappointment. Natasha clenched her jaw.

"If the side effects are my amnesia – the virus must be meant to finish the job? Erase all my memories completely?" she said narrowing her eyes. He smiled warily.

"Not exactly. The virus was meant to rewrite your memories of the last 10 years. No SHIELD, no Avengers, no Clint Barton. You would be reset to the Black Widow and Natasha Romanoff would continue to be her shadow like she was always meant to be. Natasha Romanoff was never supposed to exist," he said carefully. Natasha tensed. That was utter _bullshit._

"I always existed," she growled. He gave her a wary look.

"Do you ever feel like you're slipping Natasha? Between the Natasha you think you are right now and the cold-blooded assassin you were always trained to be?" he asked carefully. Natasha clenched her jaw.

"There is more to a person then their training," she growled. He gave her a steady look.

"Are you even a person?" he whispered. Natasha tensed.

"Barnes if you don't stop messing with me I am going to-" she started to say threateningly but was cut off by a distinct ringing sound.

_Ring. Ring. _

"Hold that threat Romanoff," he said as he held up a finger and answered the call. Natasha gave him a look of disbelief.

James eyes darkened as he listened to the voice at the other end of the line. Natasha had a feeling she knew exactly who it was.

"Last minute changes are never a good thing Ivan," he said slowly. She heard a harsh reply from the other end. James froze.

"You want to talk to her?" he asked slowly. There was a pause at the other end and suddenly Natasha was able to make out what Ivan was saying.

"Just do it James – you're running out of time," Ivan said tensely. James slowly moved the phone away from his ear and pressed a button on the screen.

"Do you _know_ how many countries there are in the world Natasha?" Ivan asked slowly. Natasha stared at the phone with a dark look on her face. What the hell did this have to do with anything?

"I'm not about to play your stupid mind games Ivan," Natasha hissed. Ivan sighed.

"It's not a game – answer the damn question," he said tensely. She narrowed her eyes and remained silent.

_Click_.

James firmly pressed a gun into the back of her head. She gritted her teeth.

"There are 196 damned countries…" she said darkly. Ivan clenched the gun in his hand as he walked down a busy New York street. He was getting closer to his destination. James and Natasha were getting closer to theirs.

"And out of 196 countries…YOU CHOOSE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH AN _AMERICAN_?" Ivan shouted angrily.

Natasha tensed.

"I didn't _choose_ anything," she said dangerously. There was never a choice.

"A SHIELD monkey at that. Disgusting. Any other nationality Natasha. I could accept any other country. But you choose to run away with _him_?" Ivan said in disgust. Natasha clenched her jaw.

"I don't give a damn what _you_ think," she hissed. She hasn't cared about what he thought in _years_.

"You're only missing 3 years Natasha. You fully remember why you left 10 years ago. And today I want to know why," he said staring straight ahead with an angry look on his face. She laughed humorlessly. They were all insane blind bastards.

"Are you joking? It took you 10 years to ask why I left your stupid cult? Ivan haven't you figured it out on your own yet?" she asked shaking her head in honest disbelief. Ivan narrowed his eyes.

"Stop trying to provoke me and answer the damn question Natasha," he said threateningly. A dark look crossed over her face.

"Because you're fucking bat shit insane you damn old man!" she shouted furiously. Ivan paused as he heard her loud response.

"Is that what you think?" he said slowly. She inhaled several deeps breaths as she locked eyes with James and glared at him.

"Nothing less," she said decisively. She would die before she ever rejoined the other side. Ivan sighed.

"You don't even know the gravity of the situation you are in Natasha," he said carefully. Natasha snorted.

"I'm about to die if I don't play things out right – that's more than enough to understand the situation Ivan," Natasha said rolled her eyes. Ivan shook his head – such a simple minded little girl.

"There are worse things than death Natasha Romanoff," he said warningly. Natasha narrowed her eyes.

"That was the one truth I learned from you Ivan Braginski," she growled. He smirked.

"The only thing eh?" he asked unconvinced. She narrowed her eyes and remained silent.

"I gave you the chance to walk away from the team that will destroy you Natasha. Before everything you knew crashes down around you. Before the world turns its back on you," he said steadily. Natasha narrowed her eyes.

"Why would the world turn their back on us?" she asked slowly. He smiled grimly.

"Because you're going to give them a reason to," he whispered. Natasha narrowed her eyes at the overconfident bastard. They all talked big but she hardly ever saw many villains actually followed through with their plans.

"Stop being so damn cryptic about everything Ivan," she said angrily.

"Stop trying to pretend to be something you're not Natasha. A hero? On the most famous team of heroes in the world? Are you serious?" he asked incredulously. Natasha clenched her hands into tight fists.

"I'd rather be a sickening hero then a mindless puppet any day," she hissed.

"One day you are going to regret saying that Romanoff," he said turning down an alley and off the populated streets of New York.

"No matter what happens or what you try to do to bring us down – I'll never give up on my team," she said firmly. She would die with that promise. He sighed and nodded gravely. So be it.

"Get the information and get the _hell_ out of Manila James. You have 1 hour," Ivan said firmly before he hung up. It was time to start soon. With or without Natasha Romanoff the plan would continue. Ivan did not care about petty loses. He was aiming to win the war.

There was a long silence after Ivan left the conversation.

"So you _do_ think I'm a threat," Natasha said steadily. James snorted – you would be an idiot to think Natasha Romanoff was not a threat.

"Of course we do," he said seriously. Pride had nothing to do with knowing your enemy's strengths and weaknesses inside and out. It was also important to not underestimate them – most villains have failed in the past because of that small error. But James and Ivan were not strictly villains – they were embodiments of what evils occurred in the shadows across the globe. The Avengers were not made to fight ghosts and non-direct attacks. But somehow they got roped into the conspiracies anyway.

"What do you _want_?" she asked narrowing her eyes.

"Well Ivan was ambitious enough to want you back – but that is as likely as Rogers skipping down the yellow brick road with Fury at his side. What we _really_ need – is a brain scan," he said holding up an odd looking helmet with several wires sticking out of it. The ends of them all had nerve pinching clips. Natasha gritted her teeth – that was going to hurt like a bitch.

"Lights out firecracker," James whispered before he slammed his gun against her head and knocked her out.

**memories memories memories memories memories memories memories** memories

_Click. Click. Click. _

Someone was walking down the deserted halls of the U.S. Air force headquarters in New York with purpose in his step. He had a personal mission to accomplish in these walls of one of the most powerful military forces in the world. As he walked closer to his final destination the man glanced down at his watch. It was show time.

"Hey you! What are you doing down here? This is a high security clearance building! No soldiers are allowed in here!" a voice said crossly from behind him. Ivan Braginski smirked as he stopped in place without turning around. Right on time officer Calvin. A devious smile spread across his face as he slowly turned around to face the senior level officer.

"Oh really? I'm sorry I didn't realize I was walking aimlessly through one of the most secure military weapons base in the world," Ivan said dryly. The senior officer froze as he stared at the face in front of him. It was _his_ face. His own face staring back at him. What the hell was going on?

"Good night officer Calvin," Ivan whispered as he promptly shot the officer in the chest will his taser. The officer fell forward as he lost consciousness and Ivan caught his limp body effortlessly.

"I look better in uniform anyway," Ivan said as he pulled off the officer's uniform and more importantly his identification cards. He dumped the unconscious body into a closet and crouched down to hold a small memory altering device to the officer's head.

"Thank you for being so cooperative Officer Calvin – I hope you had a wonderful life before the military sacks you," Ivan said as he stood up and stalked out of the closet and towards the General's office.

Officer Calvin had a meeting to attend.

_20 minutes later. _

"I don't know what to do Calvin! SHIELD and the CIA are at each other's throats again fighting over some no name Russian big shot in the underground market. If he is not a threat to national security I don't give a rat's ass of what he's cooking up on the other side of the ocean!" General Brooks exclaimed angrily.

Officer Calvin AKA Ivan nodded silently as he stood beside his General who was still pacing in front of his desk. He kept his face blank even as he was smirking on the inside.

"Did you ask intelligence what's been happening in the Philippines?" Ivan asked suddenly.

"Why would we care what is happening in the Philippines Calvin?" the General asked slowly. Ivan shrugged as he leaned against the table.

"Have you heard of all the random explosions happening there recently? A rundown travel bus, the city major water pipes, a civilian train – all blew in the last 12 hours," he said carefully.

"Officer…there are explosions occurring all over the world – even as we speak," The General said firmly.

"And you only care about the ones that have to do with American interests yes?" Ivan said warily. The general paused.

"What are you trying to say Calvin?" he asked suspiciously.

"Have you seen the morning news yet Sir?" Ivan asked giving the General a sidelong look. General Brooks slowly picked up his remote and turned on his TV. He froze as he stared at the completely ruined and smoking building on screen.

"Someone blew up Avengers Tower?" he asked in shock. Ivan nodded gravely.

"And where is the famous team right now?" he said slowly. The general froze.

"What are they _doing_?" he asked in disbelief. Ivan shrugged.

"Isn't SHIELD telling you anything?" he asked warily. Brooks paused.

"Get me Nick Fury on the line right now Calvin," the General said darkly. Ivan nodded as he walked out the door. He signaled to one of the soldiers standing outside of the General's door.

"Get a line through to SHIELD for the General – he has some business to deal with," he said to the serious faced soldier. The soldier nodded as he spun around and marched off to go accomplish his assigned task. A slight smirk spread across Ivan's face as he rounded the corner and walked out the building. He slowly removed his uniform as he walked down dark alley. It was time to let the flag fly. A sleek black car pulled up beside him and the window rolled down. A dark haired man with a low cap on his head glanced over the black tinted window.

"Show time boss?" Cairo said glancing up from beneath his dark cap. Ivan pulled open the car door and step into the passenger seat beside his key subordinate.

"You're my new favorite now Cairo," Ivan said blankly as he pulled the uncomfortable mask off his face. Cairo gave his boss a wary look.

"And why is that?" he asked carefully. Ivan's eyes darkened slightly.

"Because right now I like your screw up better then James'," he said forebodingly. Cairo stared at the steering wheel in front of him. When this was all over he had the feeling either him or James was going to die.

He was going to make sure it was the damn antique solider.

**memories memories memories memories memories memories memories memories **

Natasha gasped as she shot up off the ground and grabbed onto the side of the wall beside her. She felt like her entire body was on fire from the tips of her fingers to the bottom of her feet. She was buzzing like crazy. Her head felt like it was about to burst it was hurting so bad. She thinks she might just throw up.

"Sorry for the shock – it's a side effect," he said not sounding very sorry at all.

"What…what _hell_ did you just do?" she growled as she took deep breaths trying to get some semblance of control back in her body before James really fucked her over with his stupid minds games.

"You were a special case in the Russian Intelligence project to create perfect child soldiers you know that right?" he said slowly placing several test tubes like cases into a small white suitcase. She stared at him with the irritation clear in her eyes. She winced as she lost sight in her left eye. What the fuck was going on?

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" she hissed. He continued to rearrange the equipment in front of him and continued to talk like they were two good friends chatting about the weather. He was fucking insane.

"All the other 8 subjects didn't response very well to the memory transplants Natasha. All of them broke eventually from the stress the invasive memories placed on their brain – but you didn't. Your brain makeup is extraordinarily good at absorbing foreign information. Do you know what that makes you?" he said quietly. She glared at him – _like she gave a rat's ass about that shit._ He ignored her silence and went on.

"That made you one value asset on the black market – the only problem was that nobody wants the genes of a potential double agent running through their asset's veins," he said slowly. She narrowed his eyes – what the hell was she? A fucking toy?

"So this solves that problem," he said holding up the brain scanner.

"And what the hell is that?" she asked as her vision flickered again. This drug was pissing her off.

"The clues to how your brain works so well with the foreign memories – so in the end we don't need _you_," he said with a sly smirk. Natasha tensed – well… not being usefully to the enemy anymore was never a good sign.

"So you have your damn scans – what are you going to do now?" she asked tensely.

"See…the thing is Ivan is a lot more compassionate then I will ever be. He might be a sick bastard who kills children and blah, blah, blah. But he has a soft spot for you firecracker. Doesn't matter that one day you really are going to kill him. Not even Ivan Braginski is cold enough to be able to kill the little girl he raised like his own," James said shaking his head in disgust.

"What the hell are you trying to say Barnes?" Natasha growled. James continued as if he didn't hear her.

"And that's why I'm going to take the possibility of him screwing up all the work we've done over the last few years and throw it out the window," he said forebodingly. Natasha froze – oh shit she was screwed.

"You're a heartless bastard Barnes," Natasha said narrowing her eyes. James laughed darkly.

"I had a heart once upon a time Natasha Romanoff – too many strong women ripped it into a million pieces," he said cruelly.

"Peggy Carter was never yours," Natasha said shaking her head. He nodded gravely.

"I knew that from the start. But apparently neither were you," he said twirling his gun around his hand. Natasha tensed involuntarily. She had nothing to say to that.

"You know what's really funny? We were together for years Natasha. You didn't even know Barton for more than 3 days. And you still left," he said darkly. Natasha gritted her teeth – how _dare_ he turn their past relationship into a weapon.

"I didn't choose Clint over you James. I choose freedom over the burning prison you, Ivan and Cairo are all going to die in," she said darkly. James paused as he stood in front of her.

"Do you really hate us that much Nat?" he said quietly.

"You chose your side James," she said angrily looking away.

"And you choose yours Natasha – good luck," he said expressionlessly. She cautiously watched as the James she once knew faded and was replaced by the monster he was now. He turned around and blew off the lock on the door behind him in the moving truck.

"Thank you for the scans Miss Romanoff ex-Russian spy, world class marksman and subject 9 of Russian Intelligence project Arcanum. I hope you had a lovely time on this trip together – but I think you need some time to…cool off," James said with his back turned away from her.

"What are you planning…?" Natasha asked narrowing her eyes. James smiled slowly.

"Every big war has to start with a bang right Natasha?" he whispered before he kicked open the metal door and jumped onto the back of a motorcycle waiting for him behind the truck. The door slammed stuck in her face and locked on the other side - now she knew she was in trouble. Because the next thing she knew she was crashing into the side of the truck wall as she felt the entire vehicle crash into some metal barrier. She groaned as she fell to the ground. She quickly pushed herself into a sitting position with her shoulder and gasped as she felt the damn handcuffs dig deep into her skin.

She froze as she felt the truck teeter back and forth on something beneath them.

Then she promptly banged her head against the ceiling as the truck started falling through the air.

_Oh shit. _

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" she shouted as she rolled over and started frantically taking a pin out of her hair and jimmying the lock on her handcuffs while everything was still in free fall. The cuffs weren't that hard to get out of. They were standard handcuffs. She felt the dread seep into her like a cold storm. James would never go through all the trouble to throw her off a bridge if there was even the slightest chance she could get out and survive.

Something was not right.

Natasha quickly braced herself against the truck wall as the vehicle hit the water with a gigantic splash and echoing bang. She quickly dragged herself towards the back door and shoved against the locked doors with her shoulder. The truck was sinking deeper into the water and she had to get this door open before she ran out of air.

She heard a creak in the door as she continued to bang into it with her shoulder. Almost got it. She slammed into it again.

Natasha froze and grabbed onto a handle sticking out of the wall of the truck as the entire vehicle fell several more meters through the water before it hit another rocky ledge.

"_Shit_!" Natasha shouted as the water started flooding the truck from all corners of the metal box. She froze as she finally noticed a metal chain wrapped around her ankle. She followed the chain to a massive pile of weights bolted to the wall.

_Holy shit_ she was screwed.

Natasha frantically pulled at the metal clamp attached to her ankle.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Get off! Get off! Get off!" she shouted as she frantically tugged at the damn chains – they weren't going to budge and she didn't have the proper tools to break something like this.

Natasha tried everything she could think of to get the clamp off of her ankle but it was futile. The water level was rising rapidly around her. She swam to the top of the truck and took in one last deep breath before the water reached the ceiling. She swam back down to the weights still bolted to the wall of the truck. They were the only things keeping her back from freedom. Damn James Barnes. Damn him to hell.

Natasha banged her fists against the truck wall trying to somehow make it give and take the weights with it. She started to feel the burn in her lungs – she had less than minutes left before she would lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen. Natasha slowly floated to her knees and pulled at her chains in futile.

_I'm so sorry Clint. _

And then she started drowning.

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"NATASHA!" Clint shouted as they ran across the bridge the tracking signal led them to and frantically searched for the missing Russian.

"Stark you said this is where she was!" Clint growled staring at the chaos of people and police officers standing around the crash scene on the bridge. A terrifying feeling was creeping up on him as he watched several civilians point at the broken suspension cords beside them.

"Clint…she's in the water below us," Tony said gravely from behind him. Clint whipped his head around to stare at the grim faced genius beside him. Clint's expression suddenly went blank.

"Is your phone waterproof Stark?" Clint asked dangerously calm. Tony nodded slowly.

"Yes. What are y-" he started to ask but Clint cut him off when he promptly stepped forward and snatched the phone with the blinking dot on it. He took a deep breath and jumped over the bridge before anyone could stop him. Everyone froze as they stared at the crazy archer fall through the sky in shock.

"CLINT BARTON YOU IDIOT THAT'S A SEVENTY FOOT FALL!" Tony shouted from behind him. Clint firmly shut his eyes and braced himself for the impact.

_SMACK_!

He winced as he painfully hit the freezing water and coughed harshly as he got a mouth full of ice water into his lungs. He instantly got pulled under by the strong currents. He quickly righted himself and swam to the light above him. He gasped as he broke through the surface of the water and took a deep breath of air. He then steeled his body against the cold and dived back down into the river. He was going to find her. He was going to find her even if it killed him.

Because if she died he was going to die with her.

Clint quickly glanced down at the blinked screen in front of him. Natasha wasn't very far at all. She was only a few meters away from him…but then why couldn't he see her?

He swam faster as his air time was quickly being used up. He noticed a white truck rested against a rocky ledge. It was too much of a coincident with the broken cables on the bridge above them. He took out his gun and shot the lock on the door. He quickly grabbed the broken handled and tugged it open to reveal a sight he never thought he would see.

Natasha looked up from the wall of the truck she had been leaning heavily against and stared at her partner in disbelief. What the hell was he doing here?

Clint stared back with determined eyes. He swam forward and tugged on her arm. She shook her head and pushed his hand away. She couldn't go with him. He furrowed his brow at her odd actions until he noticed the chain attached her leg. So _that's_ why she hasn't already gotten herself out of this mess. Figures.

He took out his gun and shot the chain several times. They both winced as the bullet rebounded off the heavy metal. The chain was made reinforced steel. Damn.

Clint stared at her as she slowly shook her head and tried to push him back towards the surface. He noticed the exhaustion start to set in as her shoves got less insistent. She was running out of air. He gave her the most intense look she ever saw. She glared back at him. The bastard was going to freaking die too if he stayed down here. She tried to tell his to leave but tensed when he firmly grabbed her by the shoulders. Natasha froze as he dragged her forward and slammed their mouths together. At first she thought the idiot was kissing her – but then she realized he was doing something much, _much_ more stupid. Her eyes widened as he blew the last of his air into her lungs and immediately lost consciousness and dropped through the water right in front of her. Natasha frantically pulled his limp body back up onto the truck she was still freaking chained too.

A minute – she had a minute. What was she supposed to do with a minute?

If the stupid bastard was awake she could have used her damn minute to tell him something important.

Natasha turned around and tugged at her chain one last time before she felt the black spots start taking over her vision. She slowly fell to the floor of the truck as her vision flicked in front of her. The last thing she saw was the familiar soft blue glow floating several feet away from her. She lost focus before she could grasp exactly what it was.

Arc reactor was the last word her mind registered before everything went black.

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Clint gasped as he shot up and frantically looked around. His glanced down at his shaking his hands – he was still alive. He was alive and he was still breathing. He finally noticed his soaking wet team crouching down around him giving him worried looks.

They had gone after him and saved him after all.

Suddenly a scary thought occurred to him.

"Natasha? Where is Natasha?" he asked as the panic started rising quickly in his chest. Bruce nodded to the slim body lying beside him.

"Right next to you buddy," he said quietly. Clint's head whipped to the side as he stared at the groaning but alive Russian lying next. She was soaked to the bone and coughing up horrifying amounts of sea water.

"Am I dead?" Natasha muttered as she continued to cough violently. She had been underwater for _too_ long. Clint nearly collapsed in relief.

"No, no you're not dead," he whispered as he dragged her off the ground and pulled her into a bone crushing hug. He held her tightly against him. He was never going to let her go. He didn't care how desperate it made him look – they both nearly died. If their team wasn't there they _would_ have died for sure. Natasha winced as he squeezed her a bit too hard but didn't complain – she was just happy she had the opportunity to be manhandled by her partner at all.

"Clint she can't breathe!" Bruce shouted worriedly. Clint quickly pulled back still breathing in ragged breaths after having them filled with water for so long.

"Are you okay? Are you okay?" he asked frantically brushing the wet hair out of her face. Natasha coughed up the water still lodged in her lungs.

"Stop…stop overreacting Clint," she said hoarsely as she unwillingly leaned into him while she tried to get a hold of her bearings. Clint's face suddenly darkened. There was no way to downplay what just happened.

"Natasha you weren't _about_ to die – you were seconds away from _dying_," he said firmly with the dark truth swirling in his eyes. Natasha tensed.

"I'm not dead yet," she said staring back at his haunted eyes.

"Too close," he said as he clenched his jaw and held her tighter.

"But never quite close enough," she whispered into his shoulder.

Natasha suddenly glanced around and finally noticed something about their peculiar situation.

They were on a boat – halfway out in the ocean miles from the distant Filipino shoreline. How long were they knocked out?

"Where are we going?" she asked slowly dreading the answer.

"Don't know – we caught a ride from a helpful fisherman," Tony said slowly pointing to the snoozing old man behind him.

"If he's sleeping…who's steering the boat?" Clint asked slowly pulling away from his drenched partner.

"Steve," Tony said with a shrug. They both stared at him in disbelief and glanced at the Captain in the deck above them…that was just comical. No one ever saw Steve as being a Captain of an actual ship. Even though they could barely call the floating piece of junk they were all standing on a ship.

"When did the Cap learn to steer a tugboat?" Natasha asked cautiously. Tony shrugged.

"When me and Bruce were too busy dragging your unconscious bodies onto the boat and our fisherman friend over there was barely sober enough to talk let alone steer his own boat," Tony said dryly. Natasha sighed. Idiots.

_Tick. Tick. Tick_. She noticed the watch on Bruce's wrist and froze as several voices suddenly rang in her mind.

"_Get the information and get the hell out of Manila James. You have 1 hour." Ivan said firmly. _

"_Every big war has to start with a bang right Natasha?" James whispered. _

"Bruce how long has it been since you found us…?" she asked with an odd look on her face. Clint furrowed his brow at her sudden change in demeanor – he didn't like where this was going.

"It's been almost an hour why?" Bruce asked carefully.

"We're going to be too late…" she said nearly falling to her knees.

"Natasha? Natasha what's wrong?" Clint asked worriedly.

Suddenly a loud bang echoed across the water behind them.

_BOOM_! A hot wave of wind swept across the ocean surface and surrounded the air around the Avengers instantly. Any hotter and it would have burned them.

Natasha stared out at the shoreline over their shoulders in shock. All the thoughts running through her sharp mind came to a screeching halt.

"Natasha what are you staring at?" Clint asked slowly glancing behind him. He froze.

"Oh my _god_…" he said as his arms fell to his sides.

"What? What's going on?" Tony asked quickly spinning around.

"The entire capital just got bombed…" she said in empty shock as she stared at a familiar black jet shooting over the skyline with the gigantic explosion hot on its tail. Everyone froze as they stared at the unbelievable scene in front of them. The entire city was collapsing in on itself as an enormous cloud of fire rose to the sky. The burning cloud spread out across the city at unbelievable speeds. No one could out run that. Clint nearly lost his balance and fell out of the boat.

"Cap – Cap what do we do?" Clint asked slowly grabbing on to the side of the boat. He thinks he was about to throw up. Steve clenched his fists and reluctantly shook his head - no matter how much he wanted to – he had to keep his team alive so that they can prevent this from happening anywhere else in the world. If the Avengers went down now – there would be no one who knew the truth about Ivan Braginski or James Barnes. There would be no one to protect the rest of the world.

"We can't do anything now Clint. If we go back we get caught in the radioactive debris. They're all gone," he whispered painfully.

The silence around the small boat was deafening.

The Avengers had just failed 3 million people.

_3 million innocent people. _

_3 million people who believed in heroes. _

_3 million people who trusted them. _

And they failed.

"Why would he do that?" Natasha whispered hollowly staring at her shaking hands. None of them had the answer to her question.

"What was in Manila that he would need to destroy the entire city for it?" Bruce said staring intensely at his fists. His heart monitor was going crazy as he tried to keep his anger under control. They were supposed to protect the people around them damn it. Not watch them die.

"What if it's a statement? A damn show for the rest of the world?" Tony said dangerously. He was shaking. He was angrier then he has ever been in a long time. He has never failed this many people. Never.

"No, no he's not trying to show the world his power. He doesn't want the world to know about him at all," she said in suddenly dark realization. Ivan Braginski wasn't the star of the show type of man. He was the puppeteer, the mastermind behind the stage. He used other people to play the roles in his show. He used other people whether they wanted to be used or not…_holy shit._

"_Why is Ivan in America?" Natasha asked angrily. James smiled. _

"_To plant an idea," he whispered. _

"_What on earth do you want?" she asked in disbelief. _

"_Right now? To level the playing field. It's not fair if we're the only ones being chased after. Later? Well you'll just have to find out," James said mysteriously. _

"_I gave you the chance to walk away from the team that will destroy you Natasha. Before everything you knew comes crashing down around you. Before the world turns its back on you," he said steadily. Natasha narrowed her eyes. _

"_Why would the world turn their back on us?" she asked slowly. He smiled grimly. _

"_Because you're going to give them a reason to," he whispered. _

"He's going to blame this on us," she whispered staring at the black rain falling from the sky.

Everyone stared at her in shock.

The Avengers were now branded international terrorists.

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**Just kidding! **

**However that really was the end of ****Part 1 for Lost in the seas of forgotten memories****. We're at an intermission point in the story. I am putting this story on hiatus for the next few weeks while I am in exams. I will start part 2 when I come back at the end of January (I'm just going to keep posting on this story - not a new fic)  
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**Thank you **_**so**_** much for reading everyone!  
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**Please review and let me know what you liked most about this story so far! It's the last time I get to hear from you guys for a while. **

**P.S. Vote on my poll on my profile if you want this story to be the one I update during exams. I'm only going to have time to update one of my 6 Clintasha stories.**

**It was an honor writing this story for you guys.**

**- Shadowsontherun **


	31. Chapter 31

**Beginning of Lost in the seas of forgotten memories part 2 **

**Chapter 31**

The sound of a cup suddenly smashing into a million pieces against the tile floor of an overly clean kitchen resounded around a lavish flat located at the center of one of the biggest cities in the world. Not many things could shock the inhabitants of Los Angeles - especially not those who worked for Tony Stark of all people.

"Oh my God..." Pepper Potts said while staring at her TV screen in absolute shock.

"Pepper are you okay? Thor is leaving soon he needs to get back to the team-" Jane started to say as she poked her head into the kitchen but instantly froze as the colour drained from her face when she laid eyes on the same screen Pepper was staring at.

"Pepper...what are you watching...?" Jane asked slowly. Pepper couldn't even pull her eyes away from the horrifying flashes of fire and debris on screen to even look at the tense astrophysicist.

"Bomb," she whispered grabbing onto edge of the table as she started feeling lightheaded. Now Jane was beyond alarmed. Pepper Potts _never_ lost her cool. Never. Not even in the face of eminent death by gigantic robots.

The images switched back to a familiar blonde haired reporter who had been live on TV for the last half hour. "Less than 30 minutes ago the worst disaster to strike the world since the last alien invasion in New York has just happened in the capital city of the Island country the Philippines. Manila that was once a beautiful, vibrant city now lays in ruins after being leveled to the ground by what is clearly the first nuclear explosion since World War ll. The casualty count is still unknown but the city population is - was 3 million and there has yet to be any response team that has been able to get within a 50 mile radius of the danger zone due to the high levels of radiation," the news reporter said with wide eyes. You could practically see the adrenaline coming off of her in waves. Jane tore her eyes away from the screen and stared at her shaken friend.

"Pepper I know it's bad, it's absolutely disgusting and inhumane and whoever is behind this is a sick bastard that deserves to rot in hell - but why are you shaking like that?" Jane asked worriedly. Pepper started breathing in deep breaths and shut her eyes tightly. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't feel anything right now.

"Tony was in Manila," she whispered. Jane froze - oh my god. She didn't know.

And then 6 familiar faces started flashing across the screen and she thinks she might just throw up too.

"But the unexpected and completely horrifying events are not the most shocking part of this story. We have proof from reliable sources that say the Avengers were in the city for the last 24 hours for unknown reasons. After 3 weeks of staying out of the public eye for equally unknown reasons it's hard not to start asking terrifying questions. Why have our heroes been silent for the last few weeks and then suddenly disappear halfway around the world where there did not appear to be any imminent threat? Did they know about the bomb? If they did why wasn't the public notified about the danger? If they didn't...why were they there in the first place? No one has been giving us any answers to a single one of our questions and the list continues to grow," the blond reporter said solemnly.

Suddenly a random camera man ran up to her completely disregarding the fact that they were on live television and quickly handed her a sheet of paper. The reporter rapidly scanned through the sheet and the colour in her face drained. She still managed to gracefully fall back into her reporter mode and eyes were back on the screen.

"I-it appears the U.S. military has just initiated an international operation to capture 6 individuals they have identified as the key suspects behind this terrorist plot –Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers and Thor - are you _serious_?" the reporter asked someone off screen. The shock on her face was undeniable.

Pepper and Jane shared a panicked look.

"_THOR_!" they shouted as they ran out of the kitchen at lightning speed. They needed to find him – but more importantly they needed to find out what the hell was going on out there.

Meanwhile at the exact same moment half way across the country and a thousand feet above the Atlantic Ocean one Director and one agent were watching the exact same thing.

"I really hate the media," Fury said narrowing his eyes at the screen in front of him. "Do you know how much I hate the fucking media agent Jones?" Fury said turning his irritated eyes to the last person he thought he would ever think to call on in a time of crisis. However desperate times call for desperate measures. He had very few people he knew he could trust right now. First he lost Coulson, then he lost Hill and now this shit talker is saying his A team just went rouge?

Sometimes he thinks life is just one sick joke.

"Permission to speak freely Sir," agent Jones said while standing beside the director.

"Permission granted," Fury said without a second a thought - he really wanted blunt and brass honesty right now after years of this secrecy and formality shit. SHIELD likes to pretend they were in some shape or form a legal organization. Who were they kidding? They worked in the shadows. They did not always follow the rules. That is why Fury sometimes thinks that they may brush against the line that is never meant to be crossed too close for comfort. Jones glanced at his boss to confirm Fury's words with his matching _nothing will faze me right now_ expression and turned back towards the TV and the harping news reporter.

"The military is a piss off Sir," Jones said in his usual neutral tone. Fury snorted - even Jones' sarcasm came off unemotional. Frankly he is the only one who has even lasted longer than a week let alone 3 years as the Avengers Handler - Coulson taught him well. Fury paused - no he was not opening that closet today. He was not an emotional man - far from it. However losing your right hand was like losing _your_ _fucking right hand_. His response will always be the same - you soldier through whatever shit life throws at you because dead people don't come back.

"The dogs are the same - it's the bullshit someone fed them that is pissing me off. 3 million people were wiped out- without a single _hint_ that it was going to happen. That is unheard of and downright unnerving. It was set off with precision and silence. Where did the nuke come from Jones?" Fury said narrowing his eyes at the screen. Jones pulled out his tablet from his bag like another agent used to do so many times before and if he noticed the slightest flicker of some unidentifiable emotion flash across Fury's eyes he didn't mention it. The man was already stressed as it was.

"We have an emergency response team scouting the area as we speak. They are trying to identify the manufacturer of the bomb Sir...it's...it's well it's-" Jones tried to find the right words but damn it he didn't know any way of saying this without it sounding like an accusation.

"Spit it out Jones," Fury said warningly. The agent took a deep breath.

"They found traces of Stark tech in the rubble sir," Jones said with only the slightest grimace to his credit. Fury paused and then firmly shook his head.

"Means nothing - Stark tech has been in terrorist hands for years. He's been actively trying to change that. With an impressive success rate but not quite all of them," Fury said without a hint of doubt. Jones internally sighed in relief. His team may think he is a right bastard – but he has never doubted their loyalties for a second.

"But they were in the Philippines when it happened sir," Jones said quietly. Fury dragged his hands over his face and sighed in only a way a man with the entire world on his shoulders could.

"I know," he said with the exhaustion finally seeping into his voice. The man hasn't slept in days. Jones wondered if he ever slept at all.

"If they didn't know about the bomb…" Jones started to say but trailed off leaving the rest of the thought unsaid. Fury glared at him.

"Not dead. No DNA scan means not dead. And I highly doubt even a nuclear bomb could take out Bruce Banner," Fury said too damn seriously. Now that made Jones wonder for a second what SHIELD scientists actually knew about Bruce's radioactive blood make up. He had another nagging feeling at the back of his head that was telling him something was wrong and he didn't want to voice it – not at all. But then again it was his job to do things he didn't quite like to do.

"What if…what if the only way they are alive is if they knew about the bomb sir?" Jones asked quietly. Fury clenched his fist and gritted his teeth.

"No – there must be something else. There has to be-" Fury froze as the familiar words of a dark haired man from less than a day ago filtered into his mind.

_We have an idea. And it's very hard to stop an idea Fury once it starts catching fire in the right people's minds. _

He was going to fucking shoot him.

_How will your Avengers defeat a shadow Fury? Especially when it will seem to be cast by some very shocking people?_

Scratch that - he was going to strangle him with his bare hands.

_Storm's coming Nick Fury. When the world crumbles beneath your feet - which side will you choose?_

"Fucking piece of _shit_," Fury growled slamming his hand down on his desk. Jones raised an eyebrow – now that was too vulgar even for his rough boss.

_There is no such thing as heroes. _

"Oh yes there is. As long as there is still darkness in the world there is light at the edges," Fury muttered to himself as he pulled open his drawer and promptly stuffed a gun in his coat pocket.

"Agent Jones?"

"Yes Sir?"

"Congratulations – you have just been promoted to second in command," Fury said with an air of absolute certainty. Nothing ever fazed the calm handler - but even _he_ nearly dropped his tablet when he heard that insane sentence. He was a freaking handler – not a damn leader for an entire intelligence organization.

"I'm sorry?" he asked with the slightest exasperation in his tone. Fury burned a heavy gaze into his slightly queasy looking agent. At the moment he valued loyalty over competence - but Jones was plenty competent – he just needed the push.

"You're going to hold up the fort while I go deal with some business," Fury said calmly.

"What type of business…?" Jones asked slowly.

"The kick a dark haired bastard's ass and figure out what the fuck they are trying to do type of business," Fury said darkly. Jones froze.

"Wait – you're leaving me here to deal with this shit while you go stateside by yourself?" Jones asked in disbelief.

"Be prepared for anything Jones," Fury said as his parting words. Jones wasn't going to have any of that dramatic shit.

"You have _got_ to be joking," he said staring at his boss who was rapidly walking away.

"I am not a funny man Jones," Fury said darkly.

"No you are a damn scary one," he muttered as he glanced back at the screen still playing the news.

"There has been no official statement from the shadowy organization known as SHIELD that recruited and assembled this shocking group of people. There are many questions still left to be answered. But the question on everyone's mind is – where on earth are these ex-heroes now?" the reporter said with a questioning look. Now wasn't that what we're _all_ wondering agent Jones thought silently.

_**3 days after the bombing of Manila. **_

3 Singaporean guards were patrols the main harbor of the small island country. It was a boring night however it wasn't like that a couple of days ago. Everyone has heard the horror stories of what went down in Manila. The reason they were becoming so elaborate and blown out of proportional is because no one knew the truth. Not really. No one knows for sure who planted the bomb. But the Avengers get to have the grand number1 suspect spot – simply because they are nowhere to be found and were definitely spotted in the city mere hours before the explosion.

The world did not believe in coincidences. Ivan Braginski was playing the world like a damn fiddle.

On the second round down the docking portion of the harbor one of the guards stopped and stared at a small nearly falling apart tugboat sitting innocently in one of the docking spaces.

It was a tugboat amongst million dollar yachts.

Innocent their _ass_.

"Someone who is not supposed to be here is here," one of the guards said slowly removing his gun from his holster.

"Brilliant observation boys – now what to do about these intruders?" a voice asked from behind them in a bored tone. They all quickly spun around and stared at redheaded man leaning against a poll looking like he didn't have a care in the world.

"Who are you?" they said aiming 3 guns at the unknown redhead. The man rolled his eyes and didn't even flinch. These amateurs were pathetic – they didn't even know how to hold their guns properly.

"Person who is going to royally kick your ass," the redhead said before he shot forward and instantly made good on his promise.

Tony and Clint sat on top of the boat and watched the redhead easily take out all 3 guards in less than 50 seconds. He was more flexible then you would be inclined to believe and quickly had two of the guards knocked out on the ground and spun around to aim a heavy kick in the third guard's gut. The guard smacked into a rod at one end of the deck and collapsed to the floor. Tony and Clint clapped their hands together in applause.

"Bravo Red!" Tony said wiping a fake tear from his eye.

"I think I'm gay!" Clint said dramatically clutching his heart. The redhead shot him the dirtiest look ever before he promptly slammed his fist into the last conscious guard's face and knocked his lights out.

"If you're gay I'll cut your balls off Barton," the redhead growled in a voice that was suddenly a bit too high to belong to a man. Clint to his credit only looked slightly uneasy – mostly because he knew that it was a very, very real threat. A threat he knew she could definitely follow through with if she wanted to.

"Men don't say things like that Red," Tony said scrunching up his nose in distaste. Natasha glared at the genius before she spun around to use the rope lying on the deck to expertly tie the unconscious harbor guards together.

"Next time I'm dressing you two up as prostitutes and see how well you like being the distraction without giving your identity away," Natasha muttered as she dragged the unconscious men towards the edge of the deck and firmly pushed them over the edge and into a small boat – not perfect but it would have to do in the short amount of time they had to get moving.

"Male or female prostitutes my gentle-spider?" Tony called out with a wicked smirk on his face.

BANG!

Tony expertly ducked as a bullet whizzed over his head and burned right through a large yacht behind them.

An obnoxiously loud alarm started going off on the boat and they all froze.

"NATASHA!" they both shouted at the sheepish looking Russian.

"Oops," she said with the slightest hint of a blush on her face. Clint rolled his eyes.

"Doesn't matter. Come on we have to meet Steve and Bruce where we dropped them off – let's go," Clint said hopping off the boat. He bent down to pick up a tattered backpack and effortlessly swung it over his shoulder.

"Ready to run like old times Tasha?" he asked with a cheeky grin. She gave him a quizzing look.

"Before Budapest? Hell no," she muttered as she shoved past him while knocking into his shoulder and brushing against his chest with her soft very _non_-manly body parts. He used all his considerable amount of self-control not to moan. Okay so maybe he wasn't _that_ gay after all.

"Not fair Tasha – not fair at all!" Clint complained as he caught up with her. Tony rolled his eyes at the pair of smitten spies. Red would murder him if he ever used the word _smitten_ and _Natasha_ in the same sentence. He paused – yeah he was definitely going to do that one day – once he made another suit that was.

He wasn't _that_ crazy.

Somewhere 2 miles down from the habour Bruce and Steve were turning down alley after alley trying to memorize as much as the terrain as they could before the rest of the team got to the edge of the forest their designated meeting spot by the water like they planned early that day on the boat. Honestly hiding out in the forest sounded a hell of a lot better than being confided to the 10 m by 5 m claustrophobic space on a boat. And the damn rocking! Bruce was going to Hulk out just from the uneasiness he felt when not on solid land. He always preferred running by land.

"How long until intelligence starts to whiff us out?" Steve asked as they continued scouting the backwater parts of the edge of the city.

"Max 3 days – maybe 4 is we're lucky but I doubt it. We have to keep moving. They may not know what country we're in for a week or two – but if we stay in one place they are bound to get tipped off. They always find a way. We can't be sloppy – because there are 5 of us we need to play it safe," Bruce said with an air of confidence that Steve found absolutely fascinating. And just when you think you know someone inside out – _bam_ there is another side to them you never saw. He wondered what other things about his team he was going to learn on this mission from hell.

"Yes boss," Steve said with a fake salute. Bruce snorted.

"You're the boss Steve, not me," he said shaking his head. He was never the leader type. He much preferred being the quiet follower – as long as he was following someone worth their title. And he never met a man that deserved to be followed more than Steve Rogers. He was everything Bruce wasn't – and after 3 years of being teammates– Bruce was finally okay with that.

"But Bruce you're the runaway king," Steve said with a boyish grin. Bruce rolled his eyes.

"And here I wished so damn hard that I wouldn't have to use my considerable skills ever again," he scoffed – he was only half joking. Steve knew this but he left it alone.

"How are we boarder hopping?" he asked instead of going down a path he knew Bruce would not be comfortable with. If Bruce noticed his courtesy he didn't show it – he simply answered the question.

"Train hitch hiking," he said like it was obvious. Steve paused as they made their way passed the back of a busy Singaporean market – it was extremely colorful.

"As is…" Steve started to say but Bruce finished his sentence for him.

"Jumping up on a freight train and passing a boarder clearance," Bruce said simply. Steve stared at the frighteningly calm scientist for several moments – he was joking right? He took a closer look.

"Holy shit you mean it," Steve said in shock. Bruce raised an eyebrow as they passed the market and started weaving through quiet neighborhood streets and towards the forest.

"Calm down Steve – you're having too much fun," Bruce said with a poorly hidden smirk. Steve went beet red.

"I-I-I-" he was so embarrassed he couldn't even finish his sentence. Bruce's smirk instantly faded as he gently placed his hand on the flustered Captain's shoulder. He didn't mean to make him uncomfortable.

"It's okay – I understand the rush – it's fun at the beginning – you feel like you're free cause you're no longer tied down to one place – one space. The world is your backyard and you feel like nothing can hold you back from doing what you want to do, going where you want to go and being who you want to be. It's exhilarating. But then it fades Steve – and you want stability again. You want somewhere to call home. You want people to be constants and you want…calm," Bruce said the last word like he was suddenly faraway back in a place in his memories when he was feeling the exact same things he was describing to his friend. He liked that he had friends now. Not just one, but several. He didn't need anything more than the avengers – if these were the only people he ever made genuine connections with – he could live a happy life.

That was one of the only reasons he stayed on the team even with the risk of hulking out every single damn day of the week. He was never going to tell them that though. Something in Steve's eyes said he wasn't doing a very good job of hiding his thoughts. Damn friends know you too well. Well shit. He'd just have to deal with that shitty part….though it wasn't quite as shitty as he tries to make himself believe it is. It was sort of nice that he couldn't quite lie around at least a handful of people in the world.

"That makes so much sense it's scaring me Bruce," Steve said with the boyish grin back on his face. Bruce rolled his eyes and continued walking.

"Old man needs to live a little," Bruce says good-humoredly. Steve scowled at him.

"_I'm_ the old man? Are you serious? I have only been awake for 26 years of my life. You Mr. Ancient scientist have been awake for nearly 40 years! I think I know who is well and truly old," Steve said with a scoff. Their friendly bickering came to a screeching halt when Bruce said something that completely threw Steve for a loop.

"Is _that_ how you judge age in your head now?" Bruce asked thoughtfully. Steve froze.

"What?" he asked as he faltered in his step.

"By how long you've been awake? Don't look like you're about to freak out Steve. It's not that weird – a lot of coma patients think like that too," Bruce said with a shrug. Steve gave him a funny look.

"Really?" he asked slowly – almost too hesitant to actually believe Bruce. Now _that_ was weird.

"Yeah – they aren't mentally any older then when they first went under. It's sort of the same thing for you – except without the whole not aging thing, super soldier serum, frozen in ice, 70 years and then saving the world in completely 2 different time periods. But then you somehow ended up with a bunch of crazy half insane crack team of outcasts so it all works out," Bruce said with a shrug like he just didn't butcher Steve's life story and make it out to sound like a broke chain of crazy stuff. Which in some ways exactly what it was.

"Gee thanks that makes me feel loads better about my situation," Steve said sarcastically. Bruce grinned at him.

"No problem," Bruce said cheekily. Steve glared at him playfully.

"If we diagnose _your_ life story I think we might need some hypothetically '_alcohol'_," Steve said using his hands to quote the word alcohol. Bruce snorted.

"Neither of us can get drunk you crazy soldier," Bruce said shaking his head.

"That's why it is called _hypothetical_," Steve said following Bruce down yet another alley. Bruce was about to respond when they both heard the telltale gunshots not too far behind them.

"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU BARTON IF YOU EVER TRY TO DEFEND MY HONOR AGAIN!" Natasha's clear angry voice was heard 2 streets over. Bruce and Steve shared a dry look. They blew their cover already. Idiots. They both promptly spun around and ran towards the shouting and rapid gunfire. They were all idiots – but at least they were still a team of idiots.

They rounded the corner and smacked right into Natasha, Clint and Tony literally running like the devil was on their tail. Bruce and Steve stumble back and they all stare at each other.

"RUN!" Natasha shouted shoving them all forward as the bullets continued to fire behind them. Ugh! Men!

"Brilliant plan Clint! Pissing off the damn neighborhood gang was just utterly brilliant!" Tony shouted sarcastically. Steve rolled his eyes – so they weren't busted. Joy.

"Less sarcasm and more running Tony!" Clint shouted back as they duck to avoid being made into to Swiss cheese by cheap standard hand gun bullets. If Clint was ever going to die from a bullet – it better be a high grade level type. None of this pathetic shit. He deserved to die with style. And if anyone was going to be able to land a killing shot it was only ever going to be…_her_. Natasha's eyes instantly shot up and locked with his - as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.

As more and more time passed since her accident he was starting to feel like she could. All over again. It was always all over again.

"Clint…" she said warningly as they ducked behind a dumpster to reload their guns.

"Didn't say anything Tasha," he said as he quickly dumped his empty round onto the ground and shoved a new one in with ease. Never say that Clint Barton didn't know his way around guns. They were just not his style. It was _hers_. Always hers.

They quickly followed the team down another alley with bullets still on their heels. As they ran across the street and rounded the corner they instantly zoned in on the locked door on the side of the alley. Natasha shot the lock and Steve quickly shoved the door open with his shoulder. They all quickly filed into the dark room and slammed the door behind them. Tony stumbled around the darkness until he found a chair and shoved it firmly against the door knob, it wasn't much – but it was something. They all held their breath as they heard the 30 something pairs of feet fly down the alley – no one stayed behind.

No one dared to say anything for several tense seconds either.

"I think we're clear," Bruce said finally with an exhausted sigh. They heard him collapse against a wall on the other side of the room. They all noticed the green glow in his eyes but it was normal from all the running and increased heart rate. There were no more weird drugs that caused a redness no one wanted to ever see again. Green was finally a colour they found _safe_. The irony was not lost on any of them.

"That's it – we are going to fucking get some disguises and stop being half recognized you hear me?" Tony grumbled as he fell to the ground beside him best friend. Bruce snorted and didn't even bother to reply. However Steve has no such qualms with talking.

"You're the famous billionaire Tony – every time you even _look_ at someone the wrong way they instantly recognize you," Steve said gruffly from a few feet to Tony's right. They couldn't see shit – but that didn't matter because with the five of them they could manage to kick any enemy's ass in the small space. If only Thor was here – then they wouldn't feel like they were missing their right arm or something.

"Yeah and what about you Captain Underpants? You've been revered around the world for over 70 years!" Tony shot back.

"I make less noise," Steve said simply. Tony paused – well that was true. That might even be what ends up saving his ass in the end. Damn it he was too tired to make up a good comeback.

Meanwhile Natasha was standing stiffly by the door with her gun still gripped tightly in her hand. The adrenaline was still pumping through her veins and the fury that flowed with it didn't make the shake in her arms much better. She promptly shoved her gun into her holster and spun around to glare daggers at her partner standing quietly beside her. They could both see perfectly fine in the dark – they've been working in the dark for so long it was comforting. But nothing was comforting right now. She promptly grabbed him by the edge of his uniform and angrily slammed his body into the wall behind him. Everyone quieted down behind them as they heard the telltale thump.

"Don't you _ever_ look at me like that again you hear me?" she hissed at him. Clint stared back at her angry expression with an eerie calmness that even he knew was the wrong emotion he should be feeling. But then again he never felt the right emotions around Natasha Romanoff anyway.

"Like what Tasha?" he said playing dumb just because he could. Natasha growled and slammed him into the wall harder then she should have. He didn't even wince from the pain.

"Don't play dumb Barton. I know you're not dumb. There is no way we'd manage to stay alive this long if you were half as stupid as you play yourself off to be sometimes. Don't you ever fucking look at me like you wouldn't mind if I shot you – _understood_?" she growled shaking him until he thought he was going to black out.

"C-can't change how you feel Tasha," he whispered. Natasha's eyes darkened.

"I will _never_ pull the trigger Clint – you better fucking get that in your screwed up head," she said dangerously. He narrowed his eyes.

"I never said I wanted you to shoot me," he said tensely. Natasha's grip on his shirt tightened and he knew she was seconds away from smashing her fist into his face. Most likely knock him unconscious.

"No – but you wouldn't try to stop me either," she said darkly. He didn't confirm or deny her accusation.

"Why does that same rule not apply to yourself Natasha?" he asked quietly. Natasha froze and he felt her instantly shut down and for the first time he was staring at the Black Widow and not Natasha.

"Fuck you Barton," she said coldly before she dropped his stiff body onto the ground. She spun around and swiftly kicked the chair out from blocking the door way, nearly ripped the door off its loose hinges and stalked out of the room without a single glance back.

The silence that followed her angry exit was deafening – but they were still in danger. They were always in danger and she couldn't just leave like that. It wasn't safe.

"I'll go after her," Bruce said quietly slipping out of the room without another word. Nobody stopped him. He wasn't Natasha's closet friend for nothing.

"What the hell was that?" Tony asked slowly. Clint rubbed his hands over his face and sighed in exhaustion.

"I have no fucking clue," he said tiredly. He just wanted to sleep. He just wanted to forget this emotional rollercoaster he always felt like he was on with Natasha and her amnesia and their relationship and all the shit that was happening to them right now. Steve's eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness and he could finally make out the clear exhaustion on Clint's face. The man was a good actor – they could never really tell when he was faking his good moods. He was just that good.

"I know you probably already know this but I'm going to tell you anyway - there are some things you are _not_ supposed to tell the girl you love Clint," Steve said quietly. Clint dropped his head on his knees.

"I didn't mean to tell her," Clint said with a sigh.

"She's extremely observant – we all know that. You know that. So I'm not going to insult your intelligence and say you made a mistake," Steve said calmly. Clint tensed. Oh shit. "So I'm going to ask Clint – why did you let her see it?" Steve asked patiently but with a firmness that he was going to get an answer whether Clint wanted to give it or not. There was no avoiding the truth now. Clint sighed.

"Because she _has_ to know. Whatever is going to happen it's not going to be pretty. And if something like Loki ever happens again - she has to be able to pull the trigger," Clint said clenching his fists as his sides.

"Could you do it?" Tony asked suddenly. Clint glanced up at the rarely serious man and saw a very clear understanding in his eyes. Sometimes he wondered where this Tony came from – or if the childish one they normally see is a fake. Maybe the real Tony was a mix of both.

"Could you let the arrow fly Clint?" Tony asked staring at him dead in the eye. Clint couldn't continue to look him in the eye and tore his gaze away. His silence was enough.

"Don't force her into a promise you can't keep yourself," Tony said firmly but without accusation – for that Clint was grateful.

The silence that followed wasn't so bad – sometimes there weren't any need for words. Until Steve ruined it.

"3 years later and Loki still bugs you eh?" Steve said quietly.

"3 years later and the future world still feels out of touch for you eh?" Clint shot back. Steve winced – but it was true. Sometimes they knew each other _too_ well. They still tried to pretend they didn't though. But no one was really that naïve.

Meanwhile outside in one of the many alleys not too far away from the rest of the team Natasha was viciously punching a wall until her fists were bleeding. Bruce winced as he heard blow after blow and simply waited her out. Finally after 10 minutes she collapsed to her knees and simply stared at her hands.

"Why are you here Banner," she growled coldly after several minutes of trying to catch her breath. Bruce was unfazed though – he always was. Sometimes you need a friend you weren't in love with and he wasn't in love with you either. Love made things messy. It made things hurt in ways you didn't think was possible.

"I'm waiting for my best friend to come back," he said quietly. She tensed. "Have you seen her? She has a _really_ bad temper but I like her anyway. She's a brutal fighter and beats the crap out of the boys on her team and whips them into shape when they need to be taught a lesson. She likes reading crappy fantasy novels in her free time and denies liking a lot of things. Mostly things that start with the letter C. Like chocolate and coffee and a really nice guy named Mr. _Can't keep his damn mouth shut when he's supposed to that asshole._" Bruce said all of this with a dead straight face.

The edge of Natasha's lip twitched ever so slightly and Bruce knew that the Black Widow was gone –for now.

"Welcome back Natasha," he said pulling out a bundle of bandages from his small backpack and a bottle of disinfectant. Always prepared – for the inevitable injuries. He just wished that they didn't give themselves half the scars on their bodies.

"I wasn't that far away," she whispered as he cleaned and bandaged her knuckles. He raised an eyebrow.

"Okay fine that was a horrible lie," she said rolling her eyes. He nodded and continued his expert work. He wasn't going to lead this conversation. That was her job.

"I only remember bits and pieces of the Loki mission," she said quietly. He paused briefly to tape the bandage over each hand and then gave her his full attention.

"But when I knew he was compromised I was scared _shitless_," she whispered. Bruce nodded – he has had this conversation with her before – guess there was going to be a lot of repeat conversations in the near future. If they survived all this shit first that was.

"I thought I'd have to kill him in the end," she said as her voice cracked near the end. Bruce leaned back against the wall beside her and just held her hand as she continued to tell him her thoughts like a ghost.

"I didn't think I could do it," she continued shakily. He gave her a sympathetic look.

"And then he asked me to be prepared to ever have to do it again," she said as the anger came rushing back into her body like a storm. Bruce doesn't wince from her vice grip around his hand – he was made of stronger stuff then that.

"The bastard is a hypocrite isn't he?" she said with a harsh laugh that drained all her anger away as fast as it came. She was tired of being angry.

"You bet," Bruce said with a half shrug. He always thought Clint was an idiot – but he was a well matched idiot with the girl sitting beside him.

"Should I punch him when we go back in there?" she asked turning to look at her friend. Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not taking any blame for this one – but hell yes," he said with an evil glint in his eyes. Natasha laughed – genuinely laughed. She doesn't do that very often.

Back in the little nook the Avengers were currently occupying Clint was getting antsy. He was about to throw all caution to the wind and just go after her when the door swung open to reveal a blank faced Natasha Romanoff. He automatically noticed her bandaged knuckles and knows what she has been doing. His eyes fell. She only ever punches things until she bleeds when he really hurt her. Guess an amnesiac Natasha wasn't much different.

"Natasha?" Clint said hesitantly. Natasha takes a step forward into his personal space and for a second he thought she was going to hug him or something – he was wrong.

_BAM_!

Steve and Tony's mouth hit the floor. Natasha Romanoff just sucker punched her own husband! Bruce snorted at their reactions as he leaned against the back wall and watched what she would do next – he had a funny feeling.

"_HOLY SHIT_!" Clint cried out in pain. Natasha shook the burn out of her bandaged hands and sighed in relief.

"That felt good," she said sounding a bit too satisfied. Clint gaped at her while holding his bruised cheek.

"That felt like hell," he muttered in front of her. Natasha glared at him.

"Shut up you bastard – don't you dare ask me to do something like that ever again," she growled before she roughly dragged him forward and smashed their lips together in an angry kiss. Clint was so shocked he couldn't move for several seconds. When he felt her grip his hair tightly he finally regained the ability to move and wrapped his arms around her slim figure. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. He missed this. He missed _her_.

"Ugh! Get a _room_! WE ARE _STILL_ HERE PEOPLE!" Tony shouted in disgust from behind them. Clint gave him the finger once again and completely ignored the shitty situation they all found themselves in. Because right now Natasha was kissing him and even after everything they've been through – she still wanted him.

Maybe sometime soon he could finally get her to admit that she loved him too. He missed hearing her say it.

**A/N: Lots and lots of team fluff. I guess when it rains its pours right? VIOLA! I HAS UPDATED DURING EXAMS! Now I really shall see you all at the end of January. Hope you'll like the rest of part 2. **

**Review and let me know what you thought! Thank you all for reading! **

**P.S. LOOK HOW NICE I AM – NO CLIFFY! :D **


	32. Chapter 32

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: It's been a little while guys! And it's been an even longer while since we've seen Coulson and Maria. let's fix both those problems shall we? **

**Chapter 32 **

Coulson silently watched as Hill grumpily slept on his shoulder as they rode on the back of a crowded truck into the city of Hanoi – the lovely capital of Vietnam. They were catching a ride with chickens, roosters and 3 very large and very _dirty_ Vietnamese men. He glanced down warily at the picks and hammers resting beside the silent foreboding mammoths of men. They were coal miners. Explains all the dirt. After 3 days of tense sailing they finally made it to the Vietnamese boarder and Maria still hasn't killed him – yet. The clear frown on her face told him she was still pissed as hell at him. However the fact that she was touching him at all meant she had finally forgiven him somewhat too. The first few days were like hell on earth.

_5 hours before the bombing of Manila. _

Coulson was glaring up at an inanimate object. He didn't particularly make a habit out of glaring at the roofs of a boat – but when the girl he was trying to protect was making his life difficult all he could do was glare at her hiding spot – there weren't many on a small boat. She still managed to find a pretty good one.

"You're being a _child_ Maria! And I know about being a child because 17 isn't exactly a great age to be while trying to sneak across the continent!" he shouted up at the brooding agent perched on the roof of the steering compartment. How the _hell_ did she manage to get up there anyway?

"Fuck off Coulson," was all she said as she continued to lie on the roof of the boat staring up at the darkening sky above them. She wasn't here by choice and she wasn't going to make it any easier for him.

"Oh _now_ the prime and proper Maria Hill is showing her vulgar side eh? What would the petrified junior agents say?" Coulson asked sarcastically. She didn't even flinch.

"Go jump off a cliff and die," was all she said before she shuffled over and disappeared from view. Coulson glared at the hidden agent and clenched his jaw.

"After you, you suicidal woman," he muttered as he spun around and stalked downstairs into the small cabin. He had plans to make and coordinates to plot. She was going to _live_ whether she wanted to or not damn it!

_5 hours later. _

Maria was still lying on the roof of the boat – the sun was setting on the horizon and she was still royally pissed at a miniaturized bastard she used to be fucking married to. The setting sun was beautiful on the water – but it was bittersweet. Just like her life.

She heard her stomach grumble and swore. No, she would _not_ be beaten because of something as stupid as hunger! She was stronger then that. Hell she was the fucking second in command of SHIELD. Not that she particularly wanted that tittle. She actually preferred if she didn't.

Bold titles give you bold enemies and Maria was tired of always watching her back everywhere she went.

She was about to see if she could sneak a bottle of water without Coulson noticing when she heard a loud _bang_ echo in the distance. Maria froze as she felt the wind pick up and the haunting noise rang in her ears. _No_. She quickly spun around to stare at a gigantic angry cloud of fire rise to the sky over 100 miles away. They were miles away from the shore.

But she could still see it from this far away.

She would have collapsed if she wasn't already on her knees.

"Coulson…" she whispered. He couldn't hear her obviously.

"COULSON!" she shouted as she quickly jumped down from the roof and banged on his door. It swung open to reveal a boy with 40 years of tiredness on his face. He blinked away the exhaustion and glanced up at Maria Hill staring at him with – was that _fear_? What the hell? Very few things could terrify Maria Hill after so many years of working for SHIELD.

"What happened? What's wrong Mari- oh my _god_," he said in shock and he slowly walked onto the deck and stared at the cloud in distance.

"That…" he started to say by trailed off in shock.

"…is _a god_ _damn _nuclear bomb," she finished for him.

They both suddenly tensed.

"It's Manila Coulson," she said tightly.

"That doesn't mean-" he started to say but she cut him off.

"They were _all_ in fucking Manila Coulson!" she shouted angrily glaring at him. She looked back at the explosion and felt all her anger suddenly drain out of her tired body – what was the point of being angry at him _now_?

"Wait here," he said firmly. He quickly disappeared into his little cabin. It wasn't long before he reappeared minutes later. She hadn't moved an inch - she was still staring at the cloud vacantly.

"They're alive Maria," Coulson said quietly standing behind her.

"How do you know?" she asked falling to her knees. He slowly crouched down beside her and took hold of her hand to place a small screen in it. She looked down with empty eyes and froze.

"Because your tracker on Rogers still moving – currently in the middle of the South China Sea and heading southwest towards Malaysia and Singapore," he said quietly. She stared at the blinking dot for a long moment. Ah Steve Rogers. She was going to have to deal with that ticking time bomb eventually. _Damn_.

"We're going northwest though," she said quietly. He nodded.

"I know," he said calmly. He had been waiting for her to finally calm down so that they could actually finally discuss where they were going and what he was trying to do like sane adul - eh _people_. He finally understood why teenagers _hated_ the word adults. It just makes you itch in all the wrong ways. She finally took a deep breath and just breathed. They were going to be okay. She hasn't failed the Avengers yet. But now the questions were going to come.

"What's in Vietnam Coulson?" she asked quietly. He clenched his hands into fists.

"The scientist who invented the torture device you're wearing," he said with a dark look on his face.

"Why haven't the Russians used it yet?" she asked carefully.

"Because they want me to trade," he said stiffly. She paused.

"Trade _what_…?" she said slowly.

"Trade the key to unlock your bands for me," he said warily. They still wanted to figure out how his brain worked. How they could replicate what SHIELD did to him with other people. Sick bastards. No one would want this. Not after they find out about everything they lose in the process.

"And you found the middle man eh?" she said dryly. He grinned boyishly at her. It shouldn't make her heart clench – it was sick. He was a freaking _child_.

"You've got to give me some credit – I do my homework very well Maria," he said tapping his head. She snorted.

"Go back to your maps and toys boy," she said pointing to the cabin. He scowled at her.

"One day I won't be a child anymore you know," he said with an odd look on his face. She sighed.

"And I'll be an old woman and the entire world will eat us alive and blah, blah, blah – drama. I've had enough drama and heartache to last me a lifetime. Let's leave the drama and romance to Romanoff and Barton alright? They're still young enough to make mistakes," she said tiredly. Coulson gave her a sad look.

"You're only 5 years older than them you know," he said quietly. Maria gave him a long look.

"I feel like I'm 105," she said with a snort. Coulson leaned against the side of the boat and crossed his arms.

"That's what spending too much time by yourself does to you," he said solemnly. Maria had a faraway look on her face.

"I got used to being alone," she whispered before she walked away from him. Coulson sighed_. Me too._

_3 days later present time. _

Coulson blinked out of his thoughts and refocused to what was happened around him. Still on the back of the truck. He couldn't sleep because it was his turn to keep watch. He glanced at the 3 men sitting across from them and froze – apparently he was awake for good reason too!

Coulson scowled at the only other man still awake on the truck who was currently eying the little bit of skin showing as Maria's shirt rod up on her stomach.

He promptly pulled Maria's shirt down to cover her up and growled at the filthy man.

He pulled up his shirt and instantly pointed at his fucking baby fat. He didn't know what dialect of Vietnamese they spoke out in the east – but body language _everyone_ understood.

"You want to see _my_ stomach? huh?" he said angrily. The man gave him a weird look before he scoffed and looked away. He pulled out his pick and started sharpening it. Coulson paled – well that was one way to give a threat. Frankly he could still take him – he hoped.

"Yeah you _better_ keep your eyes to yourself, " Coulson huffed and pulled his shirt back down. Big fat ugly perverts on hitch hiking trips always gave him the creeps. And he was a man! Imagine what people like Maria and Romanoff feel. Then again they are better off the most women. They could at least kick the pervert's ass to kingdom come.

"I can understand English little boy," the man said with a thick accent. Coulson winced. Oh shit he was going to get it now.

"You protect your sister well," he commended with a nod of respect. Coulson looked like he was about to faint. This was even worse than getting punched in the face.

"Not my sister," he groaned. The man paused in sharpening his blade and gave Coulson a scrutinizing look. Coulson thought he was just going to die from the way the man gave his size a once over and snorted.

"Not _that_ either!" Coulson shouted in disgust. No need to share their history though.

"You are a strange boy who acts like a man…" the man said slowly.

Coulson tensed.

"What do you mean?" he asked tensely.

"You have eyes that speak of many years of hardship but actions that speak of youth," the man said with a shrug. Coulson relaxed slightly.

"Sometimes life makes you grow up too fast," he said vaguely. The man nodded gravely.

"Truer words have never been said," the miner said staring off into the distance. Coulson gave him a sad look. Everyone had a story. He guessed he was lucky to at least share it with the girl beside him for as long as he could.

**memories memories memories memories **

All the Avengers were standing in a clearing in the forest staring at each other.

"What the heck happens _now_?" Tony asked glancing around. He only got wary expressions in response.

"I don't know how we are going to figure out what Braginski is doing – but for the mean time we should keep moving. CIA is going to find us – there is no doubt," Bruce said with a sigh.

"How do you know?" Steve asked carefully.

"It is frighteningly easy to track a group our size – if we _really_ wanted to avoid being found we should split up – but I don't think that is such a good idea right now," Bruce said with a wary look. They all nodded gravely.

"No one knows where we are for the moment at least right?" Tony asked cautiously. They all nodded.

_Ring. Ring. _

All their eyes shot to Clint's pocket. He froze. _Oh shit._

"When did you get another phone Clint…?" Natasha asked slowly. He shook his head slowly– he _didn't_. Clint slowly pulled out a small black device and stared at it.

"This is _not_ my phone…" he said slowly.

They all froze.

"Don't answer it," they all said at the same time.

He stared at the black device and turned it around to scan it.

"No - I know whose phone this is," he said with a dark look on his face. He flipped open the screen and held the phone to his ear. They all held their breath.

"Long time no see Agent–you _probably_ want to have this conversation away from the rest of the team for your own sake," a tired voice said from the other end of the line. Clint narrowed his eyes. Oh he has been waiting to have this conversation for _days_.

"Guys - I'll be right back…" Clint said slowly moving away from his team. They all sent him a suspicious look – Natasha especially.

"Who is he talking to?" Natasha asked slowly. They all looked at each other.

"_Coulson_," they all replied in unison.

When Clint was far enough away from the team that even Steve with his super hearing would have a difficult time picking up this conversation he let his shit fly off the handle.

"Where the _hell_ are you?" Clint asked dangerously. Coulson raised an eyebrow. That was…demanding.

"I won't tell you where we are until you tell me where _you_ all are," Coulson said steadily.

"Fat chance of that happening," Clint said darkly. There was a moment of silence as they tried to intimidate each other through the phone – it was _pathetic_.

"What the _fuck_ are you all doing in Singapore?" Coulson finally asked in disbelief.

"What the fuck are you two doing in _Vietnam_?" Clint shouted at the same time.

Silence.

"_Trackers_," they both said at the same time.

They both patted themselves down and eyed their phone in suspicion.

"Where the hell is it?" Clint asked dangerously.

"I won't tell you until you tell me," Clint said steadily throwing his old handler's words back in his face.

"You're a riot Barton," Coulson said sarcastically.

"You're a first degree asshole Coulson," Clint said angrily. He was beyond pissed at Coulson – because of him Natasha almost got hit with the trigger and nearly got her _entire_ memory of him and SHIELD wiped. Coulson knew she was infected and didn't bother to let any of them know until it was too late. Clint clenched his hands into fists – he didn't know what he would do if one day he woke up and all that was left of Natasha Romanoff was the Black Widow. It took her 10 _years_ to become the person she was today – there was no fucking _way_ he was going to let anyone screw with her memories ever _again_. At the back of his head he knew Coulson was only doing it to protect Hill – but the fucking bastard better never compromise _his_ partner to save the bastard's own. Or he was going to fucking kill the body swapped agent himself and made sure he _stayed_ dead.

"I can hear your murderous thoughts from 1000 miles away you know," Coulson said with a sigh. Clint narrowed his eyes.

"Oh you better – because if you ever pull a stunt like that again I'm going to stick and arrow through your skull," Clint said darkly. Coulson gave him a steady look.

"How far would _you_ go to save Romanoff, Barton?" Coulson asked suddenly. Clint tensed and gritted his teeth. He didn't have the privilege of answering that question. Coulson got his answer.

"Hypocrite," Coulson said simply. Clint clenched his jaw.

"I don't care. Don't you _ever_ put my wife in danger trying to save yours," Clint growled threateningly. Coulson sighed and leaned his forehead against a foggy hotel window as he stared out at the crowded streets of Hanoi. He wanted to go home more than anything else – but he didn't think he had a home anymore.

"Maria and I aren't married anymore for obvious reasons. You and Natasha still have a chance Barton – don't blow it," Coulson said softly. Clint really wanted to hate him. He really did. But he made it so fucking _hard_. Clint finally let his anger drain out of him – it just wasn't _fair_. He wasn't supposed to feel bad for his old friend who has basically lost everything. He sighed and rubbed his forehead angrily.

"I'm still royally pissed at you Coulson but the only reason I'll forgive you is because Natasha is still alive and still _Natasha_. Otherwise you would be dead. We clear?" Clint said tensely.

"Crystal," Coulson said warily.

"So why _are_ you in Vietnam?" Clint asked furrowing his brow.

"I don't think it's very safe to be sharing that over an unsecured line," Coulson said warily.

"Does it have to do with the bands around Hill's wrists we saw a couple days ago?" Clint asked warily. Coulson coughed into his hand.

"Maybe," he said vaguely. Clint sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Do your job Coulson – make sure she doesn't die alright? She doesn't deserve any of this shit," Clint said steadily. Coulson nodded.

"Will do. So why are you guys in Singapore?" Coulson asked curiously. Clint faltered.

"Well…we sort of just ended up here…after we got blamed for the Manila disaster," Clint said warily.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

"WHAT?" Coulson screamed. Clint quickly pulled the receiver away from his ear. He rubbed his abused ear and stared at the phone with a weird look.

"Hey - didn't you know?" he asked in confusion. Coulson stared at the phone in shock.

"How the _hell_ are we supposed to know? We've been on water for the last 3 days and have been avoiding all public places where we could be spotted by SHIELD or Braginski's men. Both I equalled do _not_ want to see right now. Is this all over the news?" Coulson asked in disbelief. Clint sighed and banged his head against a tree.

"Yeah. Congratulations – you're talking to a member of the first heroes turned terrorist team in the world," he said bitterly. Coulson leaned again the window and slide down to the floor. He glanced down at his watch – Maria should be coming back from the store soon. The only reason he didn't go with her was so that he could have this particular conversation in private. No need to rile her up again.

"Well I highly doubt you're the first group of heroes to turn rogue…" Coulson started to say. Clint literally exploded.

"We didn't go _rogue_!" Clint shouted in anger. Coulson raised an eyebrow.

"…I was going to say you were the first to be framed for something so big though," he ended carefully. Clint paused and took a calming breath. _Oh_.

"Sorry – bit tense," he said gruffly. Coulson nodded.

"Yeah you and me both buddy," he said warily. Clint glanced around and finally let his shoulders fall.

"W-when this is all over – do you want to hang out sometime Coulson? With Natasha and the team and all?" Clint asked suddenly sounding slightly nervous. Coulson blinked.

"You really want me anywhere near Natasha?" Coulson asked warily. Clint laughed and ran a shaky hand through his hair – causing it to become even messier then it already was. Damn he needed to take a damn _shower_.

"It's alright – she could beat your wimpy ass any day," Clint said cheekily. Coulson rolled his eyes.

"Sure – if we survive this madness let's all go one massive group date or something equally nauseating," Coulson said dryly. Clint grinned.

"You got it – we'll have Braginksi's picture on a dart board and everything," Clint said with a bit too much glee. Coulson snorted.

"Take care of yourselves Barton," Coulson said in goodbye. Clint nodded.

"Back at you Son of Coul," Clint said trying to stifle his snicker. Coulson's mouth hit the floor.

"Aw come on! Thor said that _one_ damn time!" Coulson exclaimed with a scowl. Clint laughed and hung up. The smile instantly faded from his face as he took a few deep breaths as he stared at the phone for several minutes. Then he leaned his forehead against a tree and sighed.

"You can come out now Tasha – I already knew you were there from start," he said quietly. He heard a soft rustling behind him before he felt her presence by his side.

"How'd you know I was there?" she asked carefully. He smiled without looking at her.

"I didn't - I just had a hunch," he said shooting her a wicked grin. She rolled her eyes.

"Damn. I'm getting predictable," she muttered. He chuckled before he turned around and pulled her into a hug. His heart nearly exploded when she let him.

"Nah – you're never predictable. The fact that I didn't see that wicked swing of yours coming tells me you're still plenty spontaneous Tasha," he whispered into her soft hair. He took a deep breath of her just _her_ – it really has been too long since he just held her like this.

"You deserved it – idiot," she grumbled against his shirt. He chuckled as he tightened his grip around her waist. He never wanted to let her go.

"Maybe a little – the kiss totally made up for it though," he said pulling back and wagging his eyebrows suggestively at her. He was so asking for it. She did not look amused.

"No," she said blankly. He pouted.

"Aw come on Tasha! You know you can't resist me!" he said with a boyish grin. She wasn't fazed at all by his charms – at least not on the outside. On the inside he knew he must be making her squirm– otherwise she wouldn't be this tense in his arms.

"Not now Clint," she said pulling back. Clint didn't give up though.

"I can seduce you into another kiss you know?" he whispered in her ear before he suddenly spun them around and had her cornered again the tree he had been originally leaning against. He leaned into her and bought her body flush against him. He felt her inhaled deeply through her nose and smiled knowingly.

Even though none of her reaction was showing on her face he knew he had her flustered. 10 years gave him a long time to be able to read this one woman like an open book. And frankly he was shit at reading women. But he never _wanted_ any other woman. When he met Natasha all those years ago she was it for him. He was done and hooked before he even let his riffle hit the ground. He was happily drowning in her touch, her scent, her taste ever since.

He instantly barricaded both sides of her head with his arms and stared at her with all the intensity, all love and all the affection he couldn't show her during these past few weeks of hell on earth. He knew there was no way she couldn't see the emotions for what they were – because he hid nothing. He felt her inhaled sharply again. He tried not to let his accomplished smile show – he still affected her. He was glad he wasn't the only one.

"What are you going to do now Tasha?" he whispered millimeters from her lips. Natasha raised an eyebrow at her overconfident partner. Even while she wasn't breathing quite right anymore she could still managed to keep it together better than he ever could with an arm full of _Natasha_ in front of him. He didn't care too much.

_Click_.

He glanced down at the loaded gun pointed at his stomach. Why was he not surprised?

"Checkmate," she whispered back. He laughed and leaned his forehead against her shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her figure still laughing. She gave him a confused look as he crushed her body to him and caused her to drop her gun. She didn't even look to see where it fell because he was suddenly half laughing half sobbing into her neck. She didn't know what to do. He just held her tighter.

"I missed you so damn much Tasha," he whispered earnestly. Her eyes softened.

"I'm not fully back yet though Clint," she said quietly. He held her closer and buried his face in her neck.

"Doesn't matter. We can do it all over again Tasha. I don't mind however long you need. As long as I'm with you I don't care what we're doing," he whispered softly. Natasha couldn't help but melt into his warm embrace a little. It was dangerous to be this compromised – but she couldn't find it in herself to care anymore. She's regretted _so_ many things in her life – but she couldn't bring herself to regret meeting him.

"Just promise me one thing Tasha," he whispered without looking at her. She tensed – she never did promises very well. She had a bad tendency of breaking all the ones she ever made.

"What's that?" she found herself asking anyway. He held her tighter – nearly to the point he was going to crush her lungs – but she didn't mind. No one ever held her like he did. No one ever looked at her like he did either. She had been falling for him for a while and she didn't even realize it until now.

"Please don't leave me," he pleaded. Natasha froze. "I don't think I can survive it a second time," he said softly. Natasha tried to grasp the right words but in the end she knew she was not the wordy type of person. So instead she tugged him down to her height and finally kissed his with all she was worth. She tried to pour everything she couldn't say in words into the kiss and she hoped he'd understand. Clint literally sighed in pleasure as he melted against her lips and Natasha nearly laughed. It was too easy to please him sometimes. She pulled him closer and he enthusiastically responded – to the point where she was just about to tumble over her own feet and drag them both to the ground. She chuckled against his lips.

"Patience Barton," she whispered teasingly. He grinned sheepishly at her.

"Lost my patience a long time ago Tasha – you make me go crazy," he whispered back. She rolled her eyes and buried her hands in his hair as she tugged him closer to her. He was holding her around the waist so tightly she was barely touching the ground while being shoved up against the tree.

Several minutes later he finally had to pull back from the kiss due to the lack of oxygen. They were both breathing raggedly as their breath intermingled in the air between them. He stared at her with heated eyes and didn't give a shit if she saw the desire in them – he especially stopped caring when he saw it reflected in her own. He wanted to tell her a million things, show her in a million different ways how much he loved her – but he knew where they were, what mess they were in and so he simply decided it was enough to just crush her against him and pretend for just a little bit longer that they weren't possibly going to die today or tomorrow because of a bomb or a bug. He didn't know. He didn't want to think about those things right now.

"What was it like Clint?" she asked quietly after a few moments of calm silence. They didn't waste words between them unless it was absolutely necessary. They weren't like Tony Stark who had an incessant need to hear his own voice. Clint hummed against her neck.

"What was what like?" he asked closing his eyes and just enjoying the moment. She shifted uneasily in his arms.

"Being with me the first time around," she said quietly. He paused but didn't untangle himself from around her body.

"Well…it took a hell of a lot longer to get it into your thick head that I wasn't going just use you and then walk out of your life when I finally got bored of you. You were stubborn – and I mean like shit I wanted to _slap_ _you silly_ type of stubborn," he said with an annoyed look on his face. She rolled her eyes.

"That's not exactly what I meant," she said with a careful look. He smiled softly.

"I know. What do you want to know Tasha? That I followed you around and relentlessly kept asking you for an entire year before you finally agreed to marry my ass just to shut me up? That the 2 years we were married were the happiest years of my shitty life? That I loved you so god damn much it hurts to breath?" he asked calmly. Natasha winced – the fact that she let him see it told him it was bad.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. He gave her a sad smile.

"Don't be sorry Tasha. It's still always been you. Those are just memories now – _you're_ real. _You're_ the Natasha standing in front of me right now. I don't want a ghost. I want _you _Tasha," he said firmly grasping her by the shoulders. He watched her eyes glaze over slightly.

"It hurts to look at your lost expressions sometimes," she whispered. He took a deep breath.

"Ditto," he whispered back. She looked away. He continued to stare at her with so many emotions in his eyes.

"You know that I love you right Tasha?" he said earnestly. She froze at the odd hitch in his voice.

"Why are saying it like that?" she asked slowly.

"J-just in case something goes wrong," he said with a nervous laugh. Natasha narrowed her eyes.

"Are you planning on something going wrong?" she asked suspiciously. He laughed nervously again and shook his head.

"No, I just have that really bad feeling – and frankly Tasha based on the last few days we've had I don't doubt things can get a lot worse," he said carefully.

"Really? How much worse can they get?" she asked dryly. He ran his fingers down her face and smiled at her sadly.

"You still have the virus," he said softly. She tensed and looked away.

"And you still have the trigger," she said quietly. He nodded but didn't do anything to increase the distance between them – if anything he moved closer.

"But yet here we are," he whispered. She nodded. Here they were. Bathed in danger and not giving a shit – as always.

"We need to find a chemist to check out our blood soon," she said quietly. He nodded.

"We will once we all know what the hell we are going to do for the next little while," he said firmly. She suddenly gave him a funny look.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"You gave Coulson the olive branch…that was…nice," she said slowly. Clint shrugged as he held onto her.

"He sounds like he needed something to look forward to when all of this is over," he said quietly. She nodded. He suddenly pulled back from his embrace and cupped her cheeks in his hands – she gave him a quizzing look.

"Tasha?" he whispered her name like she was water and he was a man dying from thirst. He had a question burning in his eyes and she didn't know if she could honestly answer it right now.

Natasha froze as she suddenly felt the slightest vibrations shake the ground beneath them. _Shit_.

"What is that…?" Natasha asked as she promptly pulled out of his arms, slammed a wall down on her emotions and quickly dropped to her knees to pick up her gun that had fallen to the ground in the middle of their momentary loss of sanity. _Shit_ they should have been more careful and aware about what was going on around them.

"What is what Tasha?" Clint asked cautiously sliding back into serious Clint mode and going on guard. He trusted her instincts as equally as he trusted his own – but he couldn't quite catch exactly what she was referring to.

Natasha froze as she felt the vibrations again.

"We need to find the others," Natasha said firmly. He gave her a worried look.

"I don't understand – I can't feel anythi-" Clint started to say until he froze.

Now _he_ felt the shaking too.

"Oh _shit_," he swore before they were both running at neck breaking speeds back towards where they had left the others.

"Tony!" Clint shouted as they burst into the clearing they had momentary dubbed their base.

"Hey – what's up?" Tony said slowly turning around to stare at the 2 out of breath assassins. Steve, Bruce and him were all standing around looking like they were in the middle of an intense conversation – and obviously not dead.

"Do you guys feel it?" Clint asked holding his gun firmly beside his partner – damn he really missed his bow. If they ever stopped running for even a few hours he was going to go hunt one down – no matter how shitty it would be.

"Um…you got to be more specific then that buddy. The wind? The rustle of the trees? The crickets? Seriously – what the _heck_ are you talking about?" Tony asked warily. Clint and Natasha shared a worried look – were they imagining things?

_BOOM_! The earth really started to shake as leaves fell to the ground around them.

Okay now _that_ they all felt.

"What _is_ that?" Bruce asked slowly. No one had a clue.

"Everyone stay on guard," Steve said warningly. Yeah like they needed to be told twice.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

They all tensed as they looked in every single direction – it was too dark to see anything. The large echoing booms continued until it finally came to a stop. They were prepared for anything – well almost.

"FRIENDS!" someone boomed from behind them and promptly dragged _every_ single last Avenger in a bone crushing hug – literally. Their bones were about to crack.

If the Avengers were ever going to die – it was going to be _right_ now as they felt their bones started to give as the air got squeezed out of their lungs.

"THOR! LET. US. _GO_!" Natasha shouted angrily from the middle of the group hug. _Ugh_! Sweaty males on all sides – it was _disgusting_!

Thor quickly dropped his friends back onto the ground and they all gasped in much needed air. Clint steadied Natasha as she quickly backed away from the rest of the team and nearly knocked them both to the ground. She liked her team just fine – just not that close. No one was allowed that close. He noticed her breathing pattern change ever so slightly and quickly grabbed her hand to ground her before she was unwillingly dragged away by memories from her past that she never lost – was never allowed to forget but wished that she could. He smiled softly when she actually let him hold her hand and didn't pull away. It was little things like these that made him fall in love with her a little deeper – if that was possible.

"Thor! Big guy you scared the _shit_ out of us!" Tony shouted holding his hand over his heart. That shaved _years_ off his beautiful life. Thor was embarrassed enough to give them a sheepish look.

"I apologize for frightening you fellow comrades. I saw the television box that showed your pictures and Jane and lady Potts ordered me to find you," Thor said solemnly. They all managed to get their bearings after that greeting and finally caught up with what Thor was saying.

"How on earth _did_ you find us?" Clint asked suspiciously. Thor scratched the back of his head.

"Well…first I showed up at our last location…it is a terrible sight to behold my friends," Thor said as his face darkened. They all looked away – they were still guilty of not being able to stop _that_ disaster. Natasha gripped Clint's hand to the point where she was going to cut off his circulation – he didn't mind.

"I will spare you the details – but I asked Heimdall to point me in the right direction. It took some time because you are all moving so fast – but I see I have managed just fine. And you are all well! This is good news indeed. We should embrace once more in glad tiding-" Thor said cheerfully as he spread out his arm and the all frantically took a gigantic step back with 5 matching terrified expressions.

"NO MORE HUGS!" they shouted in unison. Thor looked so crestfallen – sort of like a kicked puppy - but his hugs were deadly so they didn't reconsider.

After everyone had finally calmed down from all the excitement – if you could call it that- they were all staring at each other finally on the same page and in the same place together. It was them against the world now.

"So…what do we do now?" Clint asked staring at his team – his _entire_ team for the first time since they started this damn goose chase across the globe.

"Well I think there comes a time in superhero's life when you can't save the world by being yourself anymore. The Avengers have to disappear and be other people for a while so that we don't get shot down before we kick Braginski's old Russian ass. No offense Red – you're cool and all but your people are _crazy_," Tony said frankly. Natasha raised an eyebrow but took no real offense.

"Half the villains in the world come from America," she said dryly. He snorted.

"The masterminds are Russian," he shot back.

"Russians are _smarter_," she said with a shrug. Tony gaped at her arrogance. Then again she was the Black Widow – she warranted some arrogance.

"Nothing has changed has it?" Thor said slowly as he stood beside the Captain as they watched the battle in front of them.

"Not at all," Steve said with an eye roll.

"Americans have _money_!" Tony said childishly.

"We can steal your petty money boy," Natasha said with another well placed snort. Tony's mouth hit the floor and he was forced to turn towards his potential fellow American ally for help.

"Make her stop Clint!" Tony complained. Clint raised an eyebrow when he suddenly found himself dragged into this mess. Oh hell no.

"Not a chance. Not even over your dead body," Clint said simply.

"You'd betray your own country?" Tony said with a gasp. Clint shrugged.

"I prefer my balls where they are," he said simply. Natasha smirked. The man had good self-preservation skills if nothing else. Bruce as always was the voice of reason that brought the reality of the situation crashing down on them.

"We need to clear our names guys – but it's more important we find out what Braginski is doing you know that right?" Bruce said quietly. They all tensed.

"We know – but I have this feeling we are _not_ the center of Braginski's world anymore," Steve said warily. Natasha snorted.

"Probably not – he has this tendency of jumping from one thing to another and then somehow freakishly bringing it all together in the end – that's what makes him deadly. When he is ignoring you – you should be scared," Natasha said steadily. They all paused at the darkness in her tone.

"We're not scared of your enemies Natasha. We're going to be able to do this. We're the Avengers – no matter _what_ the world says about us we know our job," Steve said firmly. She still looked wary.

"True heroes rise above their reputations Lady Natasha. And true friends stay together until the end," Thor added firmly. They all gave Thor a surprised look. He really was more then all muscles and blond hair.

"Well…since we are already world renowned criminals…" Tony said slowly as he pulled out a rectangular shaped object from his pocket and started peeling the wrapper off. Bruce took a closer look at the item in Tony's hand and froze.

"Is that _gum?"_ Bruce asked in disbelief. Tony finished unwrapping the sugary snack and popped it in his mouth. He chewed with a too big smile on his face. The entire team stared at him.

"Stark we're in fucking Singapore!" Clint growled. Tony's grin widened.

"You know chewing gun is illegal in Singapore right?" Steve said slowly. If it was possible Tony's face might just crack in half.

"Why is gum chewing illegal in this one country?" Thor asked in confusion. They all shrugged - that was a debate for another day.

"It's simple gentlemen and crossdresser, if I'm going to be arrested – it better be for something illegal I actually _did_," Tony said with a shrug.

"YOU'VE DONE _PLENTY_ OF ILLEGAL THINGS!" they all shouted in unison. Tony blew a gigantic sticky gum bubble and popped it in their faces. They all stared at him in disgust.

"When the CIA and the military finally manage to pull their tiny brains together and figure out where we are – we're going to trade him for our freedom," Natasha said a bit too seriously. They all stared at the pink stuff that covered their faces. Oh yeah.

"Agreed."

"MUTINY!" Tony cried.

"YOU'RE NOT A CAPTAIN!" they shouted.

"Damn straight I don't want to be an uptight honorable soldier marching one man show that holds the dreams of all the little children of the god blessed America," Tony said with a huff before he spun around and was about to stalk away when a strong arm gripped him by the back of his shirt and promptly dragged him into the air. Tony squeaked as he hung 3 feet off the ground. The team snickered from behind Steve.

"First of all –we have all been dishonored 3 and a half days ago after we've been framed and are currently being hunted across the globe. Second of all Mr. One hit wonder how many shows have you ever done by _yourself_? And thirdly at least I get their dreams – you can have all their naughty pranks being thrown at you," Steve said calmly before he carried the genius and literally dumped his sorry ass into a dumpster behind someone's house at the edge of the forest.

"I got rid of the trash guys!" Steve called over his shoulder with a cheeky smirk.

"DON'T CALL ME TRASH!" Tony shouted as he jumped up from the dumpster with a banana peel on his head. They all promptly covered their nose.

"You sure smell like it," they all said in unison.

Clint glanced at Natasha who was smirking from behind her hand. Tony didn't even smell that bad – it was just to ruffle his arrogant feathers. He can't believe she is actually playing along with their ridiculousness. But then again he could. After all the drama and all chaos that they've all been through – they needed some Stark egging to reduce the mounting tension that was building around them. Something was coming – and they had to be ready to face it.

The world was fucked up – but at least they were all together again.

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**A/N: Yeah I said shit would hit the fan in this chapter but I had loose ends to tie up! Oops. SHIT WILL HIT THE FAN **_**NEXT**_** CHAPTER! Cause we need some action. Besides – once the action starts we wouldn't have been able to have this Clintasha moment and their relationship changing conversation. You can't open up when you're literally about to get shot. So good trade right? **

**Review and let me know what you thought! **


	33. Chapter 33

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: So we had some fun Clintasha and team bonding and reunions and blah blah blah – let's get down and dirty now. Let's crank up the heat and blow stuff up. Let's put some pressure on all our lovely heroes and rebel bosses. :) **

**Are you laughing nervously yet?**

**Chapter 33**

Fury was not stupid. He was a spy before half his agents were even out of diapers and training pants. Once upon a time he worked on the wrong side of the law before they were even born. Fury has played most of his cards in his life and has had many regrets. But after living a life as long as he had, as hard as he has, and as painful as he had – he has only one thing left to say.

He wasn't going to end his _damn_ career where his A team turned into the biggest terrorist group in the world, his entire organization was a mess, key world peace operations are being disrupted all across the globe and the council is _this_ close to initiating code Recon. He fucking wanted to _shoot_ code Recon.

But like hell he was ever going to let that happen. He had a personal mission to fix every single thing wrong with his organization before he finally decided to take a damn vacation. Enough was enough. The impending disaster problem with Ivan Braginski might be his last act. Take out Braginski and he might end his term as SHIELD director with a bang indeed. He suddenly felt a presence followed by a familiar voice.

"Why are you walking alone down a dark alley with only 3 guns on you when your entire organization is in chaos Director?" someone asked quietly from behind him. Fury stopped walking and firmly gripped his gun. _Bingo_.

"Why are you lurking in the shadows of dark alleys when you have the dirty laundry of a psychotic Russian to be doing Cairo?" Fury shot back while slowly turning around. He locked eyes with the dark haired bastard that he's been looking for this whole time.

"Dirty laundry is not the _only_ thing we do," Cairo said warily. Fury instantly whipped out his gun and fired a shot so fast it would be impossible to miss at such close range – however Cairo wasn't the average street thug and Fury wasn't quite aiming to kill. Cairo avoided the bullet easily and felt it whiz past his cheek and bury itself into the wall behind him.

"You're getting sloppy Fury," Cairo said in a bored tone. The man didn't even break a sweat.

"Not a hologram today I see," Fury said carefully lowering his gun. He wasn't going to kill him quite just yet. He had a hunch to see through first.

"Not today – don't fancy being Swiss cheese either," Cairo said causally while he leaned against the wall as if he wasn't just shot at by most infamous spy in the world.

"Why are you still here?" Fury asked getting straight to the point. Cairo shrugged.

"Why are you here?" he asked back.

"Don't throw my questions back at me or I won't miss the second time," Fury said threateningly. Cairo raised an eyebrow.

"Dead men don't talk," Cairo said calmly. His eerie calmness always made Fury itch in all the wrong ways. He really hated the cryptic ones.

"Really? Because I have the feel dying men do," Fury said narrowing his eyes with promise.

"There are worse things than death out there Fury – you know that," Cairo said giving him a knowing look. Fury clenched his jaw.

"Things have gotten way too out of hand Cairo – you are not going to survive this war you're waging against wrongfully accused heroes," Fury growled. Cairo's blank expression didn't change at all.

"Not everything is black and white Fury," he said carefully. Fury narrowed his eyes.

"3 million people _died_ Cairo," Fury said with barely restrained rage. Cairo didn't even flinch.

"How will you feel if that number rises to 1 billion?" Cairo asked staring at the spot over Fury's shoulder. Fury tensed. This was insanity.

"What the hell is he trying to prove? That he is a fucking genius? That he has the power to wipe out nations if he wanted to? That he can control the world? " Fury asked furiously. He needed to know _why_ damn it. Cairo sighed.

"You're thinking too much Fury – sometimes the answer is simpler then you'd think," he said vaguely. Fury narrowed his eyes.

"Ivan Braginski is first and foremost a black market dealer who initiated the Red Room - he sold hired guns. His specialty was training highly skills little girls into killers – apparently he made good money – so why the sudden interest in world class terrorism? There is no profit in terrorism," Fury said narrowing his eyes. Cairo's' expression didn't change.

"Was he ever only a black market dealer Fury?" Cairo asked warily. Fury tensed.

"How many faces does Braginski have?" Fury asked cautiously. Cairo gave him ruthless smile.

"How many hairs are there on the top of his head?" he shot back vaguely. Fury swore.

"Fine! Let's forget about Braginski because you obviously love to be so fucking cryptic about him. He has you on a tight leash I see. So let's talk about you instead Cairo. And your bastard streak over the last 15 years," Fury said the rage clear in his eyes. Cairo narrowed his own eyes.

"You switched sides Fury - don't blame me for not following you like a kicked puppy," Cairo said dangerously. Fury wanted to punch him but he restrained himself because he thinks he finally got an answer.

"You're a fucking bastard Cairo - but you don't make mistakes. You've never made mistakes. If there was a bomb in Avengers Tower it was meant to kill. But Pepper Potts and Jane Foster are both still very alive. So why did you blow it up off schedule?" Fury asked narrowing his eyes. Cairo didn't look fazed at all – but Fury was the spy of all spies. He knew a mask when he saw one – even the very best ones.

"Just because they aren't dead right now doesn't mean the danger isn't hanging over their heads. It was simply a warning," Cairo said with a shrug.

"_Bullshit_," Fury spat angrily. Cairo took his anger in strides.

"You sit there and try to dissect our motives Fury – but you should really be paying attention to what might be happening beyond the world stage. Particularly in your own backyard in places where you don't _like_ to be in," Cairo said vaguely. Fury tensed. Cryptic bastard.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Fury growled. Cairo looked away.

"Code Recon is going to happen – and then everyone is going to be screwed," he said quietly.

"It's not going to happen as long as I am alive," Fury said dangerously. Cairo gave him a steady look.

"Good luck staying alive then Fury – you'll need it," Cairo said cautiously before he spun around and stalked away. Fury glared after the ghost from his past. Fucking ghosts.

"Whose orders are you really following Cairo?" Fury asked guardedly. He watched the shoulders of the calm man tense.

"No one's but my own," Cairo said without looking back.

"Fucking _liar_," Fury growled and he spun around and stomped down the empty alley once more. He whipped out his phone and angrily dialed a familiar number.

_Ring. Ring. _

"Pick up the damn phone Jones," Fury growled into his phone.

_Click_.

"Sir?" Jones answered cautiously.

"Get your ass down to level 6 archives Jones," Fury said as he quickly made his way out of the alley and towards his ride.

"The ones with the files on decommissioned agents sir?" he asked in confusion. That didn't make any sense.

"_Think_," Fury said as he ripped his car door open and swiftly fell in behind the wheel. Jones was already moving down the hall.

"Not really an archive," he said with a sigh as he climbed down the emergency ladder connecting all the floors – he wasn't getting on security cameras. He wasn't stupid.

"Probably not," Fury said as he jammed his keys into the ignition and forced the car to roar to life.

"What?" Jones asked as he paused on his trek down to the bottom level of the helicarrier. He was going in there blind?

"Don't stop moving agent," Fury said irritably. Jones sighed – the director had his second eye removed and bolted to this ship – he swore he did.

"What's down here?" Jones asked as he fell into the last floor and started making his way down the dimly lit hall – it wasn't a very popular place on the ship. It was full of dust and paperwork – the two things everyone actively avoided on this ship. The words even made Jones shudder. Ugh. Paperwork.

"The hell if I know - I'm running on a hunch," Fury said as he slammed his foot on the gas and sped across town. It would be another 30 minutes before he could get back up there.

"What's the hunch say?" Jones asked carefully as he stopped in front of the rarely opened archive. He took a closer look at the keypad and wiped the dust off the screen. He stared at the particles sitting on his finger.

It was fake dust.

"That I'm not going to like what you _find_," Fury said with a dark look in his eyes.

**memories memories memories memories memories memories memories memories memories **

_On the other side of the world. Singapore. 6 pm. _

Deafening sirens were going off on all across the city. People were poking their heads from behind closed windows. Children were being dragged inside by their parents. The small country was in a national sate of red alert.

They had international terrorists in their country. _Oh shit._

"Avengers! We know you're here! We're going to find you and you are going to atone for your crimes in our neighbouring country!" a Singaporean General boomed through a megaphone. All the soldiers respectfully saluted as the General walked down the street shooting a suspicious look at every foreigner he saw. Well _this_ was going to be difficult to get around.

"Oh shit," Tony muttered as he stared at the hundreds of soldiers walking the streets of the tiny island city state from a roof high above the ground. Thor, Steve and him were on surveillance duty while Bruce was down the street hunting an old chemist acquaintance he used to know with the master assassins. Apparently there are still people out there that owed Bruce Banner a few favours even after his accident.

Meanwhile the Avengers had a new problem. The dogs knew they were here - faster than they would have liked.

"Who tipped them off?" Tony whispered giving his two teammates a suspicious look. _Well it wasn't me_ Steve thought. He promptly glanced at Thor.

The demigod looked utterly abashed.

"I think I must have made a bit too much noise upon my arrival..." he said regretfully. They both sighed.

"Ya think?" Steve muttered as he went back to staring at all the armed forces on the ground.

"We can't fight them all Tony," he said quietly. Tony stared at the military men who were stationed here to defend their country – it was their job to die for their country. But only for the right reasons.

"You're right. We can't fight them at all. Besides I don't fight people who are supposed to be on the right side," he said with a sigh. Steve shot him a wary look.

"There are soldiers fighting for the same thing on both sides of a war," Steve said with a faraway look on his face. War was something he knew too well. Tony shook his head slowly.

"But we're not soldiers Steve. And we're not fighting a war with them. They're being manipulated," Tony said cautiously. Steve lost the unfocused look in his eyes and stared at the ordinary men on the ground. Tony was right.

"Where do we go now? We have to leave," Steve said leaning his head against the cool metal railing they were lying on. Thor nodded gravely beside them.

"The Captain is right. There is no way we can stay here for much longer," Thor said as quietly as he could. He had learned the art of the so called indoor voice. Even though apparently it did not only apply indoors but in tense situations like these as well. Human idioms were such confusing things. Tony made a face.

"I know – we gave the other guys an hour. Let's see what they got so far," Tony said as he flipped open his phone and dialed a memorized number. Thor and Steve shared a wary look. Bruce had specifically told them not to call unless they were dying and even then to reconsider because he only knew one chemist who could even _possibly_ help them. They were not allowed to screw this up.

As usual Tony didn't give a shit when his bestie thinks when he knew they were going to get into trouble soon.

_Ring. Ring. _

_Click._

"What is it _now_ Tony?" Bruce's distracted voice replied instantly. Tony held the phone to his ear as they continued to watch the military circle the block.

"We got bad news – General dickface and his rowdy group of canaries got a tip that we're among their citizens and are now prowling the streets of Singapore," Tony said dryly. Bruce blinked.

"What?" he asked furrowing his brow in confusion. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Our location is compromised as our lovely assassins who might I add are the _definition_ of compromised like to say," Tony said glancing back down at the street. Bruce sighed at the other end and pinched the bridge of his nose. He glanced at the two assassins in question sitting quietly on a lab bench with their sleeves rolled up to their shoulders and a quick and efficient chemist buzzing around her lab. She was one of the few that owed him a _big_ favour. Big enough to overlook their current situation and not ask too many unnecessary questions. Smart enough to actually see the things he wasn't trained as a scientist to see. Intensive biochemistry was not his speciality.

"We need more time Tony. We found my friend but she needs more time to finish running the scans," Bruce said slowly. Tony warily eyed the rapidly multiplying soldiers on the streets.

"They're looking for us Bruce. You have time – but not much," Tony said cautiously. Bruce sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I know. Stall for us if they get too close alright?" Bruce said cautiously. Tony stared at the phone.

"What do you want us to do? Parade down the street and start running for our lives and lead the circus away from you?" Tony asked incredulously. Bruce sighed.

"You have _Thor_," Bruce said plainly. Steve and Tony both glanced at the buff demigod. Thor raised an eyebrow in question. How is that any different than giving them all away?

"Explain?" Tony said dryly. Bruce rolled his eyes.

"Correction – you have a demigod hammer that can be _very_ distracting," Bruce said rolled his eyes. Tony whistled.

"Good idea," he said with an evil signature Stark smirk on his face. Thor coughed into his fist.

"I do not like the look on your face," he said hesitantly. The Stark smirk deepened.

"Too bad – the face is giving me brilliant ideas," Tony said evilly. Steve groaned and banged his head against the concrete floor.

"Why did I get stuck with the less sane half of our team," he muttered to himself. Tony promptly whacked him over the back of the head and winced on impact – _damn_ he forgot Steve had a hard head. Thor just looked slightly insulted – he expected more from their Captain!

"I have to go – less bickering and more watching alright?" Bruce said quickly. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Go save our lover spies' asses Doc," he said with a grin. Bruce groaned as he heard an angry growl from behind him – the agents could hear Stark's voice from a mile away.

"You have a death wish Tony – you really do," Bruce said exasperatedly. Tony snorted.

"Bye puny," he said before he hung up. Bruce scowled at the phone. Just because the Hulk called him Puny Tony would never let it go. Annoying pain in his ass.

"I will royally kick his ass when we see him next," Natasha said with deadly promise. Clint sighed beside his volatile partner.

"Tasha if you keep kicking his ass one day he won't have one anymore," Clint said warily. She scowled at him.

"Shut up Clint before I make sure _you_ don't have one either," she muttered beside him. He raised an eyebrow and gently knocked their shoulders together as he leaned towards her.

"You like my ass too much to do that Tasha," he whispered against her ear. She froze as his suggestive comment and glared at the heated look in his eyes. They were in a damn lab getting poked by a chemist and he was trying to get her all hot and bothered? Was he insane?

"Control yourself Barton," she growled. He shot her a boyish grin that had a flirtatious edge to it.

"Can't Tasha - you make me lose control," he whispered in the same deep voice. Natasha promptly beat down the redness that was threateningly to take over her face. He was _unbelievable_.

"Clint…" she said warningly. She was going to strangle him if he didn't stop looking like he was undressing her with his damn eyes. She was about to slap the look right off his face when suddenly she felt a hand on her thigh that burned right through her uniform. She froze instantly when it inched up. _Oh shit._

"If that hands goes any higher I will _shoot_ you dead," she said threateningly. He cocked an eyebrow without looking away from her fuming gaze. He could see her own desire unwillingly start to show through her anger and he couldn't keep the slightly twitch at the corner of his lips from showing.

"Whatever do you mean Tasha?" he asked innocently. She clenched her fists and shook slightly out of breath. He wasn't even doing anything and he was getting a reaction out of her. What _was_ this?

"You're playing with fire Clint," she said dangerously. He felt her pulse racing at a rapid speed under his hand and boldly inched ever higher. She looked like she was going to explode –she didn't know if it was anger or something else entirely.

"I'm not afraid to get burned," he whispered with equal intensity.

"Can you two stop flirting for 5 seconds so that I can take some of her measurements?" someone asked from behind them. They both instantly flew apart and glanced at the bored looking chemist behind them. Clint coughed into his hand and gestured towards Natasha's blinking face. She completely didn't look like she knew where she was for a second. He quickly hid the satisfaction that he could still manage to entice such an intense response from her even after all these years and put on a blank face.

"By all means – take her away," he muttered as he took a few calming breaths. He glanced at Bruce who was giving him a knowing look. Maybe he shouldn't have tried that here.

"Shut up," he muttered as Natasha stiffly followed the chemist over to the other side of the lab. She shot him a burning look as she left – she was going to kill for his little show. Absolutely _murder_ him. Bruce raised an eyebrow at the practically suicidal archer.

"I didn't say anything," he said simply. Clint scowled at him.

"You don't need to – it's all over your damn face," Clint grumbled. Bruce chuckled lightly.

"I don't blame you – you've been Natasha deprived for over a month. Most people would have cracked a while ago," Bruce said with a shrug. Clint scoffed.

"That was nothing. You have no idea how long it took get her to admit _anything_ the first time around. I waited _years_. A month is nothing," he said as he shook his head. Bruce gave him a wary look.

"After you had her for years? _All_ of her? A month is a pretty damn long time – especially when she didn't return your feelings at the beginning," Bruce said simply. Clint looked away and refused to continue the conversation after that. The truth hurt sometimes. Instead he changed the topic to more pressing matters.

"You sure this is safe?" Clint said in a low voice as he watched the calm doctor he had come to accept as a big part of Natasha's balance between their dynamic relationship and her need for non-romantic relationships outside of him. He sort of understood – love made your relationship crazy sometimes. You need someone to be a calm constant without the painfully raw feelings involved. Bruce nodded slowly.

"Emily Walters is not going to sell us out – she can't," he said under his breath so that the girls wouldn't overhear their conversation. Clint shot him a wary look.

"What do you mean?" he asked as he glanced at the machine running his blood sample. Bruce gave him a weak smile.

"I saved her sister's life a few years back. Intensive emergency surgery after an earthquake hit the city. It was during my time on the run," he said quietly. Clint paused.

"Does she know?" he asked carefully. Bruce winced – the other guy may not be as uncontrollable as before – but they knew he was still unstable under the wrong conditions. The disaster a few days ago was a prime example.

"Yes," he said quietly. Clint nodded and didn't say anything else. Who Bruce Banner chose to tell his secrets was not his business. He glanced back at Natasha and Emily as they walked back towards them. He locked eyes with his partner and silently asked her if she knew anything yet. She gave the barest shake of her head. He sighed. Emily looked up from her notes and gestured towards the bench.

"Alright take a seat – I'll have your blood sample results ready in 1 minute," she said as she flipped through her papers. Natasha slowly took a seat on the bench a good foot away from Clint and shot him a warning look as they waited for the results.

"Touch me and you die," she hissed. He smiled a bit too widely. She was still feeling it.

"Why- can't handle the heat Tasha?" he whispered back. She growled in frustration and promptly looked away. He chuckled and went back to staring at the scanner. They already had the vague idea of what the virus and trigger was meant to do with their memories– today was for confirmation.

_DING_. Emily swiftly pulled out her scans from the machine and looked them over for a couple of seconds. They watched her reaction carefully and when horror crossed her face they knew they were in trouble.

"Oh my god - what _happened_ to you two?" the young chemist asked in shock as she stared at the results. The two agents shared a wary look.

"Shit happened," they said at the same time. She shook her head as she stared at their reports.

"You guys should be _dead_!" she said in shock. They tensed.

"What do you mean dead?" Natasha asked slowly. The chemist glanced up at her dangerous tone with a hesitant look.

"Your blood samples are teeming with weird microscopic inorganic automated nano structures! It's unbelievable! They even mimic the natural patterns of cellular apoptosis! It's ingenious - but seriously this type of next level biomedical idiosyncrasy should be illegal in at least 130 countries. Is this on the black market? Is it even made with real iridium?" she asked in awe. The two agents stared at the chemist with matching blank looks. Yeah the geniuses were always the fascinated scientists before the concerned doctors. Clint gave Bruce a look.

"Bruce...what is she saying?" Clint asked calmly.

He didn't speak nerd.

Bruce sighed and crossed his arms across his chest.

"You're jacked up on tiny virus mimicking nanobots that will kill you if you rub them the wrong way," Bruce said carefully. Clint groaned and dropped his head on Natasha's shoulder.

"Natasha we're _doomed_," Clint complained against her neck. Natasha sighed - he was so dramatic sometimes.

"Active or inactive?" Natasha asked carefully. The chemist glanced down at her notes and furrowed her brow.

"It's weird. The nanobots in him look similar to yours, but his are active while yours aren't..." she said slowly. They all tensed.

"What does _that_ mean exactly?" Clint asked steadily. She gave him a worried look.

"If they're a perfect replica of normal viral infections except their complementary design keeps them from releasing the neurotoxin in your body. It works at the molecular level," she explained quickly.

Blank stare.

"English woman. Speak _English_," Clint said impatiently. She scowled at him.

"You bleed on each other and the virus is activated but only _your_ brain is going to go coco," she said irritably. They all froze.

"_What_?" they asked in unison. She rubbed her forehead and glanced at Bruce.

"Soldiers. You're making me explain this to _soldiers_?" she asked exasperatedly. Bruce rolled his eyes.

"Just keep talking Emily," he said as he leaned against the wall. She sighed and showed them Natasha's blood sample results.

"You see this blob next to this blob?" she said slowly. They both scowled at her.

"Just explain the _why_ not the how," Natasha said pinching the bridge of her nose. Emily sighed.

"You have conflict in your blood. The virus mimicking nanobots as Bruce likes to call them are neutralized in _your_ body because of this other unknown chemical that I don't know," she said cautiously. Natasha furrowed her brow until a realization cross her face.

"Repressors," Natasha muttered as she banged her head against the wall. Clint froze beside her.

"The stuff the Red Room pumped you with before right?" he said with a slight worried look. She sighed.

"The _one_ good thing that damn annoying serum has done my entire life," she muttered irritably. Clint glanced back at the wary look chemist.

"So why can't we just replicate the serum in her body and stick it in me? Be done with the tiny vicious things?" he asked in confusion. Emily sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"That is the problem! That is what I was saying before! The level of toxins in this serum whatever should have _killed_ her. If I stick that chemical in you the nanobots and you are _both_ going to die," she said shaking her head in disbelief. Clint stared at her.

"How is that even _possible_?" he asked incredulously. She gave him an annoyed look.

"I don't know – I need more _time_," she said running a hand through her messy hair. Crazy chemist indeed.

"We don't _have_ more time. We need to know how to deal with this _now_," Natasha said heatedly. Emily narrowed her eyes – she had enough of the secrecy.

"How did you two even get stuck with this virus?" she asked suspiciously. Everyone in the room instantly tensed.

"Don't ask question we can't answer," Natasha said darkly. Emily shot her a suspicious look before she glanced at Bruce.

"What are the Avengers doing Bruce? Why are you guys parading as international terrorists?" she asked cautiously. She wanted answers now.

Clint shot Bruce a dirty look. Bruce coughed into his hand. Apparently she was asking the questions she wasn't supposed to – but she wasn't accusing them of anything either. She was just asking them to deny or confirm what the world was saying. Bruce gave her a wary look.

"We didn't blow anyone up Emily. We're trying to catch the man who _did_ right now," Bruce said steadily. She gave him a cautious look.

"What kind of heartless person would do something like that?" said asked steadily. Clint glanced at his partner who was currently burning a hole into the ground.

"There are a lot of heartless people in the world – but it takes a special type of black hole to destroy an entire city and everyone in it," Natasha said darkly. Emily gave the silently fuming redhead another cautious look.

"Does he plan on repeating his show anywhere else?" she asked slowly. They all tensed.

"We don't know," Natasha said without looking up. Emily sighed and leaned against the table.

"Trouble likes to follow you like a moth doesn't it Banner?" she said giving him a sidelong look. Bruce winced – trouble hasn't stopped following him in years.

They all froze as someone suddenly burst into the lab with a frantically look on his face.

"Time to go! Time to go! Time to go!" Tony shouted waving his arms around like a maniac. They all blinked.

"What? What happened to distraction Tony?" Bruce asked slowly. Tony shook his head in panic.

"No time for questions! CIA finally got their ass here too and I _hate_ those guys! They are searching all the buildings on this street. The entire circus is here to shoot our _ass_! Out! Out! Out!" Tony shouted irritably. Natasha and Clint shared a tense look – they were in big trouble now.

"Wait but don't you want to know-" Emily started to say holding out her results but Bruce promptly stepped into her personal space and gave her a sad smile. She was pretty and smart - but his friend's safety would always come first.

"I'm really sorry Emily," he said apologetically before he shot her with a taser and knocked her out. He easily caught her as she fell forward and gently placed her down on her work bench. He picked up all her notes on his friends' blood samples before quickly deleting everything from the computer. They couldn't leave any evidence of her findings at all. Clint gave the calmer genius an appreciative look – he was thankful that he now had more than just Natasha to watch their backs. She was the best partner – but they were up against the world and it didn't hurt to have a few more eyes looking out for you.

"_Hurry up_ Banner!" Tony shouted as he quickly poked his head out the door. He paled as he watched Steve and Thor hightail it down the street and rush passed him with 3 tanks hot on their tail.

Well a tank might be good enough to stun Captain America for a moment – but they'll need something bigger than that to even consider even landing a hit on Thor in battle.

Why were they still running like the wind then?

Because being hit with a tank missile hurt like a bitch.

Inside the lab Natasha promptly turned to glare at Tony in anger.

"How on _earth_ did they know we were here?" Natasha asked angrily. Tony shook his head in disbelief.

"Explanations _later_–we really need to get going Red-" Tony stared to say but was promptly cut off by her loud curse. She tensed as her vision chose the _worst_ possible timing in the world to start flickering.

"Oh _shit_!" Natasha growled as she grabbed onto the table beside her and nearly crashed right to the floor. She looked ghostly white - as if she was about to pass out.

"Tasha?" Clint asked in alarm. Natasha clenched her jaw and shook her head as she rapidly started to lose feeling in her left side. Clint was _beyond_ worried at this point.

"I am going to fucking _kill_ Ivan Braginski," she muttered darkly before she blacked out. Clint quickly fell to his knees and caught her as she started to fall to the floor. He stared at her unresponsive body in shock - she was out cold.

"What the hell just happened?" Tony asked in panic. They heard the commotion outside grow closer but they had a serious dilemma at the moment.

"I think it's the memories again," he said in worry holding his unconscious partner in his arms. Tony and Bruce stared at the anxious archer staring at the unresponsive girl in front of him with worry.

"_NOW_?" they both shouted in unison. Clint clenched his jaw.

"It's not like it is _voluntary_ guys!" he said angrily as he promptly looped his arm under her waist and effortlessly picked her up. She was lighter than she should have been – missions always cause her to lose weight. Damn he should have been paying better attention.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! They all quickly held onto the wall as two of their more heavy battle equipped teammates were being shot at.

"YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO SHOOT AT US WITH _DO_ YOU?" Steve shouted angrily as he ran for his life away from the gigantic war machines. Thor spun his hammer over his head and shot as many disarming but harmless bolts of lightning as he could to disable the tanks.

"This is not _working_ Captain!" he boomed as the damaged tanks were quickly replaced by new ones. They were simply insanely outnumbered and trying not to land a single killing blow was wearing them out.

Tony, Bruce and Clint all shared a tense look. They had to make a choice _now_.

"Get her out of here – we'll meet you on the outskirts of town. Find somewhere to wait out her black out. If we're caught – _don't_ come back," Bruce said seriously. Clint clenched his jaw. He couldn't help them and keep Natasha safe at the same time. _Damn it._

"Don't die," he said firmly. Tony snorted.

"You're holding the deadly unconscious assassin. Make sure you don't die when she wakes up and lashes out at everything in sight," Tony said dryly. They all heard the explosions grow louder and tensed.

"Go out the back," Bruce said quickly folding up the couple sheets of data and stuffing them in his pocket. Clint took a deep breath and nodded as he tightened his hold on Natasha. She was going to freak out on him when she woke up.

"See you soon," he said firmly before he spun and quickly stalked away from his team. He had to protect his partner at all costs – even if she would swear up and down she didn't need his protecting.

He would ignore her growls of course because even serious badasses needed someone to cover their ass when they were seriously _not conscious_.

He quickly shoved open back door with his shoulder and hastily stepped out into the chilly backstreet behind the lab. He swiftly walked down the empty alleyway and away from the busy street behind him as fast as possible. They weren't going to get caught by the idiots who didn't even know the truth. They weren't _allowed_ to get caught – because they had a damn job to do.

"Tasha you better wake up soon because there is only so much I can do with one hand," he grumbled as he continued to carry her through alley with a gun firmly gripped in his left hand. This would be the most awkward shooting position he would ever have to take – but it was necessary. Anything to keep the girl in his arms breathing for just one more day. Because they always took their dangerous lies one day at a time.

Clint was about to turn down another corner when he heard a light shuffle behind him and tensed. _Damn._

Clint spun around and firmly pointed his gun at whoever was behind him. He was not prepared for what he saw. He locked eyes with a little kid clutching an old worn out bunny rabbit to her chest. She stared up at him with fearful eyes.

"Are you who they're looking for?" she asked nervously glancing at his gun. Clint froze and quickly lowered his weapon. He clenched his jaw – aw shit.

"Not everything is what it looks like kid," he said tensely glancing away from her trembling form. She stared at him for a few seconds before recognition crossed her face.

"I think I saw you on the news. Did you blow up Manila?" she asked with an odd strain in her voice as she held her bunny tighter. Clint shook his head as he tightened his own grip around his unconscious partner.

"I didn't kill all those people kid. Believe me I didn't set the bomb," he said pleadingly – he couldn't have a child thinking he was a monster. He already thought he was sometimes when he thinks about how he couldn't stop that disaster. It was going to haunt them for the rest of their lives. She suddenly looked like she was about to cry. Clint looked alarmed.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he asked worriedly. She wiped her face and shook her head.

"My mommy was there," she said sadly. Clint slammed his eyes shut. Shit. They both heard sharp boots hitting the floor around the corner and he tensed.

"I'm sorry kid. _So_ sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am - but I have to go," he whispered painfully. Her eyes fell but then before he could dash down the alley she reached out and loosely tugged at his pant leg.

"Wait. Do you know who did it?" she asked softly. He froze. She looked up at him with her watery brown eyes and he couldn't lie. Not to someone so young who has already lost so much.

"Yes," he whispered. She took a deep breath.

"Will you avenge my mom for me?" she asked tearing up a little. He thinks his heart was breaking as he watched the little girl try to be strong – trying to be strong in the face of everything she had lost.

"I promise – or I'm going to die trying okay?" he said firmly looking the child dead in the eyes. She stared back at him for a few tense seconds as the footsteps dangerously grew closer. And then finally she nodded as she let him go. He pulled away from the child and quickly dashed around the corner with his partner in tow just as the soldiers passed the alley on the main street. Clint plastered himself against the wall around the corner and held Natasha close as he listened to the soldiers talk to the little girl. He didn't dare breath.

"Hey, you shouldn't be out here you know - it's not safe. There are dangerous people walking amongst us," one of the soldiers said getting down on his knees to talk to the rather frightened child. She held her bunny tighter as she looked up at all the men in uniform.

"I know – but not everything is what it looks like," she said with a faraway look on her face. The soldiers shared a wary look.

"Find her family and get her off the streets," the lead soldier said passing the child to another man in his unit. The group being him nodded and continued down the street taking the little girl with them. Clint finally allowed himself to exhale through his nose before he quickly slipped away from the crowded alley.

He was going to _kill_ Ivan Braginski. Not just for that little brown eyed girl but also for the little girl the love of his life never got to be either. He held her tighter as he stalked down the alley with a determined look on his face. They couldn't stop fighting even if they wanted to.

They had 3 million lost souls that needed to be avenged.

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**A/N: And so the race to find Ivan Braginski begins. **

**Clint is just going to **_**murder**_** that bastard. **

**In the meantime – wonder what Natasha is remembering? ;) **


	34. Chapter 34

**Lost in the seas of forgotten memories **

**A/N: So it's been a long time guys! But I'm back! And we have a lot of things to catch up on!**

**RECAP: The Avengers are currently on the run in Singapore after being accused of setting off a nuclear bomb in Manila. The CIA and the Singaporean military know they are here and they have split up at the moment because Natasha is unconscious due to a memory episode and Clint takes her out of the line of fire while the others make one big distraction. Fury is dealing with a looming crisis in SHIELD and Braginski is nowhere to be found. Coulson and Hill are in Vietnam trying to get the explosives attached to her arms off by finding the man who created them. In the middle of all this madness Clintasha continues on still dealing with her amnesia, still stuck with the virus and still dealing with her past. **

**If none of this recap makes any sense it's because I haven't updated in a month and I recommend reread the second half of this story from chapter 31 after the bomb went off. **

**DEEP BREATH!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 35 **

Clint steeled his eyes and he quickly made his way down the winding back alleys of the Singaporean street. He needed to find somewhere safe to wait out Natasha's black out and he needed to find that place _fast_ because he was too out in the open and he had to keep making sharp turns every time he got whiff of another solider patrolling the dark streets of their small city. He could hear the chaos Steve and Thor were causing not too far behind him fade in the opposite direction – they were leading the attention away from him and Natasha. He suddenly chuckled darkly.

There once was a time when there was absolutely _no_ one to watch his back except the girl in his arms. She managed to keep him alive for _years_ before they became part of a bigger team that dragged them into a world of magic, super soldiers, highly advanced technological body parts and monsters that were not really monsters at all. However _they_ were still a unit, still partners, still separate from the heroes they spent more and more of their time with as the years went by. But he never forgot where it all started. He never forgot that they were simply human – even if they were two of the most highly skilled assassins in the world. They were the best of the best – but then the world decided it wanted to create a level of greatness no average person could attain – and Clint had already come to terms with that. He didn't want super powers, he didn't want the burden or the responsibility those abilities come with.

Really he just didn't want to pay the price. He didn't think he could handle any more guilt or regret on his conscience - he and Natasha already had more guilt between them then the entire team combined. She had her ledger but he surely had his own. He tightened his hold around her waist and kept searching for somewhere to hide. He heard pounding footsteps in the distance and he knew his luck was about to run dry. There was no way he could fight them off with her still unconscious in his arms – but if he put her down they would have an open shot at her if he was distracted. He clenched his jaw in frustration.

Damn it he needed to figure this shit out _fast_.

He listened to the boots hitting the concrete just around the corner and frantically looked around. His foot snagged on something and he nearly crashed to the ground with his partner who would possibly get a concussion along with him. He quickly readjusted his hold on her and glanced down – he froze.

Oh he was an _idiot_. Natasha would be threatening to cut his balls off right now if she was awake.

20 seconds later 15 Singaporean soldiers rounded the corner with their guns raised and stared down a suspiciously empty alley with no rogue Avengers in sight. They swore they heard something slam shut a second ago. They scanned the dark street with their battle-trained eyes and glanced at each other.

"They're scattered. Find them while they're still divided – it will be easier to shoot them down. There is no mercy for those who are spiteful and sickening enough to massacre an entire metropolitan capital. It's unbelievable what the world's heroes have come to," one of the bolder soldiers said shaking his head in disgust. The rest of the soldiers behind him shared a wary look. The day they started pointing guns at the people who were supposed to protect the world in general they didn't know what they could believe in anymore. It shook some of their firm belief in who and what they were really protecting their country from. The world was telling them the danger was no longer only from the obvious enemy – the most unlikely people have been turned into the enemy now.

When the world stops believing in heroes does that mean heroes no longer exist?

"Keep moving men," another soldier said quietly breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the brigade. They couldn't refute the clear order their General gave them. They were simply following orders after all.

They slowly turned away and continued searching the streets. 30 feet below the surface of that exact spot Clint Barton was breathing heavily as he slid down a disgusting sewer wall with Natasha lying on the floor resting her head in his lap. He had made it just in time – _thank god_ he didn't know how much longer he could have kept up that exhausting brisk pace. He tiredly glanced down at the only girl that ever mattered in his life and gently dragged his fingers down her face, her neck and then lightly pressed it against her pulse.

_Thump. _

_Thump. _

_Thump. _

_Thump. _

_Thump. _

It was a steady beat. He sighed in relief. She was going to be okay – now she just needed to wake up.

"What are you remembering Tasha?" he whispered softly as he curled a short strand of her red hair behind her hair and watched her breath steadily in and out. He felt her tense in his arms and suddenly start to breath faster. He ran a calming hand up and down her arms to help ground her through whatever she was seeing. He winced. They haven't _always_ been through pleasant memories together. In fact some of their past missions were downright terrifying. He suddenly held his breath – oh god he hoped it wasn't the mission he thought it was.

With their shitty streak of bad luck he had a feeling she was definitely seeing something along the lines of _Santiago_ 6 months after they unceremoniously got permanently posted on the Avengers team they didn't even qualify for. He warped his arms around her waist and held her tightly as he felt her start to freeze up and pale dangerously white. He _really_ hoped she woke up before the end of the mission.

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The first thing Natasha registered as she lost sight of the lab they were all hauled up in was that fact that she was _pissed_.

Because they were on the run.

Because her team was scattered and she wouldn't trust them with her dead body let alone her living one.

Because they were a bunch of overgrown idiots.

Because she hated feelings useless.

Because feeling angry was a lot better than the alternative – _despair_.

She slowly sunk to her knees as she stared out into the darkness that seemed to go on for miles in every direction – she didn't think her mind was quite _this_ empty and vacant. She's been here before. It was some sort of no man's land between the parts of her conscious _she_ knew…and then everything else was a fog full of memories and feelings she could never quite grasp. She slammed her eyes shut and clenched her hands into fists. What was the point if she woke up anyway? She never wakes up with her all her memories intact. They are always just in pieces. She didn't think she could look at her partner in the eye one more time and see the painful hope that literally stabs her in the chest – he doesn't even know he does it.

No matter what Clint says about loving her regardless of what stage in her memories she is in –she knew she wasn't the one he was waiting for. Every day he was waiting for the day she would "wake up". It was killing her slowly and agonizingly. She felt like just sinking into the darkness of her own mind and just never waking up altogether – maybe then she wouldn't have to be forced to face his painfully obvious expressions ever again.

"You know you're luckier than you think right?" a scarily familiar voice said flatly from behind her. Natasha tensed and sharply spun around with a gun she didn't know she had instantly materializing in her hand – she had enough sense to know she was still stuck in her head where anything was possible. However whatever she was prepared to see it wasn't an imaginary version of herself with shorter red hair, arms crossed over her chest and a hard look on her face. _Holy shit._

"Who the _hell_ are you?" Natasha growled threateningly holding her ground. She felt kind of stupid growling at herself – but there were all kinds of weirder interrogations out there – this might be one of them. The other redhead with her face raised an eyebrow and continued to watch her with bored eyes. Something told her the boredom was an act and was just hiding a calculative gaze.

"Take a _damn_ good guess girl," the redheaded Russian said dryly. Natasha clenched her jaw and was about to shoot the annoying replica when she realized she had no idea what happens if you shot yourself inside your own head. Her hand started to shake as the other Natasha silently watched her start to lose her cool.

"That's _it._ I've finally cracked - I'm going crazy," Natasha muttered as she slowly reached up and grabbed her head in defeat. She was so tired of not knowing what was going on anymore. She was tired of barely managing to keep up with all the changes around her. She was tired of feel like she was always missing so many things – especially when she knew she was missing a lot. She listened to the other Natasha snort as she slowly shook her head.

"No. If anyone can say they're going crazy it's definitely me - at least you get to stay out of here most of the time," she said with a hint of bitterness. Natasha tensed and gave the freaky replica a sharp look.

"Where _is_ here exactly?" she asked icily. If the replica was going to come invade her personal space she might as well make herself useful. The other Natasha chuckled and tilted her head to the side.

"You really can't tell who I am can you?" she asked carefully even as she leveled her with a knowing look – the both knew who she was. Natasha's eyes darkened.

"You're the Natasha with all the missing memories," she said tightly. A ghost of a smile played at the other redhead's lips – it scared the _shit_ over of Natasha.

"Bull's-eye," the other Natasha whispered. Natasha narrowed her eyes. She had enough of this _bullshit_.

"Why are you here? Why am I seeing a personification of my own conscience?" Natasha demanded. The other Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"Why not? Especially considering the neurotoxins in your body is messing with your brain chemistry. Don't you want to remember Natasha?" the other Natasha asked carefully. Natasha tensed and the message was loud and clear.

"No. Maybe I don't want to remember. Maybe I want to stay exactly the way I am right now," she said tightly.

"You actually don't have a choice," the other Natasha said begrudgingly looking away. Natasha felt her hand flex around her gun.

"If there is no choice – you go and _make_ your own choices," Natasha said darkly before she whipped out her gun and fired a shot at the replica without giving _one_ shit about what it might do to her psyche.

She heard the sound of glass shatter in her ears as a huge 200 foot wall suddenly flashed in and out of sight as it shimmering in a brilliant wave of coloured. Natasha locked eyes with herself and stared at her coldly.

"_Barrier_," the other Natasha said gruffly. There was a mental block in their mind that still separated the split personalities. It was the artificial wall that had been causing Natasha's amnesia this whole time. Natasha finally dropped all pretense of being unaffected by all this crazy shit and took several uneasy breaths.

"If you're the Natasha with all our memories – does that mean I'm not real?" Natasha whispered taking several steps away from the flashing barrier separating her from everything she still didn't know from the last 3 years. She watched with guarded eyes as the other Natasha gave her a tight smile.

"No, you're real Natasha. I'm currently just a figment of your imagination – but why does that mean we can't both be real?" the other Natasha asked quietly. Natasha's eyes suddenly steeled and she glared daggers at herself.

"He wants _you_. Not me," she said angrily curling her hands into fists. The other Natasha gave her a long look.

"Then change that. Make him fall in love with you all over again. Maybe you're not the same Natasha he's grown older with during your time with the Avengers. Maybe you've changed after being forced to stumble through everything that has changed in the world around you since Budapest. But that doesn't mean Clint Barton doesn't have it in him to start all over again with his partner. As long as we're the same person he'll fall for you every single time Natasha. _Every. Single. Time_," the other Natasha said steadily. Natasha gritted her teeth in frustration.

"Barton is not some sort of _toy_! You can't hit replay that many times on someone's emotions!" Natasha growled angrily. Her replica shrugged.

"If he's willing to try I don't see why not," the other Natasha said blankly.

"You make no damn _sense_," Natasha said heatedly.

"I make plenty sense – you just don't want to hear it. Have fun seeing some of our memories. Maybe one day you'll actually realize we're the same person," the other Natasha said quietly before she spun around and faded into the darkness. Natasha tensed as she scanned the dark space and felt the world start to spin in a familiar way. She really hated Ivan Braginski for making her go through these mini episodes over and over again.

_Two tense agents had their backs pressed up against an alley wall as they waited for their target that may or may not be heading their way._

"_Natasha..." Clint started to say quietly – but Natasha heard the annoying familiar tone well before the words were out of his mouth. He was using the 'I'm going to say something stupid and you don't want to hear it' tone. _

"_Don't start Barton..." Natasha said warningly. She felt her partner tense beside her but she didn't give a shit. She can't believe he was making them have this conversation here of all places. _

"_Natasha you always tell me to shut up but seriously listen to me for a second!" Clint whispered shooting her a frustrated look. She never wants to listen. _

"_Why should I? You're going to sprout bullshit during a mission again and it's going to piss me off," Natasha said heatedly._

"_STOP BICKERING LIKE A FUCKING MARRIED COUPLE! YOU ARE GOING TO HACK OUR EARS OFF DAMN IT!" someone shouted irritably across the communicator in both their ears. _

"_SHUT UP STARK!" they shouted back in unison. _

"_Oh now you're on the same team eh?" Tony muttered from the other end. They all heard a heavy sigh from another corner of the communicator world. _

"_Guys the target is moving fast through the south alley. I'm tracking his movements and he's heading your way Rogers," the forever calm voice of Bruce Banner cut through the tension and made all parties get some perspective. However after 6 months of missions together the bickering was a given. _

"_So we are guarding the 3 exits on the north side for nothing?" Tony grumbled across the line. Everyone groaned. Natasha just felt like smacking him. _

"_Stark he could have used any route at random. Stop complaining about a foolproof plan," Steve chimed into the conversation right on cue. They all could practically see the scowl on Tony's face. _

_"We should have just boxed him in with Thor's lightning and be done with all this waiting shit," Tony muttered. _

_"I do not appreciate the way you speak of my person Man of Iron," another voice rumbled across the mass communication line. _

_"Bruce - can we cut him off? Please?" Steve asked irritably. Sometimes he didn't feel like being the leader for their team - it was too much of a headache. _

_"Sorry Cap - can't do that. He'll just override the codes from his end anyway," Bruce said apologetically. Tony snickered. _

_"Ha ha suckers! There is no way to contain my brilliance!" Tony said arrogantly. _

_Clint silently reached up and muted his communicator as the bickering continued. He turned and did the same for her own bud stuck in her right ear. Natasha gave him a suspicious look. _

_"Why did you do that?" she asked cautiously. The next thing she knew she was being trapped between the wall and her partner's stiff body. She instantly tensed but didn't look away from his intense gaze. _

_"Because you always walk away from me if we're not on mission Tasha. We're together aren't we?" he asked quietly searching her eyes for something she wasn't going to let him see in the middle of a job. She gritted her teeth trying to keep her anger in check. _

_"Barton you just missed the whole point - we're on a mission!" she said heatedly. She watched his eyes darken. _

_"Fuck the mission - the others have it covered. Listen to me Tasha! Everything around us changed after Loki happened. We're on a new team and doing the most ridiculous missions on earth - but were still the same. We're still partners and we're still us. You said you can't lose me after you knocked Loki out of my head - but you won't let us talk about it either," he said tightening his face in frustration. He wanted to say so many things – but she never lets him. _

_"Maybe I don't want to talk about it Clint - did you ever think of that?" she said angrily trying to push him back - but he only pressed her harder into the cold wall. She was so damn stubborn it drove him insane. _

_"Why? Because you're still running away from the things I have to say?" he asked darkly with a hundred different emotions swirling in his eyes. Natasha narrowed her own eyes while daring him to piss her off. Nobody liked a pissed Russian assassin. _

_"Target switched direction! Shit! Romanoff and Barton - are you still ready?" Bruce asked hurriedly in their ear unknowingly cutting into their edgy conversation. Natasha and Clint both tensed as they stared at each other before they simultaneously unmuted their com links. _

_"We're always ready Doc," Clint said carefully watching his partner's eyes promptly harden and the slightly softer side get locked away. Damn he always hated getting interrupted. _

_"I'll do initial distraction," she said turning away from his stiff body and pulling out on of her guns strapped to her shin. She felt him hover behind her as they both heard the thundering footsteps run down the alley beside them – target was almost here. _

_"And I'll watch your back like always- but I think I deserve to have that other part of you too," he whispered in her ear before he slipped away to shadow her take down. Natasha ignored the warmth that instantly disappeared along with him as she stood her ground. She wouldn't let her partner ever distract her from her job – it was a harder feat then she would like, especially considering the fact he was pushing for things she wasn't ready for. Natasha promptly schooled her face into a false calm as she heard the telling sounds of harsh breathing as the man they've been looking for all night rounded the corner at a neck breaking speed. _

"_Going somewhere?" Natasha asked dryly leaning against the far wall. The target tensed and instantly aimed his gun in her direction the second she uttered a word – typical rash defensive reaction - pathetic. _

"_Get out of my way or I'll shoot," he said dangerously. Natasha didn't even blink. _

"_You know Omar you really shouldn't be walking around dark alleys with stolen SHIELD weapon codes – you might run into the wrong people," she said ominously. She watched him narrow his eyes as he held his gun tightly. _

"_Like who? You? Natasha Romanoff you've got spunk I'll give you that - but where is the rest of your precious team? Off saving kittens while you deal with the big boys?" he asked with an unimpressed look. Natasha snorted. _

"_Don't need them – I can deal with your ass all on my own," she said frankly as she crossed her arms across her chest. _

"_I wonder who the arrogant one is now?" a childish genius muttered in her ear. Natasha's eye twitched but she didn't react to the little barb. She knew it was time to get into action the second she saw her target's eyes darken. _

"_Get out of my way," he growled taking a menacing step towards her. She had her gun instantly leveled with his forehead in less then a millisecond. He didn't even have enough time to blink before he found himself at gunpoint. She didn't even give the gun pointed at her chest a second glance. _

"_I can shoot faster," she said with deadly promise. She watched a sadistic smile spread across the target's face that made the hairs at the back of her neck stand on end – that was never good. _

"_If only it was my weapon that you had to worry about agent," he whispered before she heard the telltale sounds of a machine resetting itself and tensed when she felt her own gun get ripped out of her hand by an unknown force. She glanced down and watched his arm transform into some messed up mixture of both their guns – well that was new. _

"_Arm that morphs into a machine gun and can incorporate external weapons into it too– well now we knew what you stole from SHIELD don't we?" Natasha said steadily. She deserved a medal for taking that in stride. _

"_What the hell?" someone shouted in her ear. Well at least they knew that now. SHIELD always did have the craziest weapon projects lying around._

"_Ready to die Romanoff?" the target whispered. She narrowed her eyes but didn't move an inch. _

"_Oh shit! Something is messing-…..shit… Romanoff you need to get- zzzzzzzzz-," Natasha tensed as she listened to the line go dead. They were on their own for the moment – just like old times. Except her usual targets weren't half weapon, half man in the past. Shit. She really hoped Barton had an idea. __She had a second gun in her back pocket – but at this rate it would be pointless to use until the last second. _

"_Go ahead - shoot me. I dare you," Natasha said steadily staring at the mutated gunman in front of her. She was stalling. It was horrible stalling but it was necessary. She needed to give Barton more time to come up with something better then run for their lives. They were so damn screwed. _

"_You Avengers are always so damn bold - but I don't like to be challenged," the target said with dark look as they both listened to his massive weapon click as it set to fire. Well shit. _

"_OH FUCK NO!" she heard someone growl from behind her and the next thing she knew she was being roughly shoved to the side as she heard the gun go off as she hit the wall. She clenched her jaw as pain shot up her arm. Her eyes flashed behind her as she watched her partner hit the ground. _

"_Shit!" Natasha hissed as she whipped out her second gun and fired shot after shot after shot at the man easily avoiding her blazing bullets as he ran back the way his came. _

_"Adios little Russian! Have fun watching your partner wither away. Maybe I'll get two in one if you shoot yourself too!" he called back with a maniacal laughter. Natasha breathed harshly as she lowered her gun and narrowed her eyes. She instantly heard the buzzing in the com link disappear – the target had a communication scrambling signal on him. Well this had been one of the loveliest uninformed missions they've ever been on. It was a damn nightmare. She tensed as she heard the sound come back at full volume. _

"_-HEY ROMANOFF WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING YOU'RE DAMN COMMUNICATOR? ARE YOU MUTING US OUT AGAIN? HOW DARE YOU-" Tony Stark's voice was the last thing she wanted to hear at the moment. She ignored his rant and gave them her piece before she dealt with her current problem – her reckless partner. _

_"Target redirected. Communication won't work around him. He has a damn gun built into his arm and it can fuse with your own. Barton's down. Deal with it," Natasha said dangerously before she really did mute the com link and refused to say anything else. Nobody dared to talk to her after that. She instantly spun around and stalked over to the archer who was lying on the ground gasping in shallow nearly silent breaths – he was trying not to let it look bad. He was a horrible actor. _

_"Fuck you Clint," she muttered as she crouched down beside her bleeding partner. He scoffed as he held back a wince. _

"_Hey – I took a bullet for you. The least you could do was say thank you right?" he croaked with a painful smile. She growled at him and would have smacked him across the face if he wasn't practically shaking. She quickly found the bullet wound in his side and ripped his own shirt to put pressure on the wound to stall the bleeding – it would only be temporary though. _

"_You're not allowed you die," Natasha said heatedly. She watched his expression suddenly soften as he locked the pain away in some other part of his mind. _

"_Natasha…" Clint said quietly. She tensed. _

"_No Barton," she said forcefully. _

"_Tasha-" he tried again. _

"_No!" she hissed. He gritted his teeth and glared at her. _

"_Why not? Why won't you ever let us be real Natasha?" he asked heatedly. _

"_Barton you're about to bleed to death!" she said in disbelief. Clint sighed and tried a different approach. _

_"Bruce will fix me up Tasha-" he started to reassure her but she wasn't going to buy that bullshit. _

_"Bruce can't always fix everything Barton!" she said __angrily as she clenched her hands at her sides. He gave her a weak grin. _

"_Sure he can – he's a genius. That's what geniuses do you know?" he said cheekily. Natasha gave him a warning look. _

"_I swear you're all just one big pain in my ass Barton," she muttered as she pressed harder against his bleeding wound – he barely winced. He was starting to go numb frighteningly fast. _

"_I know you're going to yell at me Tasha…but I'm starting to get a bit sleepy," he said as he finally let the tiredness seep into his voice. Natasha froze. _

"_Don't you dare fall asleep Barton…" she said warningly. They both knew he was losing too much blood to stay conscious – but not being conscious was so much worse. Clint gave her a half-focused smile. _

"_Give me a reason not to fall asleep," he whispered. She narrowed her eyes – she wasn't going to play his games. _

"_I will punch you and force you to stay awake," she said threateningly. He chuckled lightly but winced as the action aggravated his wound. _

"_Not what I was looking for Tasha," he said softly reaching up and brushing her cheek with his dangerously pale hand. _

"_Barton…" she said warningly. He ignored her warning because he could feel the light-headedness taking over his mind anyway. She went after him when he was beyond compromised. She fought tooth and nail to bring him back from the deepest recesses of his own mind. She didn't leave him when he needed her the most. She sat through all his nightmares and all the breakdowns he's had over the past 6 months. She did everything no one else would do unless she felt the same things he felt. _

_He really didn't care what she threatened to do to him at this point. _

"_I love you Tasha – and I know you love me too. And you're going to admit it one day," he whispered firmly with the last bit of his strength before he finally let himself black out. _

"_No! Wake up damn it! Wake up!" Natasha shouted shaking his unconscious body forcefully. Who on earth says something like that and just knocks themselves out? _

_And then everything went black. _

Natasha gasped as she shot up and nearly bashed her forehead into her partner's face. He instantly pulled back before she made contact with his nose - he had learned that one from past experience. Natasha breathed in deep harsh breaths as she felt a certain level of tension promptly drain out of his body which she was currently leaning against.

"Oh thank _god_ you're finally awake Tasha! I have honestly been sitting here for an hour trying to wait out your black out and try and get in contact with the others. You chose the worst possible time to pass out you know that? CIA and the entire fucking circus are on our ass right now – but I'm so glad you awake," Clint said in utter relief. Natasha wasn't listening to his pointless chatter because her head was still reeling from the images flying through her mind at rapid speed. From the messed up conversation with her inner conscience to the mission gone to hell she really just needed to hear one thing at the moment.

"Tell me you love me," she demanded instantly cutting into his little rant. Clint paused.

"What?" he asked bewilderedly by the seriously out of character response. Natasha never asked things like that. Where was _this_ coming from?

"Tell me Barton. Tell me you love me," she said grabbing him by the scruff of his collar and dragging his face towards her flashing green eyes. He blinked in surprise.

"I- wait what? Natasha of course I love you – but why are-" he couldn't even finish expressing his serious concern because the next thing he knew he was being roughly shoved up against the sewer wall and had a pair of angry lips crashing down on his own. He was shocked by the sheer emotion pouring out of her as she deepened the kiss and pressed him harder against the solid wall. It was passion, mixed with anger mixed with something he would never have guessed in a million years – fear. She was scared. He could taste it on her lips. He didn't know where all these emotions were coming from but he forced himself to relax against her rather harsh kiss and let her have whatever it was she was looking for. If she needed to feel like she was in control he would let her. But that didn't mean he wouldn't ask after she stopped trying to steal his breath away.

Natasha knew very well she was confusing the shit out of her partner as she threaded her hands through his hair and dragged his face closer to hers. She was angry as herself. She was angry at the world for being so messed up. She was angry at Braginski for screwing up the one good thing that has ever happened to her. And she was just plain angry that she felt like she was losing him even if she wasn't. Maybe she wasn't losing him per say – maybe she just felt like she was losing herself. After several moments of intensity she finally pulled back and pinned him in place with her penetrating green eyes as she tried to catch her breath.

"Even if I never get all my memories back. Even if I'm never the Natasha you married. Even if I wasn't the one who knocked Loki out of your head. Even if I barely remember some of the missions we've been on together over the last 3 years – I'm still me right? Right?" she whispered. Clint took several deep needed breaths as he watched his partner stare at him with seriously doubtful eyes.

"Natasha… Tasha what did you _see_?" he whispered as he raised both his hands and gently cupped her cheeks. She was completely shaken and the slight terror in her eyes was killing him.

"Hallucinations disguised dreams and memories disguised as nightmares," she said quietly trying not to choke on her own words. She was terrified of her own damn head. She was so messed _up_.

"It's okay Natasha. It's okay. You're awake now," he said softly dragging her against his chest and tightly warping his arms around her waist. He could still feel her body shaking from whatever after effects of her memory episode.

"Barton…I didn't…I didn't realize how much I needed you until I thought I was going to lose you," she said hiding her eyes against his shoulder and just taking everything about her partner in – his smell, his rough firm body, his blue eyes that can harden in battle and soften when it's just her. She spent _years_ ignoring that he was attractive, that he made her feel things partners shouldn't feel, that maybe they could have the things agents were never allowed to have. She spent years lying to herself and pretending the obvious way her partner would look at her sometimes with a certain level of longing mixed with a range of emotions she was never comfortable with identifying. He was silent for years. She pretended whatever the oppressing silence between them used to be caused by something that wasn't there.

But it _was_ there. It was always there. And now she didn't think she could live without it – especially knowing she's already had it with him once before.

In one month he managed to change everything she ever felt towards him and now she was scared she might lose all of that.

"I need yo- no shit. I-I-" she tried to say that one thing she's never said but the words just wouldn't come out the way she desperately wanted them to flow – but she wasn't made like that. She didn't do things like that. Clint tugged her forward and crushed her body to his.

"It's okay Tasha. You don't have to say it back. I know," Clint whispered softly against her ear. Natasha firmly shook her head.

"No Clint. You should hear it. You need to hear it," she said firmly. She knew she needed to say it. It wouldn't be real if she didn't say it – and more than anything else she needed things to be real and solid at the moment. Even if every single thing in their lives was vague and out of focus – as long as whatever they shared was clear she could live through anything else they could possibly face.

_Ring. Ring. _

They both groaned as they heard their Clint's phone start to vibrate in his pocket.

"Can't we ignore them?" Natasha grumbled.

"Someone might be dead," Clint grumbled back.

"I hope it's Stark," she said darkly. He nearly rolled his eyes – amnesia or no amnesia _that_ never changed. Clint finally sighed and gently pushed her back so that they didn't start something again – she was a bad, bad distraction when things were going to shit around them – it made him want to say fuck the world and just be with her – but they both knew they had a job to do.

"They were stalling for you, you know?" he said with an apologetic smile. Natasha scowled and looked away – nice way to make her feel utterly guilty. Her stupid partner smiled as he finally reached into his pocket and flipped open his phone and pressed the button to place it on speaker phone.

"OI! LOVER SPIES! Where the _hell_ are you?" someone whispered harshly from the other end.

"In the sewer Stark," Clint said with an audible sigh – the man never ceased to amaze him with his complete lack of tact.

"Ohhh getting down and dirty with the beast so soon after she finally crack eh Legolas? Aren't you worried about hygiene and rabies and other STD animals can pass along?" Tony asked with the smirk practically dripping from his tone. Clint narrowed his eyes dangerously.

"Stark. I swear I will tie you to the flag pole on the Singaporean military base on the other side of the city and shove an exploding arrow up your ass for all the world to see right before I hand my bow to my lovely partner and give her the honor of blowing you up from the inside out," Clint said with a dark and deadly undertone. He heard utter silence at the other end of the line. Nobody expected that from the archer.

_Cricket…cricket…cricket…_

He glanced over at his smirking partner and felt the pride dance in her eyes at his rather crafty threat. He felt his heart warm involuntarily – bonding over mutually enjoyed Stark's pain was amazing.

"You're mean archie. Me and Brucie made it underground too – but we're a mile or two away from your signal," Tony explained losing some of the sarcasm as he got into the more technical part of his call. Natasha paused as she felt her own phone start to vibrate. Clint glanced over and raised an eyebrow.

"Probably the others," she muttered. She begrudgingly accepted that they would have to continue their conversation later and stood up as she pulled out the phone and walked a few feet away from her partner so that she could hear the voice at the end of her own phone.

"Hello?" she asked slowly as she waited for one of the calmer team members to answer.

"Hello Natalia – it's been quite an eventful few days in the world hasn't it?" a dark familiar voice said at the other end of the line. Natasha instantly tensed and her eyes steeled. How the hell did he get her number?

"What do you want Braginski?" she asked dangerously. He fucked with her head. He caused her god damn amnesia. He made her blood lethal to her own partner. He blew up 3 million people and leveled an entire city to the ground. He manipulated the entire world into thinking the Avengers were the bad guys. He was fucking _insane_.

And frankly he was going to get shot in the head with her own personal bullet – preferably 3 times just to be thoroughly.

"Lovely chemist you saw today wasn't she?" he said vaguely.

"I'm going to kill you Ivan," Natasha said darkly.

"Interesting story I heard about how my pretty little nanobots only affect your little American archer and not yourself," he continued as if she had never interrupted.

"I'm going to pin you to a wall with my own blades and make you scream," Natasha continued dangerously starting to breathe faster. She saw Clint look over as she got worked up over the conversation with a man every single Avengers held a grudge against at the moment.

"Have you heard about the turmoil going on in SHIELD back home yet?" he asked with a sadistic edge practically dripping from his words.

"I am going to make you pay for all the lives you took you _bastard_!" Natasha growled viciously. She got even angrier when she heard him laugh deeply – he was _mocking_ her.

"You can try – but I don't think you will follow through with your lovely threats Natasha – because I have something you want," he said airily. Natasha narrowed her eyes.

"There is _nothing_ you have that I could possibly want," she said tightly.

"She's got pretty red hair, light blue eyes and a killer temper. I found her in an international chemist conference being held here in Singapore. She spat words like fire and put up one hell of a fight – remind you of anyone?" Ivan said damningly. Natasha froze as she listened to the last thing she wanted to hear at the moment.

"You did a really good job of making the world believe you were family-less Natalia. But I have a way of finding out things most people want to remain unknown. Irena Volynski is a particularly difficult person to track. Irena Romanoff has a better ring to it though doesn't it?" he said casually. Clint felt the dread start to simmer in the pit of his stomach – he has never seen his partner visibly pale in his entire life.

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**A/N: And now we have some suspense back into the story! It was been a LONG time guys but I didn't forget about this story! Ivan still has his plans and the Avengers have to figure out what it is so that they can effective stop him! Time to set up a villain take down and deal with another piece of Natasha's past. **

**Review and let me know what you thought? Also are you still interested in reading the rest of this story? :) **


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